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A
I think it's also worth considering, how we want to live our lives. I mean, if our end goal or ideal life, or what we really want in life is to be happy (and I don't mean, wanting to be happy is wrong, God wants us to have joy) - having someone who truly understands you as a person (although, this is impossible without God's grace), doesn't necessarily have to be a Christian, would probably work.
However, if we're the Christian type who wants to "go into all the world and make disciples" - like do all sorts of overly Christian (if there's such a thing), almost fanatical stuff like martyrdom, then definitely, marrying a non-Christian would be a disaster. A non-Christian, will never truly understand why we do crazy things for God. Also, if we end up giving our lives to serve the kingdom, that is pledge our lives to preaching the gospel until we die, having a family would be hard (priorities will be messed up and stuff, kids will be left alone most of the time and that's not good). I mean, what if Paul had a family?!
However, if we're the Christian type who wants to "go into all the world and make disciples" - like do all sorts of overly Christian (if there's such a thing), almost fanatical stuff like martyrdom, then definitely, marrying a non-Christian would be a disaster. A non-Christian, will never truly understand why we do crazy things for God. Also, if we end up giving our lives to serve the kingdom, that is pledge our lives to preaching the gospel until we die, having a family would be hard (priorities will be messed up and stuff, kids will be left alone most of the time and that's not good). I mean, what if Paul had a family?!
If the ONLY criteria is that the man is a serious Christian, then no, it's not hard to find. There are plenty of single Christian men out there earnestly seeking after God.
The problem (and this exists on the female end as well), is that people want far more than just "someone who is living for Christ." That might be #1 on the list, but it's not the only criteria. For many singles it's the top of a long, long list.
For some people there's a disconnect between the idea that the longer their list is, the slimmer the pickings are. So, if he has to be a serious Christian and attend a certain kind of church and look a certain way and have a certain lifestyle and live in a certain geographical location and have particular goals and prefer certain kinds of activities and handle money a particular way and purchase certain kinds of products and have particular skills and interacts in a particular way, etc., then yeah...it's hard.
Finding a Christian isn't hard...finding a MATCH is hard. A lot of people have (dare I suggest it) some unrealistic expectations about a partner. It's basically approaching relationships with a somewhat consumeristic mind-set.
The problem (and this exists on the female end as well), is that people want far more than just "someone who is living for Christ." That might be #1 on the list, but it's not the only criteria. For many singles it's the top of a long, long list.
For some people there's a disconnect between the idea that the longer their list is, the slimmer the pickings are. So, if he has to be a serious Christian and attend a certain kind of church and look a certain way and have a certain lifestyle and live in a certain geographical location and have particular goals and prefer certain kinds of activities and handle money a particular way and purchase certain kinds of products and have particular skills and interacts in a particular way, etc., then yeah...it's hard.
Finding a Christian isn't hard...finding a MATCH is hard. A lot of people have (dare I suggest it) some unrealistic expectations about a partner. It's basically approaching relationships with a somewhat consumeristic mind-set.
I couldn't agree with this more. I see so many people come here saying how they want a mate. These same people see the opposite sex at their church each and every week. Sometimes even multiple times a week. God fearing men (and women, for the men) are right in front of us. But like you said (and it's something people don't want to admit) people want more than just that strong Christian man or woman. The person has to have a job, look a certain way, act a certain, and all sorts of secondary stuff that really shouldn't matter.. Sometimes I feel people are single because they're too picky. God puts people in our lives all the time.. Sometimes we just use our "yeah, but..." distract us, interfere, and ultimately ruin what God place in front of us.
I was single for a long time in churches and eventually when I met somebody I tried to force the relationship and it failed miserably.
Lesson learned.... do not force something and trust God. I prayed for answers, got it from God but still did the wrong thing.
We should trust God with our decisions. He knows best because He is God
Lesson learned.... do not force something and trust God. I prayed for answers, got it from God but still did the wrong thing.
We should trust God with our decisions. He knows best because He is God
Historically, expectations about marriage are at an all-time high. People have this ideal view that their spouse will be their "soulmate" and their "best friend." Someone who will inspire them everyday to be their best self. Someone who will love them flawlessly and open their well-spring of love. Someone who will ignite their inner passion and fill them with unending desire. Someone who will pick them up when they are down and who will constantly communicate love and affection. Someone who will see their inner person, who will pursue their truest self, who will need to connect intimately. Someone who will utterly accept them and always love them.
So, yeah, it's a lot to expect of one fragile human. And it's a lot of pressure.
I mean, I'm pretty incredible, but I don't think I could inspire someone to their truest self every single day. Holy Moses!
And, though I may take some flack for this, some of the *least* realistic views of marriage have become popular within the Church.
One hundred years ago, a guy would know a woman in his community that didn't repulse him, had similar values, and some basic life skills (cooking, cleaning, interacting with others, potential good mother), and BOOM...they'd marry. There wasn't this expectation that this woman would fulfill every aspect of his life. Nor did she expect that of him. She'd agree to marry him because he'd have similar values and some basic life skills (providing for the family, interacting with others, potential good father).
Personally, I think a lot of the expectation that people place on marriage is more of a reflection of their desire to know God more intimately. Instead of seeking after Him, they seek this kind of fulfillment through some idealized human relationship. It's a total recipe for disappointment and disaster.
I think there are many imperfect people God will perfectly place in our lives. But let's get real, there are no perfect Humans. Perfectly committed YES! Forgiven completely Yes, and who may live in Christ not sinning any longer YES! But it is a trap to presume God wants to make us perfect Specimens of what He can do- God's purpose is to make us one with Himself.
The same is true in a marriage. We say we look for a man or woman of God and then it can all be a meeting of our needs. But what does looking for a man or woman of God mean exactly? It becomes a problem in our lives when what a man of God or woman of God is, means a perfect Christian Specimen. Especially when we insist on holding the card of judgement on them ourselves, regardless of the attachment of reasoning that the bible or even our maturity level in Christ is the reason we get to hold the right to that grade. This is a dangerous foundation, because we then find ourselves defeated because no one lives up to that criteria. Or, they may seem to for a spell, but then we have the get out of jail free card in our possession, for our own issues noticed, for if we are a Christian we will be served notice by way of the Holy Spirit. The perfect possibilities we picked, in a mates consideration, turn out imperfectly real, or worse --a perfectly "not- real" Christian. Success can't happen with that premise as our anchor....
Spiritually, if we accept this concept of personal Holiness in our own life, your life's determined purpose will not be for God, but what you call the evidence of God in your life. Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship with God that shows itself to be true even amid the seemingly unimportant aspects of life.
In a marriage this truth is also true. We tend to say, "I'm just looking for someone who takes God seriously." When what we mean to say, sometimes, is, "I want a totally perfect Christian, and I will hold the card on whether it happens or not." It is fine to desire a Christian mate, God says to not be unequally yoked together, meaning it will be difficult , not impossible, to stay in godly love in a marriage where only one is a Christian. But if we offer ourselves as we see the proof first, proof not of God's spirit speaking, but our righteous creed of whom it needs to be...our commitment will never be cemented, and a marriage is about commitment. Love is about commitment to someone who we are commonly akin to, but to whom we have surrendered to God completely, and love unconditionally with God backing that open-ended contract.
I hear Christians in troubled marriages saying, "If only they loved God more, I could love them more." Yet, that is pompous piety. God says, "Stop asking to change others and ask Me to change you." {Basically}. There are Christian men out here trust me, But even Scripture tells us of the narrow road of Christians , versus the broad road of destruction in the human populous. but no one I know will meet the criteria of personal perfection, either in the world's criteria or in the godly one self-imposed.
For me it's, "Are they a confessed Christian?" and secondly, "Do I have a chemistry with them at all?" then, "What God do you think?" the imperfectly real woman or man of God should be able to let God meet our needs thru them amid the unimportant things of life.. We need to leave the check-list at home and simply pray to God and let the doors open as they may, to let who we need be ironed out by Him, and may He close the doors of human perfection found wanting in us, even the godly looking human perfections. Smile.
The same is true in a marriage. We say we look for a man or woman of God and then it can all be a meeting of our needs. But what does looking for a man or woman of God mean exactly? It becomes a problem in our lives when what a man of God or woman of God is, means a perfect Christian Specimen. Especially when we insist on holding the card of judgement on them ourselves, regardless of the attachment of reasoning that the bible or even our maturity level in Christ is the reason we get to hold the right to that grade. This is a dangerous foundation, because we then find ourselves defeated because no one lives up to that criteria. Or, they may seem to for a spell, but then we have the get out of jail free card in our possession, for our own issues noticed, for if we are a Christian we will be served notice by way of the Holy Spirit. The perfect possibilities we picked, in a mates consideration, turn out imperfectly real, or worse --a perfectly "not- real" Christian. Success can't happen with that premise as our anchor....
Spiritually, if we accept this concept of personal Holiness in our own life, your life's determined purpose will not be for God, but what you call the evidence of God in your life. Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship with God that shows itself to be true even amid the seemingly unimportant aspects of life.
In a marriage this truth is also true. We tend to say, "I'm just looking for someone who takes God seriously." When what we mean to say, sometimes, is, "I want a totally perfect Christian, and I will hold the card on whether it happens or not." It is fine to desire a Christian mate, God says to not be unequally yoked together, meaning it will be difficult , not impossible, to stay in godly love in a marriage where only one is a Christian. But if we offer ourselves as we see the proof first, proof not of God's spirit speaking, but our righteous creed of whom it needs to be...our commitment will never be cemented, and a marriage is about commitment. Love is about commitment to someone who we are commonly akin to, but to whom we have surrendered to God completely, and love unconditionally with God backing that open-ended contract.
I hear Christians in troubled marriages saying, "If only they loved God more, I could love them more." Yet, that is pompous piety. God says, "Stop asking to change others and ask Me to change you." {Basically}. There are Christian men out here trust me, But even Scripture tells us of the narrow road of Christians , versus the broad road of destruction in the human populous. but no one I know will meet the criteria of personal perfection, either in the world's criteria or in the godly one self-imposed.
For me it's, "Are they a confessed Christian?" and secondly, "Do I have a chemistry with them at all?" then, "What God do you think?" the imperfectly real woman or man of God should be able to let God meet our needs thru them amid the unimportant things of life.. We need to leave the check-list at home and simply pray to God and let the doors open as they may, to let who we need be ironed out by Him, and may He close the doors of human perfection found wanting in us, even the godly looking human perfections. Smile.
I always find it interesting that there is a whole heap of discussion about not being unequally yoked with unbelievers...
But not much talk about how two believers can very much be unequally yoked as well.
I use these examples frequently, so my apologies to those who have read them before:
* I have a family member who was in a long-term relationship with a wonderful, Christian person. Everyone thought they'd get married and have a beautiful family. But the girl in the relationship wanted to stay in their hometown and serve God at their local church, as she had done all her life. The guy, however, had it on his heart to go into worldwide missions.
This difference was the major reason they decided they had to break up, and each went on to follow their dreams. If they had gotten married, she would have resented being dragged all over the world, and he would have felt bored, restless, and trapped if they'd stayed in that small town.
These two got along splendidly in every other way and had a solid, loving relationship for several years. Were they both fully committed Christians? Absolutely. But God was calling them to express their faith very differently, and a marriage between them would have been very unhappy.
* I had an incredible mentor once who actually had an arranged marriage. She and her husband both had the gift of hospitality and loved to host dinners for people in their home, and she often took people in who needed a place to stay.
Occasionally, however, she would want to take someone in, and her husband would say no, for whatever reason. Sometimes he just had a bad feeling about it, even when she was sure God was telling them to take this person in, but she would go along with her husband's final decision out of respect.
Now, she could have thrown a fit and said, "I'm supposed to obey God rather than man, and my husband is keeping me from my calling!!!" She could have flipped out and said that maybe this wasn't the man God had for her, and maybe God wanted her to divorce him because he wasn't allowing her to fully obey God, and that she needed to find a husband who was more sold out for God.
But she didn't. She told me that either way, God would take care of it. If her husband was right, then she had honored God by submitting to his authority. And if she was right, she trusted that God would either convince her husband otherwise or bring her another way to help people that her husband felt comfortable with.
I think something we Christians overlook is how many sacrifices we are going to have to make in a marriage, and most especially, a Christian marriage. We think that because we're seeking a Christian, our wonderful Christian spouse will always support everything we want to do, especially if it has to do with God. But that's not always the case. There are going to be conflicts, disagreements, and times when you have to give up a lot of things that are really important to you, even if you feel God is calling you to them.
Maybe that's why God is apparently saying "no" to so many of us right now when it comes to finding someone--because when or if we do find that special person, we're going to have to get used to being told "no" sometimes, and we have to know how to handle that in a Godly, responsible way, instead of assuming the search must go on, and that surely God meant for us to be with someone else who is "a true Christian."
But not much talk about how two believers can very much be unequally yoked as well.
I use these examples frequently, so my apologies to those who have read them before:
* I have a family member who was in a long-term relationship with a wonderful, Christian person. Everyone thought they'd get married and have a beautiful family. But the girl in the relationship wanted to stay in their hometown and serve God at their local church, as she had done all her life. The guy, however, had it on his heart to go into worldwide missions.
This difference was the major reason they decided they had to break up, and each went on to follow their dreams. If they had gotten married, she would have resented being dragged all over the world, and he would have felt bored, restless, and trapped if they'd stayed in that small town.
These two got along splendidly in every other way and had a solid, loving relationship for several years. Were they both fully committed Christians? Absolutely. But God was calling them to express their faith very differently, and a marriage between them would have been very unhappy.
* I had an incredible mentor once who actually had an arranged marriage. She and her husband both had the gift of hospitality and loved to host dinners for people in their home, and she often took people in who needed a place to stay.
Occasionally, however, she would want to take someone in, and her husband would say no, for whatever reason. Sometimes he just had a bad feeling about it, even when she was sure God was telling them to take this person in, but she would go along with her husband's final decision out of respect.
Now, she could have thrown a fit and said, "I'm supposed to obey God rather than man, and my husband is keeping me from my calling!!!" She could have flipped out and said that maybe this wasn't the man God had for her, and maybe God wanted her to divorce him because he wasn't allowing her to fully obey God, and that she needed to find a husband who was more sold out for God.
But she didn't. She told me that either way, God would take care of it. If her husband was right, then she had honored God by submitting to his authority. And if she was right, she trusted that God would either convince her husband otherwise or bring her another way to help people that her husband felt comfortable with.
I think something we Christians overlook is how many sacrifices we are going to have to make in a marriage, and most especially, a Christian marriage. We think that because we're seeking a Christian, our wonderful Christian spouse will always support everything we want to do, especially if it has to do with God. But that's not always the case. There are going to be conflicts, disagreements, and times when you have to give up a lot of things that are really important to you, even if you feel God is calling you to them.
Maybe that's why God is apparently saying "no" to so many of us right now when it comes to finding someone--because when or if we do find that special person, we're going to have to get used to being told "no" sometimes, and we have to know how to handle that in a Godly, responsible way, instead of assuming the search must go on, and that surely God meant for us to be with someone else who is "a true Christian."
T
True. Two believers can be unequally yoked and then there are times where one of them believes they're unequally yoked and they're not, they're just scared of the other person getting to really know them.
As for me and my house, I'll serve the LORD. There are plenty of lovely ladies out there (most of who would never even notice me), but I could never think of ever marrying someone that didn't share the same faith and great passion for Christ. Maybe it's a pie in the sky dream to find a mature Christian girl, but I'd like to think it's possible. One day.
As for me and my house, I'll serve the LORD. There are plenty of lovely ladies out there (most of who would never even notice me), but I could never think of ever marrying someone that didn't share the same faith and great passion for Christ. Maybe it's a pie in the sky dream to find a mature Christian girl, but I'd like to think it's possible. One day.