Single Men It's Time to Step Up!

[blondensmart]

SHE is the problem? Your son didn't participate in this exchange? You are taking every bit of responsibility that lies with BOTH partners and placing it on her. Men have the most to lose? I raised a daughter after the man whom I was married to walked away and signed away his rights to avoid paying child support. I feel that you are very disappointed in the way things turn out, and I understand why you are, but there is enough responsibility to lie on both sides. The girl might not have the best morals, but biology states that she couldn't get pregnant without a willing partner. It is a disservice to your son to place the blame on her. He made a decision, as did she, and both need to own up to it. Thankfully, it sounds as though your son is. Praise God for that.

 

[blondensmart]

I accidentally posted before I finished. The last thing that I wanted to mention is that there is too much emphasis on money. Who cares about cars, houses, etc. when there is the life of a child in the balance? I would trade any of my worldly possessions for the joy that my children bring me. Maybe we're too concentrated on greed these days? Just a thought...

 

[ServantStrike]

I took a short break from this forum because of nonsense like this. I'm honestly heartbroken that it has not only continued, but it has amplified. When I first signed up on CC this forum was ALWAYS fun. Every thread was worth while. Every thread was friendly, and dare I say, bordered on whimsical. But now... it's becoming the Bible Forum. And almost everyone on this site can't stand that forum!! For goodness sake people DON'T FEED THE TROLLS. We know who they are! Stop!



Now for something completely different...

Why does that look like David Hasselhoff.

And why can't I find the advertisement for a shower grab bar with what looks like David Hasselhoff slipping in the shower. Best commercial for an adaptive needs product ever.

Ever.

Actually I'm really bummed out. And I don't suggest anyone search youtube for it. Just don't.

 

[secularhermit]

"I accidentally posted before I finished. The last thing that I wanted to mention is that there is too much emphasis on money. Who cares about cars, houses, etc. when there is the life of a child in the balance? I would trade any of my worldly possessions for the joy that my children bring me. Maybe we're too concentrated on greed these days? Just a thought..."

It made me wonder what would be heard in a court it this was said there, when two people were in the process of being divorced...

After a young man is introduced to a lady, the very moment he is presented to ask their family HER hand, what do any of these parents ask before approving the relationship? "What do you do for a living? or Where do you work".

Prior to a "beginning", to going out any date, a smart young lady, even and old woman would have asked the same, because no one, as far as I know, like to ask it from their family and very few are eager to spend their money on the man they got (unless he gives her something she never found, another place).

Let´s imagine this world is not more, see biblical history, as it was and find out by yourselves:

Laban "loved" the man his sister had found, and greeted him so well:
Gen 24:29 She had a brother named Laban. She told him what the man had said to her. Laban was listening to her. And when he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister's arms, he ran out to the well. There the man was, standing by the camels at the well. Gen 24:31 Laban said, "Sir, you are welcome to come in! You don't have to stand outside here. I have prepared a room for you to sleep in and a place for your camels."

Rebekah wasn´t blind (neither a fool, to go to a lower social level)...

Jacob wanted the one he wanted.
He paid that PRICE twice (14 years), but Laban fooled him to get A GOOD WORKER for 7 years more (Gen 29:16 Now Laban had two daughters. The older was Leah and the younger was Rachel. Gen 29:17 Leah's eyes were gentle, but Rachel was beautiful. )

I guess these OLD historical examples told me enough: Nobody likes to live in poverty or lacking things.

Most of the person I knew married "someone" to scape their social background, to bypass those conditions they largely faced and those -young or old- who normally married, dealt the economic aspect of it pretty well (before being engaged) and, after divorce, evenly having no children inside that broken relationship, they a$ked their $hare, just as for a revenge.

In my case, too, that seemed the only thing she regrets.

 

[blondensmart]

"I accidentally posted before I finished. The last thing that I wanted to mention is that there is too much emphasis on money. Who cares about cars, houses, etc. when there is the life of a child in the balance? I would trade any of my worldly possessions for the joy that my children bring me. Maybe we're too concentrated on greed these days? Just a thought..."

It made me wonder what would be heard in a court it this was said there, when two people were in the process of being divorced...

After a young man is introduced to a lady, the very moment he is presented to ask their family HER hand, what do any of these parents ask before approving the relationship? "What do you do for a living? or Where do you work".

Prior to a "beginning", to going out any date, a smart young lady, even and old woman would have asked the same, because no one, as far as I know, like to ask it from their family and very few are eager to spend their money on the man they got (unless he gives her something she never found, another place).

Let´s imagine this world is not more, see biblical history, as it was and find out by yourselves:

Laban "loved" the man his sister had found, and greeted him so well:
Gen 24:29 She had a brother named Laban. She told him what the man had said to her. Laban was listening to her. And when he saw the ring and the bracelets on his sister's arms, he ran out to the well. There the man was, standing by the camels at the well. Gen 24:31 Laban said, "Sir, you are welcome to come in! You don't have to stand outside here. I have prepared a room for you to sleep in and a place for your camels."

Rebekah wasn´t blind (neither a fool, to go to a lower social level)...

Jacob wanted the one he wanted.
He paid that PRICE twice (14 years), but Laban fooled him to get A GOOD WORKER for 7 years more (Gen 29:16 Now Laban had two daughters. The older was Leah and the younger was Rachel. Gen 29:17 Leah's eyes were gentle, but Rachel was beautiful. )

I guess these OLD historical examples told me enough: Nobody likes to live in poverty or lacking things.

Most of the person I knew married "someone" to scape their social background, to bypass those conditions they largely faced and those -young or old- who normally married, dealt the economic aspect of it pretty well (before being engaged) and, after divorce, evenly having no children inside that broken relationship, they a$ked their $hare, just as for a revenge.

In my case, too, that seemed the only thing she regrets.

I understand that there are women who are out for a man's money, but in all honesty, there are men out for the same. Maybe it's that I see this from a woman's perspective, but I honestly think that there is too much emphasis placed on money period. I would honestly 100% rather live in abject poverty than live in an unhappy marriage. I think there's a problem when either men or woman start making mass statements about the other sex. I hear these statements often - coming from both men and women. But, being male or female set aside, concentration on happiness rather than money will yield better results every single time. God is our sufficiency. No need to worry, right?

 

[secularhermit]

I understand that there are women who are out for a man's money, but in all honesty, there are men out for the same. Maybe it's that I see this from a woman's perspective, but I honestly think that there is too much emphasis placed on money period. I would honestly 100% rather live in abject poverty than live in an unhappy marriage. I think there's a problem when either men or woman start making mass statements about the other sex. I hear these statements often - coming from both men and women. But, being male or female set aside, concentration on happiness rather than money will yield better results every single time. God is our sufficiency. No need to worry, right?

You are right in that too!
There are some who sought money, freedom from their parent´s dealings, a job position on a new family firms, sex (not love) by thinking marriage would bring that.

PS

Easily said than done: "I would honestly 100% rather live in abject poverty than live in an unhappy marriage."

My country lacks toilet paper, deodorant, powder milk, etc. these days and I know what a shortage is, now. Childen needs these!

 

[Ugly]

It's been studied and documented that women are more likely to gravitate to a man for his money, even picking men who are less physically attractive for a man with money.
Meanwhile men are more likely to focus on finding a woman based off of her looks and appearance.

Just like women tend to pick men who show potential to be changed into what the woman wants him to be.
Men tend to pick women off of who she is presently and expecting her to, basically, be the same person 20 years later.

Both genders have a tendency to gravitate towards certain criteria, but both genders also have the option of choosing to change this outlook and expectation, especially as Christians.

 

[Ugly]

Why does that look like David Hasselhoff.

And why can't I find the advertisement for a shower grab bar with what looks like David Hasselhoff slipping in the shower. Best commercial for an adaptive needs product ever.

Ever.

Actually I'm really bummed out. And I don't suggest anyone search youtube for it. Just don't.

I can promise you i will do no searches, youtube or otherwise, for David Hasselhoff in the shower.

 

[wisebeardman]

I accidentally posted before I finished. The last thing that I wanted to mention is that there is too much emphasis on money. Who cares about cars, houses, etc. when there is the life of a child in the balance? I would trade any of my worldly possessions for the joy that my children bring me. Maybe we're too concentrated on greed these days? Just a thought...

its more like, why should I slave away working to have things like a house,car,tv,radio,computer only to have a female end up with everything I own because of biased courts.

Sorry but the Lost Vegas casinos are a lot more fair

 

[secularhermit]

For those who have children:

Have you seen, too, that your children think: "My mom or dad doesn´t love me" because you don´t give them whatever material thing they want? Their "love" is trade for whatever thing they think it worths and, the concern i have with my daughter it is that she associates anything givien as the token of love she needs to know she is loved. In the long run, if she doesn´t see things well, she will be divorce if she starts a relationship based on "receiving", rather than in giving herself.

I don´t remember having though taht way when i was a child. I never conditioned my liking on this and I have seen a lot of parents dealing with this: "I´m loved because I´m given things..." that´s what some kids think and say.

 

[Grace-Like-Rain]

its more like, why should I slave away working to have things like a house,car,tv,radio,computer only to have a female end up with everything I own because of biased courts.

It seems more beneficial to just stay married.

 

[secularhermit]

It's been studied and documented that women are more likely to gravitate to a man for his money, even picking men who are less physically attractive for a man with money.
Meanwhile men are more likely to focus on finding a woman based off of her looks and appearance.

Just like women tend to pick men who show potential to be changed into what the woman wants him to be.
Men tend to pick women off of who she is presently and expecting her to, basically, be the same person 20 years later.

Both genders have a tendency to gravitate towards certain criteria, but both genders also have the option of choosing to change this outlook and expectation, especially as Christians.

It could be that, similar to Jacob (for Rachel). But, the other way is really creepy and I have heard saying: "How much does your sister gets a month? or "Is that building hers, alone?"

 

[Roh_Chris]

I am often asked why I am still unmarried because 26 is the marriageable age for a guy in India. Most of my friends who are in the age band of 25-30 are all married and more than half of these marriages are arranged (where parents choose the spouse for them). I see incomplete individuals getting married to incomplete spouses unmindful of the enormous responsibilities that await them. I see young adults who are yet to fully discover themselves thrust into the world of marriage and child-rearing by an impatient society. I see youths who have just graduated out of college "married off" by parents who want to see their grandchildren "before they die". I see churches coercing couples to have children without allowing them the space and time to explore their relationship. These youths are oblivious to the enormous challenges that await them right after they pronounce "I do". Their shoulders are too weak to bear the burden, their hands are too thin to bear and their feet are too feeble to walk the long path. Yet they proceed to tie the knot like two teenagers, blissfully unaware of the consequences of their decision. They send out glittering and colourful wedding cards that pronounce their love for each other. They host grand weddings and hire the best event managers to run the entire show. They marry in the most scenic locations and in the most charming churches. They wear designer gowns and suits and exchange rings of diamond and precious stones. They spend their honeymoon in exotic locations and cruise around the world.

But life is not going to let them have it all their way. It awaits them until they are back from their honeymoon. Like an assassin waiting for his target, life lies in wait until they step foot into their home. The first rent on that new home. The first instalment on that new car. The first instalment on the wedding ring. The first day at office after the honeymoon. Her first period spent with him. Like a slugfest, life unloads upon them with blow after blow. They reel from the blows and stumble around. Their family and friends cheer on from the sidelines but no-one dares to step into the ring to fight for them. Round 1 concludes overwhelmingly in favour of life. Then round 2. An upper cut. A jab. They find themselves on the ropes. Then comes the suckerpunch - her pregnancy and the birth of their first child. Their legs give way and they collapse to the floor. The cracks start to appear. The fights become louder. What was spoken within the 4 walls of their swanky bedroom is now spoken in the living room before their families. What was exchanged in text messages and phone calls is now exchanged through group texts and conference calls. Counsellors are called. Swords are drawn. Shields are put up. Both parties look to "secure their base" before proceeding on this long, drawn out fight.

There are few who get married when they are ready to marry. The rest of them are sucked into it like bugs into a vacuum cleaner. It is all a "rat race" and they associate marriage as yet another milestone to pass in that race. I have a friend who is 24 years old and already has a one year old son. He is unable to make it for almost every trip we make because he has to be home and take care of his son. It is painful to listen to him because he keeps telling me "Oh I wish I could come with you. I really want to. But I have to be home with the kid." It is not as if we are footloose youths who do as per our whims and fancies. But he is unable to take a break for himself. In his haste to get married and rear kids he has lost his identity. And today he clings on to his wife and kid because that is his only world. That is the only part of him that exists.

As far as this topic is considered, I have to clarify that there are two parts of a romantic relationship - commitment and marriage. One may be reluctant to get married but he/she may not be averse to committing to a relationship. I have made the conscious decision to stay unmarried until 30 because I want to enjoy every moment of the liberty I have right now. I believe this is the time when God wants me to grow into a fully mature adult (at the moment, I am far, far, far from it!). But that does not mean that I do not step up when I meet someone who I find interesting. I have never hesitated to ask a girl out if I feel that we could be great together. I would consider myself privileged if I can meet a girl who shares the same philosophy and who is willing to wait until we both are ready to say "I do". For me, marriage is about two close friends coming together and sharing a lifelong, God-centred, friendship.

 

[wisebeardman]

It seems more beneficial to just stay married.

it would seem. BUT I demand absolute loyalty. but if said female is out "playing" with other men I sure don't want any part of her.

 

[secularhermit]

Loyalty has a twofold "price": It it physical, afective, emotional, romactic (even sex) and the other is basically economic, as a good provider. If a man if paying (read giving) both, there´s no need to fear being hurt or cheated on.

 

[wisebeardman]

If a man if paying (read giving) both, there´s no need to fear being hurt or cheated on.

not true. seen it time and time again. female gets the idea the grass is greener somewhere else and she is gone.

 

[Roh_Chris]

not true. seen it time and time again. female gets the idea the grass is greener somewhere else and she is gone.

Happens both ways. Sometimes the female gets shortchanged.

 

[wisebeardman]

Happens both ways. Sometimes the female gets shortchanged.

honestly. I would love to see a page taken out of the Iranian handbook.

cheat on yer mate, you die.

 

[secularhermit]

I am often asked why I am still unmarried because 26 is the marriageable age for a guy in India. Most of my friends who are in the age band of 25-30 are all married and more than half of these marriages are arranged (where parents choose the spouse for them). I see incomplete individuals getting married to incomplete spouses unmindful of the enormous responsibilities that await them. I see young adults who are yet to fully discover themselves thrust into the world of marriage and child-rearing by an impatient society. I see youths who have just graduated out of college "married off" by parents who want to see their grandchildren "before they die". I see churches coercing couples to have children without allowing them the space and time to explore their relationship. These youths are oblivious to the enormous challenges that await them right after they pronounce "I do". Their shoulders are too weak to bear the burden, their hands are too thin to bear and their feet are too feeble to walk the long path. Yet they proceed to tie the knot like two teenagers, blissfully unaware of the consequences of their decision. They send out glittering and colourful wedding cards that pronounce their love for each other. They host grand weddings and hire the best event managers to run the entire show. They marry in the most scenic locations and in the most charming churches. They wear designer gowns and suits and exchange rings of diamond and precious stones. They spend their honeymoon in exotic locations and cruise around the world.

But life is not going to let them have it all their way. It awaits them until they are back from their honeymoon. Like an assassin waiting for his target, life lies in wait until they step foot into their home. The first rent on that new home. The first instalment on that new car. The first instalment on the wedding ring. The first day at office after the honeymoon. Her first period spent with him. Like a slugfest, life unloads upon them with blow after blow. They reel from the blows and stumble around. Their family and friends cheer on from the sidelines but no-one dares to step into the ring to fight for them. Round 1 concludes overwhelmingly in favour of life. Then round 2. An upper cut. A jab. They find themselves on the ropes. Then comes the suckerpunch - her pregnancy and the birth of their first child. Their legs give way and they collapse to the floor. The cracks start to appear. The fights become louder. What was spoken within the 4 walls of their swanky bedroom is now spoken in the living room before their families. What was exchanged in text messages and phone calls is now exchanged through group texts and conference calls. Counsellors are called. Swords are drawn. Shields are put up. Both parties look to "secure their base" before proceeding on this long, drawn out fight.

There are few who get married when they are ready to marry. The rest of them are sucked into it like bugs into a vacuum cleaner. It is all a "rat race" and they associate marriage as yet another milestone to pass in that race. I have a friend who is 24 years old and already has a one year old son. He is unable to make it for almost every trip we make because he has to be home and take care of his son. It is painful to listen to him because he keeps telling me "Oh I wish I could come with you. I really want to. But I have to be home with the kid." It is not as if we are footloose youths who do as per our whims and fancies. But he is unable to take a break for himself. In his haste to get married and rear kids he has lost his identity. And today he clings on to his wife and kid because that is his only world. That is the only part of him that exists.

As far as this topic is considered, I have to clarify that there are two parts of a romantic relationship - commitment and marriage. One may be reluctant to get married but he/she may not be averse to committing to a relationship. I have made the conscious decision to stay unmarried until 30 because I want to enjoy every moment of the liberty I have right now. I believe this is the time when God wants me to grow into a fully mature adult (at the moment, I am far, far, far from it!). But that does not mean that I do not step up when I meet someone who I find interesting. I have never hesitated to ask a girl out if I feel that we could be great together. I would consider myself privileged if I can meet a girl who shares the same philosophy and who is willing to wait until we both are ready to say "I do". For me, marriage is about two close friends coming together and sharing a lifelong, God-centred, friendship.

If I were young, i would be concern on "my" age and how long will I live happily (or healthy) married... Sara, being old, still longed for something she missed:
Gen 18:12 And Sarah laughed within herself, saying, After I am waxed old shall I have pleasure, my lord being old also?

 

[secularhermit]

not true. seen it time and time again. female gets the idea the grass is greener somewhere else and she is gone.

I cannot blame the whole world for those few I have known first hand, when I myself have failed too many times.

I´m over! But i will not make guilty others, when I have sinned more than once.