What Happens When One's Sex Drive Is In The Driver's Seat?
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C
Okay, I am thinking of a guy that is not afraid not to live and act the way our society expects them to. He has no problem standing up for what is right even if it means he could lose his job. He also has an edge to him that can be a little dangerous at times. He may be rough around the edges, but has a heart of pure gold. Did that help?
I think of being a strong Christian when I read the first half of your post. Because being in this world, we have to constantly stand up for what we believe in. You lost me in the second portion. How is a strong Christian "rough around the edges" exactly? I think of people getting hurt when I think bad boy or bad girl.
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C
When I mentioned that, I was just thinking of the men in my life. My dad and grandpa were rough around the edges, but once they put their trust in you, you find they are the most sensitive, heart-warming people around. Plus, a lot of men are that way whether Christian or not and once they are comfortable around you they can let it all show.
For me it's someone who is willing to question the Christian status quo and think and act for themselves. Someone you know can stand up under opposition and isn't going to cave into the majority opinion just because they can't stand disagreement. Someone who isn't afraid to rock the boat and make people a little uncomfortable in search of the truth. Someone who isn't so afraid of sin that he exiles sinners from his life because they might be a bad influence on him.
In a lot of way I think this is truly being a godly man of conviction and character, but I also think such a guy would draw a lot of undeserved criticism from the church crowd and that's what makes him a bit of a "bad boy" different from the stereotype of the meek and mild Christian man.
In a lot of way I think this is truly being a godly man of conviction and character, but I also think such a guy would draw a lot of undeserved criticism from the church crowd and that's what makes him a bit of a "bad boy" different from the stereotype of the meek and mild Christian man.
R
I think the terminology may bring some light....jsr is saying you can't be for God and be a rebal against Him...I think Cinder is meaning a rebal, on fire for God willing to get others to think for themselves and not be followers?? Just an observation...i could be all wrong and it would't be the first time
Yes, Roserock, that's what I'm saying. I think of it in terms of ministering to a nonbeliever, I'm not gonna go up and say "hey want to be a rebel?" Cause as Christians we are against this world, and for Christ. But if that's the first thing you immediately say to a nonbeliever, chances are the person is not going to see Christ correctly.
J
Seoulsearch, I read the first page and pretty much skipped to the ending because I'm going to have a busy day to be preparing for. Not a fun ordeal in itself, I could do a thread on that. I will later...Anyway, I know how you feel and wish you well. I know it's a minefield out there, and have learned a lot from a close friend's difficulties with his frigid lady. Note that in this post from here on out, I'm not pointing out anyone on this site, but people I've been around the last few years.
I have been to different in-depth, serious men's sites considering how we relate to the female gender. My conclusion is that since men have much more testosterone than women, their sex drives are very much lower than ours. The ratio is around 17-1, Male to female. So that explains why women only want sex once a month, while men want it two to three times a week. My friends gal is completely frigid. And my therapist knows women who haven't had sex with their husbands for many years, and could care less. Some only give it to their men for a birthday present (seriously).
Our culture (i.e. television) tends to draw other conclusions, and is a big factor in why both sexes cheat, even without guilt. From here on though, I have no other conclusions...as I haven't figured out ladies yet, and probably never will.
I intend marrying a Christian wife someday, for obvious soulful reasons, plus I know they won't get caught up in Hollywood or "workplace" culture and cheat on me or de-value me in front of their friends. Yes, non-Christians can be very mean spirited and draw energy from one another's pride, it's positively destructive. They will burn well someday...
I pray that you find your ideal man, keep praying asking the Lord to guide you. My friend had a similar experience on a Christian dating site, it's just silly. Godspeed...
I have been to different in-depth, serious men's sites considering how we relate to the female gender. My conclusion is that since men have much more testosterone than women, their sex drives are very much lower than ours. The ratio is around 17-1, Male to female. So that explains why women only want sex once a month, while men want it two to three times a week. My friends gal is completely frigid. And my therapist knows women who haven't had sex with their husbands for many years, and could care less. Some only give it to their men for a birthday present (seriously).
Our culture (i.e. television) tends to draw other conclusions, and is a big factor in why both sexes cheat, even without guilt. From here on though, I have no other conclusions...as I haven't figured out ladies yet, and probably never will.
I intend marrying a Christian wife someday, for obvious soulful reasons, plus I know they won't get caught up in Hollywood or "workplace" culture and cheat on me or de-value me in front of their friends. Yes, non-Christians can be very mean spirited and draw energy from one another's pride, it's positively destructive. They will burn well someday...
I pray that you find your ideal man, keep praying asking the Lord to guide you. My friend had a similar experience on a Christian dating site, it's just silly. Godspeed...
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Jeremy, may I quote your post in a new thread I'd like to write?
There are several points in your post that I would like to discuss but feel an entirely new thread would be appropriate. I personally feel that many of the so-called statistics on the general belief that women are terribly frigid are often misinformed.
I am hoping to start a thread about this topic that will be informative enough to encourage people, but not in any way sexually graphic. I have some ideas but would very much like to include your post because it showcases all the things I know men believe about women that I personally don't believe are true, and I think our men out there should hear the other side.
I'm asking you here because the thread is posted here.
Please let me know here or feel free to PM me, and thanks. If you'd prefer not to have your post quoted, that's perfectly fine so feel free to tell me no. I have an idea of how to write it with or without but your post really highlights the kinds of things I'd like to address.
There are several points in your post that I would like to discuss but feel an entirely new thread would be appropriate. I personally feel that many of the so-called statistics on the general belief that women are terribly frigid are often misinformed.
I am hoping to start a thread about this topic that will be informative enough to encourage people, but not in any way sexually graphic. I have some ideas but would very much like to include your post because it showcases all the things I know men believe about women that I personally don't believe are true, and I think our men out there should hear the other side.
I'm asking you here because the thread is posted here.
Please let me know here or feel free to PM me, and thanks
. If you'd prefer not to have your post quoted, that's perfectly fine so feel free to tell me no. I have an idea of how to write it with or without but your post really highlights the kinds of things I'd like to address.
B
I started reading this thread on my break and I feel like odd person out for my perspective but feel the need to share.
Seoul, I believe that you were true to yourself and did what was right based on your experience and desires.
That being said ..I believe we are avoiding some very basic realities.
God gives us our sex drive. Some of us have very strong ones and others not so much. And yes there are women in the world with strong desires and men that are not that engaged as well..so enough with the stereotypes.
God knows how he made you.
The worst thing I have seen over and over is a married couple when one is hungrier than the other.
I see nothing wrong with wanting someone at your same level of desire.
Even David, a man after God's own heart struggled with this by taking Bathsheba.
We don't now technically get to have "multiple" wives so we really need to make our decision to marry count and since marriage is the one place we are allowed and encouraged to have sexual pleasure...how as Christians do we discern this info. I don't want to be yoked to someone I am not compatible with. However,
1co.7.8-9.niv Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Many of us need to be married
Seoul, I believe that you were true to yourself and did what was right based on your experience and desires.
That being said ..I believe we are avoiding some very basic realities.
God gives us our sex drive. Some of us have very strong ones and others not so much. And yes there are women in the world with strong desires and men that are not that engaged as well..so enough with the stereotypes.
God knows how he made you.
The worst thing I have seen over and over is a married couple when one is hungrier than the other.
I see nothing wrong with wanting someone at your same level of desire.
Even David, a man after God's own heart struggled with this by taking Bathsheba.
We don't now technically get to have "multiple" wives so we really need to make our decision to marry count and since marriage is the one place we are allowed and encouraged to have sexual pleasure...how as Christians do we discern this info. I don't want to be yoked to someone I am not compatible with. However,
1co.7.8-9.niv Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.
Many of us need to be married
*If someone is looking to find someone primarily because of their sexual feelings, what's the best thing to do as far as dating?
The Bible does say it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I would argue that Paul is saying that sex is a legitimate reason to get married. I would also say that your primary motive should be made known to your significant other quickly, so they know what they're getting into.
* Should they be honest and upfront about their feelings? "I'm looking to have feelings for someone and marry them as soon as possible because my sex drive is overwhelming."
Maybe not a first, second, or third date topic, but yes, it should be out there.
* Should they stay out of the dating game altogether until they believe God has helped them overcome it?
No. Sexual desire is not something to "overcome".
* Should they just go ahead and date anyway, hoping somehow that everything will work out for the best, without telling the person what's driving them most? Should they just hope that somehow through dating or finding someone, the temptations will be overcome, or that they will find someone to marry as soon as possible in order to try to meet the desire?
Overall I think lots of sex is implied in a Christian marriage. No Christian woman or man should be surprised that their S.O. strongly desires this thing they have been purposely depriving themself of.
The Bible does say it is better to marry than to burn with passion. I would argue that Paul is saying that sex is a legitimate reason to get married. I would also say that your primary motive should be made known to your significant other quickly, so they know what they're getting into.
* Should they be honest and upfront about their feelings? "I'm looking to have feelings for someone and marry them as soon as possible because my sex drive is overwhelming."
Maybe not a first, second, or third date topic, but yes, it should be out there.
* Should they stay out of the dating game altogether until they believe God has helped them overcome it?
No. Sexual desire is not something to "overcome".
* Should they just go ahead and date anyway, hoping somehow that everything will work out for the best, without telling the person what's driving them most? Should they just hope that somehow through dating or finding someone, the temptations will be overcome, or that they will find someone to marry as soon as possible in order to try to meet the desire?
Overall I think lots of sex is implied in a Christian marriage. No Christian woman or man should be surprised that their S.O. strongly desires this thing they have been purposely depriving themself of.
That's a really good response, Olerica! Sadly, SeoulSearch, many guys (even Christians) are not honest about just wanting sex. I knew this guy for awhile (his mom was actually friends with my mom) and he asked me out. It started out a decent night, but after we ate and watched a movie he was trying to get me to stay the night and even tried taking my pants off! I told him no and left. I later texted him and told him I'm not sure what gave him the impression I was like that, but I was not just going to have sex with him. He apologized and said he wasn't like that. Well, awhile later he asked me out again and I decided to give him another chance. He again kept trying to get me to stay the night and even said "I will make sure you are awake early enough to go to church". Needless to say we didn't go out again. I was really disappointed that he turned out to be like that, and even worse lied about being like that.
There was another guy I went out with and he actually told me I was the first girl that wouldn't have sex with him on the first date. I was like wow! Really?! Sadly, there are countless guys like that. I have even met a guy on here that unknowingly took pics of me on Skype. He would say things like "that's a nice shirt, let me see it.. move the camera down some etc." It was only later that I found out he was try to take inappropriate pictures of me.. and when I found out, he admitted that I wasn't the only girl he did that to.
There was another guy I went out with and he actually told me I was the first girl that wouldn't have sex with him on the first date. I was like wow! Really?! Sadly, there are countless guys like that. I have even met a guy on here that unknowingly took pics of me on Skype. He would say things like "that's a nice shirt, let me see it.. move the camera down some etc." It was only later that I found out he was try to take inappropriate pictures of me.. and when I found out, he admitted that I wasn't the only girl he did that to.
The truth, for me anyway is that (mainly the past) i allways was thinking of sex, some woman make you look and think even when they are not aware. It was in my head, i did not took my eye out(figure of speech of cource) and it got worse.
It was my nature (the flesh) but i was keeping feeding it.
Only God could change my heart and he did after lots of praying and looking the other way.
It was shamefull and weak
It was my nature (the flesh) but i was keeping feeding it.
Only God could change my heart and he did after lots of praying and looking the other way.
It was shamefull and weak