In general, if a woman is interested in a guy, then make a point of crossing his path, showing interest, etc. etc. etc. .
There are a couple of situations I think it would be BEST for the woman to actually be more bold and do the asking.
1. You told the guy at one time that you're not interested. If you've put down that gauntlet, only to want the same guy later, then the ball is in your court.
2. The guy is significantly older than you, but for some reason you feel like there might be some sort of connection. Many guys won't pursue a significantly younger lady due to various factors. So if a lady has this nagging feeling that won't go away about a guy who is significantly older, then she probably does need to be bold and pursue things, due to the guy's mentally constructed age boundaries in relation to what he pursues. The emphasis here is on the words "what he pursues". His lack of pursuit doesn't imply lack of interest, it could just indicate certain boundaries he's set in relation to "pursuing".
1.
So very true. If I "make a move" towards a woman, and she shuns it -- that tells me she is not interested.
And, I don't push myself on anyone. So, I accept it and let it go. It is better to retain the friendship, and not destroy it. If I
really feel like I want the relationship to progress [ in a certain direction ], I may "test the waters" again at a later time. However - again -
I don't push myself on anyone. I would rather show her that I am in control of myself, and that I have respect for those things which are necessary for good communication and mutual trust.
You know that saying,
"If you love someone, let them go..."? Well, it is something like that. If she does not come back ( by letting me know that she has changed her mind ), then I have to assume ( continually ) that she has not changed her mind...
This is the ultimate in respect towards another person's right to make up their own mind and carry out their own will with regard to their own life.
As a side note:
The other thing that some men do is force themselves on the woman. ( Here I am not talking about physical rape, but rather - the manner of continual "pushing" for a particular intended outcome until she grows tired of fighting it and gives in. ) He may actually succeed in his effort to "light her fire", but the way he has gone about it will also breed
doubt,
fear, and
mistrust. In effect, he has
"clubbed her and dragged her back to his cave..." -- and, because her 'fire' has been 'lit' --
she will overlook the fact that what he has accomplished was
initiated by the "more selfish" intent of his desire to meet his needs rather than the "more caring" intent that would have been just-as-much-if-not-more focused on her needs. Of course, a thousand different outcomes are possible. However,...
This, ladies, is the difference between a "good" guy and a "bad" guy...
Some of these "good guys" that you don't think are nearly as "exciting" as the "bad guys" -- are just trying to show you that they are as interested in meeting your needs as they are in meeting their own. They want a relationship that is 'balanced'. They know enough to want a relationship that
starts out right - instead of trying to "light it up" at the first and hope it comes out right later.
Ladies, these guys care about you from the beginning...
But, you blow 'em off because you are looking for "instant excitement" instead of that which would become your "support system" for the rest of your life --- honesty, integrity, fidelity --- that "certain something" that you would grow very comfortable with - and learn that you could rely on - and would never want to part with.
Now - don't confuse the issue. I am not talking about
confidence here. Good guys and bad guys can both have 'confidence'. And, generally, confidence is a good thing.
What I am talking about here is --- being a
true gentleman -- from the
heart - from the
start.
[ rant over ]
2.
Also very true. I can't tell you how many times I have made myself "hold back" from pursuing a woman because of the age difference between her and I -- whereas, aside from the society-based idiosyncrasies about age difference between a man and woman in such a situation - I believed that there might actually be something wonderful that could have been had between us.
And, I am not talking about "cradle-robbing" here. Generally, I have always held to a "rule" that ensured that the woman would be well within a generation. In other words, a woman young enough to be my daughter "was out of the question"...
Interestingly, as I grow older -- it does not seem nearly so "wrong" anymore -- now, as compared to my earlier years, I tend to "see" a 30-year-old woman, for example - more as [ simply ]
a grown woman - and less as
someone who is young enough to be my daughter -
if you understand what I am trying to say - I hope that makes some sense...
After all --- does an 80-year-old man look at a 60-year-old woman and say to himself,
"Oh, my - wow - she is just way too young for me. Why - she is young enough to be my daughter!"...???
In the same fashion, the same man may think the same way about a 40-year-old woman.
I am beginning to understand why men of all ages "see" all
grown woman the same in this regard. The thing that makes the difference is -- as long as the woman is
grown -
definitely no longer a child - then she is a 'valid' member of the 'pool' of available possible mates...
I know all of this seems weird. I certainly think that "too many years" between the man and woman makes it get more 'weird' as the age gap gets larger.
However, the older you get, the more it seems "allowable" for the size of the age gap to increase.
Just exactly how much is the question you have to answer honestly to yourself.
Obviously, there are "maturity" issues to consider - as well as some [ other ] issues. There are "trade-offs" that come with a larger age gap. And, I would recommend to anyone that they should definitely consider them just as seriously as being important components of the overall matter-at-hand-to-decide...