My shield doesn't work

[popeye]

It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

Try a new stategy.

Use the interest in you as an opening to witness. Tell them "I know one thing,any candidate needs to have an on fire relationship with Jesus"...."do you?"

"I am not all that easy to get along with.I go to a lot of meetings and don't do a lot of "fun" stuff like drinking and partying"


But if you do find a person,get to know the mother and find out how he treats her.

 

[VioletReigns]

You really might consider enjoying the attention while you can. It will be just a blink of an eye, and no man will even notice an old lady shuffling along the sidewalk.

Although I'm not yet an old lady shuffling up the road, it surprised me that the construction crews who've been working on our main road for the past year began making cat calls and yelling things to me at my age. I don't think many men realize how scary it is for a woman to be singled out like that and made to feel like hunted prey. A few times on my daily walk they actually pulled up alongside me in their work truck and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. *ugh*

My solution was to look them firmly in the eyes and say "NO!" loudly and sternly enough that they would never entertain pulling up alongside me again. I also let the men on the street know that it is never appropriate to yell and whistle at me. So far, they've been respecting my wishes. When I walk by now, they wave and smile and go right back to work. It also doesn't hurt that when I pass by them I always wear the expression most mothers have on their faces when they catch their child about to reach into the cookie jar before dinner. LOL

 

[VioletReigns]

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

You certainly don't seem to be a pushover on this thread. You display a strong, forthright personality. I can't see why those men don't respect what you want. Why do you think these men persist in chasing after you?

 

[atwhatcost]

That's is exactly the problem,people know what happened, and after a year the mourning period is over meaning you are allowed to have relationship or even marry again. In some cases a widow is married to the husbands brother ( this is a way to provide and to keep the widow in the family because of the bride price that was paid by the late husband). But because the times has changed, most families don't do that practice anymore. So after the mourning period was over, I was told that I can have relationship but I must be descreat hence I'm still the daughter-inlaw. So most men probably know that it is permitted for me to have relationship but the thing is I'm not interested, no one seems to get this.

When I first joined the church where I met hubby, I received all kinds of attention. I don't like attention. I hate it enough that had I thought this over before it actually happened, I would have never married in church. In my country, the bride dresses up in a beautiful white wedding gown with a bouquet of some kind, and when everyone is sitting, facing the front of the church and staring at the uncomfortable, but equally well-dressed groom, (My! He was handsome.

) the bride and father appear at the back of the church. Everyone turns and stands up, to grin and stare at her! Gawp!!! It was me. I hate attention. I should have eloped. lol

But, when I first joined that church I got all of the attention because all the eligible single women had just left with most of the younger familes to follow a charlatan, and I didn't know that yet. So, the only ones left were the ones smart enough not to follow or undesirable enough that the charlatan told them not to follow. (He was trying to impress someone else to cause more problems for the whole Discipleship Movement of churches.) That left slim-pickings for the single men and then this new girl shows up. Way too much attention!

But that's what most single people do. They look for potential mates in the herd, and once they learn they don't like, or want, most females in the herd, they wait for a new single woman. You're it.

Better yet, you're proven. You already attracted a man, married him, proved you were a good mate, and proved you could raise children. That and you have a house. You're like a royal flush in poker. (That's the absolute best hand you can get in that card game. Nothing else can beat it.) Of course they're after you. They'd be crazy not to be.

Everyone was after me too. Two guys in particular. I stated, in no uncertain terms, that I wasn't interested in getting married -- ever. And I meant it. And one of the guys became a very good friend because he knew that. They were both very good friends -- best buddies. The only difference is the second guy was interested in finding a new wife. (He was divorced.) God and he changed my mind about marriage.

You may well not be interested in marrying again. You are certainly free to straight out tell guys you aren't. It does work sometimes. And then sometimes God and a guy change our minds. It's okay either way.

But this isn't a bad thing. This is what happens all across the world. Cultures may be different, but the yearning to have a good mate is universal. Your husband already proved some guys are worth it. Contrary to popular belief, lightning does strike at the same spot twice.

 

[atwhatcost]

You really might consider enjoying the attention while you can. It will be just a blink of an eye, and no man will even notice an old lady shuffling along the sidewalk.

Good men do. lol

 

[BarlyGurl]

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

By looking at the surface of what is going on here... Lihle, It sorta looks like you are shaking your fist at Willi-T and declaring you are "FINE" in what you are doing on your OWN.

I would like to you take a minute and consider What the word of God says...
1Cor. 11:9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

Gen. 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I read in these scriptures that, WOMAN was created for man. I happen to believe God, so that said, when I refer back to your "fist shaking" comment to willi-T... and look past willi.... I have no trouble seeing God standing behind him... so Lihle, are you meaning to be shakng your fist at God? I don't think you are... but I DO think maybe you need some help looking at your situation in a different way.

It is TRUE, you are fearfully and wonderfully made... you are a woman God created for man. It is not good for a man to be alone and it is reciprocally TRUE for a woman.

This is what I know about you lilhe, You love the lord, you were a good and honorable wife, you sadly miss the relationship of your previous marriage, you have honored your husband and his memory by mourning not just the required 1 year but for 2 years, you are not greedy, you do not seek after selfish desires, you are generous, you are considerate to culture and make an effort to be peaceful in faith and walk righteously, you work, you serve, your family despicably takes advantage of you and your resources including leaving you in lack, you care for your children, you teach them about the lord, you are faithful, you are lonely, YOU ARE A WIDOW.

Lilhe, you are the proverbs 31 woman some God fearing Christian man is seeking for. I have no trouble imagining that man pouring out his request to God to help him and direct him to a wonderful Christian woman to be his helpmeet. In fact, I can even go so far as to say.... maybe that man is already watching YOU and because he is a good man, he is waiting and waiting for you to take off your mourning dress and "signal" that you are ready to be courted again. This is a good man who would not approach you otherwise.

Do you see from my perspective how your "shield" can actually be blocking the very life and blessing God has for your future?

You are a WIDOW, your husband has died and you are FREE in the Lord to become another man's wife, you are a precious and beautiful daughter of God... and he has a purpose and a plan and provision for you... I truly believe... it is much BIGGER than the single-future you have settled on yourself.

I remember asking in prayer for you that the Lord would bring you a special friend... I do think it is very likely... that special friend is in the form of a new husband for you, and your fatherless children and for the Glory of God.

Are you willing to believe this is possible too?

 

[atwhatcost]

I don't need a man to live my life, somehow you don't seem to get that. I'm complete, I'm fearefuly and wonderfully made. I am all woman and don't need any extention, thank you very much

I didn't need a man either. Didn't want one. I was looking forward to a long and full life single. I had plans. My ego didn't ever go with having a guy makes me something. I still don't get that mentality. Never will. Absolutely nothing wrong with being single and strong.

And then the guy came along that I couldn't live without. You already know that feeling. You dared to go with it and it was wonderful. It may or may not happen again. Either way, God is working in you.

Just don't rule it out because you refuse to see it if it does happen.

I come from a society that doesn't have shields. I understand the importance of a shield from the Bible. We don't need a husband as our shield, but we certainly do need a man for our mantle -- to protect and guide us. An umbrella more than a weapon. Since you don't have that with a husband, you really should get that with an older believing relative (father or brother, but it doesn't sound like your brothers are up for that task.) If not a relative, I recommend you have the protection of your pastor and his wife. (Wife included so it doesn't head the wrong way.) If not a pastor, a trusted man of God in your church with a wife, and stick with both of them for the same reason it's best to include the wife with the pastor.

We are strong. We are like coffee cups, able to hold the same amount as a coffee mug. But we are also more fragile than men. Not a lot, but more so. It's hard to break a coffee cup. It's harder to break a coffee mug. Take that shield the Bible speaks of and find your covering when needed. It matters. It really does or it wouldn't be in the Bible.

 

[atwhatcost]

Although I'm not yet an old lady shuffling up the road, it surprised me that the construction crews who've been working on our main road for the past year began making cat calls and yelling things to me at my age. I don't think many men realize how scary it is for a woman to be singled out like that and made to feel like hunted prey. A few times on my daily walk they actually pulled up alongside me in their work truck and asked me if I wanted to go for a ride. *ugh*

My solution was to look them firmly in the eyes and say "NO!" loudly and sternly enough that they would never entertain pulling up alongside me again. I also let the men on the street know that it is never appropriate to yell and whistle at me. So far, they've been respecting my wishes. When I walk by now, they wave and smile and go right back to work. It also doesn't hurt that when I pass by them I always wear the expression most mothers have on their faces when they catch their child about to reach into the cookie jar before dinner. LOL

View attachment 134003

Hm, I might try that. I usually have a comeback that makes them feel like little boys.

 

[VioletReigns]

By looking at the surface of what is going on here... Lihle, It sorta looks like you are shaking your fist at Willi-T and declaring you are "FINE" in what you are doing on your OWN.

I would like to you take a minute and consider What the word of God says...
1Cor. 11:9 neither was man created for woman, but woman for man.

Gen. 2:18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."

I read in these scriptures that, WOMAN was created for man. I happen to believe God, so that said, when I refer back to your "fist shaking" comment to willi-T... and look past willi.... I have no trouble seeing God standing behind him... so Lihle, are you meaning to be shakng your fist at God? I don't think you are... but I DO think maybe you need some help looking at your situation in a different way.

It is TRUE, you are fearfully and wonderfully made... you are a woman God created for man. It is not good for a man to be alone and it is reciprocally TRUE for a woman.

This is what I know about you lilhe, You love the lord, you were a good and honorable wife, you sadly miss the relationship of your previous marriage, you have honored your husband and his memory by mourning not just the required 1 year but for 2 years, you are not greedy, you do not seek after selfish desires, you are generous, you are considerate to culture and make an effort to be peaceful in faith and walk righteously, you work, you serve, your family despicably takes advantage of you and your resources including leaving you in lack, you care for your children, you teach them about the lord, you are faithful, you are lonely, YOU ARE A WIDOW.

Lilhe, you are the proverbs 31 woman some God fearing Christian man is seeking for. I have no trouble imagining that man pouring out his request to God to help him and direct him to a wonderful Christian woman to be his helpmeet. In fact, I can even go so far as to say.... maybe that man is already watching YOU and because he is a good man, he is waiting and waiting for you to take off your mourning dress and "signal" that you are ready to be courted again. This is a good man who would not approach you otherwise.

Do you see from my perspective how your "shield" can actually be blocking the very life and blessing God has for your future?

You are a WIDOW, your husband has died and you are FREE in the Lord to become another man's wife, you are a precious and beautiful daughter of God... and he has a purpose and a plan and provision for you... I truly believe... it is much BIGGER than the single-future you have settled on yourself.

I remember asking in prayer for you that the Lord would bring you a special friend... I do think it is very likely... that special friend is in the form of a new husband for you, and your fatherless children and for the Glory of God.

Are you willing to believe this is possible too?

I think you're being unfair to accuse Sister Lihle of "shaking her fist" at Willie_T. I don't read any anger in Lihlr's reply to Willie. She just stated she doesn't need a man in her life right now. In fact, she stated only a few weeks ago that people are not understanding what she's going through and that she feels people are forcing her to move on. She is still working through her grief as she was married very young and has only known a life of being a wife and mother. She has not yet healed from the passing of her beloved husband. Please respect that.

Plus Willie is a big boy and one of the strongest Christian men I know. I don't know anyone on this site who could intimidate him. I think everyone in CC knows by now that Willie can speak for himself.

Lihle was asking us for ways to discourage men from continually pursuing her. She has stated she is not ready for a relationship and we should respect that. She is still grieving. That is a very heavy load to bear. Please don't add to her sorrow by trying to make her feel guilty for setting boundaries and stating her position.

 

[Galahad]

Thanks but no thanks, life doesn't revolve around men. There is more to life than just men.

Wow! I don't even think Willie was even close to saying what you have posted here. Not even close. Wow! You missed the boat on that one. Too bad.

 

[Galahad]

Plus Willie is a big boy and one of the strongest Christian men I know. I don't know anyone on this site who could intimidate him. I think everyone in CC knows by now that Willie can speak for himself.

Little Willie don't intimidate me. He ain't all that. He knows it. C'mon Willie. Let's have it.

blue_ladybug, if he responds to this, can you take care of it, please!

(Got to put the smiley because some folks are just sooooooo UPTIGHT. Take everything so dramatically, and as if my posts are a declaration of war. So here's the smiley, just to show I'm joking. ) But blue, I still need you to take care of any response from Little Willie. You's gots to.

 

[KennethC]

I come from a very traditional community, where there is a way of doing well things. When my husband passed away 2 years ago I had to go throu gh a mourning period for a year (it's traditional). Although I didn't wear black for the whole thing year ( also traditional ) because of religious beliefs and because I wore uniform at work, I still had to cover my head and ware long dresses for the whole year. After the mourning period was over, I was free to dress the way I used to dress before. It's been two years now but I still cover my head and still wear long dresses, I use this as a shield, because for some reason men seem to think that I need a man in my life. Colleagues who were never so friendly now they just too friendly and just men in general are just too friendly for my linking, so the way I dress I dress is my way of saying "not interested" but they don't seem to get the message. I still ware my wedding ring and I don't plan to ever take if off. In my culture that's how married women dress and everyone can tell from the way you dress that you off the market, but why do I still get this unwanted attention even with my shield on? Any advice please?

When I saw the mention of shield I was thinking a little differently by the word of God.

But to answer your question the shield does not stop attacks/attention coming your way from the evil one to try and make you stumble. It is there to help deflect those attacks and send them packing, as remember the evil one is going to come at us in many different ways to try and draw us away from the Lord.

For he is not going to go after those that are already in his grasp for his purpose is to deceive, lie, cheat, and try and steal our faith in the Lord from us. We keep strong and girded against these attacks by sticking with the whole armor of God, as our Sword is the Word of God.

 

[VioletReigns]

Little Willie don't intimidate me. He ain't all that. He knows it. C'mon Willie. Let's have it.

blue_ladybug, if he responds to this, can you take care of it, please!

(Got to put the smiley because some folks are just sooooooo UPTIGHT. Take everything so dramatically, and as if my posts are a declaration of war. So here's the smiley, just to show I'm joking. ) But blue, I still need you to take care of any response from Little Willie. You's gots to.

Watch out! He's right behind you, Galahad!!! rofl!!!

 

[blue_ladybug]

Little Willie don't intimidate me. He ain't all that. He knows it. C'mon Willie. Let's have it.

blue_ladybug, if he responds to this, can you take care of it, please!

(Got to put the smiley because some folks are just sooooooo UPTIGHT. Take everything so dramatically, and as if my posts are a declaration of war. So here's the smiley, just to show I'm joking. ) But blue, I still need you to take care of any response from Little Willie. You's gots to.

uhhhh, I have enough troubles responding to people who respond to MY posts. lol.. You're a big boy, Galahad.. You can whoop Willie.. lol jk jk jk And if ya can't whoop him, put him on iggy..

 

[Galahad]

Watch out! He's right behind you, Galahad!!! rofl!!!

View attachment 134015

That's hilarious. Oh man. Too funny. I'm going to look at this for awhile. Too funny. It is. Willie, you there?

 

[Galahad]

uhhhh, I have enough troubles responding to people who respond to MY posts. lol.. You're a big boy, Galahad.. You can whoop Willie.. lol jk jk jk And if ya can't whoop him, put him on iggy..

Yep. Yes sir. Hey, Willie she got you good! You ain't all that. Told you.

IGGY, you around!

 

[Galahad]

That's hilarious. Oh man. Too funny. I'm going to look at this for awhile. Too funny. It is. Willie, you there?

I just looked at it again. After I whooped Willie. Man, it is too funny. ROFL.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Yep. Yes sir. Hey, Willie she got you good! You ain't all that. Told you.

IGGY, you around!

Hey now, stop making me out to be the bad guy here..lol..

 

[Willie-T]

OK, it seems some focus is needed here.

1) I appreciate youse guys looking out for me. But I am beginning to see that I am not the one who needs looking out for.

My first wife died more than four decades ago, and it seems my own memories of what that was like have faded some. True, I got on with my life, but even "Superman" here didn't jump right back into it till sufficient time had passed for me to get my head back on straight.

Yes, I might have recovered a bit quicker than it looks like it will take Lihle, but this is a personal thing with each person.

2.) I owe her an apology. I have no right thinking I am a judge of how someone else should (or even, CAN) handle grief. I can't take back what I said, but I can say that I am very sorry to have hurt your feelings, Lihle. Please forgive my rash rudeness. I guess I sometimes forget that we are all individuals, and that God works in each of our lives differently.

So, once again, "I'm sorry."

 

[VioletReigns]

I love you, brother Willie. I praise God for His light & love in you!