Lies, Infidelity and Forgivness

[Angela53510]

Forgiveness is between you and God at this point. It means you truly surrender the hurt and the pain this man has caused to God, and trust God to bring good out of it.

You have learned a very valuable but painful lesson from this experience. For one thing, you should not have had sex with him at all, even though you were not living with him.

For some reason, no one seems to understand that sex is to be kept for marriage.

The other valuable lesson is that God loves you enough to have exposed this fraud to you before you actually married him. That is something to rejoice and praise God for every minute of the day.

As for those feelings of loneliness and despair, they are perfectly normal, losing your fiancé this way. But recognize they come out of a place of human feelings, and that God will heal you and renew and restore you, as you seek him each day.

So sorry you had to go through this nightmare.

 

[Lynn68]

Hello there, you've gotten some very good biblical wisdom here, and I especially liked what Jeff_56 had to say. Not having sex (even if it's our fiancée) before marriage keeps lots of heartache and worry( std's) from happening. Being cheated on is never easy(it's happened to me in my marriage) but this can be a great way for you to get even closer to God. God can make great things happen from hardships/heartaches, if we stay close to Him and take comfort in what He has for us.

 

[Quest20]

Hiv test is negative

 

[blue_ladybug]

Hiv test is negative

that's good, but it can take up to 7 years for HIV/AIDS symptoms to present themselves..get tested monthly..

 

[presidente]

Then your not obligated to forgive him.. (Luke 17:3)

That verse doesn't say anything anyone having to say they are sorry. "I'm sorry" and repenting are two different things.

 

[presidente]

Quest20, I was going to get on bluelady bug's case for jumping to the assumption that you'd need an STD test if you weren't married yet. A few hundred years ago, if a man made an assumption like that about another man's female relative, he could find himself in a duel with a sword or pistol. I'm not saying that's good, but we sure have come a long way from even insinuating such a thing being taken as a horrible insult, to thinking that assuming it is okay. I'm sorry to read about your fiancé and that that you did need the test, but glad to hear that the most scary test (out of hundreds of possible STDs that aren't usually tested for) came back negative for you.

I'd encourage you to hear the advice of fellow posters who encourage you to abstain from fornication, even if you are engaged.

 

[mystikmind]

My wife is divorcing me, i accept it is over and all that, but one lesson i learnt i think it could be very helpful here....

In the early stages after my wife told me it was over, i was very confused why she adamantly refused to consider trying to save the marriage. I started finding clues there was someone else, and i fell into deep despair over it, then in the middle of all that, the words came to me "love thy enemy" and i understood immediately what it meant... not that my wife is my enemy, no, it meant that if i am to love my enemy, then so much easier it should be to love those who hurt me but are not my enemy! Seriously, all the bad thoughts and imaginings faded away when i understood this, truly, i never before understood how much power there is to those words, "love thy enemy".

No i will not be getting back with my wife, but love and forgiveness make it much easier to heal myself and move on. Hope this helps?

 

[Quest20]

I didnt know symptoms had to be present before it could be detected.

I have had conversations with the Lord aboutt the premarital thing

 

[secularhermit]

I recently discovered that my fiance had been cheating. The details are extreme. There were a lot of partners, he has made several pregnant and promised a future to one of them. It is all too extreme for me. Needless to say, I have walked away from the union. From there, I have been very upset, sad and disappointed every single day. The only time I heard from him was through a text message in which he told me that he needed my help.

I've decided to forgive him, so that I can be free and happy but I don't know how. Please advise.

Congratulations, sincerely! You are and were spare of horrible moments (no need to mention any of them)..

If I was you, I would cry some time, but I would be "happy" having known THAT before a wedding and, in the case of my daughter, I hope she never get pregnant with a cheater...

 

[secularhermit]

I will not contact him anymore unless tests are positive

I´m sorry but, if the result is "positive", will he be legally responsive, according to laws over there?

 

[Quest20]

I´m sorry but, if the result is "positive", will he be legally responsive, according to laws over there?

He would have to tell all his partners, by law.

 

[IamFree2015]

First I must thank you Quest20 for even posting this. I am reading my life right now and was struggling with starting a post. I am feeling exactly the same way you are. I blocked his calls etc but get a notification that there was a text blocked. It is so tempting to contact him but what would be the point? For me I had to leave the state for my own safety. I loved a man that didn't exist. In reality he is a bi- polar, lying , manipulating, cheating, drug addict, charmer and abuser. He didn't love me the way God desires me to be loved and that is a hard pill to swallow. Your ex doesn't love you the way you deserve to be loved. If someone you love was being treated the way you have been treated what advice would you give them? Take a step outside of yourself and look in from an outsiders perspective. I have been praying for the Lord's strength and my prayers have been answered thru your post and everyone's reply....thank you....and thank you Jesus. Jeremiah 29:11

 

[secularhermit]

Then your not obligated to forgive him.. (Luke 17:3)



the bible says we are to forgive others of their sins against us, so that God may forgive US of our sins towards others. The Lord's prayer says, "forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." I would say God considers it a MUST for her to forgive her cheating, lying husband. Jesus forgave those who hurt and betrayed him. We are commanded to do the same.

Reminder: Here the "blame" is shared, perhaps equally... If I want to be forgiven, I need to forgive first ( Matt 6:14 If you forgive others for the wrongs they do to you, your Father in heaven will forgive you. ).

 

[secularhermit]

He would have to tell all his partners, by law.

Thanks! For telling me.

It will be good the law would be enforced to make cheaters confess who they are too. There´s so much hurting on this world that, legally, they should be charged for those wrongs, emotionally (which worth more than things wasted).

 

[Quest20]

I dreamed about him last night. We had happy times in the dream. It left me upset when I woke up. This stinks because I still LOVE him. It isnt just dying.

I was just thinking of when i asked him about the babies. He asked me to not listen to rumors. He didnt know that I had proof. I cant believe i wasnt worth the truth.

I cant help but to wonder what his plan was. Like was he really going to leave me in the dark untilt he kids were born

 

[blue_ladybug]

Quest20, I was going to get on bluelady bug's case for jumping to the assumption that you'd need an STD test if you weren't married yet. A few hundred years ago, if a man made an assumption like that about another man's female relative, he could find himself in a duel with a sword or pistol. I'm not saying that's good, but we sure have come a long way from even insinuating such a thing being taken as a horrible insult, to thinking that assuming it is okay. I'm sorry to read about your fiancé and that that you did need the test, but glad to hear that the most scary test (out of hundreds of possible STDs that aren't usually tested for) came back negative for you.

I'd encourage you to hear the advice of fellow posters who encourage you to abstain from fornication, even if you are engaged.

She stated in her OP that he has "alot of partners". I know if I was in the same situation, I'd want someone to suggest getting an STD test. In this world today, there are so many more diseases than ever before. I'm glad her tests came back negative. Just because they weren't married yet doesn't mean they weren't having sex. Alot of people have sex before marriage.. I don't know if they were or not, but since he cheated with multiple people, it's just common sense to suggest getting tested for STD's, because HIV/AIDS can get spread through even just kissing him.

 

[secularhermit]

I dreamed about him last night. We had happy times in the dream. It left me upset when I woke up. This stinks because I still LOVE him. It isnt just dying.

I was just thinking of when i asked him about the babies. He asked me to not listen to rumors. He didnt know that I had proof. I cant believe i wasnt worth the truth.

I cant help but to wonder what his plan was. Like was he really going to leave me in the dark untilt he kids were born

Your MIND and body still miss THE BENEFITS of such relationship, but it´s sure you haven´t lived the nightmares of having a cheater. I almost shoot down my exwife and one of her lovers just for being jelous (she has the right to sleep with whomever she wanted) but I´m not the kind of person will to share the "glass" I use to give others some water.

You are young and, if you have no child, you probably marry (be sure 1st, he has what you want: No this way! If I´m allowed to say you gave too much)

 

[secularhermit]

She stated in her OP that he has "alot of partners". I know if I was in the same situation, I'd want someone to suggest getting an STD test. In this world today, there are so many more diseases than ever before. I'm glad her tests came back negative. Just because they weren't married yet doesn't mean they weren't having sex. Alot of people have sex before marriage.. I don't know if they were or not, but since he cheated with multiple people, it's just common sense to suggest getting tested for STD's, because HIV/AIDS can get spread through even just kissing him.

That could be paranoid, but it is better than dying and BLAMING the one a person liked or simple had for a moment.

Sadly, the kissing (or licking) involved this risk and, we need to be bold enough to ask STD tests before being engaged in touching and, I hope people be aware of those papers can be faked my country (probably yours) but it´s polite -enough- to attend a Lab (together) as a token of friendship, one day, and go to other laboratory to re-confirm possible human mistakes.

I promise, when I die, I will wash my mouth! Ha! Ha! Ha!

 

[Quest20]

God will judge and deal with me about the premarital sex.

Now, I am praying for a peace of mind and healed heartache

 

[ember]

Hi again Quest

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. I John 1:9

Confession to God cleanses us..the results of our sins are sometimes what we 'pay' for ...not God judging us. After all, if He forgives us, then how is He going to judge us?

God is not judging you on this sin or any other sin if you have confessed, repented and accepted His forgiveness.

Move forward as you say and know that God will heal your heart.

From Lamentations 3:

21Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

22Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

Hugs .....