Trust.....deal or no deal.

[JesusLives]

Those of us who have some years on us have had more chances to be hurt and disappointed by people. But everyone deserves a clean page and pay attention to what they put on it.... I have had to let people move on because what was on their page wasn't worth sticking with... You can pray for them but letting them go is better than getting hurt.

You can make some good new friends by reaching out and not letting past experiences hold you back.... Pay attention to what they put on that clean page you gave them.... As it isn't fair to put our baggage from what other people may have done to us on them.... There still are good people out there men and women.... I think with my 35 years of not getting married again I held out long enough....and there were probably a good 25-28 of those years that I wasn't dating or looking to date. I had stopped looking because of not wanting to be disappointed but isolation isn't the answer either.

 

[Addison]

​

 

[JustWhoIAm]

Those of us who have some years on us have had more chances to be hurt and disappointed by people. But everyone deserves a clean page and pay attention to what they put on it.... I have had to let people move on because what was on their page wasn't worth sticking with... You can pray for them but letting them go is better than getting hurt.

You can make some good new friends by reaching out and not letting past experiences hold you back.... Pay attention to what they put on that clean page you gave them.... As it isn't fair to put our baggage from what other people may have done to us on them.... There still are good people out there men and women.... I think with my 35 years of not getting married again I held out long enough....and there were probably a good 25-28 of those years that I wasn't dating or looking to date. I had stopped looking because of not wanting to be disappointed but isolation isn't the answer either.

Yeah. Then again, in some situations it's best to walk alone, which can be frustrating. But if a person's relationships have put out bad fruit in their life and it's obvious, the tree itself is probably bad.

Things don't add up for abuse victims a lot of times, for example. They know they need to get out but it can be very difficult to find a way. It's for sure that it's a bad idea to stay in the same circumstances and lie to one's self over and over and over - just take it lying down, that their abusers will change their behavior and it will all be OK when all the evidence points to things staying on the same downward spiral.

It can be hard to break chains of abuse and bad relationships. It can be lonely and messed up. Scary.

...

 

[GAOH]

If you keep talking with your children like this then they will have a good mind not to put their loyalties in trusting people at face value. It is very hard to trust people and the people I tend to trust the most really do the most harm by me. I just have to say that you are very fortunate to be spending time like this with them and they will be the wiser.

 

[Messy]

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6sFjElo4Aww

 

[Dan58]

I generally try to give people the benefit of doubt, I automatically trust them until they give me a reason not to trust them. This method of trusting usually last 24 to 72 hours.

Once you get burned for being vulnerable, you become cynical. But as you get older, I think you get better at sizing-up a persons character. There aren't a lot of truly honorable people, most say whatever is in their best interest, whatever is convenient and expedient for themselves. Half of all marriages end in divorce, so its natural (even wise) for young people to be skeptical. Trust is earned, not automatic.. If you want loyalty, get a dog

 

[cinder]

Half of all marriages end in divorce, so its natural (even wise) for young people to be skeptical.

That's one of those "statistics" that makes people horribly pessimistic and doesn't give an accurate picture of the truth. Some people have multiple marriages and there are couples that stay together through the years. The trick is probably to surround yourself with people who stay married and learn their secrets. A marriage staying together has a lot more factors to it than luck or statistics, part of it may be having the ability to evaluate who is trustworthy to begin with.

 

[Messy]

If you want loyalty, get a dog

lol true
.....

 

[Messy]

That's one of those "statistics" that makes people horribly pessimistic and doesn't give an accurate picture of the truth. Some people have multiple marriages and there are couples that stay together through the years. The trick is probably to surround yourself with people who stay married and learn their secrets. A marriage staying together has a lot more factors to it than luck or statistics, part of it may be having the ability to evaluate who is trustworthy to begin with.

Someone can be totally trustworthy and then all of a sudden not after years.
Just look at those lists with reasons why people divorce. It's always extreme stuff, one is sexually abused and the sex is no good, the other is mentally ill or has some demons or was abused whatever. The people that stay together easily have had a normal upbringing, no problems, they're both intelligent, have the same ideas, noone is bossy. Almost everyone around me stays together, only some extreme cases divorced. Christians don't just divorce.

 

[wisebeardman]

I still say those who cheat, should be publicly executed

 

[cinder]

Someone can be totally trustworthy and then all of a sudden not after years.
Just look at those lists with reasons why people divorce. It's always extreme stuff, one is sexually abused and the sex is no good, the other is mentally ill or has some demons or was abused whatever. The people that stay together easily have had a normal upbringing, no problems, they're both intelligent, have the same ideas, noone is bossy. Almost everyone around me stays together, only some extreme cases divorced. Christians don't just divorce.

Divorce is too common to say it only happens because of "extreme stuff". At least here in the US. I can't speak for the Netherlands. Also the statistics I've heard say that roughly 25% of the population has experienced some form of sexual violence, so issues stemming from abuse aren't just fringe issues.

And I'm extremely skeptical of all of the sudden changes, usually there are signs that someone missed or ignored or the "trustworthy" person was an expert liar and manipulator. People do change over time, but I think it's pretty rare to encounter sudden unexplainable major changes in character.

 

[cinder]

I still say those who cheat, should be publicly executed

Well that is the Biblical way, can't argue with that.

 

[Rosesrock]

I still say those who cheat, should be publicly executed

Matt 2:28
I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

So line em up??

 

[proverbs35]

Putting one's trust in people is highly overrated. I'm going to have to refer to the Bible on this one because scripture explains it (trust) best.

In theory and as a rule, our trust should be reserved for God alone.
If you do a Biblical word study on trust, you’ll find that nearly every reference deals with trusting God rather than people. These are just a few examples because there are far too many to list here:

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Ps 118:8

Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. Ps 146:3

Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he? Is 2:22

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. Je 17:5

Our trust should be reserved for God alone. The only exception to that rule is Proverbs 31:11 which states that a husband can trust his VIRTUOUS wife. However, so far, I haven't been able to find a male equivalent for Proverbs 31:11. There's no verse stating that a wife can or should trust her Godly husband. In fact 1 Pe 3:5 specifically says that the holy women of the past put their trust in God. Peter never said that they put their trust in their husbands.

With that being said, human relationships shouldn't be based on trust. Healthy human relationships are about fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control ( Gal 5:22). Fruit is the best indicator of a healthy person and healthy relationship. Know a tree by its fruit (Mt 7:16). Jesus said
people would recognize his disciples because of their love for one another (John 13:35).

I read an article about a father giving his daughter dating advice. He told her about the waiter rule. Unfortunately I can't find the original article now, but I'm posting a link about the waiter rule. I think
the waiter rule is practical and consistent with knowing a tree by its fruit.

Reserve your trust for God alone, but when it comes to vetting a potential spouse, look for fruitfulness because fruitful people make the best spouses.

Never trust anyone who is rude to a waiter | Life and style | The Guardian

USATODAY.com - CEOs say how you treat a waiter can predict a lot about character

 

[proverbs35]

Putting one's trust in people is highly overrated. I'm going to have to refer to the Bible on this one because scripture explains it (trust) best.

In theory and as a rule, our trust should be reserved for God alone.
If you do a Biblical word study on trust, you’ll find that nearly every reference deals with trusting God rather than people. These are just a few examples because there are far too many to list here:

It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man. Ps 118:8

Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. Ps 146:3

Stop trusting in man, who has but a breath in his nostrils. Of what account is he? Is 2:22

This is what the LORD says: “Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. Je 17:5

Our trust should be reserved for God alone. The only exception to that rule is Proverbs 31:11 which states that a husband can trust his VIRTUOUS wife. However, so far, I haven't been able to find a male equivalent for Proverbs 31:11. There's no verse stating that a wife can or should trust her Godly husband. In fact 1 Pe 3:5 specifically says that the holy women of the past put their trust in God. Peter never said that they put their trust in their husbands.

With that being said, human relationships shouldn't be based on trust. Healthy human relationships are about fruit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self control ( Gal 5:22). Fruit is the best indicator of a healthy person and healthy relationship. Know a tree by its fruit (Mt 7:16). Jesus said
people would recognize his disciples because of their love for one another (John 13:35).

I read an article about a father giving his daughter dating advice. He told her about the waiter rule. Unfortunately I can't find the original article now, but I'm posting a link about the waiter rule. I think
the waiter rule is practical and consistent with knowing a tree by its fruit.

Reserve your trust for God alone, but when it comes to vetting a potential spouse, look for fruitfulness because fruitful people make the best spouses.

Never trust anyone who is rude to a waiter | Life and style | The Guardian

USATODAY.com - CEOs say how you treat a waiter can predict a lot about character

I forgot to add this verse to the list:

Confidence in an unfaithful man in time of trouble is like a broken tooth, and a foot out of joint. Pr 25:19

 

[Messy]

Divorce is too common to say it only happens because of "extreme stuff". At least here in the US. I can't speak for the Netherlands. Also the statistics I've heard say that roughly 25% of the population has experienced some form of sexual violence, so issues stemming from abuse aren't just fringe issues.

And I'm extremely skeptical of all of the sudden changes, usually there are signs that someone missed or ignored or the "trustworthy" person was an expert liar and manipulator. People do change over time, but I think it's pretty rare to encounter sudden unexplainable major changes in character.

I don't know the statistics. Maybe you're right. What I've seen though was always extreme stuff and most people I know of which most aren't even christian, who stay together, just stay together because they both are intelligent, had a normal upbringing, no extreme stuff, not one person who is lazy or controlling, equality, no drug abuse or other addictions, not abused and they picked someone without any red flags.

 

[notmyown]

is it weird it's so easy for us to pinpoint where others have let us down and betrayed us, but hard to remember we've done the same, most likely? or, at least someone else feels we have?

i think we're always going to feel let down on some level at some times, even if it's a good relationship that's lasted.
parents, siblings, friends, partners... we're all humans with human weaknesses, failings, and yes, sins.

can we trust God? and trust God to care for us and lead us to other people whom we can trust?

risk. i don't like it, but it's part of life.

 

[notmyown]

Addison.... terrific post

 

[Messy]

is it weird it's so easy for us to pinpoint where others have let us down and betrayed us, but hard to remember we've done the same, most likely? or, at least someone else feels we have?

i think we're always going to feel let down on some level at some times, even if it's a good relationship that's lasted.
parents, siblings, friends, partners... we're all humans with human weaknesses, failings, and yes, sins.

can we trust God? and trust God to care for us and lead us to other people whom we can trust?

risk. i don't like it, but it's part of life.

I'd never cheat, but sure, only blaming the other is nonsense. I could trust him for years and then all of a sudden not and now he's to be trusted again. I couldn't even trust myself. I backslid because of it. Never thought I could. It all started when we stopped praying every morning.

 

[JesusLives]

If we become so cynical that we just can't trust anybody, how do we get the practice to learn how to trust God? Don't you think if you can't trust anyone that you are really able to trust God? Wouldn't you also find it easier to question if God is trustworthy? Maybe this is a root problem of Atheists the inability to even believe there is a God? As there is no trust or belief that He exists?