Your Personal Demons. Would You Marry Someone With The Same Struggles?

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Would You Marry Someone with the Same Personal Demons?

  • I struggle with smoking and want to date a NON smoker.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I struggle with smoking and want to date a smoker.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I struggle with alcohol and want to date someone who DOES NOT drink.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I struggle with alcohol and want to date someone who drinks or also struggles with alcohol.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I struggle with porn and want to date someone who DOESN'T struggle with it.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I struggle with porn and want to date someone with the same issue.

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • I have some issues I struggle with and could accept those same issues in another person.

    Votes: 9 56.3%
  • I want to be with someone who does NOT have the same issues as me.

    Votes: 3 18.8%
  • I want to date someone with COMPLETELY DIFFERENT issues than me.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I could handle some of the same issues as me but not others in another person.

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • I believe the right person will make my issues go away.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I have experienced thinking someone could "save" me but found out it doesn't work.

    Votes: 5 31.3%
  • I only think I have these issues because I haven't found the right person.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • I would feel guilty about putting my issues on another person.

    Votes: 5 31.3%
  • I would NOT feel guilty about putting my issues on another person--that's what they're there for!

    Votes: 3 18.8%
  • If God told me to stay single in order to deal with my issues, I would.

    Votes: 7 43.8%
  • If I found myself relying more on a person than God, I would break off the relationship.

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • I choose to remain alone because I don't want to burden another person with my issues.

    Votes: 2 12.5%
  • I am afraid that no one can love me because of my issues.

    Votes: 3 18.8%
  • I believe there is someone out there who can love and support me the way I am.

    Votes: 10 62.5%
  • I could be with and support a person with issues different than mine.

    Votes: 9 56.3%
  • I want to be a support person to someone with the same issues.

    Votes: 4 25.0%
  • I want someone with NO issues and actually believe I can find this!!

    Votes: 1 6.3%
  • I have been through some of these situations... I have a story to share in my post.

    Votes: 1 6.3%
  • I have NOT been through any of this but I feel that... (please share in your post.)

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Other--I have something else to say...

    Votes: 2 12.5%

  • Total voters
    16
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zaoman32

Guest
#21
To answer your question no I would not date someone with the same issues as myself. That would be like dousing yourself with gasoline and jumping in the flames. You need someone to help you overcome, not join you.
Never thought about it that way before, good point.
 
Feb 11, 2012
1,358
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0
#22
Wow, what a post, not once did you mention holiness and seperation, and you consider porn and drunkeness a struggle?

Can you honestly say a real convert struggles with these sins as well as many others you listed?

I am here to tell you IF you are struggling(willfully sinning against God) you never repented, and are in danger of hell fire!


A Saint or an aint?



Joh 10:27 My sheep hear My voice, and I know them, and they follow(obey) Me.


Either you are one or the other, no such things as a sinning saint! A saint is walking in the present tense with Christ, being obedient, pure in heart and deed, and listening to His voice, then they follow Him on the narrow road. Luke 9-23-24.

Luke 9:23 And He said to all, If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me.
Luke 9:24 For whoever will save his life shall lose it, but whoever will lose his life for My sake, he shall save it.

A real saint as described in the Bible has crucified his flesh with Christ, Galatians 2-20,

Gal 2:20 I have been crucified with Christ, and I live; yet no longer I, but Christ lives in me. And that life I now live in the flesh, I live by faith(obedience) toward the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself on my behalf.


Once and for all, hence I have been crucified, and thus they now walk in newness of life, 2 Corinthians 5-17.

2Co 5:17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold all things are become new.


Cleansed and purified of all willful sin, through a real repentance and faith. 2 Corinthians 7-10-11.

2Co 7:10 For the grief according to God works repentance to salvation, not to be regretted, but the grief of the world works out death.
2Co 7:11 For behold this same thing (you being grieved according to God); how much it worked out earnestness in you; but also defense; but also indignation; but also fear; but also desire; but also zeal; but also vengeance! In everything you approved yourselves to be clear (pure) in the matter.



They must remain diligent and faithful to the truth, obey from the heart, and keep themselves undefiled from the world and its false ways! 1 John 2-15-17.

1Jn 2:15 Do not love the world, nor the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him,
1Jn 2:16 because all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.
1Jn 2:17 And the world passes away, and the lust of it, but he who does the will of God abides forever.



You are not a saint without actually doing the works of righteousness(doing what is right) Jesus didn’t obey for you, but made a way, through His bold example for us to follow, He said His sheep follow Him and His steps and ways, which leads to eternal life. But sadly most churches teaches Jesus did it all for them, He took their place, and a real Christian is actually a sinner, but called a saint because they believe in Jesus!

Rom 8:4 So that the righteousness of the Law might be fulfilled in us,who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.

It’s simple, obedience matters, those who count the cost and endure to the end will inherit eternal life, as you walk in the spirit, and not the flesh, walking as Jesus walked, in sincerity, purity and love!

A real saint will not be perfect as some think perfection is( as perfect as God) BUT will be living the crucified life, that only comes through repentance and faith both proven by deeds! And these deeds include obeying Jesus from the heart, abstaining from all appearances of evil, departing from iniquity, counting the cost, and most of all, crucifying your flesh with Christ once and for all, not because He did it for you, but because He commands you to do it, and a real saint will never argue in favor of sin!

Gal 5:24 But those belonging to Christ have crucified the fleshwith its passions and lusts.
Gal 5:25 If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
Tommy 8-18-12

Many will say this way is too difficult, and will come up with many excuses why they can’t obey and follow Jesus on the narrow road, but Jesus made it perfectly clear when He said, strive to enter the narrow gate, where the professing church says, it’s done for you, you cannot obey God, and to fear Him isn't important, just believe all is done, you do nothing but trust it has been done for you! Does this sound like the narrow way Jesus preached in the word?

Ecc 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this is the whole duty of man.
Ecc 12:14 For God shall bring every work into judgment, with every secret thing, whether it be good, or whether it be evil.
 
Z

zaoman32

Guest
#23
Dear Tommy, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Do "true converts" still struggle with sins? Yes, why? I don't know probably because we're actually just heathenistic sons of drepravitiy and anarchy and we didn't really convert to begin with, and since God can't cover us because we're still sinning we might was well pack for hell now.


It's a good thing God forgives and I don't need to worry about your opinion.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#24
*Glances at Tommy's post*

Oh boy, here we go again.

I'm not sure why he doesn't ever mention another group of people bound for hell--those who judge without making sure they're without fault themselves. Jesus told the Pharisees, "You give the people burdens... and then don't lift a finger to help them." AND, "The tax collectors AND PROSTITUTES are entering heaven before you."

Jesus' harshest words were NOT for prostitutes and "sinners"--His harshest rebukes were for Bible-quoting self-righteous fanatics who condemned everyone else to the law.

"Many will say to Me, 'Lord, Lord, remember when I (criticized, condemned, and judged other people in your name)', and I will say, 'Away from me, I never knew you.'" Things that make you go hmm. It's something to at least think about.

Please everyone, carry on. Paul himself struggled with a thorn in the flesh and for all we know, it could have been a daily temptation, just as some of us face. I'd love to keep hearing your posts and feedback... THANKS!! :)

Tommy, the way you speak to people really grieves my heart. Since you don't hold any punches neither will I.

Your profile says you are male, 51, and unmarried.

May I ask you straight up, because you seem bent on condemning others for their struggles... Is there not anything at all that you struggle with or were you miraculously delivered from all temptation? Pardon my bluntness, but any man who is 51 and unmarried and says he's never struggled with ANYTHING or is somehow delivered from every lust and temptation would be... either a miracle, or a liar.

Please. We're DYING to know your secret.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#25
*Glances at Tommy's post*

Oh boy, here we go again.

I'm not sure why he doesn't ever mention another group of people bound for hell--those who judge without making sure they're without fault themselves. Jesus told the Pharisees, "You give the people burdens... and then don't lift a finger to help them." AND, "The tax collectors AND PROSTITUTES are entering heaven before you."

Jesus' harshest words were NOT for prostitutes and "sinners"--His harshest rebukes were for Bible-quoting self-righteous fanatics who condemned everyone else to the law.

"Many will say to Me, 'Lord, Lord, remember when I (criticized, condemned, and judged other people in your name)', and I will say, 'Away from me, I never knew you.'" Things that make you go hmm. It's something to at least think about.

Please everyone, carry on. Paul himself struggled with a thorn in the flesh and for all we know, it could have been a daily temptation, just as some of us face. I'd love to keep hearing your posts and feedback... THANKS!! :)

Tommy, the way you speak to people really grieves my heart. Since you don't hold any punches neither will I.

Your profile says you are male, 51, and unmarried.

May I ask you straight up, because you seem bent on condemning others for their struggles... Is there not anything at all that you struggle with or were you miraculously delivered from all temptation?

Please. We're DYING to know your secret.
Sorry, I've officially been alienated.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#26
Sorry for the double post.

I'm sorry everyone. Normally I try to be polite and agreeable, honest, but things like this really get my goat.

It's a basic tenant of psychology that people who rant and rave at other people most likely A. have never faced the issue themselves; B. have faced it to some degree and walked away so they assume EVERYONE else can as well; or C. are in over their head with the same issues, but either can't or won't see it.

If you're familiar with John Bevere ("The Bait of Satan"), he freely admits that while he preached his most passionate sermons condemning those addicted to pornography, he was going home everyday to his own addiction to the same thing.

PLEASE. LET'S ALL REMEMBER THE PLANKS IN OUR OWN EYES. And if you can find someone without a plank, I sure would love to meet him.
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#27
Dear Tommy, check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Do "true converts" still struggle with sins? Yes, why? I don't know probably because we're actually just heathenistic sons of drepravitiy and anarchy and we didn't really convert to begin with, and since God can't cover us because we're still sinning we might was well pack for hell now.


It's a good thing God forgives and I don't need to worry about your opinion.
I would guess... that the airline to hell charges one HECK of a baggage fee.
 
P

Powemm

Guest
#28
I came to God with all sorts of issues... He let me be me exactly in the messed up state I was and states still in... It is His Love, daily mercy and forgiveness towards my imperfection that He has become the perfect love in my life.. I'm not looking at weather or not someone is perfect for me in my state.. I think I'm looking more at this question like " in all God has done for me in my deprived state, will I" allow Him " to work that out and be who He is through me to someone else....it's obcious in the flesh , I want it to be about " can you except me in my deprived state". But in the spirit it becomes " will I allow God to show His love through me to you in yours? "
I've been thinking about that question a lot lately... I've been drinking so much from Gods well that no other well is appealing to me right now... before I had my head emmerssed drinking non stop because I was so parched and thirsty... Now, after about six months, I've come up from a wonderful drink of true living water ... I no longer look around to see where else I can drink from.. ..I'm instead ....Sitting next to Gods well completely exhausted from just drinking... No longer asking anyone can I have a drink of yours... Resting , just silent..im not even sure yet if someone were to come up to me, if my arms would even be strong enough to lift up my hand to give anyone else a drink right now.. .through spiritual eyes I watch as people are walking around everywhere dying of thirst.. Watching as they run to this well or that one , drinking ... Lapping up whatever is in it.. only to find it quickly dries up before heading off to another...I'm still in observation mode of this as spiritual eyes focus in on what's really happening ... stunned by it... that was just me not long ago... Observing the mad state I was running around in... thanking God He gave me a drink .
we ourselves can not quench another's thirst, nor can they quench ours as long as we look to them as a well to drink from... it is in weather or not we ate even strong enough to lift up our arm and offer them a glass to drink from.. so can I handle someone else right now? I can't even stand up... :) My answer right now is no :)
 
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Powemm

Guest
#29
I laugh when I read the title under my name in this forum
" I see myself in such an infantile state" not even qualified to read a title " junior member " there. ... humbleness before God makes me feel very very small... And very very weak ... But thank God in my weakness , He is so so strong...
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#30
I have some issues I struggle with and could accept those same issues in another person.
I want to be with someone who does NOT have the same issues as me.
I could be with and support a person with issues different than mine.
I want to be a support person to someone with the same issues.


I don't know if it sounds like a contradiction, but I picked those options. I think it can go both ways. From one perspective, I could see the benefit of being with someone who has the same issues as me, because that way we can have accountability and a special understanding of each other. But I could also see a potential problem...because if we are both weak, we can't help each other at our weakest moments.

From a diferent perspective, I think being with someone who has different issues is better, because that way we can help each other and he can be strong when I'm not and viceversa. But I also see a potential problem if we fail to understand each other's struggles, because we have never struggled with the said issue. This could lead to bitterness and resentment.

So.....I guess I'm trying to say it can work both ways(or fail) . :) It depends on the dynamic of the relationship and on how much we trust on God and try to give the best of ourselves.
 

PopClick

Senior Member
Aug 12, 2011
4,056
136
63
#31
Who let Tommy out? Dang it... I've got to change those locks! :D
 

seoulsearch

OutWrite Trouble
May 23, 2009
14,943
4,587
113
#32
Who let Tommy out? Dang it... I've got to change those locks! :D
I agree with you, Pop. You change the locks and I'll help (wo)man the fort.

My goal in writing these threads is to hopefully open a friendly atmosphere for discussion and understanding, not condemnation.

And the thing I find interesting is that he will come in, slam a finger in everyone's face, and walk out. I've confronted him in another thread before (I would confront him in private but my feeling is, if he's going to publicly condemn, I'm going to publicly confront), and not once has he replied or answered anything I've said. Not that I know everything, but I think if you're going to present your feelings that strongly about someone else's struggles, you had better be ready to talk about your own when asked. Believe me, when I see someone rant and rave like this, I am going to call them out. I've grown up in church all my life and this is one of my biggest pet peeves. As a child and a teen, I learned to be quiet and "respectful". As an adult, I learned to study my butt off so that when I heard fanatics speak again, I'd have something to say back.

The Bible says if we say we are without sin, we are deceiving ourselves... and that if we judge (without having honestly looked at our own faults), we are setting ourselves up for judgment from God Himself. Why that escapes some people's understanding, I'll never know.

(Goes back to wo-manning the fort.)
 
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Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
Jan 15, 2011
6,031
3,268
113
#33
Who let Tommy out? Dang it... I've got to change those locks! :D
and all this time I thought Jullianna was the only woman here that kept men locked up in her basement. :D
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#34
I have some issues I struggle with and could accept those same issues in another person.
I want to be with someone who does NOT have the same issues as me.
I could be with and support a person with issues different than mine.
I want to be a support person to someone with the same issues.


I don't know if it sounds like a contradiction, but I picked those options. I think it can go both ways. From one perspective, I could see the benefit of being with someone who has the same issues as me, because that way we can have accountability and a special understanding of each other. But I could also see a potential problem...because if we are both weak, we can't help each other at our weakest moments.

From a diferent perspective, I think being with someone who has different issues is better, because that way we can help each other and he can be strong when I'm not and viceversa. But I also see a potential problem if we fail to understand each other's struggles, because we have never struggled with the said issue. This could lead to bitterness and resentment.

So.....I guess I'm trying to say it can work both ways(or fail) . :) It depends on the dynamic of the relationship and on how much we trust on God and try to give the best of ourselves.
Regarding the person going through the struggle it may be helpful for them to have someone on the outside looking in as well though too. When we struggle with some kind of bad habit or addiction, a lot of times there are behavioral changes that we don't notice and need others to point out, also maybe if there's more perspective from the outside they may find a more simple solution to help us along, and chances are if they go that far to help find a solution, they'll help us see it through.


...And just when you thought I was done, they may notice the gravity of our mistakes and help us see them more clearly.

Just an observation, food for thought.
 
A

arwen7

Guest
#35
Am I the only one who doesn't read posts in color and over font size 3? Hurts the eyes, and I feel like I am being yelled at :( I'm all about the Garamond Size 3. So pleasant to read :)
 
F

flight316

Guest
#36
This is a really good question. I've never been attracted to anyone that was like me. In fact I'm attracted to women who are the opposite of me. But who knows, if God choses that for me its cool. Its a very complicated issue with a lot of variables. I've been single for six years now. And I've grown to accept a lot of things about single life. I don't know if I could do marriage again. I don't kow if I could be under the same roof with another person all the time. Ill just wait and see what God wants to do.
 

error

Senior Member
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#37
Am I the only one who doesn't read posts in color and over font size 3? Hurts the eyes, and I feel like I am being yelled at :( I'm all about the Garamond Size 3. So pleasant to read :)
No, you are not the only one.
 
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zaoman32

Guest
#38
Am I the only one who doesn't read posts in color and over font size 3? Hurts the eyes, and I feel like I am being yelled at :( I'm all about the Garamond Size 3. So pleasant to read :)
Whatever do you mean