A caregiver for my career?
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M
Hi Steph, something to think about as a carer / care giver.
It mostly involves the elderly but can also involve disabled people or younger
ill people. It involves washing, bathing, toileting - in fact that takes up a great
deal of the job. Also as a woman you would probably deal with both men and
women.
Im a carer to my elderly aunt, when it comes to family it's quite different to doing it
as a job. I do all of the above for my aunt, plus make all the meals, drinks,
laundary sometimes the bedding needs changing 2-3 times a week.
Plus there is the need to help her get around the house, give her tablets - she is on
several different meds which need to be given at different time, make sure I
get replacement meds before they run out. Arrange doctor's appointments,
when she is unwell I check on her in the middle of the night. Liaise with
Respiritory nurse, community matron, care company, hospitals when she ends up in
hospital.
My days starts at 6am no time for a lie in. I havent had a lie in for nearly 5 years.
I work part time so on a working day my day doesn't end until 8pm. That's because
when I get home from work I can't just say that's it I'm done. I have to make
dinner clear up the lunch time things, more laundry, more mess to sort out etc.
My days off are usually waiting for medical appointments, like today the community
matron is coming, plus there is a delivery of Incontinance pads today. Meals to make,
bedding to wash etc. I never really have a day off, just maybe a morning or an afternoon.
Its exhausting, hard, lonely as I'm no longer free to do what I want when I want. It's
depressing at times. Christmas and birthdays are spent making sure my aunt has
an enjoyable time my own enjoyment is put to one side. Although I get my enjoyment
from knowing I made my aunt happy.
Im telling you all of this to put the realities of being a carer for a family member to you.
It's hard work, it takes over every aspect of your life, free time is never really free, you
clock watch a lot if you go out, knowing you have to go home soon etc.
For me its worth it as I wouldn't want my aunt in an old people's home, maybe it might be
necessary some day if she ever got too ill to be looked after at home and big while I can,
then I would prefer that she can stay at home.
It wasn't a choice it just sort of happened as things do in life and I found myself gradually
in this position. I do it out of love for her but it wasn't a choice and looking back I wish
we weren't in this position for both our sakes, I wish her health was better and that she
was more able to look after herself. She is 82.
We do have Carer's who come in twice a day as I work so can't be there all the time, plus
it means I can go to church, I can go do the shopping etc. They come at breakfast for
30-45 mins and at lunch for 15 mins to check on her. They just do the basics and no
more because I'm there to do the rest.
But i I know they go to other people's houses both men and women who live alone.
They wash bathe them, clean them when they have been to toilet, clear up sick,
give meds, shave men, hoist some in and out of bed, change catheter bags,
do shopping for people, call ambulances and doctors if people are unwell.
They do domestic chores like ironing cleaning, take people in cars to banks
and shops for those who can get out a bit.
They start work at 7am and often don't finish until 10pm at night rushing between
clients. They eat in their cars or grab a drink at clients houses. They work 4 days
one week then 3 days the next. Some just work weekends but while at work they
go non stop all day long.
Some clients need two visits a day like my aunt, others get 4 visits a day i.e. Breakfast,
lunch, tea and bed time.
One of my brothers is a respite carer, some people can't be left alone as they have
dementia and need watching constantly. He sits with people overnight so their family
can get some sleep. He had one client who needed changing every two hours as they
kept bursting catheter bags and removing Incontinance pants.
Another client kept trying to climb over the bed rails and leave the house. Dementia is
a terrible disease but as a carer you would come across that a lot.
Recently two of my cousins elderly clients died, they both had dementia and both
were nearly 100. My cousin was heart broken as despite the hard work he had really
got to know them well. But he had to pick himself up and move onto new clients.
Im just setting the above out so you can see the reality of being a carer, it has its
own rewards but it's a lot of hard work both physically and emotionally.
Some people love it others give it up after a few months as they can't cope.
Its important though to know the truth about the job so you can decide for yourself.
Its important also that you go into caring because you want to do it, not because another
person wants you to do it. It's your life not their's.
Praying that you will know the right decision one way or another.
It mostly involves the elderly but can also involve disabled people or younger
ill people. It involves washing, bathing, toileting - in fact that takes up a great
deal of the job. Also as a woman you would probably deal with both men and
women.
Im a carer to my elderly aunt, when it comes to family it's quite different to doing it
as a job. I do all of the above for my aunt, plus make all the meals, drinks,
laundary sometimes the bedding needs changing 2-3 times a week.
Plus there is the need to help her get around the house, give her tablets - she is on
several different meds which need to be given at different time, make sure I
get replacement meds before they run out. Arrange doctor's appointments,
when she is unwell I check on her in the middle of the night. Liaise with
Respiritory nurse, community matron, care company, hospitals when she ends up in
hospital.
My days starts at 6am no time for a lie in. I havent had a lie in for nearly 5 years.
I work part time so on a working day my day doesn't end until 8pm. That's because
when I get home from work I can't just say that's it I'm done. I have to make
dinner clear up the lunch time things, more laundry, more mess to sort out etc.
My days off are usually waiting for medical appointments, like today the community
matron is coming, plus there is a delivery of Incontinance pads today. Meals to make,
bedding to wash etc. I never really have a day off, just maybe a morning or an afternoon.
Its exhausting, hard, lonely as I'm no longer free to do what I want when I want. It's
depressing at times. Christmas and birthdays are spent making sure my aunt has
an enjoyable time my own enjoyment is put to one side. Although I get my enjoyment
from knowing I made my aunt happy.
Im telling you all of this to put the realities of being a carer for a family member to you.
It's hard work, it takes over every aspect of your life, free time is never really free, you
clock watch a lot if you go out, knowing you have to go home soon etc.
For me its worth it as I wouldn't want my aunt in an old people's home, maybe it might be
necessary some day if she ever got too ill to be looked after at home and big while I can,
then I would prefer that she can stay at home.
It wasn't a choice it just sort of happened as things do in life and I found myself gradually
in this position. I do it out of love for her but it wasn't a choice and looking back I wish
we weren't in this position for both our sakes, I wish her health was better and that she
was more able to look after herself. She is 82.
We do have Carer's who come in twice a day as I work so can't be there all the time, plus
it means I can go to church, I can go do the shopping etc. They come at breakfast for
30-45 mins and at lunch for 15 mins to check on her. They just do the basics and no
more because I'm there to do the rest.
But i I know they go to other people's houses both men and women who live alone.
They wash bathe them, clean them when they have been to toilet, clear up sick,
give meds, shave men, hoist some in and out of bed, change catheter bags,
do shopping for people, call ambulances and doctors if people are unwell.
They do domestic chores like ironing cleaning, take people in cars to banks
and shops for those who can get out a bit.
They start work at 7am and often don't finish until 10pm at night rushing between
clients. They eat in their cars or grab a drink at clients houses. They work 4 days
one week then 3 days the next. Some just work weekends but while at work they
go non stop all day long.
Some clients need two visits a day like my aunt, others get 4 visits a day i.e. Breakfast,
lunch, tea and bed time.
One of my brothers is a respite carer, some people can't be left alone as they have
dementia and need watching constantly. He sits with people overnight so their family
can get some sleep. He had one client who needed changing every two hours as they
kept bursting catheter bags and removing Incontinance pants.
Another client kept trying to climb over the bed rails and leave the house. Dementia is
a terrible disease but as a carer you would come across that a lot.
Recently two of my cousins elderly clients died, they both had dementia and both
were nearly 100. My cousin was heart broken as despite the hard work he had really
got to know them well. But he had to pick himself up and move onto new clients.
Im just setting the above out so you can see the reality of being a carer, it has its
own rewards but it's a lot of hard work both physically and emotionally.
Some people love it others give it up after a few months as they can't cope.
Its important though to know the truth about the job so you can decide for yourself.
Its important also that you go into caring because you want to do it, not because another
person wants you to do it. It's your life not their's.
Praying that you will know the right decision one way or another.
D
Adding to what Miri said, there is a vast difference between caregiving for family and for clients. Hubby was in the short-term unit when he was in the VA nursing home; i.e. the people who would probably go home one day. But the rest of the home was long-term, so I saw and heard a lot more than expected. The only ones happy to be there were the men who recently had a leg joint replaced, and they were happy only because they were on their way to being in less pain than before the joint was replaced. Even they yelled and cursed at the healthcare people. All of them, from the people who brought food, to the nursing staff, therapists, and doctor. Stuff flew across rooms. (No idea what, but it was loud, and on purpose sometimes.)
When my husband first went into the hospital, he was 330 pounds. When he left, he was 250. (Who thought a feed bag could actually make you gain weight?) BTW, I think 250 is lightweight. In that nursing home, there were so many missing limbs, and yet the average weight was 300 pounds. Each day, those men, (and one woman, but she was petite... and enjoyably feisty lol), had to get out of their bed. If they couldn't travel out of their room, they had to sit in a chair/wheelchair for 1-2 hours per day. (Sitting helps get mucus out of the lungs.) And there was a nurse's aid who did that. Just one! Portable lift, but it's as personal an experience as cleaning up an adult's diaper.
I don't know what the stats are for caregiver, but one-third of nurses end up disabled with bad backs.
At home, you could be cleaning out commodes and cleaning up the client after using it. The first time a SWs called me to tell me hubby was leaving the hospital, (he was still in ICU! When I was panicking to the doctor the next day, he chuckled and told me she was "overly-exuberant," thank God!), he couldn't even sit up on his own, but they would provide the hospital bed, trachs, the vacuum to clear out the mucus in his throat, the feed bags and syringes to clear out the tubes leading into his body, the catheters, and the anal tube. (Later on, the anal tube was gone for diapers instead.) I was so glad he was going uphill from there. No idea how people deal with downhill. I gagged at cleaning out the trach when he was still in ICU. (I did not gag at cleaning out the commode at home, but only because I held my breath. And I did not gag when changing the bandages and pump vac on his Stage Four bedsore. No one can hold their breathes that long. lol)
To this day, I have no idea how someone is able to make a bed with the patient still in it. In the hospital, it took two nurses. At home, there is only one caregiver.
And I can guarantee the patient will yell at you. They have one thing in common -- they're frustrated. They knew what they could do on their own, and now they can't. Sooner or later, the frustration comes out onto someone.
If you think you can manage cleaning every orifice the human body has, can lift a person off the floor when they fall, (not if, when), can be yelled at for things that aren't you fault, work long hard hours every time you work, and watch half of your patients die, then yes! You are called to be a caregiver.
When my husband first went into the hospital, he was 330 pounds. When he left, he was 250. (Who thought a feed bag could actually make you gain weight?) BTW, I think 250 is lightweight. In that nursing home, there were so many missing limbs, and yet the average weight was 300 pounds. Each day, those men, (and one woman, but she was petite... and enjoyably feisty lol), had to get out of their bed. If they couldn't travel out of their room, they had to sit in a chair/wheelchair for 1-2 hours per day. (Sitting helps get mucus out of the lungs.) And there was a nurse's aid who did that. Just one! Portable lift, but it's as personal an experience as cleaning up an adult's diaper.
I don't know what the stats are for caregiver, but one-third of nurses end up disabled with bad backs.
At home, you could be cleaning out commodes and cleaning up the client after using it. The first time a SWs called me to tell me hubby was leaving the hospital, (he was still in ICU! When I was panicking to the doctor the next day, he chuckled and told me she was "overly-exuberant," thank God!), he couldn't even sit up on his own, but they would provide the hospital bed, trachs, the vacuum to clear out the mucus in his throat, the feed bags and syringes to clear out the tubes leading into his body, the catheters, and the anal tube. (Later on, the anal tube was gone for diapers instead.) I was so glad he was going uphill from there. No idea how people deal with downhill. I gagged at cleaning out the trach when he was still in ICU. (I did not gag at cleaning out the commode at home, but only because I held my breath. And I did not gag when changing the bandages and pump vac on his Stage Four bedsore. No one can hold their breathes that long. lol)
To this day, I have no idea how someone is able to make a bed with the patient still in it. In the hospital, it took two nurses. At home, there is only one caregiver.
And I can guarantee the patient will yell at you. They have one thing in common -- they're frustrated. They knew what they could do on their own, and now they can't. Sooner or later, the frustration comes out onto someone.
If you think you can manage cleaning every orifice the human body has, can lift a person off the floor when they fall, (not if, when), can be yelled at for things that aren't you fault, work long hard hours every time you work, and watch half of your patients die, then yes! You are called to be a caregiver.
I believe that it's a requirement that you be certified. It's a hard job, Steph. My mom, sister and brother are all nurses, and it's not easy at all. I used to be a nurse's aide at a nursing home when I was 19, and from personal experience, it is very draining. You have to be specially trained on how to be a caregiver. You need to know things such as how to properly lift a person w/o hurting your back, OR them. You have to know how, and be comfortable with, doing unpleasant things such as giving shots, cleaning up poop, pee, vomit, etc... You need to be physically able to pick them up if they fall, be tough enough to take any verbal abuse they throw your way.. I know your dad means well, but just because you can take care of him well enough, doesn't mean you can take care of EVERYONE the same way. Each person has different needs, different attitudes, etc.. It's a job where the burn out rate is very high. Satisfying, but very draining..Especially if you plan to do it as a life long career, like my mom did. She became a nurse in her 20's, and was a nurse until her 70's.. She's 82 now.. lol
Steph, you'll burn out faster if you try to take care of daddy AND grandma at the same time. You say grandma is alert, active, etc.. Your dad needs the most attention right now. You can't be a full time care giver to 2 or 3 people at once. Either get someone else to help Dad, and tend to Grandma, or get someone to tend to Grandma, and take care of Dad..
It's a tough job. Emotionally, physically, especially when you're just starting out. There's more to caregiving than just helping someone get dressed or brush their teeth or shower. Like I said before, you've got to give shots, clean up people who poop themselves and the bed or floor, clean up pee, vomit, know how to dress bedsores, use a Hoyer lift for an overly obese person, etc etc etc...
You won't have ANY time for yourself if you try to take care of daddy and grandma all by yourself. You'll wake up, tend to them all day, come home and go to bed. And Home Health SHOULD be coming in at least once or twice a week to help you with them anyway. You're a good daughter
but you're not a professional caregiver, and you don't have the experience or training needed to become one. It takes YEARS to become a nurse or other healthcare professional, you need to get certified in LOTS of things, and it's all very grueling..
It's a tough job. Emotionally, physically, especially when you're just starting out. There's more to caregiving than just helping someone get dressed or brush their teeth or shower. Like I said before, you've got to give shots, clean up people who poop themselves and the bed or floor, clean up pee, vomit, know how to dress bedsores, use a Hoyer lift for an overly obese person, etc etc etc...
You won't have ANY time for yourself if you try to take care of daddy and grandma all by yourself. You'll wake up, tend to them all day, come home and go to bed. And Home Health SHOULD be coming in at least once or twice a week to help you with them anyway. You're a good daughter
but you're not a professional caregiver, and you don't have the experience or training needed to become one. It takes YEARS to become a nurse or other healthcare professional, you need to get certified in LOTS of things, and it's all very grueling..
Oh yeah for sure this journey is not starting until after either my caregiving of daddy ends or he gets healed or whatnot. Heck I probably wouldn't even be able to get the certifications yet until after I was done taking care of daddy.
I hate all manner of saying "being done with" taking care of daddy, but sadly that's the only way I can say it. I hope it includes daddy's remission.
I hate all manner of saying "being done with" taking care of daddy, but sadly that's the only way I can say it. I hope it includes daddy's remission.
some very insightful posts from in-depth experience -
both of us have been called upon many times to be 'care-givers for family and friends and neighbors,
over the years, and all the while working at our own jobs to make a living, not to mention being volunteers
in nursing homes in between -well, we have always felt that it was what Jesus expected of us, we just have to
accept all of the un-nice/un-comfortable things that go alone with the loving/caring for those whom God has put in our lives...
can it be called 'sacrifice'? in many cases, indeed it is, but the heart accepts this as our duty and
an outward/inward expression of Jesus' Love for His own through us, it's a very important part
of the ministry of those who Love Him and His...
both of us have been called upon many times to be 'care-givers for family and friends and neighbors,
over the years, and all the while working at our own jobs to make a living, not to mention being volunteers
in nursing homes in between -well, we have always felt that it was what Jesus expected of us, we just have to
accept all of the un-nice/un-comfortable things that go alone with the loving/caring for those whom God has put in our lives...
can it be called 'sacrifice'? in many cases, indeed it is, but the heart accepts this as our duty and
an outward/inward expression of Jesus' Love for His own through us, it's a very important part
of the ministry of those who Love Him and His...
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Dad was looking for me at different programs around here. There are actually some regular colleges and community colleges that offer CNA and LPN programs. He said that the LPN would probably be the best bet. The crazy thing is that we actually are like 10 minutes from the Mayo Clinic, so I could get a great job a great job with good benefits and not worry so much about a rotating schedule.
Artsy,
I will pray for God to place someone else in your life to assist you in assisting others.
Your heart challenges me. But I pray that you are faithful where you are, and allow God to fill in the blanks.
"Lord, please send a physical letter or personal call as an actual request, if that's what it will take to help Artsy no your will.
Help her to trust you in the uncertainty, knowing that Your Love is Certain. And help her family to be in agreement with the course of action she takes-- so far as it pleases you-- so there is less stress in the decision-making and serving. And Lord, help her to find Strength and Wisdom in you, regardless of human advice or pressure. Regardless, whatever the future holds, keep Holding Artsy's Future. And draw her closer to you. In Jesus name, your will be done, amen."
I will pray for God to place someone else in your life to assist you in assisting others.
Your heart challenges me. But I pray that you are faithful where you are, and allow God to fill in the blanks.
"Lord, please send a physical letter or personal call as an actual request, if that's what it will take to help Artsy no your will.
Help her to trust you in the uncertainty, knowing that Your Love is Certain. And help her family to be in agreement with the course of action she takes-- so far as it pleases you-- so there is less stress in the decision-making and serving. And Lord, help her to find Strength and Wisdom in you, regardless of human advice or pressure. Regardless, whatever the future holds, keep Holding Artsy's Future. And draw her closer to you. In Jesus name, your will be done, amen."
