Suicide

You're not alone... I know.... I can't feel him either when I'm that way... I know, it just makes it harder, but you can't give up!
I know how it feels to be tired of trying... I was tired of trying too. I wanted to die too. I wanted the pain to go away.
But killing yourself will NOT make it go away. If anything, it WILL make it stay forever.
God says not shed innocent blood. Yours is innocent. Despite whatever you think, it is. If "I" am innocent, then you are.
Satan is tormenting you... I know this. And it's harder to ignore that torment when you're christian. Because then Satan wants your soul more. Are you going to just let him win? And risk being MORE miserable than you are now, but for an eternity?
Please Ki, DON'T LET THE DEVIL WIN!!!!

Ki:
Have you quenched the Holy Spirit within you?
Do you have a secret sin?
Do you need to repent of something?
Is your lifestyle quenching the Holy Spirit within you?

Ki: Repentance is part of salvation regardless of what people tell you God commands everyone everywhere to repent.

For He has chosen a day when He will judge the secrets of mankind by Jesus Christ and His testimony.

Take that part of you that doesn't want to die, and build on it. With prayer, you will become more in touch with God... you may not feel him at first, but he's there. He never put any one of us on earth, to go through life on their own.

for the past three years i have been trying to cope with the pain by cutting and hurting myself.. not a lot of people know that.. so i guess that could be a "secret" sin. i have not been able to stop yet. that was another thing the Rein was helping me with. I have been struggling for a long time. Maybe i deserve to go to hell...

Yes Ki the Old Testament speaks of that please open your bible to:

Le:19:28: Ye shall not make any cuttings in your flesh for the dead, nor print any marks upon you: I am the LORD.
Le:21:5: They shall not make baldness upon their head, neither shall they shave off the corner of their beard, nor make any cuttings in their flesh.

Now lets read the entire chapter 19-22 of Lev and see the context that this is written.

i just want this to stop. i want the pain and the voices and all of this to stop

Just because you cut doesn't mean you qualify for hell. That's not exactly your place to say. It's Gods Job to tell you where you belong.
And just because you cut doesn't make you a bad person. I have one friend who cuts himself. I'm worried for him though, because he seems to be going the wrong direction. I suppoe, in some ways, cutting eventually leads to things like that... mood sWings, rebellion, and eventually, suicide. It's not a happy thought.
Do you trust your parents enough to talk to them?

You're right.. its not my place to say.. but its what i feel like right now.. and no, i don't feel comfortable talking to them.. they are part of the reason why all of this is happening

After reading these chapters in Leviticus the concept becomes a little more clear. you should not mark (tatoo) yourself not cut yourself. These are statutes and laws that God gave us to keep us from sin. Yes it's true we are not under the law we are under grace. However when we give into sin if we do not turn to God and ask forgivness and repent then we quench the Holy Spirit within us? 1Thes 5:19: Quench not the Spirit. So we see that these laws still apply to us in some areas. So please stop cutting yourself.

What hurts so bad that you feel you have to cut yourself, or that you deserve to die. We are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Some sins are greater than others this is true. Some sins are so horrible we fear to tell another living soul. Let me remind you that Jesus was tempted in all things just like us yet He did not sin. Evil thoughts and emotions are not sin. They do however give way to sin as James says: Jas:1:14: But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Jas:1:15: Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.

So please, please ask God to renew a right Spirit within you. Jesus died so that you would not have to pay the price for your sin. Look up and thank Jesus that He saved you from sin and death. That victory over sin and death is not yesterday nor is it tommorrow. That victory is here and now today this very minute. That is the Gospel of the Living God. Rise up and walk, By His stripes you are healed!

i have asked for forgiveness and strength every night, and i always slip back into cutting... I am struggling... i don't want to wake up in the morning.. Why are you and BlueAngel so insistent on helping me when you don't even know me?

I know how that feels.
And I'm sorry you can't talk to them... my parents (even when they caused the problem) have always been there for me.
I was hoping yours would too.
One very hard thing that I learned at a very hard time in my life, was that you you have to want the help you're given, and when it's given, you try to take it sincerely. As in, practice it, and try to aply it to yourself. Not easy, I speak from experience.
But nonetheless, you have to really WANT it. And you have to try, even when it seems impossible, or you just don't want to.
All I can say is, try, trust in God, love those who despitefully use you, and pray for your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much
And as much as I would LOVE to stay awake and talk... I have girls class, and church in the morning, and it's already REALLY late. So, I have to go...
@Virtuous_man: Keep up the good work

Dunno, maybe because we do... in our hearts.

Ki:
Because we have both attempted suicide before and we know how it feels to feel no self worth, to feel like we deserve to die. We both know what it is like to feel no hope. I was put into a adolesent psych center at age 17. We know what hopelessness feels like. And we both love you. i know that is hard to believe but we love you because Jesus loves us and saved us. We have both been where you are and know without a doubt that you are not meant to die this evening, not by your own hand.

That's what Judas did.

thanks for talking to me BlueAngel. Night.

i told reinitin that if i am not in the chat rooms tomorrow then she will know what happened... but even if i don't kill myself and i am banned i won't be able to get on and she will think that i am dead.. That part of me that wants to be alive, i am holding onto that. i'm scared though... if i were to slip and let go.. be consumed by the darkness...

Ki: You feeling a little better now?

yeah, partially because it is one in the morning where i am, and i am exhausted. it still hurts inside... and i didn't get to say goodbye to rein if i were to kill myself..

Ki: is there anything I can do for you, anything at all?

not unless you know how to unban me... i just want to be able to talk to reinitin again.. she was helping.. and if i don't get help, if i don't get the strength to get help anywhere else... i'm gonna end up dead..

HEY DON'T DO ANYTHING TO YOURSELF. I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I AM AN ADVOCATE FOR JUSTICE OF THE INNOCENT AND HAVE READ MANY STORIES OF BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE THAT ARE NO LONGER ON THIS EARTH. THE THING THAT YOU DO NOT NEED TO DO IS TO TALK TO PEOPLE YOU DO NOT KNOW HERE AND TELL THEM ANY PROBLEMS. THE DEVIL WILL USE THE WEAK CSO CALLED CHRISTIANS WHICH ARE NOTHING BUT RELIGIOUS AND WILL USE THEM TO DISCOURAGE YOU EVEN MORE TO WHERE YOU ARE RIGHT NOW IN A STATE OF DEFEAT AND REJECTION. THIS IS AN OPEN PUBLIC PLACE, I TELL YOU PRECIOUS ONE TO CALL YOUR LOCAL CHURCH OR A PRAYER LINE LINE DAYSTAR OR TBN OR SEE A PASTOR IN THE MORNING. YOU DO'T FEEL ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU HAVE SAT IN A DARK ROOM SPIRITUALLY DARK, AND YOU NEED TO BE AT JESUS FEET, I KNOW THAT HE REACHES HIS ARMS TO YOU, BECAUSE HE KNOW HOW YOU FEEL, AND THE PAIN HE CAN AND WILL HEAL. PLEASE DO NOT DISCUSS THINGS HERE WITH PEOPLE WHO ARE NOT QUALIFIED PROFESSIONALLY. PEOPLE WILL TEAR YOU APART LIKE A WOLF WHEN YOU DO NOT KNOW THESE PEOPLE, YOU WILL LIVE AND NOT DIE IN JESUS NAME, FOR I BIND THE SPIRIT OF SUICIDE ON YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST, AND I APPLY THE BLOOD OF JESUS CHRIST OVER YOUR MIND, AND COMMAND THE STRONGHOLD OF SATAN TO LOOSE YOUR THOUGHTS AND FLEE FROM YOU IN JESUS NAME. WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN AUTHORITY OVER THE KINGDOM OF DARKNESS, AND ACCORDING TO LUKE;1019 I TAKE THIS AUTHORITY OVER THE SPRIIT OF SUICIDE AND SPEAK LIFE INTO YOU, AND BIND REBUKE THE DEMONS THAT ARE TORMENTING YOU IN JESUS NAME. BY THE WAY, WEN YOU BECOME A BELIEVER, CHOOSE TO BE A PENTICOSTAL, I AM AND WILL NEVER CHANGE. GOD IS WITH YOU AND WILL GIVE YOU PEACE. I LOVE YOU. JESUS LOVES YOU GOD IS YOUR HEAVENLY FATHER AND LOVES YOU. AMEN