The Teeter-Totter in my Mind

[Jullianna]

Have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, rich in the wisdom of God/rich in knowledge of the Word, but lacking in human relations/communication skills?

On the flipside of the coin, have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, very easy to talk with, has been through rough patches, is very compassionate/understanding/forgiving, but they are still very young in the Lord?

Balance is so important. How very quickly God can teach us, mold us, help us soak up the Word like sponges, but life experience is not so quickly/easily won, and perhaps not nearly as desirable. I dunno...

We're probably all lacking in one area or the other, huh? When you recognize it, you can almost hear the brakes squealing in your brain..maybe it's just me.

 

[eugenius]

Have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, rich in the wisdom of God/rich in knowledge of the Word, but lacking in human relations/communication skills?

You have just met such a person.

 

[Jullianna]

If you found someone highly attractive in personality/looks/had common interests/respected them/etc., which person would you be more likely to want to grow with -

The person who had all of that, had a close walk with God, was strong in matters of faith, but had difficulty relating to you; or
The person who had all of that, was great at relating to you, sought loving/trusting relationships with people with a tender heart, but had difficulty discussing scriptural things with you (not because they aren't a christian; simply because they are still babes in Christ)?

I can't imagine that there's a right or wrong answer, since we're saying both are christians, but I have a feeling the answers will be quite different for guys than ladies; and probably should be, as women need to share different things with men than men need from women. What say you?

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

I had found the perfect person, he obviously wasn't perfect, but he was perfect for me. He hadn't been saved for long. Like you said Jullianna very young in the Lord. When he told me how long he'd been a christian i did the whole teeter totter thing in my mind for quite awhile. I finally gave in and dated him because i was crazy about him.
Anyway after the two of us had been together for a little while he decided that the christian life wasn't for him and walked away. He walked away from me, his church, his friends and God.


I'll never date anyone thats newly saved. I'd rather date someone that has absolutely no social skills.

 

[1still_waters]

Well, usually personalities are going to stay the same. Probably not going to get a socially awkward person to have the grace, charisma and charm of oh say..a...Sheldon Cooper.

On the other hand, someone can grow in their faith, and being with them on that journey can help yours.

Of course said person may stagnate, then you're stuck with someone who's a great communicator, and there is little God connection.

 

[keep_on_smiling]

Hmm this is a hard question. My initial thought was that I need someone who is more mature in Christ, someone who could be on the same level as me and that is able to share about the Lord, BUT if he couldn't relate to me, I think there could potentially be many problems.

So, in thinking I'd go for the babe in Christ. He is going to grow and the Lord can use the relationship to help both parties grow closer to Him. I don't think it's uncommon for a new Christian to reach the same levels if not higher than those that have been Christians for many years.

Sharing the Lord and your faith with someone is key, but communication and relating to someone is very important after that.

 

[Lucy68]

If you found someone highly attractive in personality/looks/had common interests/respected them/etc., which person would you be more likely to want to grow with -

The person who had all of that, had a close walk with God, was strong in matters of faith, but had difficulty relating to you; or
The person who had all of that, was great at relating to you, sought loving/trusting relationships with people with a tender heart, but had difficulty discussing scriptural things with you (not because they aren't a christian; simply because they are still babes in Christ)?

I can't imagine that there's a right or wrong answer, since we're saying both are christians, but I have a feeling the answers will be quite different for guys than ladies; and probably should be, as women need to share different things with men than men need from women. What say you?

I think this is answerable only by those who can foresee into the future.

Since we're all a work in progress, how can anyone be 100% sure that 'this is the one'?

If I'd been a guy and met me when I was around 20 years old, I would've run the opposite direction as fast as I could.

By the grace of God, I'm a changed person....and still changing (it's an on-going process...a life-work). But I'm better than I was

I think only guidance by the Holy Spirit will get us through some decisive moments in our lives

 

[LightningClap0002]

Are relationships built on communication, or are they built on God?

I think we'd all like to believe that the strongest relationships are built on God. That said, here on earth, we fall short... a lot. In those times it becomes essential to have communication. There are earth quakes that can break even the firmest foundation here on earth.

Once again, though, we have a trade off that is very circumstantial. No, a relationship can not work with someone who can't communicate; No, a relationship can not work with someone who isn't strong in Christ. If you focus on God, can someone get stronger in Christ, absolutely! If you focus on God, can he teach someone to communicate better, absolutely! And what are the levels? Some rudimentary communication? Is it enough? Some true desire for God? Is it enough? Where do they fall in the spectrum?

There simply is no hard and fast answer. It is a gamble either way. God promises us that everything will work together for GOOD (if we actually are chosen). Seek Him(!!!!), hold on for the ride and just wait for the GOOD; it's coming. May God's will be done, amen.

 

[Liamson]

This made me think of Adam and Eve.

They both sinned but were brought together by God.

They did not abandon each other but, persevered together through everything. They grew together, they failed together and they stayed together.

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

This made me think of Adam and Eve.

They both sinned but were brought together by God.

They did not abandon each other but, persevered together through everything. They grew together, they failed together and they stayed together.

You should like write books about stuff...... your really smart.

I say that in all seriousness

 

[Snackersmom]

I'm not daunted by someone who is young in the faith, as long as they are actively seeking to grow. I'd MUCH rather be with someone who didn't know much and knew it, as opposed to someone who is farther along but thinks that they know enough already. Because, if you know even a LITTLE bit, then you should know enough to know that you don't know enough.....you know?

 

[LightningClap0002]

This made me think of Adam and Eve.

They both sinned but were brought together by God.

They did not abandon each other but, persevered together through everything. They grew together, they failed together and they stayed together.

Ah yes, I guess my post kind of had that idea of perseverance in it too! Isn't that truly what both men and women want from their mate? Someone that will persevere with them; stay with them no matter what.

But should we enter into something we know would be heavily taxing on us?

Along those lines, for me... Someone with poor communication skills would be almost unbearable. Being commanded by God to lead a wife as He leads me, I would be willing to take a newer christian as my wife. Though I would endure such a relationship if I married into one, I would not knowingly enter into a relationship with someone with poor communication skills.

 

[Jullianna]

I enjoyed reading what y'all had to say. You really thought it through. This is not a decision I need to make or anything, it's just something I've been observing for awhile and wondering about.

For me, maturity in Christ is equally important with maturity, period, if that makes sense. Maybe it has a lot to do with my age, but I don't want to feel that I'm teaching/spiritually leading the man I'm with and I don't want to babysit him either or have him not understand what I'm talking about. Maybe if I were younger or a guy I would feel differently about it.

Lucy, I totally get what you are saying. If I was still in my 20s, I wouldn't have this question on my mind. It wouldn't be an issue, would it? It kinda seems to be now though..

Then again, when someone steals your heart, things you thought were important or a big deal before can quickly become insignificant and anything you go through is worth it. Yeah...I'm a closet romantic. Don't tell anyone.

P.S. - Sheldon shares his spot with no one.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, rich in the wisdom of God/rich in knowledge of the Word, but lacking in human relations/communication skills?

When I read that I really hoped in my heart that you were talking about me Julianna, but I'm sure you were talking about someone else.

 

[Oncefallen]

I think that it is important that we are able to prioritize our wants and needs when it comes to relationships. I think most of us have a mental picture of what qualities we desire in a future spouse, but likewise I think that many of us may never have sat down and thought through what is a must such as strength in their faith and emotional stability, and what is a want such as common interest in a specific activity.

I've seen people walk away from great relationships because someone didn't meet their vision perfectly in some pretty insignificant ways.

 

[Liamson]

You should like write books about stuff...... your really smart.

I say that in all seriousness

Thank you so much!!

 

[zeroturbulence]

Have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, rich in the wisdom of God/rich in knowledge of the Word, but lacking in human relations/communication skills?

On the flipside of the coin, have you ever met someone who was fun, bright, charming, adorable, interesting, very easy to talk with, has been through rough patches, is very compassionate/understanding/forgiving, but they are still very young in the Lord?

Balance is so important. How very quickly God can teach us, mold us, help us soak up the Word like sponges, but life experience is not so quickly/easily won, and perhaps not nearly as desirable. I dunno...

We're probably all lacking in one area or the other, huh? When you recognize it, you can almost hear the brakes squealing in your brain..maybe it's just me.

Its good for a person to be well-versed in both the ways of God and the ways of the world. Its not easy to find someone like that though unless they're already old like me. I'm not saying I'm well versed in either...just that I'm at that age where one might be.

 

[zeroturbulence]

Ok there is one thing I'm well versed in...screwing up my own life. I don't even have to try. (sigh)

 

[Jullianna]

I believe so strongly that home should be a refuge. We have such stressful lives/jobs where everyone wants something from us, we are trying to spend quiet time with God, we are doing ministry, taking care of family, and I just finished raising a teenager. J It’s so important that the person I am with be someone I can relax with, have fun with, go adventuring with, bounces ideas off of, and share dreams with on a mature level. I don’t want to feel as if I’m raising another teenager - coming home to pity parties and manufactured drama. Life has enough drama of its own, doesn’t it?

 

[Oncefallen]

I believe so strongly that home should be a refuge. We have such stressful lives/jobs where everyone wants something from us, we are trying to spend quiet time with God, we are doing ministry, taking care of family, and I just finished raising a teenager. J It’s so important that the person I am with be someone I can relax with, have fun with, go adventuring with, bounces ideas off of, and share dreams with on a mature level. I don’t want to feel as if I’m raising another teenager - coming home to pity parties and manufactured drama. Life has enough drama of its own, doesn’t it?

This is so true Jullianna. The ex-fiance that I've commented about in posts before was a major drama queen. For a short time in that relationship we lived under the same roof, (not that I'm proud of it, or condone co-habitating) and it seemed that there was non-stop drama. She had the luxury of working in the school system, thus having the summer off. There's nothing like coming home after a 12 hour day in the heat to a woman who got to sit on her fanny all day watching TV and immediately get buried in two hours of the latest drama created by her family routinely. It began to get real old real quick when it became apparent that she preferred the drama to actually doing something to change the circumstances. Although I've never had to raise kids, I sure have felt like it at times in different relationships.

It seems that those people that have non-stop drama in their lives either enjoy the attention it brings, or are just so emotionally damaged that they have no clue how to change it. Unfortunately life ends up being like a washing machine that is stuck on the spin cycle with one of these people around, just going around in non-stop circles instead of moving forward.