Single Ladies: Please tell me if you are this way when...

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Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#41
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
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#41
Chey60 said:
It's so funny that we girls are like that. Men like confident women yet here we turn into a puddle of goo around the ones we really like..it's such a two edge sword. :) ! !haha thank you for responding! it's nice to know that we are normal ;)
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ummmmmm

Men like confident women? Not all men... I could care less if she's confident. Actually, I like girls that are shy and to themselves. Some girls that are like this... can be discovered to be innocent, gentle and sweet once you get to know them. Confident girl... has nothing on those particular girls.

(sigh) Our society is stuck on confidence... like it actually really meant much... it just means your more comfortable and assured in doing whatever it is your doing... which could mean ANYTHING... confident lairs... confident womenizers... confident in conversing... confidence means little. Its the WHY your confident that really matters.

It might even be arguable that confidence is sin since... your being confident in yourself... which may translate into pride. You know the one sin that Satan originally committed as Lucifer. But, I gotta think about that one more.

Confidence is over-rated.
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#42
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
79
48
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#42
Calmador said:
Actually, I like girls that are shy and to themselves. Some girls that are like this... can be discovered to be innocent, gentle and sweet once you get to know them. Confident girl... has nothing on those particular girls.
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Being shy doesn't mean they have no confidence. I'm confident but shy, it's possible to be both. :)
 
D

Donkeyfish07

Guest
#43
#43
Calmador said:
ummmmmm
(sigh) Our society is stuck on confidence... like it actually really meant much... it just means your more comfortable and assured in doing whatever it is your doing... which could mean ANYTHING... confident lairs... confident womenizers... confident in conversing... confidence means little. Its the WHY your confident that really matters.

It might even be arguable that confidence is sin since... your being confident in yourself... which may translate into pride. You know the one sin that Satan originally committed as Lucifer. But, I gotta think about that one more.

Confidence is over-rated.
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Confidence is talked about all the time in our society, but even still....I think it's waaaay under-rated even as much as it's talked up.

It's a tricky word sometimes, in the context of dating....it's meaning is a little different than if you were to say "That guy is a confident surgeon, or that guy is confident in his musical ability".

In this context, confidence = "You know who you are (And your happy with who you are), you know what you want out of life, you go for it, you don't depend on others for approval and do not need a positive reaction from someone else in order to feel good about yourself. You have a very grounded sense of self and other people don't have the power to change that about you"

When a woman says she likes a confident man, that's what she means. It's a very masculine thing. There isn't any pride in that, your just comfortable with yourself and you know what you want out of life.
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#44
#44
No, confidence is good, but it should be founded in Christ alone. Also, being shy isn't the same as not being confident, although it is for some people. Shy people are generally just introverts.
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#45
#45
rachelsedge said:
Being shy doesn't mean they have no confidence. I'm confident but shy, it's possible to be both. :)
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Agreed. I'm very quiet until I know people better, but I'm a pretty confident person.
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#46
#46
You must love yourself before you can love anyone else. Thinking more highly of yourself than you ought is the sin and we should be confident and sure of who we are in Christ. Most men who are thinking in terms of marriage have told me if a woman lacks confidence it's a turn off cause his will she have your back as a wife? If she is unsure she will depend on you for everything even things you need her input on. It's that kind of confidence I mean.
 
C

Chey60

Guest
#47
#47
Not necessarily tin tin, I'm extremely shy. If I go into a group setting say a new church, a party .. Clean party :) , or anything I dont like to go alone cause I'll go sit at a table by myself rather than talk to someone. Even here, I couldn't come in and be me until after sometime had said hello back to my intro. When I go into s new place my stomach hurts and I want to throw up, I won't make eye contact etc. But when I'm around people I know I'm outgoing, loving, affectionate and kind,-:) so shy doesn't always equal introvert :)
 
J

JoyofLord

Guest
#48
#48
I totally know what you mean, I do the same. It's like I am safer with men I don't like so I can be myself but as soon as I like someone or think wow he is good looking I won't have much to do with him. It's like a protection mode. I look away or stay away from them, I am trying to practise to be different and learn how to express my emotions. I don't want to be with someone I don't really like if you know what I mean just because I am comfortable and never really truly let myself fall in love. It's a risk putting yourself out there and maybe getting hurt but really when you think about it all we are loosing is a bit of our pride LOL :) what have we got to loose? they could say yes LOL and we could be the happiest we have ever been.
 
zeroturbulence

zeroturbulence

Senior Member
#49
Aug 2, 2009
24,581
4,269
113
#49
I'm quiet, shy and not confident. :p Just sayin..
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#50
#50
Grace-Like-Rain said:
What is it with maintaining eye contact? Someone genuinely smiles at me at Wal-Mart, and I barely have time to smile back before I'm suddenly inspecting the display next to me like there's a super fascinating watermelon-Airhead-90%-off-sale going on and I only just noticed. Aaauuurrrggghhh...

I really can't understand why it's so difficult to allow someone to know that I'm interested. Like if I held eye contact for more than a faux-distracted glance, I would be instantly sucked into a giant black hole along with the entire world.

I'm an idiot. -_-
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I don't think you're an idiot at all - here'a a little rule I like to live by. I don't make eye contact at Walmart at all.


this is an after-thought, but I'll tell you something else that bothers me about Walmart (and there's a few things). I always get a basket with the freaky wheel that makes you turn left. What's with that? It's like they're all retired NASCAR baskets or something.
 
K

kenthomas27

Guest
#51
#51
I always try and start off a conversation with things EVERY woman wants to talk about, you know. First, I'll generally pick at something like my nose or whatever and then say.......so......what kinda car you drive?

USE that approach. It's worked like........never.

Phia says: Then you have this random stranger telling you that all things happen for a reason.
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This was rich! What else was the poor guy going to say? "Isn't illness a rush?" How did you answer him? "since you've known me for about 5 seconds now, could you let me know what that reason is?"
 
Pipp

Pipp

Majestic Llamacorn
#52
Sep 17, 2013
5,536
2,702
113
Georgia
#52
I always get a basket with the freaky wheel that makes you turn left. What's with that? It's like they're all retired NASCAR baskets or something.


SERIOUSLY THOUGH!!!!! Why me ..... always ?
 
M

MidniteWelder

Guest
#53
#53
Grace-Like-Rain said:
What is it with maintaining eye contact? Someone genuinely smiles at me at Wal-Mart, and I barely have time to smile back before I'm suddenly inspecting the display next to me like there's a super fascinating watermelon-Airhead-90%-off-sale going on and I only just noticed. Aaauuurrrggghhh...
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The Wal*Mart greeter doesn't really count,
ya know that right? :p
 
Grace-Like-Rain

Grace-Like-Rain

Senior Member
#56
Sep 6, 2013
4,430
117
63
#56
This makes me want to derail with a rant about how Wal-Mart stores everywhere have done away with their greeters and in their place have hired people who stand on a mat near the door doing nothing at all unless someone goes out with unbagged items in their cart.

Do they save money by paying these new employees less since they do not have to smile, greet, or help anyone with the buggies that are stuck together in the buggy return? I don't get it...

*end rant*

Now I need to be smiled at so I'll feel better... even if I refuse to maintain eye contact. Thank you please. :rolleyes:
 
M

MidniteWelder

Guest
#57
#57
Grace-Like-Rain said:
This makes me want to derail with a rant about how Wal-Mart stores everywhere have done away with their greeters and in their place have hired people who stand on a mat near the door doing nothing at all unless someone goes out with unbagged items in their cart.

Do they save money by paying these new employees less since they do not have to smile, greet, or help anyone with the buggies that are stuck together in the buggy return? I don't get it...

*end rant*

Now I need to be smiled at so I'll feel better... even if I refuse to maintain eye contact. Thank you please. :rolleyes:
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The corporate constituents have decided to stop conducting this practice because not enough people have been smiling back at the Wal*Mart greeters....Like this



​............Have a Nice Day
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#58
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#58
rachelsedge said:
Being shy doesn't mean they have no confidence. I'm confident but shy, it's possible to be both. :)
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You can be both. Yeah that's true.

I still think its a neutral thing though... (unless posts ahead convince me otherwise) Its like a knife. It can be used to defend yourself and to protect the innocence or to murder.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#59
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#59
Donkeyfish07 said:
Confidence is talked about all the time in our society, but even still....I think it's waaaay under-rated even as much as it's talked up.

It's a tricky word sometimes, in the context of dating....it's meaning is a little different than if you were to say "That guy is a confident surgeon, or that guy is confident in his musical ability".

In this context, confidence = "You know who you are (And your happy with who you are), you know what you want out of life, you go for it, you don't depend on others for approval and do not need a positive reaction from someone else in order to feel good about yourself. You have a very grounded sense of self and other people don't have the power to change that about you"

When a woman says she likes a confident man, that's what she means. It's a very masculine thing. There isn't any pride in that, your just comfortable with yourself and you know what you want out of life.
Click to expand...
Your description of the word... one word... confidence is a PERFECT example of one of the problems I see...

People add so many connotations to the word confidence... its become a slang word if you use it that way and I suppose I "get" it.

But... "officially", the word confidence doesn't = everything you said. It literally just means the person feels very sure of ... something.

And even how you defined the word confidence... Its still a vague definition which can include a very evil behavior. I'm going to apply your definition in this example... Hitler knows who he is... knows what he wants in life (to murder Jews etc.) .. He goes for it... He doesn't depend on others for approval and doesn't need a positive reaction from someone else in order to feel good about himself. He has a very grounded sense of self and other people don't have the power to change that about him. Hitler, according to you, might've had confidence.

If a woman means that... she's not thinking about it much.
 
Calmador

Calmador

Senior Member
#60
Jun 23, 2011
945
40
28
#60
Tintin said:
No, confidence is good, but it should be founded in Christ alone. Also, being shy isn't the same as not being confident, although it is for some people. Shy people are generally just introverts.
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In Christ alone seems to be a safe place to put it in, yeah. And no, I can't help but think being shy is the opposite of confidence... But, I think people can be shy sometimes and confident other times. Like with me... I can be shy when it comes to public speaking. Yet, I have confidence when it comes to evangelizing. Shy-ness and confidence are reactions.
 
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