Serious.. Being Too Serious..

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S

SocialArtist

Guest
#21
#21
LightningClap0002 said:
Ok. You presented very little information, I didn't claim to know more (see questions above).

My opinion still stands. I desire to know as much about someone as I can. The things of most importance to ME are their morals and values. I have found that the people I most enjoy talking to are the people who wish to discuss their(and my) beliefs.

Just because one person (on a "reality" show no less) was put off by that doesn't mean everyone is. I want seriousness in a relationship. If this is arrogant, then I guess I am doomed.
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You are not doomed. Before I reply.. I want to say I now consider us on good terms. I appreciate this response. I was a bit festered up earlier tonight, just tired as it's Friday.

Bottom line you are correct when you say what I put in bold: if she perceives someone acting someway to be too serious that is her personal perspective. To backup my original post; the general concept was to say.. don't focus on being overly or too serious.. but to enjoy dates, relationships and marriages while maintaining christian values and morals.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#22
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,285
113
#22
PopClick said:
Re: God having a sense of humor... I always snickered when He told Job, "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell Me, if you have understanding, who set its measurements? Since you know."


:D:D:D
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Yes!!!! Even God is well versed in the fine art of sarcasm. :)
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#23
#23
NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
I agree. The difference between christian men and non christian men in my opinion is that the christian ones are so so sooooo serious! As soon as you start dating there already planning and talking about your future together, the non christian ones are just chill about it all.

I don't like uptight serious situations and conversations all the time. I like to play around. I have found a lot of christian guys i have dated do not like this at all. They wanna map out our future in the first two dates. They don't get jokes or sarcasm. Lame

on a first date i wanna just do something fun, and talk to the guy. Not all lets sit across from each other in a really awkward way and talk about all my moral values!!!!!

That being said i would only date a christian. However some christians only believe some parts of the bible that suit them. Such as the sex before marriage issue.
These are the things i want to find out about the guy obviously, but not on the first date. I like to take my time with stuff... I wouldn't feel as though i wasted my time if four dates later i find this out about him.
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Definately. As I grew up in the church, I always took it way too seriously. Youth pastors are to blame from my perspective. They'd always make such a big deal out of it that you felt like you would be getting punished by God if dating a girl who didn't end up being your future Wife. I had to really mentally adjust in my 20s to break out of that habit. I know so many fellow guys who were the same way.. and as time went out they saw all those girls going on marrying guys outside one church or another.

My toughest challenge these days is demonstrating to women at church.. I am not some stiff Christian serious guy.. you almost have to pre-establish that immediately whether it was warranted or not. Everyone outside of church knows me as a cool, funny, crafty guy. When I go to church it's almost like a guy has to break off this church going christian guy stereotype
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#24
#24
SocialArtist said:
I hate to get bent out of shape in my replys.. but who said this thread was about unequally yoked people dating?
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You mentioned Adriana going out with a Christian guy and how she didn't want a second date because he was too serious. I was referring to this, I don't know if the guy was a jerk about his moral views since I didn't watch the episode, but the main problem was that she wasn't Christian and their moral views didn't line up.
When you said that we shouldn't be too serious about our moral views when we date and all that, I almost thought u meant we should date anyone without caring what they believe. Now I think you didn't mean that, so sorry for the misunderstanding. :) Faith is important to me, if I dated someone I would like to be sure the other person shares similar moral standards as mine before going on in a deeper relationship.

I think that when I write people sometimes read my posts with an angry voice, or a boring voice or haha , I don't know, and since I don't know I just wanna clarify that I'm saying this with a light and calm voice.:D I don't talk about morals all day and I don't think having fun is of the devil , but I can't help but want to know if a person shares the same standards (or similar) I have when I first meet them.
 
Liamson

Liamson

Senior Member
#25
Feb 3, 2010
3,078
69
48
#25
I like this thread. A LOT. Artist has got this one nailed shut.
 
K

kayem77

Guest
#26
#26
SocialArtist said:
Definately. As I grew up in the church, I always took it way too seriously. Youth pastors are to blame from my perspective. They'd always make such a big deal out of it that you felt like you would be getting punished by God if dating a girl who didn't end up being your future Wife. I had to really mentally adjust in my 20s to break out of that habit. I know so many fellow guys who were the same way.. and as time went out they saw all those girls going on marrying guys outside one church or another.

My toughest challenge these days is demonstrating to women at church.. I am not some stiff Christian serious guy.. you almost have to pre-establish that immediately whether it was warranted or not. Everyone outside of church knows me as a cool, funny, crafty guy. When I go to church it's almost like a guy has to break off this church going christian guy stereotype
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I think our perspectives are different since we live in different worlds. In my church, I wish some guys were more serious. There are no stiff Christians in general where I go, we like to do fun stuff and go out to have fun (healthy fun). I enjoy going out, and especially outdoor activities that require some exercise, and I consider those things to be fun. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, but I think in general Christians don't do that so I don't think I would be considered stiff because I don't do it.

It's funny that you say you wish guys at church were less serious...in my side of the world sometimes I wish guys were more serious . I haven't seen the church going christian serious guy stereotype in my church, and I even think that a few people take Christian liberties too lightly.
 
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NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#27
#27
Descyple said:
Hey Holly, how about we go on a date - we will go to a fancy restaurant dressed like hippies from the 70's and make loud sacrastic jokes about each other for 2 hours then make a dine-and-dash yelling out "For Narnia and for Aslan"

How is that for a fun date???
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"For Narnia and for Aslan" really made me laugh.



p.s. hi matthew :)
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#30
#30
kayem77 said:
I think our perspectives are different since we live in different worlds. In my church, I wish some guys were more serious. There are no stiff Christians in general where I go, we like to do fun stuff and go out to have fun (healthy fun). I enjoy going out, and especially outdoor activities that require some exercise, and I consider those things to be fun. I don't drink, smoke, or do drugs, but I think in general Christians don't do that so I don't think I would be considered stiff because I don't do it.

It's funny that you say you wish guys at church were less serious...in my side of the world sometimes I wish guys were more serious . I haven't seen the church going christian serious guy stereotype in my church, and I even think that a few people take Christian liberties too lightly.
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Let's define Serious..

1. Serious about God
2. Serious with no sense of humor or personality

1. Everyone should be serious about God
2. Everyone should be serious about life, but you should be able to have personality, flexibility and be able to be yourself.
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#31
#31
SocialArtist said:
Definately. As I grew up in the church, I always took it way too seriously. Youth pastors are to blame from my perspective. They'd always make such a big deal out of it that you felt like you would be getting punished by God if dating a girl who didn't end up being your future Wife. I had to really mentally adjust in my 20s to break out of that habit. I know so many fellow guys who were the same way.. and as time went out they saw all those girls going on marrying guys outside one church or another.

My toughest challenge these days is demonstrating to women at church.. I am not some stiff Christian serious guy.. you almost have to pre-establish that immediately whether it was warranted or not. Everyone outside of church knows me as a cool, funny, crafty guy. When I go to church it's almost like a guy has to break off this church going christian guy stereotype
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It really calls my attention when someone raised inside church tell things like this, i wish i had spent my youth inside a church with all the activities that young groups have and to be rounded by those godly male friends that you call serious. To be honest, my point of view is very different, as a woman that spent my childhood and youth outside the church i think that those "serious" guys are like gold.

But i agree in that there is a jugdement (maybe hard) inside the church and sometimes is a little bit atonishing that a small thing is a big deal for christians as you said but saying to others that i go to church every sunday causes comments like "whats wrong with you"
 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#32
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#32
kayem77 said:
You mentioned Adriana going out with a Christian guy and how she didn't want a second date because he was too serious. I was referring to this, I don't know if the guy was a jerk about his moral views since I didn't watch the episode, but the main problem was that she wasn't Christian and their moral views didn't line up.
When you said that we shouldn't be too serious about our moral views when we date and all that, I almost thought u meant we should date anyone without caring what they believe. Now I think you didn't mean that, so sorry for the misunderstanding. :) Faith is important to me, if I dated someone I would like to be sure the other person shares similar moral standards as mine before going on in a deeper relationship.

I think that when I write people sometimes read my posts with an angry voice, or a boring voice or haha , I don't know, and since I don't know I just wanna clarify that I'm saying this with a light and calm voice.:D I don't talk about morals all day and I don't think having fun is of the devil , but I can't help but want to know if a person shares the same standards (or similar) I have when I first meet them.
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Ditto about my tone. I really wasn't intending to be attacking, but SA I also was pretty tired when writing, so maybe the shortness was to blame.

I agree with this post, especially the last paragraph. In terms of life, in general, there are some serious topics that shouldn't be delayed or avoided. If he was a jerk about his morals, sounds like he may just be a jerk. There are ways to kindly and gently discuss serious things, even on a first date. :)
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#33
#33
Liz01 said:
It really calls my attention when someone raised inside church tell things like this, i wish i had spent my youth inside a church with all the activities that young groups have and to be rounded by those godly male friends that you call serious. To be honest, my point of view is very different, as a woman that spent my childhood and youth outside the church i think that those "serious" guys are like gold.

But i agree in that there is a jugdement (maybe hard) inside the church and sometimes is a little bit atonishing that a small thing is a big deal for christians as you said but saying to others that i go to church every sunday causes comments like "whats wrong with you"
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Ultimately, I don't believe you fully grasp most of what I have said. You can assess me on your perceptions all you want. I feel you take one thing and judge me to the fullest measure on it. You do not understand my definition of "serious"

To be honest, while I understand you would have preferred spending your youth inside of church.. take the following into consideration .. at least 5%-40% of kids who are in church from childhood to age 18: Don't want to be there for spiritual reasons. 10%-75% will be gone from that church by age 18-21. Source? My own churches as well as a christian book with a title called why young adults are leaving the church.

Don't believe me? Then where did my 20-30 friends from youth group (7th-12th grade) go after college? They're all gone
 
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LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#34
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#34
SocialArtist said:
Ultimately, I don't believe you fully grasp most of what I have said. You can assess me on your perceptions all you want. I feel you take one thing and judge me to the fullest measure on it. You do not understand my definition of "serious"

To be honest, while I understand you would have preferred spending your youth inside of church.. take the following into consideration .. at least 5%-40% of kids who are in church from childhood to age 18: Don't want to be there for spiritual reasons. 10%-75% will be gone from that church by age 18-21.

Don't believe me? Then where did my 20-30 friends from youth group (7th-12th grade) go after college? They're all gone
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That truly is a sad reality. I had a bit of a wake up call when I realized that every single girl that was in my youth group had premarital sex(as a shocking sin) except for my sisters; left me depressed for a week. It's a tough world we're living in. Not all of those women have walked away from God, but... many of them have.

There are few guys as well from my youth groupl who seem to have a passion for God. That said, I don't know how many people would know/say that I do, so maybe not a fair statistic.
 
R

rainacorn

Guest
#35
#35
Reality shows are not for finding 'the one.' They're for finding 'a job.' Probably on another reality show.

Anyway, I agree that Christians should lighten up a bit. If you didn't laugh when Balaam responded to his TALKING DONKEY with something other terrified screams and random stabbing, you gots problems, brutha. That bit cracks me up. Only one of the many.
 
L

Liz01

Guest
#36
#36
SocialArtist said:
Ultimately, I don't believe you fully grasp most of what I have said. You can assess me on your perceptions all you want. I feel you take one thing and judge me to the fullest measure on it. You do not understand my definition of "serious"

To be honest, while I understand you would have preferred spending your youth inside of church.. take the following into consideration .. at least 5%-40% of kids who are in church from childhood to age 18: Don't want to be there for spiritual reasons. 10%-75% will be gone from that church by age 18-21. Source? My own churches as well as a christian book with a title called why young adults are leaving the church.

Don't believe me? Then where did my 20-30 friends from youth group (7th-12th grade) go after college? They're all gone
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I only posted what i have seen and heard. My intention was not to offend you in any way and im not trying to judge you either. I just see and point out that sometimes we appreciate things when we dont have them.

I understand what you say about breaking stereotypes, it is not nice that ppl bound us in a limited group of characteristics when God blessed us and His word say that we can do anything in Him who strenght us or that ppl say something about us just based on external and maybe only appearances.

I know that not all the ppl in church has real faith in God and others have a long way before have a fully commitment with God like ppl you can find outside.
Despite that, i think that to spend the youth inside church is a blessing and you were very fortunate.
 
Oncefallen

Oncefallen

Idiot in Chief
Staff member
#37
Jan 15, 2011
6,032
3,285
113
#37
I really don't think that being overly serious is necessarily a problem throughout christianity. Sure there are some denominations, churches, and individuals that seem to live their lives wrapped in a shroud of rules and legalism, but likewise there are tons that live their lives in the freedom that Christ gave us.

When I read the gospels, I can't help but envision Christ and the disciples on their frequent outings away from the crowds sitting around a fire in the wilderness cutting up and having a good time. Christ although He was God incarnate, was still fully a man, and the disciples were predominantly a bunch of fishermen. I'm quite sure that in 2,000 years, although the methods of commercial fishing may have changed, the men who are in the industry haven't. They were a bunch of burly men, and last time I checked, when you put 13 men together away from the ladies, they're gonna cut loose and have fun.

Just about every church I have gone to in my life has been full of people with a great sense of humor that knew how to have fun. As I've been typing this I can't help but recall memories of choir practice at the church I grew up in. There were times that there was more time spent cutting up and joking than was actually spent working on the music, but at the same time when it was time to get down to business because of the difficulty of the music we were doing, fun and games went out the window and we got to work.



 
Ritter

Ritter

Banned
#38
Jul 25, 2005
2,417
34
0
#38
Liz01 said:
.......two persons on CC of whom i wont mention their names may marry in the future......



:D
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I hope that no laws have to change in most of the continental US for this to occur.
 
S

SocialArtist

Guest
#40
#40
LightningClap0002 said:
That truly is a sad reality. I had a bit of a wake up call when I realized that every single girl that was in my youth group had premarital sex(as a shocking sin) except for my sisters; left me depressed for a week. It's a tough world we're living in. Not all of those women have walked away from God, but... many of them have.

There are few guys as well from my youth groupl who seem to have a passion for God. That said, I don't know how many people would know/say that I do, so maybe not a fair statistic.
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And it's really a hard crushing reality.. when you've played by the rules and followed the book.. only to find yourself in a situation that you've been being judged by people playing by the world's rules instead.
 
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