Forgiving Again

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J

Jordache

Guest
#1
#1
Here I am yet again. There are layers and layers of this stuff to go through and it's frustrating. Rather than go into details which I've done on here before, suffice it to say my dad was a bad man. Perhaps it's the season that has brought this up now. My birthday is just around the corner and I'm very used to either being forgotten altogether, or getting a phone call 3 days late to say how many times he called (which just so happened not to register on my cell phone). Regardless, I'm angry. If I think about it enough I'm pretty sure I could spit flames. I'm not talking about the phone call. It goes much deeper than that.
He died last year and the first day I saw him since he'd disowned me was the day before he died when I had to be the bigger man so to say and go forgive him, pray for him, hold his hand, and sing over him. During that time it was definitely God and He alone that gave me that ability. In my humanity, I would have much rather been the one to torture him to death myself.
Harsh? Well, I guess so. But it's honest, and honesty right now is more important than being nice. I forgave him then. I truly did; but it's back to bite me in the butt. Forgiveness comes in waves like pain, and here I am with a new wave of pain, and I hate him all the more. I am very resentful towards him. I am very angry that I can't ever have that ridiculous hope that he was ever going to stop being who he was and be a good father. I am very angry that I can't punish him anymore, and in turn I guess I end up punishing myself by even thinking about it.
So, I need to forgive. To be honest, there's obviously a part of me lead enough by the spirit that I am here writing, but I can't find that part. I don't want to forgive. I want to dig him up and torture him.
 
C

crmvet

Senior Member
#2
Jul 4, 2013
4,663
1,232
113
#2
Philippians 4:6-7
 
C

CHRISTENE

Guest
#3
#3
Prayed.

May God comfort and heal your heart.Its difficult to forgive people who are close to us and yet far from their hearts.I believe its best to see our Heavenly Father as our true eternal father , and to view our human parents as mere vessels who had the duty from heaven to bring us up and take care of us etc. Some by the grace of God can fulfill the great task and duty of parenthood but some unfortunately fail in many areas.

When your heart gets healed from all the wounds, perhaps you will find it easy to forgive.

Prayed for the healing of your heart.

Glory be to God alone.
 
p_rehbein

p_rehbein

Senior Member
#4
Sep 4, 2013
30,287
6,586
113
#4
My goodness.............just keeping you in my prayers...........may God work His will in your life.
 
H

hospitalpharmacist

Guest
#5
#5
May Saint Mary, our Heavenly Mother, help you to let all your pain and resentment in Her hands so that She can change those in beatiful fragrant flowers to be presented to Christ, His son. May God let you feel His peace in your heart and in your soul.
 
A

alehandra

Guest
#6
#6
trying hard to forget it and forgive your own self. You may wonder many IF in your life. But as Rick Warren said, we are product of our past but we dont have to be prisoners of it. Dont be sad or regret if suddenly you remember about your past life. Just come to Him and give all your worries, doubts to Him. I believe once upon a time in our life that God may remind us again from our past. Not because we have not move on, but to remind us once we are sinners and through God alone we become a new creations.

He is your strong tower to which you can always go. He will calm your raging sea, and in our weakness He is merciful. He is redeemer of my past and present wrongs. He is holder of my future days to come. He wears my guilt on His shoulders and holds my heart in His hands. He takes my thoughts and fears and hangs them on the arms of Calvary. Yes God, Jesus it is YOU! Nothing in this world can satisfy, Jesus You are the cup that won't run dry!!

“Never be afraid when God brings back your past. Let your memory have its way with you. It is a minister of God bringing its rebuke and sorrow to you. God will turn what might have been into a wonderful lesson of growth for the future.”


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Jordache said:
Here I am yet again. There are layers and layers of this stuff to go through and it's frustrating. Rather than go into details which I've done on here before, suffice it to say my dad was a bad man. Perhaps it's the season that has brought this up now. My birthday is just around the corner and I'm very used to either being forgotten altogether, or getting a phone call 3 days late to say how many times he called (which just so happened not to register on my cell phone). Regardless, I'm angry. If I think about it enough I'm pretty sure I could spit flames. I'm not talking about the phone call. It goes much deeper than that.
He died last year and the first day I saw him since he'd disowned me was the day before he died when I had to be the bigger man so to say and go forgive him, pray for him, hold his hand, and sing over him. During that time it was definitely God and He alone that gave me that ability. In my humanity, I would have much rather been the one to torture him to death myself.
Harsh? Well, I guess so. But it's honest, and honesty right now is more important than being nice. I forgave him then. I truly did; but it's back to bite me in the butt. Forgiveness comes in waves like pain, and here I am with a new wave of pain, and I hate him all the more. I am very resentful towards him. I am very angry that I can't ever have that ridiculous hope that he was ever going to stop being who he was and be a good father. I am very angry that I can't punish him anymore, and in turn I guess I end up punishing myself by even thinking about it.
So, I need to forgive. To be honest, there's obviously a part of me lead enough by the spirit that I am here writing, but I can't find that part. I don't want to forgive. I want to dig him up and torture him.
Click to expand...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
J

Jordache

Guest
#7
#7
STUCK IN OBJECTION
Rather than start a new thread, here's an extension. As I've been praying about this I feel like I know better why I am where I am. There is another situation I'm also angry about. My pastor was my friend and my greatest confidant. I told him everything and he counseled me. When I began dating my current bf, with whom he is friends, he told him him EVERYTHING he knew about me, every mistake, every problem, every situation, etc. I understand that he was trying to protect a friend, but what about me being his other friend, and what about his vow of confidence as a pastor... And why in the world did he think I wouldn't have told those things to my bf in time. They were mine to tell, not his.
Anyway, before I start spitting flames, I realize I get stuck in anger and unforgiveness because I was never able to object. To be able to admit, understand, and say something is wrong is all new to me. A year ago I would have just said, "oh well, in just a horrible person and I knew everyone knew it. I guess I just have to stay away from everyone so I don't hurt them." There wasn't any part of me that could recognize anything wrong committed against me.
 
Kingdom_Mystic

Kingdom_Mystic

Senior Member
#8
Aug 9, 2013
404
15
18
#8
Father I pray that you would help Jordache overcome the anger that she has burning inside her from betrayal and deception of other. Lord soften heart with the new oil and wine from your Spirits Joy which is our strength. Lord heal mend those relationships anew. Kindle the passion and fire of your Love within in her heart that she light and living letter unto others. Let the still small voice inside her become greater than the bitter voices that seek to make implode in fits rage and anger. Father in all things and trials let her see the power of Your Son's working a great work in her by the power of Your love. In Yeshua's name I pray. Amen.
 
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