Need prayer

I just kind of randomly came across this site.. and saw the prayer board here and thought I'd send in a request.
There's been a lot going on for awhile now.. I've been trying my hardest to just stay strong but it's getting harder and harder and I've been extremely close to suicide lately. (for a lot of reasons that I don't really want to get into here) I'm actually a little nervous about even posting this.. because a few weeks ago when I called a hope coach to just talk.. he called the cops on me because I stupidly mentioned I was thinking about suicide.
Honestly.. the main problems are spiritual and.. I just feel like such a screw up. All I seem to do is let Him down over and over... and no matter how hard I try to make things right, it just gets worse. I've done some really awful things.. and my biggest fear is that I've crossed the line, and it's too late... God's the one who matters most.. and I'm terrified I've messed things up with Him.
Forgive me if that doesn't make much sense, its 5 am here and I haven't slept yet so I'm sure my phrasing is a bit off..
I've also been struggling with a cutting addiction which has been a problem for about 7 years and it really doesn't help matters.. I've stopped on and off for about 6 months each time, but something usually ends up happening or I convince myself it'll somehow help things if I do it again which it of course never does..
I really don't know what to do... I try to fix things.. fix myself but I always end up in the same place again and my prayers seem like they just go unheard.
Please pray for me, I'm just.. really lost right now
I really appreciate it guys

hi Shadow. i pray peace over you, and ask that you will find all you need from the Prince of Peace. be wise, my friend, and realise that God uses many ways to heal us. if you feel so much fear towards God it might be hard to hear anything positive from Him. i saw a psychologist some time ago because i had issues i knew i couldnt deal with on my own, and they weren't getting better just between me and God. the things that seemed so impossible to me were actually a lot simpler than i realised when i talked to someone who understood more than i did. there is hope for you, and lots of it...........

You won't get banned because you posted that you feel suicidal, ma'am . Jesus knows how much you're hurting. I'm praying for you, but I also sent you a private message. There's hope at the foot of the cross, and more after that, too. The Holy Spirit does awesome things if you let Him .

Hugs shadow, Jesus wants you to look to Him, not the things that you think you need to do.
God Our father is very good at letting one know what He wants of us, so rest in Jesus, and keep your eyes on Him.
Let Jesus show you His love and forgiveness, in His time, for He is the author of bringing the work to compleation in us.
You are in my prayers in Jesus , for all healing, the help you need, and the true delight of His forgiving love for you.

Hugs and God bless
pickles

Dear Shadow, I praise God that you are able to come and seek help for only God can draw people to Him. You are simply responding to God's calling for you to come to Him and to He will be the one to help you, to forgive you, to cleanse you, to restore you and to make you whole again. As long as you are willing to let go of your past and allow Him to complete the good work that he has started in you.

Isaiah 43:18-19 Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past, see that I am doing a new thing, Now it springs up, do you not percieve it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

I encourage you to read Isaiah 43 for you will see that you are precious and honoured by God and that He loves and cares for you more than you can even imagine. Like what Lucy said that we were in your shoes before God's love seek us out and saved us.

Dear Shadow, there is absolutely nothing that we can do to rid ourselves from guilt and from sin. It is also arrogant to think that our sins are too great for Christ to forgive, eventhough our faith is weak, our conscience is sensitive, and our memomery haunts us, God's word declares that when we confess our Sins, we have to believe that God in his faithfulness forgives us. Tell the devil to pack off for you have been forgiven. King David was guilty of terrible sins, adultery, murder, lying and deceit etc yet he experienced that joy of forgiveness and we too can experience that same joy when we
1) quit denying our guilt and recognize that we have sinned
2) admit our guilt to God and ask for his forgiveness and
3) let go of our guilt and believe that God has forgiven us. 1 John 1: 9 If we confess our sins He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us for all unrighteousness.
This can be difficult when certain sin has taken root and grown over many years, when it is very serious, or when it involves others. We must remember that Jesus is willing and able to forgive every sin. In view of the tremendous price he paid on the cross.

Dear Heavenly father, I pray and bring Shadow to your presence. I thank you for drawing her to you and you knows her heart desire to be rid of all the burden of sins that has been entangling her life for so long. Dear Lord In the name of Jesus Christ I bind all the evil spirits that have been trying to suffocate Shadow's life and I cast them away into the wilderness. I pray in the Name of Jesus Christ and release healing over Shadow's life. Dear Lord, I pray that you protect her and shield her with your precious blood and keep her save in our presence. Heavenly father I pray that you give her the strength and the courage to say no to ungodliness and worldly lusts, so that she lives soberly, righteously and godly in your presence always. Dear Lord it is my prayer that your holy spirit will continue the Good work that you have started in her life until you see it to its completion.
I pray for your blessings over her life and that you bring along God honoring friends that will help encourage her to continue to live her life according to your plan and your will. Bless her Lord so that she will be a blessings to others. Thank you dear Lord for the work of restoration and healing that have already starting in her life. In Jesus Name I pray. Amen

My heart and prayers go out to you...
Love in Jesus, Shekaniah