L
You say your husband idolizes his male friend? What does he idolize about him? And then he rushed you into marrying him right after his friend got married because he wants to be like him? Your husband sounds very insecure about himself. On top of the other things that you are discovering that he's been hiding, I would think there needs to be some serious investigating.
The financial stuff scares the crap out of me. He's not paying his bills and then Sunday told me he plans on signing up for a gym membership that is $150 per month!!! I told him we can't afford that. (I had to lease a new car because his got repossessed.) He said "I can afford it. I make good money." I told him that other gyms are much cheaper and maybe he should look at the fancy gym after he gets his real estate license and after paying his other bills first - and after chipping in for our bedroom furniture that I'm paying for. He will probably get that expensive gym membership anyway.
He has this delusional point of view that he should be living this luxury lifestyle and that's why he wants the new expensive gym membership. He is always ordering food to be delivered from expensive places, but then he doesn't pay all his bills. I would like to blow my paycheck on living it up too but I am responsible and live in the real world.
Sadly, I don't want to hurt his feelings. Mentally, he is like a child in a lot of ways. Before we lived together, I just thought he could afford all that stuff - that he really made as much as he said, so I wasn't worried about his spending. I found out after we were married that he was able to spend all that money because he was racking up credit and tax debt & delinquencies. Our electricity almost got shut off because it was in his name. Luckily I got the mail with the 48 hour notice stamped in red on the front of the envelope!