Don't feel like part of the body
- Thread starter JFSurvivor
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U
I wasn't talking to you. If you want to take on the role of martyr by pretending that something 'may as well been' aimed at you, when the reality is it had NOTHING at all to do you with in any way form or fashion, go ahead. May have well been is nothing more than a way to find an excuse to be offended, when there is no real reason to be offended. But hey, how can you play the victim if no one is victimizing you? Oh, create it out of thin air.
And as far as 'good Godly advice'? That's a stretch. You did not at all acknowledge the fact of Jesus, our example, being an emotional person. One who felt enough anger to knock over tables and chase people out of the temple. One who felt enough fear that he cried tears of blood. One who felt sadness enough to empathize and cry with others over their loss. One who felt enough compassion to raise the dead. One who felt enough love to give up his life. Sounds to me that Jesus emotions directed much of his life.
You did make the valid point that emotions are not to dictate us. But mostly what you came across as saying is 'kill all emotion, it is bad'. That is not biblical, nor the example Jesus set.
It is often difficult to forgive and get over things when they are still happening. I have had something bad happen to me recently. The issue is still on going, and because it is still going on i'm having trouble handling it well. This is the same issue the OP is having. She's not talking about something that happened once many years ago, she's relaying something that has been going on, and continues to go on.
She comes seeking acceptance and guidance, and she's met with insult and ridicule. Is that the 'Godly advice' you are referring to?
I have called out your actions for what they are, pointed out how you chose to take offense to things that had nothing to do with you, presented a valid, reasonable argument against portions of what you said, given you credit for the good things you did say and make clear how your 'Godly advice' has caused more harm than good, even if you had good intentions. It will be interesting to see what 'Godly' sort of response you can provide in return.
And as far as 'good Godly advice'? That's a stretch. You did not at all acknowledge the fact of Jesus, our example, being an emotional person. One who felt enough anger to knock over tables and chase people out of the temple. One who felt enough fear that he cried tears of blood. One who felt sadness enough to empathize and cry with others over their loss. One who felt enough compassion to raise the dead. One who felt enough love to give up his life. Sounds to me that Jesus emotions directed much of his life.
You did make the valid point that emotions are not to dictate us. But mostly what you came across as saying is 'kill all emotion, it is bad'. That is not biblical, nor the example Jesus set.
It is often difficult to forgive and get over things when they are still happening. I have had something bad happen to me recently. The issue is still on going, and because it is still going on i'm having trouble handling it well. This is the same issue the OP is having. She's not talking about something that happened once many years ago, she's relaying something that has been going on, and continues to go on.
She comes seeking acceptance and guidance, and she's met with insult and ridicule. Is that the 'Godly advice' you are referring to?
I have called out your actions for what they are, pointed out how you chose to take offense to things that had nothing to do with you, presented a valid, reasonable argument against portions of what you said, given you credit for the good things you did say and make clear how your 'Godly advice' has caused more harm than good, even if you had good intentions. It will be interesting to see what 'Godly' sort of response you can provide in return.
LOLOL! The offense is on the part of the OP. Typical, it seems.
Yes, I gave godly information as learned at the feet of Jesus. Take it or leave it. It was given with a generous spirit, hoping to help. You don't help, either. You can't call out very much on me, when I haven't said one thing out of place.
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Yes, I gave godly information as learned at the feet of Jesus. Take it or leave it. It was given with a generous spirit, hoping to help. You don't help, either. You can't call out very much on me, when I haven't said one thing out of place.
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U
Let me guess, you didn't read the whole thing? Or not very well if you did. I see you aren't interested in validating your actions or words, only in playing the victim and kicking people while they're down (yes, that time it was aimed at you, not you can feel justified). All you're doing in my eyes is showing what your nature is like, and i can't say it seems Godly. If you can present no defense then your stance is invalid, your attitude supports this. Therefore it is a waste of time trying to discuss anything using reason and logic. Continue on in your emotional responses, while at the same time criticizing emotion. I'll leave you and your hypocrisy to entertain you. I am out of this thread.
JF, don't let these two get you down.
JF, don't let these two get you down.
Fools?
Lady,your tongue is sharp!
You have no grounds for calling a person a fool. Foolish maybe but never call someone a fool unless you have a good ground to be righteously angry. I dont see any personally. I dont ever call a person a fool but I will say they are being foolish.So are you able to be taught or do you know everything?
Matthew 5:22
22 “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be 1guilty before athe court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘2You good-for-nothing,’ shall be 1guilty before 3bthe supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be 1guilty enoughtogo into the 4cfiery hell.
Hey JF, I am sorry for what you are going through. I have been facing some issues with church but mine are a mix of spiritual and culture problems. I am someone for whom, like you, CC has been the major support system.
Here is a thread where I have explained the problems that I faced. I have also received some wonderful advice from a lot of people. I hope that you would be benefitted by the advice people have given me in that thread.
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/102245-some-advice-would-much-appreciated-here.html
P.S. Word of advice - The Singles Forum is far more supportive of these issues. Plus, you do not HAVE TO BE single to post this question there.
Here is a thread where I have explained the problems that I faced. I have also received some wonderful advice from a lot of people. I hope that you would be benefitted by the advice people have given me in that thread.
http://christianchat.com/christian-singles-forum/102245-some-advice-would-much-appreciated-here.html
P.S. Word of advice - The Singles Forum is far more supportive of these issues. Plus, you do not HAVE TO BE single to post this question there.
N
My dear sister,
I do not think the problem is you, and I do not think the problem is with the churches and outreaches you've visited. I think it is evil using your experiences, emotions and feelings against you, and using their experiences, emotions and feelings against them, making you both to hurt and be hurt. Evil is sneaky that way. It uses our past against us, to make us feel less than the Bible says we are. It used their past experiences against them making them come to snap judgements about you (possibly based upon their own insecurities). If evil is powerful enough to toy with our emotions and lives like this, then what is the cure? The Bible says that God is Love.....Love is the cure. "The greatest of these is Love" Love is a verb. It's something we do. Be Love to other people. It's rarely easy, but it's always simple and VERY fulfilling. People WILL disappoint us, but God (Love) NEVER fails us.
Let God heal you, while you allow Him to use you to heal others (Isaiah 40:31) no matter where you are placed. Remember in Ecclesiastes we learn that everything goes in seasons, and that every season changes into the next. It's hard to go through some seasons, which makes us see and enjoy other seasons so much more sweetly. I hope this helps....
Peace!
I do not think the problem is you, and I do not think the problem is with the churches and outreaches you've visited. I think it is evil using your experiences, emotions and feelings against you, and using their experiences, emotions and feelings against them, making you both to hurt and be hurt. Evil is sneaky that way. It uses our past against us, to make us feel less than the Bible says we are. It used their past experiences against them making them come to snap judgements about you (possibly based upon their own insecurities). If evil is powerful enough to toy with our emotions and lives like this, then what is the cure? The Bible says that God is Love.....Love is the cure. "The greatest of these is Love" Love is a verb. It's something we do. Be Love to other people. It's rarely easy, but it's always simple and VERY fulfilling. People WILL disappoint us, but God (Love) NEVER fails us.
Let God heal you, while you allow Him to use you to heal others (Isaiah 40:31) no matter where you are placed. Remember in Ecclesiastes we learn that everything goes in seasons, and that every season changes into the next. It's hard to go through some seasons, which makes us see and enjoy other seasons so much more sweetly. I hope this helps....
Peace!
Let's see first my twisted sense of humor wants to remind you that if God put an octopus tentacle growing out of the side of his body then it is supposed to be there, even if the rest of the body thinks it should only have arms and legs. But to the whole not fitting in in church thing. Well here are some things I think might be helpful.
I don't know you well, but you're young, you put survivor in your screen name, and you mentioned in another post that you have PTSD. So I'm guessing you've been through a lot of pain and difficulty in your life already, and are still dealing with the fallout and process of healing from that. It's ok to be in process ( a truth many churches have difficulty with when the rubber meets the road because it threatens the simple idea that all you need is God and poof everything will be fixed), but it also means that some of the challenges you face are internal to you and your situation, not something that churches are necessarily doing wrong.
The next thing that I'll say is that it's easy to get overly critical and demanding when looking for a church. I'm church hunting for myself right now and after almost every visit, while I think it important to do a run down of what I like and don't like, I also usually have to ask myself if some of the things that I am considering are overly critical. So I'd encourage you to check your expectations about what church is and is for and should contribute to your life, if you have unrealistic expectations you'll continue to find everything sub par. (and if nothing better what are realistic expectations of a church might be a good thread topic)
Now as to churches, and organizations and institutions for that matter. They by their very nature are often crappy at one to one care and individualization. If you can't fit in to the way they are already structured, they aren't likely to change to accommodate one person. So at this point in your walk and healing, Sunday morning services (or other larger group gatherings) may not be for you. And again that's ok, it's where you are now and no one who doesn't know the whole history of your journey is really qualified to say that you should be further along than you are or you aren't trying or any other criticism. It's fully possible to be doing the best you can now, and still not be ready for what is "normal". Don't use how far you've come as an excuse to quit trying to grow or get any better, but also don't beat yourself up if healing is taking longer than you'd like it to.
So if Sunday mornings aren't for you what might work? The best suggestions I can think of are looking for support groups for others who've been what you've been through or something similar. They can be Christian or not Christian based, but more and more churches are offering life recovery, or 12 step, or similar programs. If you can find one near you, maybe try visiting one of them. You also may have the option of requesting a visit from a pastor or leader when you visit a church. This is a grab bag as some people may be great at the one to one listening and compassion and others may be fixers who just want to tell you what the solution to all your problems are, but a one to one situation lends itself more to listening and giving you some more personalized attention. Approach any such visits as information gathering / networking opportunities as well because even if that particular pastor or church can't accommodate your needs, they might know someone you can talk to who has been through similar and gets it or another local organization that can help you.
Well that's the best I've got. Other than exhorting you to hang in there and keep trying.
I don't know you well, but you're young, you put survivor in your screen name, and you mentioned in another post that you have PTSD. So I'm guessing you've been through a lot of pain and difficulty in your life already, and are still dealing with the fallout and process of healing from that. It's ok to be in process ( a truth many churches have difficulty with when the rubber meets the road because it threatens the simple idea that all you need is God and poof everything will be fixed), but it also means that some of the challenges you face are internal to you and your situation, not something that churches are necessarily doing wrong.
The next thing that I'll say is that it's easy to get overly critical and demanding when looking for a church. I'm church hunting for myself right now and after almost every visit, while I think it important to do a run down of what I like and don't like, I also usually have to ask myself if some of the things that I am considering are overly critical. So I'd encourage you to check your expectations about what church is and is for and should contribute to your life, if you have unrealistic expectations you'll continue to find everything sub par. (and if nothing better what are realistic expectations of a church might be a good thread topic)
Now as to churches, and organizations and institutions for that matter. They by their very nature are often crappy at one to one care and individualization. If you can't fit in to the way they are already structured, they aren't likely to change to accommodate one person. So at this point in your walk and healing, Sunday morning services (or other larger group gatherings) may not be for you. And again that's ok, it's where you are now and no one who doesn't know the whole history of your journey is really qualified to say that you should be further along than you are or you aren't trying or any other criticism. It's fully possible to be doing the best you can now, and still not be ready for what is "normal". Don't use how far you've come as an excuse to quit trying to grow or get any better, but also don't beat yourself up if healing is taking longer than you'd like it to.
So if Sunday mornings aren't for you what might work? The best suggestions I can think of are looking for support groups for others who've been what you've been through or something similar. They can be Christian or not Christian based, but more and more churches are offering life recovery, or 12 step, or similar programs. If you can find one near you, maybe try visiting one of them. You also may have the option of requesting a visit from a pastor or leader when you visit a church. This is a grab bag as some people may be great at the one to one listening and compassion and others may be fixers who just want to tell you what the solution to all your problems are, but a one to one situation lends itself more to listening and giving you some more personalized attention. Approach any such visits as information gathering / networking opportunities as well because even if that particular pastor or church can't accommodate your needs, they might know someone you can talk to who has been through similar and gets it or another local organization that can help you.
Well that's the best I've got. Other than exhorting you to hang in there and keep trying.
I don't think the OP is so much about feelings, as drama and attention. JF posts to get a response and attention, and seems to always create drama.
There is a name for that, but I am not going to go there!
I'm not saying these 6 churches you visited(??) didn't have issues, because all churches have some kind of problems, unless there are no people in them. People do bring issues. But when it becomes obvious that every church you go to, every fellowship, every gathering of believers has something seriously "wrong" with them, especially since you don't get the attention you crave, I would have to say it is time to look within for the problem.
God can heal you of this neediness. But you have to read the Bible, pray, and especially swallow your pride and find a church and sit there and learn, and not go there for attention. I would also advise the OP to maybe see a counselor, especially a Christian one, who can work on these issues with her.
"The Boundaries" book by John Townsend and Henry Cloud might also be helpful to read, as I have noticed the OP sometimes has some issues with boundaries and she might really benefit from looking more closely at her own boundaries.
As for Euphemia and my post, my request is - please don't shoot the messenger. Sometimes we have to hear some hard things to grow as a Christian. My husband was my constant companion on pointing out my faults and sins. It hurt, but over the years I sought God and he healed me and allowed me to totally forgive not only my husband for his "insults" but thank him for making me face up to the things I was hiding from myself, and to forgive all the other people who had wounded or hurt me.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but if you really only want people to give you hugs and kudos, you are never going to grow as a Christian.
There is a name for that, but I am not going to go there!
I'm not saying these 6 churches you visited(??) didn't have issues, because all churches have some kind of problems, unless there are no people in them. People do bring issues. But when it becomes obvious that every church you go to, every fellowship, every gathering of believers has something seriously "wrong" with them, especially since you don't get the attention you crave, I would have to say it is time to look within for the problem.
God can heal you of this neediness. But you have to read the Bible, pray, and especially swallow your pride and find a church and sit there and learn, and not go there for attention. I would also advise the OP to maybe see a counselor, especially a Christian one, who can work on these issues with her.
"The Boundaries" book by John Townsend and Henry Cloud might also be helpful to read, as I have noticed the OP sometimes has some issues with boundaries and she might really benefit from looking more closely at her own boundaries.
As for Euphemia and my post, my request is - please don't shoot the messenger. Sometimes we have to hear some hard things to grow as a Christian. My husband was my constant companion on pointing out my faults and sins. It hurt, but over the years I sought God and he healed me and allowed me to totally forgive not only my husband for his "insults" but thank him for making me face up to the things I was hiding from myself, and to forgive all the other people who had wounded or hurt me.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but if you really only want people to give you hugs and kudos, you are never going to grow as a Christian.
