Ki, I was your age when I had planned to take my life as well.
Sorry if I misspell, Im crying for you right now because I know the pain you are going through.
It was a person at my highschool that saw my pain, and foud me a councilor to talk to, as home was part of my problems as well.
I am so greatful Jesus found me that person, because even though it was a struggle and painful for a while, the final result has been blessing after blessing.
So do not give up, hold on and know that the help you need is there for you.
I had trouble seeing Jesus as well, but thats only because pain causes us to look to what we see with our eyes, rather than what one sees with the heart.
This only seems huge to you because you are feeling so lost.
In Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh, I want you to know that the love Jesus has for you is great and infinate, filled with His delight in you.
Do not let the theif steal this from you.
This will pass and you will know the joy and love that awaits you, is already with you in Jesus.
I am praying for you and will continue to keep you in my daily prayers from this day forward in Jesus Christ is Lord come in the flesh!
So you will one day know the joy Jesus has blessed this old now grandma with.
Sending you huge gentle hugs in Jesus.
God bless
pickles