He says that he will leave if I don't support him and his children financially.....

[Desertsrose]

Honestly, part of me wants to get the protective order against him (since he keeps calling me from random numbers and hanging up and accuses me of being a cheater - even though we have been broken up for 2 weeks)

I want to give him some sense of responsibilty for what he's done.

He told me today via text that he's going to see a MONK tomorrow to see if he can help lift the evil spell he has on him....

He is Catholic, but not practicing and he's the type that only turns to God when it's out of necessity and I don't even really believe he truly turns to him.. he can be so mean and cold. I don't see much humility at all in him.. . of course I'm not saying i'm perfect...

Hi relationshipdrama,

This is not to be mean, but I think you need to face up to your own sin in this relationship. I would suggest you weep over your sin against your precious Savior and Lord who died for you to give you a brand new life in Him, to live a righteous life.

What are you doing? Here you are crying over this man who's not worth your tears. You keep blaming him for so much, and rightly so, but it's time to stop! Accept your own faults because they are many as well.

Give your life totally over to the Lord and let Him be Lord of your life. Allow Him to lead and guide you. Start fresh, new and cleansed. God is faithful and just to forgive you and cleanse you from all unrighteousness.

Also, I would go down to your phone carrier and change your phone number. If you can, move somewhere else.

Do you have church family? You need them more than ever in your life. And learn from this mistake and don't do it again.

 

[Tommy379]

She's referring to a catholic priest, I think.. And there's no need to call the OP a nut..

There is no way. This whole story is fabricated.

Who calls a priest a monk?

She is trying to sucker us into talking about some strange exorcism crap.

Willie-T is right, she is a troll under the bridge.

 

[LanceA]

There is no way. This whole story is fabricated.

Who calls a priest a monk?

She is trying to sucker us into talking about some strange exorcism crap.

Willie-T is right, she is a troll under the bridge.

Trolls need Jesus too.

 

[Tommy379]

Trolls need Jesus too.

You're right.

 

[BenFTW]

VVell that was an interesting read. Advice? Have one of your guy friends with you next time he calls so he thinks and believes you are with another man so that it will be the nail in the coffin that will forever separate you two. He'll think you're sleeping around and you no longer have to deal with his oppressive and domineering attitude, and compulsion for control at the expense of your peace.

The only reason he doesn't want you to work isn't because he cares for you. Its because you will lose all sense of independence and that scares him that you prospering gives you the power to do what you want. In fact, if he keeps acting up he knows you control everything and his ego is battling with his lack of success and ability to provide. If you don't have a job, he is far more in control and that's his m.o.

VVhat you miss is the way he took care of you while he was successful, but it quickly declined (within three months you could see the signs) into abuse. VVhat you need to realize is that he manipulated you from the beginning, and will do so until the end. He is playing games with your life, and money. Even now as he is away from you, blaming you for all these issues, he is simply trying to manipulate you.

You say you love him, but you don't. You love the concept, the idea of who you thought he was. He never was that man and he never will be that man until he repents and turns to Christ. You're dreaming of a fantasy that is quickly fading, dare I say it was an illusion all along.

Right now is the best time to move on, and yes get that restraining order. He doesn't need to be in your life or calling you.

PS: Granted this is a response to a hypothetical scenario possibly created by a troll. :S

 

[Namiette]

What a wonderful conclusion. She wrote a monk instead of a priest. That means that she is a troll...

 

[Namiette]

VVell that was an interesting read. Advice? Have one of your guy friends with you next time he calls so he thinks and believes you are with another man so that it will be the nail in the coffin that will forever separate you two. He'll think you're sleeping around and you no longer have to deal with his oppressive and domineering attitude, and compulsion for control at the expense of your peace.

The only reason he doesn't want you to work isn't because he cares for you. Its because you will lose all sense of independence and that scares him that you prospering gives you the power to do what you want. In fact, if he keeps acting up he knows you control everything and his ego is battling with his lack of success and ability to provide. If you don't have a job, he is far more in control and that's his m.o.

VVhat you miss is the way he took care of you while he was successful, but it quickly declined (within three months you could see the signs) into abuse. VVhat you need to realize is that he manipulated you from the beginning, and will do so until the end. He is playing games with your life, and money. Even now as he is away from you, blaming you for all these issues, he is simply trying to manipulate you.

You say you love him, but you don't. You love the concept, the idea of who you thought he was. He never was that man and he never will be that man until he repents and turns to Christ. You're dreaming of a fantasy that is quickly fading, dare I say it was an illusion all along.

Right now is the best time to move on, and yes get that restraining order. He doesn't need to be in your life or calling you.

PS: Granted this is a response to a hypothetical scenario possibly created by a troll. :S

I agree with that post. Definitely. I wouldn't say it better. The man she loves does not exist. He's only in her mind. But the manipulator is real. Terribly real.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

I am not as troll! And yes, he really said that to me. That's why I said he's lost his mind!

I have been in love with the illusion. I am in terrible pain and was SO last night... I asked him if he was REALLY done (stupid I know) and he said he thinks so.

He said that he can't see how it would work because he needs to travel for work and he can't take my travel ever...because he would worry I would cheat on him.

I said horrible things about how 'i' caused every problem in the relationship and that he tried giving me the world...but I kept pulling back and running to my work.

He is right. I would feel very committed (even moved in before engagement upon his demand) but then he would get mad over something and say "boy, is this who you are?!" Or... "I don't know how this is gonna work if you act like xyz". That was AFTER I moved in and quit a job to be with him.

I went RUNNING back for that job and this viscous cycle began.

I must remain no contact. It's SO hard. I don't know how to survive. I want to shrivel up in a corner ...I don't know how to live without him!

However, I just admit it was probably all an illusion in my head...at least a good part.

The protective order is scary because I will have to see him again...in court. I don't know how to deal with that. But, I think I must.

 

[Namiette]

Sister, I KNOW how do you feel. I know the pain, I know the feeling of being lost and hurt and hopeless. I know it. But believe me, the best thing you can do is to definitely stop any communication with him, no matter how hard it seems to be. He is breaking your heart over and over again.

Spend more time in God's word. Let His love surround you. One day you will smile again. I'm praying for you.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

I should say ... "HE said horrible things about how I caused all the problems in the relationship etc etc..."

Sorry, don't know how to edit.

I am not as troll! And yes, he really said that to me. That's why I said he's lost his mind!

I have been in love with the illusion. I am in terrible pain and was SO last night... I asked him if he was REALLY done (stupid I know) and he said he thinks so.

He said that he can't see how it would work because he needs to travel for work and he can't take my travel ever...because he would worry I would cheat on him.

I said horrible things about how 'i' caused every problem in the relationship and that he tried giving me the world...but I kept pulling back and running to my work.

He is right. I would feel very committed (even moved in before engagement upon his demand) but then he would get mad over something and say "boy, is this who you are?!" Or... "I don't know how this is gonna work if you act like xyz". That was AFTER I moved in and quit a job to be with him.

I went RUNNING back for that job and this viscous cycle began.

I must remain no contact. It's SO hard. I don't know how to survive. I want to shrivel up in a corner ...I don't know how to live without him!

However, I just admit it was probably all an illusion in my head...at least a good part.

The protective order is scary because I will have to see him again...in court. I don't know how to deal with that. But, I think I must.

 

[Namiette]

I should say ... "HE said horrible things about how I caused all the problems in the relationship etc etc..."

Sorry, don't know how to edit.

That sounds familiar to me... I heard those things too, sis. You're not alone, God is with you. And I am praying for you.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

My belongings are being shipped to me today... I had to pay the movers to transport it. 800 dollars that I do not have... and once that hit -- I began to get angry.

I am SO mad at myself...how could I allow someone to take all of my money and independence away from me? I gave him everything....he knows that I don't even have a couch or a bed -- nothing. Starting from scratch and he says since I still have a job...it's just the way it has to go.

I am SO MAD at myself! How could I let myself get into this position? He just cut me off this way and he could give a crud about how I survive. Once he's 'done'...it's just on me to figure it all out... what part of this is ok?


That's what I would like to know...what part of this is even close to OK? He says he's broke and turning in his car.... and selling his house... he says he's moving in with family. Well, guess what.. he knows I don't HAVE FAMILY! He is so cold...

HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID???

 

[Namiette]

You were in love. You loved him so much that you didn't want to see who he really is. Just don't be angry with yourself. I know you're in a hard situation. If I were closer I would do anything to help you. Sis, hold on. It'll get better. I'm praying for you.

 

[tourist]

My belongings are being shipped to me today... I had to pay the movers to transport it. 800 dollars that I do not have... and once that hit -- I began to get angry.

I am SO mad at myself...how could I allow someone to take all of my money and independence away from me? I gave him everything....he knows that I don't even have a couch or a bed -- nothing. Starting from scratch and he says since I still have a job...it's just the way it has to go.

I am SO MAD at myself! How could I let myself get into this position? He just cut me off this way and he could give a crud about how I survive. Once he's 'done'...it's just on me to figure it all out... what part of this is ok?


That's what I would like to know...what part of this is even close to OK? He says he's broke and turning in his car.... and selling his house... he says he's moving in with family. Well, guess what.. he knows I don't HAVE FAMILY! He is so cold...

HOW COULD I BE SO STUPID???

Live and learn. Count it all to profit and loss and start moving forward with your life. You are not stupid you just have a soft heart that was taken advantage of by someone who really never cared for you.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

THank you -- I am now trying to swallow the fact that my stuff just arrived. I had to get movers come and pick it up at his house and it literally was thrown in horrible boxes. he didn't send a lot of my stuff -- but at least i have some things.

I didn't open all the boxes because I knew I couldn't handle it all -- I am trying SO hard to stay strong -- but I am SO sad and feel so defeated. I have this hole in heart and stomach and I pray it will go away soon. It hurts so badly.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Put your trust in God. He will bring you through this..

 

[BenFTW]

I am not as troll! And yes, he really said that to me. That's why I said he's lost his mind!

I have been in love with the illusion. I am in terrible pain and was SO last night... I asked him if he was REALLY done (stupid I know) and he said he thinks so.

He said that he can't see how it would work because he needs to travel for work and he can't take my travel ever...because he would worry I would cheat on him.

I said horrible things about how 'i' caused every problem in the relationship and that he tried giving me the world...but I kept pulling back and running to my work.

He is right. I would feel very committed (even moved in before engagement upon his demand) but then he would get mad over something and say "boy, is this who you are?!" Or... "I don't know how this is gonna work if you act like xyz". That was AFTER I moved in and quit a job to be with him.

I went RUNNING back for that job and this viscous cycle began.

I must remain no contact. It's SO hard. I don't know how to survive. I want to shrivel up in a corner ...I don't know how to live without him!

However, I just admit it was probably all an illusion in my head...at least a good part.

The protective order is scary because I will have to see him again...in court. I don't know how to deal with that. But, I think I must.

If I recall correctly, you were making $150,000 a year prior to meeting this man. It seems to me that you do just fine on your own. Your dependence on him is simply a belief he more than likely imparted to you through manipulation and twisting up your circumstances so that you would be dependent on him. Hence, the moving in with him and leaving your successful career. He knew from that moment forward you had to rely on him and that was more control for him. I'm sure it tickled him.

You're doing good, making all the right moves. Keep pushing forward and don't look back. If you go back it'll just be more stories of anguish for you to tell in old age, withered up and used for his profit (quite literally). You're forty-one years old. Do you really want to spend the next fifty to sixty more years you have giving your life, energy, time and money to a man that doesn't even appreciate one ounce of what you've done for him or his children?

To be quite blunt, you're being used like a prostitute except you're paying him. At least they make a profit. All this is for you is expense, and its draining you emotionally, physically, and financially. Even spiritually. You should not even consider the thought of reconciling with this man, especially if he has not given his life to Christ. You are not even his wife, but only a partner. Good thing too, because you have an easy escape. Flee.

PS: Sorry if that came off a little crude (the prostitute comparison), I used it to shock your mind. You are being used. Gotta get through the illusion that seems to still have you tangled in its lies.

 

[relatiosnhipdrama]

i think the hardest part personally is that i've gotten to the point of begging HIM (which I know is insane) and he doesn't want me back.... i think enough people have told him that the relationship is toxic. But, it feels like such a hit to me.. he loves me SO MUCH - but he says he fears me ...because I was not afraid to get a restraining order etc...

I feel to blame for some of this -- but my reactions were based on his actions of anger etc.

 

[blue_ladybug]

Wake up, honey. He DOES NOT LOVE YOU. He loves YOUR MONEY. He loves CONTROLLING you. He loves making you feel like dirt. Now dry your tears, rid yourself of every trace of this jack donkey, and move on.

i think the hardest part personally is that i've gotten to the point of begging HIM (which I know is insane) and he doesn't want me back.... i think enough people have told him that the relationship is toxic. But, it feels like such a hit to me.. he loves me SO MUCH - but he says he fears me ...because I was not afraid to get a restraining order etc...

I feel to blame for some of this -- but my reactions were based on his actions of anger etc.

 

[oldethennew]

this is a classic case where Jesus is not even in the picture for either of you, so, you must
receive the consequences of 'leaving Jesus out of your carnal relationship'...

it's called LUST and Me first, never, ever could someone call this Christ's Love...