Nice Guys and Nice Girls Rock!

[LionEyes]

I was just saying that it would be very easy to draw other wrong conclusions from that article than the ones the author is actually trying to convey because his points are not communicated well.

I understood him just fine, and I didn't draw any of the conclusions you seemed to have. I also read quite a few of the top comments, and no one seems to have drawn the conclusions you did. Maybe it's you.

You seemed to have missed that Cracked is a humor site and that the Zooey Deschanel spiel was an intentional (and obvious) exaggeration. Of course there isn't a large portion of women exactly like that; no one ever said there was ... I can't imagine why you would be confused by this ...

 

[Lynx]

I'm single, I'm a nice guy, I'm 36 years old and that article made me personally feel like I wasn't measuring up somehow. Like I should get a better job and make my roth ira much larger than it currently is before I even think about looking for a girl.

I just hope no single guys who are dealing with depression ever read this. They might slit their wrists.

 

[Lynx]

Mind you, I agree with the main point. Instead of dwelling on "no girls will talk to me" a guy should be spending his time improving himself. And if the article were rephrased it would be a good one, something many nice guys need to hear.

But the way it was phrased was... belittling.

 

[ChandlerFan]

I understood him just fine, and I didn't draw any of the conclusions you seemed to have. I also read quite a few of the top comments, and no one seems to have drawn the conclusions you did. Maybe it's you.

You seemed to have missed that Cracked is a humor site and that the Zooey Deschanel spiel was an intentional (and obvious) exaggeration. Of course there isn't a large portion of women exactly like that; no one ever said there was ... I can't imagine why you would be confused by this ...

Maybe it is me, maybe it's not. And my point was that since his advice was based off of scenarios that never happen in real life, it's yet another reason why the advice in the article isn't helpful at all. Not to mention that it's advice given on a humor site

 

[LionEyes]

But the way it was phrased was... belittling.

I suppose it isn't for the faint of heart. I happened to enjoy it, as did very many people, and I thought it was pertinent to the conversation. I'm sorry you took it personally.

Maybe it is me, maybe it's not. And my point was that since his advice was based off of scenarios that never happen in real life, it's yet another reason why the advice in the article isn't helpful at all. Not to mention that it's advice given on a humor site

Again, the scenarios were exaggerated for humor, and it baffles me that you're still taking them literally. But I assure you this phenomenon is not at all rare. There are so many "nice guys" who resent being single that they've started their own internet subcultures (where they mostly complain about how awful women are and give each other tips on how to lower the self-esteem of hot women so that the "nice guy" has a chance with her). I've known many guys like the ones Wong describes. I've known a few women like that. I was a girl like that when I was younger, and I was turned down by a guy I had a crush on because he said I was too shy. He was not wrong.

I'm sorry that you didn't find this article helpful. But since so many other people did find it helpful, I thought it might be worth sharing. Maybe others will.

 

[AsifinPassing]

Actually, along these lines, I received a touching message from a past friend/romantic interest whom felt a few years back that we needed to go our separate ways.

It entailed a thank you, explaining how most guys she's met over her college career have been quite shallow and rude to her, and that our time together taught her better how two people should treat one another lovingly and keep God in the center. She called me a true gentleman, and I have to say...it was one of the most affirming things in the romantic spectrum that I've ever been told.

I responded that it was truly a pleasure, and told her the message blessed me to read. Just goes to show, I think, that you never really know how your actions can affect others. Being a 'nice guy' in the sense of chivalry, civility, and Christianity, is vastly underrated. The world could always use many more people like that.

 

[Theygaveutheirworst]

^ And I, sir, am glad you received that blessing. Very encouraging post. Thanks for sharing it with us.

 

[JonahLynx]

Saying that you're a nice guy is like a restaurant whose only selling point is that the food doesn't make you sick.

OUUUCCHHHH! Looks like I'll be listening to more metal tonight.

 

[IBDesmond]

Again, the scenarios were exaggerated for humor, and it baffles me that you're still taking them literally. But I assure you this phenomenon is not at all rare. There are so many "nice guys" who resent being single that they've started their own internet subcultures (where they mostly complain about how awful women are and give each other tips on how to lower the self-esteem of hot women so that the "nice guy" has a chance with her). I've known many guys like the ones Wong describes. I've known a few women like that. I was a girl like that when I was younger, and I was turned down by a guy I had a crush on because he said I was too shy. He was not wrong.

If I'm not mistaken, what you're referring to is pick-up artists (at least that's what it sounds like. Correct me if I'm wrong). I agree, it's most likely that the majority of the people who study the "art" or "pick-up" are nice guys at the start. But what they turn into depends very much on your definition of "nice". Womanising nymphomaniacs are not my idea of Nice Guys. Yeh they may not have that bad-boy grungy image of tatts and a bad attitude but they're no longer the reclusive passive melts they once were.
I feel like you opened a can of worms with that reference haha. The way you look at it can be quite controversial.

 

[Lynx]

I also noticed that, but I didn't want to be the first one to shake the worm can. But now that it's been shook...

xkcd: Pickup Artist

I'm not going to post the comic itself here because it has cussing (one word) but it's well worth the read.

 

[LionEyes]

If I'm not mistaken, what you're referring to is pick-up artists (at least that's what it sounds like. Correct me if I'm wrong).

That's one of the subcultures. There are also MGTOWs and MRAs and their various subgroups.

Most of them claim to have been nice guys in the past and they became jerks because of the evul womenz! Since I didn't know most of them before their descent into MRA madness, I can't verify how nice they actually were. I only used the manosphere because they tend to take this "nice guy/bad boy" thing to the extreme, and I wanted to point out how pervasive this mentality is.

 

[IBDesmond]

You've lost me now haha.

I get what you're saying though.

 

[ArtsieSteph]

I'm not sure what the stigma is with nice guys and nice girls, but the thing that I think is important is that you shouldn't make your crush/significant other/spouse the center of your world. I've seen people metaphorically chop off an arm and leg for their crush, while giving no indication that they have a life of their own, only for the other person to take them for granted. Maybe I'm only seeing one side of things...

Agreed. It really confuses me the extent to which people are willing to completely drop their hobbies/pursuits/what makes them them for the sake of a relationship. I understand a career woman wanting to be a housewife once she has kids, that is understandable, but I know of a couple where the wife used to be super athletic, active, and loved to teach. Once she got married and had kids she just went "meh." I don't know if it was stress, pressure, a lot going on, ect. But can't a mom still be able to be herself???? I dunno.

 

[BowTied]

Here's someone I met this past Christmas at a Christmas Eve gathering. At the same time I noticed how lovely she was, I was also noticing how buttoned-up and prim-and-proper she looked. She was in uniform, but it very accurately reflected her deep sense of self-respect. I was in a suit and bow tie myself (of course!) and we quickly hit it off to such an extent that we went to Midnight Mass together straight from the party. Heartening to meet a girl with proper Christian values who's not afraid to reflect them!

 

[ServantStrike]

Again, the scenarios were exaggerated for humor, and it baffles me that you're still taking them literally. But I assure you this phenomenon is not at all rare. There are so many "nice guys" who resent being single that they've started their own internet subcultures (where they mostly complain about how awful women are and give each other tips on how to lower the self-esteem of hot women so that the "nice guy" has a chance with her). I've known many guys like the ones Wong describes. I've known a few women like that. I was a girl like that when I was younger, and I was turned down by a guy I had a crush on because he said I was too shy. He was not wrong.

I'm sorry that you didn't find this article helpful. But since so many other people did find it helpful, I thought it might be worth sharing. Maybe others will.

It's on Cracked. It's not going to be life changing for very many people.

It's written from a secular perspective, with no value on who a person is in Christ. There's a difference between getting off the sidelines and fundamentally changing who you are. Not everyone can be the dominant party in a relationship, nor should they be. Shy people can become less shy - all that really happens is they're out so much no one ever notices they're shy - the threshold has been raised. If they try to become aggressive, then they usually end up being passive-aggressive.

And yeah, shy people need to get out of the house more. But this still strikes me as bad advice the way it's presented.

Mind you, I agree with the main point. Instead of dwelling on "no girls will talk to me" a guy should be spending his time improving himself. And if the article were rephrased it would be a good one, something many nice guys need to hear.

But the way it was phrased was... belittling.

Lyrics time!

So many times we smile in pride
Putting such faith in what we've accomplished
But, minutes ago we were (minutes ago we were)
Slitting our wrists, running for sympathy

OUUUCCHHHH! Looks like I'll be listening to more metal tonight.

I listen to metal at least half the nights of the week. I'm still not sure what that has to do with all of this though.

How about some err, I guess it's just hard rock.

[video=youtube;6nC7V6NIAxo]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6nC7V6NIAxo[/video]

 

[Kaycie]

Even when I was hot I learned to date the nice guy verses the gorgeous guy. The cute ones were so full of themselves. The nice guy knows what's important. It reminds me of that song, 'That don't impress me much" by Shania Twain.

 

[IBDesmond]

It seems like what everyone is saying is that you're either one or the other:

If you're nice, you're probably ugly.
if you're good-looking, you're probably a jerk.

 

[Kaycie]

It seems like what everyone is saying is that you're either one or the other:

If you're nice, you're probably ugly.
if you're good-looking, you're probably a jerk.

Just that it's more likely to be that way because good looking people feel like they can get away with more, and they do. My friend once told me, "I know he doesn't treat me very good, but I don't want to break up with him because I've never been with such a good- looking guy, and I don't want to lose that." But there are acceptions, especially when they're Christian. When I was good looking I was nice, I wasn't stuck-up or vain. And I never was unwilling to associate with people of lower position, even before I read that in the bible.

 

[IBDesmond]

When I was in high school, the only people to say I was cute or handsome were family. In high school, I was seen as a bit of a geek so I grew up kinda believing I wasn't attractive. Not only because of that but for other reasons too, I grew up humble, I'm not stuck-up at all and I'm...well....I'm not vain but I have my moments when I'm alone in the mirror haha. Now that i'm somewhat attractive (I'm only going by what I'm told), I'm still that way. I'm still the nice, compassionate, sensitive, benevolent person I've always been. I understand the stereotypes but on here, it's as if people are saying, "If you're nice, you're probably ugly....period! if you're good-looking, you're probably a jerk...period!" And I'm just here like "erm....what you tryna say?" lol.

 

[ServantStrike]

When I was in high school, the only people to say I was cute or handsome were family. In high school, I was seen as a bit of a geek so I grew up kinda believing I wasn't attractive. Not only because of that but for other reasons too, I grew up humble, I'm not stuck-up at all and I'm...well....I'm not vain but I have my moments when I'm alone in the mirror haha. Now that i'm somewhat attractive (I'm only going by what I'm told), I'm still that way. I'm still the nice, compassionate, sensitive, benevolent person I've always been. I understand the stereotypes but on here, it's as if people are saying, "If you're nice, you're probably ugly....period! if you're good-looking, you're probably a jerk...period!" And I'm just here like "erm....what you tryna say?" lol.

Yeah, I don't like the reasoning either.

It makes "nice" people look like they resent "pretty" people because if they automatically assume someone is a jerk without even talking to them, that sounds pretty shallow to me. And sometimes pretty people are in fact ugly people who spent a lot of time and effort to change their behaviors and/or appearance to make people look at them as attractive. Not everyone who does that is going to turn into some shallow vain snake of a person. Some do, but then again some "normal" people end up turning feral too.

I'd caution people to always take the time to get to know someone before making any judgments about their character. I've met pretty people who are quite nice on the inside, pretty people who are vile and disgusting beings on the inside, ugly people who are nice on the inside, and ugly people who are just as screwed up on the inside as the vile disgusting pretty ones were.

In general, it's a safe assumption that most people are either idiots, sinners, jerks, or downright vile. Always give someone the time of day before deciding which category they fall into.