Strength to Forgive

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kelly07

Guest
#1
#1
Hey Everyone!

Well I have had some pretty big things on my mind and i thought i would share and get your opinions.

I have a boyfriend of over 4 years we have been dating since I was a junio in high school...now i will be a senior in college. He is a wonderful guy! This last fall we started talking about getting married and we had one arguement and his mom found out about it. I (always use to get along with her) She has always been kinda a tough person to be around because she has alot of emotions problems. But anyways since that ONE fight we had she totally turned on me...and i think really what it had to do with was that she thinks michael shouldnt get married for a long time yet. He is 22. She went through a divorse with michaels dad and i think she doesnt believe in love like we do. Eventually i started hearing rumors that she was saying...she started sending facebook messages to michael that were just all bashing me and trying to convince him that there are other fish in see and stuff like that. She started making up lies and telling them to her family and friends. She said i was attacking her via facebook and writing about her. Which i wasnt!! but on several accounts she wrote status about me just not using my name. Eventually people have started to catch on and see that she was making some stuff up but still its been extremely rough on michael and awkward for us to be around his family. On our 4 year anniversary she wrote a really mean status yet again sooo finally we went to try and end the drama. It went horrible. She just tore me part and basically told me i would never had kids a job and michael deserved better...and etc. I have chronic pain illeness and she is using that against me even though i live my life really normally and im in college right now and doing great!!

She now thinks that i owe her an appoligy for everything. Michael and I spent months not talking to her and he now will visit her when he comes to our hometown but my heart is just so broken over this all. I really just have alot of hate for all the things she has done to me. the examples i gave i could probably right a whole page full of stuff. I just dont know how to find the strenth to forgive....I have never dealt with anything like this before I usually always get along with everyone! I have prayed about it alot and talked with my friends....but for months i was pretty depressed over it. Its very difficult since it is his MOM! family is important!

If you have any advice let me know! thank you!

Kelly
 
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Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#2
#2
Kelly,

It seems that this woman, like many moms, can't get over that her little boy is growing up. Instead of being the mature adult and seeing you for who you are she has allowed satan to control her actions and her creditability as a mentor and a friend to you. Its not your fault she is reacting this way- do not take it personal. Firstly I would advise you to read Psalms and pray those scriptures over your life pertaining to enemies. Also I would pray that she would be found out completely, be so ahsamed, loved ones would notice and the lies would cease. Then I would pray that she'd begin to love you. Remember, when you two are married she ceases to be your boyfriends mom and you two become one flesh...without her influence.

Marriage is a big commitment. I know you probably know that and are extremely in love. Just make sure you think it through and have Jesus as your center.

Blessings
 
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kelly07

Guest
#3
#3
thank you for your advice!..ya i will start reading in psalms again for sure! Another thing i kinda worry about is...because she is so unstable i think she has some mental issues. I have seen the other side of her which is she has a big heart and can be so caring..but she has this other side. My own family thinks that she is mentally ill. But i know that if she is it is going to be really hard for her boys to accept that and help her help herself.

Thanks for the encouragment! And yes i know Jesus needs to be the center and i know i need to keep reminding myself of that! :)
 
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Lyndies

Guest
#4
#4
I agree with what Dread_Zepplin said. And I'm so sorry she's treated you like this. Don't let it get in the way of what you and Michael have, though. Once she sees that you two really do love each other, she may get over it and feel very sorry. This could take a while, though...:/
I know how hard it can be because my boyfriend's mom didn't like me for, like, the first three or four years we were together. It was really hard and I was so angry with her all the time. We both acted n ice to each other and put on smiles, but as soon as we were apart, I'd hear about her making fun of me and I hated her. It's gotten better now thgat we're older and I've asked God to help me forgive her and truly love her and now I do. :] I think she's still a little bitter sometimes for "taking her son away", but she doesn't bad-mouth me anymore.
I know it hurts a lot and it may be hard for you to forgive her...ask God to help you and to be your strength in this. Don't let her lies have impact on you becuase in God, you have freedom and truth and victory!
 
Wonderland

Wonderland

Senior Member
#5
May 6, 2010
247
19
18
#5
Aw, Kelly, I'm sorry that you have to go through this!

Good for you for trying to get past this difficulty--in the right way. I know it is tough, but you are doing the right thing and that is awesome!

I wrote my thesis on forgiveness, but, unfortunately, that still does not make me an expert on life--it only makes me an expert on what the books say...
So, straight out of the research, this is all I can tell you... Do with it what you will.

The foundation of forgiveness is empathy. You said she has a mental illness. Do you know what it is? if you do, read up on it and see what kinds of symptoms/behaviors are associated with it. (If you don't and would like to know, you can pm/message me and though I can't officially 'diagnose' her, I maybe could help steer you in the right direction). What kind of childhood did she have? Were her parents together? Was she abused? Did she grow up in poverty? Etc.

It sounds like the things she is doing to you have very little to do with you and a LOT to do with her. Find out what it is about her that is driving this kind of behavior--and then have compassion.

Easier said than done, I know. But trust me, empathy is the foundation of forgiveness. So if you can find some way to feel as much or more concern for her than you do for yourself, you are on the path to forgiveness.

I hope this was helpful.
Be blessed
 
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