WHY DO WOMEN START WITH THE "JUST WANNA BE FIENDS?"

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Lynx

Lynx

Folksy yet erudite
#61
Aug 13, 2014
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#61
After reading this whole thread, including all the posts you folks made last night while I was asleep... I have come to the conclusion that there is no conclusion. Might as well just flip a coin. Heads friend-zone him, tails just be blunt.

This is just a guess but I'm guessing I would rather have a lady tell me bluntly that it's over. It is only a guess because I've never been in that situation before. So... back to the coin toss.
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#62
#62
1still_waters said:
This seems an issue of Lingo vs Literalism.

Let's be friends is female lingo for...I'm not interested.
Almost every living breathing male over the age of 15 knows this.

Even though it's lingo, we know what it literally means.

Since we KNOW what it literally means, I see no need to put pressure on women to be blunt and literal and say something along the lines of...Listen I don't like you, you make my stomach churn worse than two month old pizza.

Let the women folk use their lingo. It's their way of being nice. We can't feign like we have no idea what they mean. We know what they mean. Plus if they were blunt, then we'd have posts about how women don't care about a man's feelings.
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Actually, this is more true than anything i've read. Thanks -
 
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Tintin

Guest
#65
#65
1still_waters said:
This seems an issue of Lingo vs Literalism.

Let's be friends is female lingo for...I'm not interested.
Almost every living breathing male over the age of 15 knows this.

Even though it's lingo, we know what it literally means.

Since we KNOW what it literally means, I see no need to put pressure on women to be blunt and literal and say something along the lines of...Listen I don't like you, you make my stomach churn worse than two month old pizza.

Let the women folk use their lingo. It's their way of being nice. We can't feign like we have no idea what they mean. We know what they mean. Plus if they were blunt, then we'd have posts about how women don't care about a man's feelings.
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You may not have noticed, Still, but in the past, I wasn't all that observant. I'm learning though and I'm a little wiser than before. :)
 
melita916

melita916

Senior Member
#66
Aug 12, 2011
10,418
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#66
understanding-women-giant-book.jpg

to all the guys, you're welcome. lol jk :)
 
T

Tintin

Guest
#67
#67
Has anyone actually noticed that the title of this thread concerns "Fiends" and not "Friends"? I think we're all good here!
 
U

Ugly

Guest
#68
#68
Tintin said:
Has anyone actually noticed that the title of this thread concerns "Fiends" and not "Friends"? I think we're all good here!
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That was pointed out in one of the first responses =P
*poke
 
rachelsedge

rachelsedge

Senior Member
#69
Oct 15, 2012
3,659
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#69
I guess it just seems like a catch 22. If we bluntly say no, no contact at all, we seem "assuming" and "mean" or may even get called a harsh word. But if we say we want to be friends but aren't interested, we are "rude or passive" because we weren't blunt enough. :|
 
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Tintin

Guest
#70
#70
rachelsedge said:
I guess it just seems like a catch 22. If we bluntly say no, no contact at all, we seem "assuming" and "mean" or may even get called a harsh word. But if we say we want to be friends but aren't interested, we are "rude or passive" because we weren't blunt enough. :|
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It's not really a problem. Just remember your BIB - "Blunt Is Best". I'm a guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, but as I mentioned earlier, I still appreciate blunt. Blunt is Best.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#71
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#71
Tintin said:
Has anyone actually noticed that the title of this thread concerns "Fiends" and not "Friends"? I think we're all good here!
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Yes!

I saw that and added a RED "r" to avoid such demons since my post #11.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#72
Dec 11, 2014
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#72
rachelsedge said:
I guess it just seems like a catch 22. If we bluntly say no, no contact at all, we seem "assuming" and "mean" or may even get called a harsh word. But if we say we want to be friends but aren't interested, we are "rude or passive" because we weren't blunt enough. :|
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Id imagine that this same thing would happen to a guy who broke up with a girl, though.

And I have actually never been dumped before, so I have no idea what happens with that. I have been in two relationships in my life, and the first one, we didnt really break up, she just moved away, and we were teenagers so we couldnt stay together that way. And the second, I broke up with the person because the kind of relationship we had was wrong. So Ive never had to deal with being told "lets just be friends"

I would imagine that its not all bad though? I mean that sounds better than having a girl say horrible things to you. And if she /is/ being sincere, then you have the chance to make a good friendship with someone.

Not sure how Id take "lets just be fiends", though. I think Id be more confused than anything.
 
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Tintin

Guest
#73
#73
Now I'm confused. I thought we were discussing the moments prior to a relationship beginning or not beginning, as the case may be, not about the moments following a break up. If it's the latter, I have nothing to contribute.
 
ChandlerFan

ChandlerFan

Senior Member
#74
Jan 8, 2013
1,148
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#74
rachelsedge said:
I guess it just seems like a catch 22. If we bluntly say no, no contact at all, we seem "assuming" and "mean" or may even get called a harsh word. But if we say we want to be friends but aren't interested, we are "rude or passive" because we weren't blunt enough. :|
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Yeah, to me it's kind of bothersome when a guy has this mindset that his friendship is only available to a girl as long as she is interested in him. That's not really true friendship, in my opinion. He's called to treat her as a sister in Christ regardless of whether or not she gives him the answer he wants to hear. If a guy is going to ask a girl out, he has to realize that he's putting her in a potentially tough spot if she doesn't have the same feelings, so any effort to approach a "no" answer with honesty and grace should be appreciated by him. And if he wants to take issue with an honest and gracious answer somehow, that's really his problem in the end and not hers. Rejection isn't fun by any means, but I think if expectations are managed prior to asking her out, trust is put in God throughout the process, and the rejection itself is dealt with in a private manner with close friends and God, it's ultimately just going to be another bump in the road rather than a ditch.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#75
May 23, 2009
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#75
p_rehbein said:
Fair is fair. Time to turn this around. Why do women suddenly disappear? They DON'T......... But they DO have their very own special womanly ways of ending a relationship.

So, ladies........time to 'fess up.

And remember, God is listening.
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I was just curious about this last part... It kind of threw me because it almost sounded like... Well first, it sounded like there was an automatic assumption that women would lie or make up answers?

And second, it kind of reminds me of a second grade Sunday School Threat ("Remember, God is watching you and He sees everything!"), which I found to be interesting, as if we women need the extra incentive of God's ever -watchful ears to keep us honest?

I was just thinking of the companion piece to this thread: "What Are You Watching When You Think No One Else Sees You? Oh, And Remember, God Is Watching Right Along Side You."
 
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kenthomas27

Guest
#76
#76
seoulsearch said:
I was just curious about this last part... It kind of threw me because it almost sounded like... Well first, it sounded like there was an automatic assumption that women would lie or make up answers?

And second, it kind of reminds me of a second grade Sunday School Threat ("Remember, God is watching you and He sees everything!"), which I found to be interesting, as if we women need the extra incentive of God's ever -watchful ears to keep us honest?

I was just thinking of the companion piece to this thread: "What Are You Watching When You Think No One Else Sees You? Oh, And Remember, God Is Watching Right Along Side You."
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I just kinda read it as a "tongue in cheek" kind of comment - like "and be honest!" type trailer comment when answering something a little uncomfortable. I didn't think it was said in a condescending way or any kind of automatic assumption that women weren't honest.


well except for that carnival girl... she wasn't all that honest.
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#77
May 23, 2009
14,943
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#77
kenthomas27 said:
I just kinda read it as a "tongue in cheek" kind of comment - like "and be honest!" type trailer comment when answering something a little uncomfortable. I didn't think it was said in a condescending way or any kind of automatic assumption that women weren't honest.


well except for that carnival girl... she wasn't all that honest.
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Hey, just because I run with the carnies doesn't mean I'm not honest about my beard. It's not an extension. At least, not all of it is. Er...

The thing is, when I read that last sentence ("And remember, God is listening",) I was wondering how men would take it if someone wrote a thread about viewing porn and added a "And Remember, God is Watching!" clause to the end of it.

Would they see it as condescending? Unnecessary? Threatening? And an assumption that they wouldn't give an honest answer?

As a woman, yes, it caught my attention. And I wondered if guys would feel the same had it been directed towards them.
 
Yeraza_Bats

Yeraza_Bats

Senior Member
#78
Dec 11, 2014
3,632
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#78
As a guy, I would take it seriously, knowing that God IS watching, watching every little thing I do.

But, I actually took what he said as more playful, and wasnt meant to be taken seriously?
 
seoulsearch

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
#79
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
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#79
Yeraza_Bats said:
As a guy, I would take it seriously, knowing that God IS watching, watching every little thing I do.

But, I actually took what he said as more playful, and wasnt meant to be taken seriously?
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Which is exactly my point. As a woman, I took it seriously. The guys here seem to have taken is as "playful."

Likewise, in a thread about something such as viewing porn, I wonder if the women would see a "Remember that GOD SEES ALL" comment would seem less "I Am Pointing the Finger at You!" than the men would.
 
B

blueorchidjd

Guest
#80
#80
I'm happy that they do, because I can't handle anything else.
HAHAHA.
 
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