Is this how crazy starts?

[MissCris]

I didn’t think I would find myself back here again. Never mind the how’s and why’s of my long break from this site- except, it wasn’t so much for myself as I could see I was doing harm I didn’t intend to do and the only right thing was to go. I’m hoping...to handle it better this time. To handle myself better. At any rate, I’ve been feeling pulled back here for the same reasons I joined to begin with- I feel trapped inside my head, and the isolation is unbearable.

I’m married; I almost ended up not being that way, but by the grace of God- or mercy, perhaps- my entire life, heart, husband, and marriage changed. Things are good on that front, and I’m thankful that I’m able to say that honestly these last couple of years.

Ive been trying to pin-point what’s eating at me. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this; I’ve kept busy, I’ve taught myself a ton of homesteading skills, I have nine chickens in my backyard because I wanted to learn about raising them (and fresh eggs! Fantastic). I’ve been restoring/redoing furniture, I’ve been building furniture I designed myself, I joined the PTA last year, for heaven’s sake. I grew delicious veggies last summer, baked homemade bread and learned about canning. I’ve fixed up my entire house, inside and out, started going to a new church with my family, lost weight, started studying my Bible every day...

It sounds so positive. It’s been a blast, every bit of it has been an adventure and brought so much joy.

...yet I’m here.

Seasonal depression? Anxiety? Minor (but truly frustrating) health problems? I feel...defeated. My mind won’t shut up when I try to sleep, but it stops working when I really need it to focus. I’ve seen three different doctors and been told I have three different issues going on, and none of the meds have helped at all. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for six months. I can’t talk to anyone because I can’t find the words to describe what the heck is going on with me. Even now, it’s a struggle, and it’s not coming out right. I just feel...so...alone, I guess. Like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else and I’m invisible behind it. Or like I’m stuck under water and can’t break the surface.

I dont want want to post this. But I’m so tired of feeling like it’s only real inside my head. Maybe someone else out there gets it.

 

[Blain]

I didn’t think I would find myself back here again. Never mind the how’s and why’s of my long break from this site- except, it wasn’t so much for myself as I could see I was doing harm I didn’t intend to do and the only right thing was to go. I’m hoping...to handle it better this time. To handle myself better. At any rate, I’ve been feeling pulled back here for the same reasons I joined to begin with- I feel trapped inside my head, and the isolation is unbearable.

I’m married; I almost ended up not being that way, but by the grace of God- or mercy, perhaps- my entire life, heart, husband, and marriage changed. Things are good on that front, and I’m thankful that I’m able to say that honestly these last couple of years.

Ive been trying to pin-point what’s eating at me. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this; I’ve kept busy, I’ve taught myself a ton of homesteading skills, I have nine chickens in my backyard because I wanted to learn about raising them (and fresh eggs! Fantastic). I’ve been restoring/redoing furniture, I’ve been building furniture I designed myself, I joined the PTA last year, for heaven’s sake. I grew delicious veggies last summer, baked homemade bread and learned about canning. I’ve fixed up my entire house, inside and out, started going to a new church with my family, lost weight, started studying my Bible every day...

It sounds so positive. It’s been a blast, every bit of it has been an adventure and brought so much joy.

...yet I’m here.

Seasonal depression? Anxiety? Minor (but truly frustrating) health problems? I feel...defeated. My mind won’t shut up when I try to sleep, but it stops working when I really need it to focus. I’ve seen three different doctors and been told I have three different issues going on, and none of the meds have helped at all. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for six months. I can’t talk to anyone because I can’t find the words to describe what the heck is going on with me. Even now, it’s a struggle, and it’s not coming out right. I just feel...so...alone, I guess. Like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else and I’m invisible behind it. Or like I’m stuck under water and can’t break the surface.

I dont want want to post this. But I’m so tired of feeling like it’s only real inside my head. Maybe someone else out there gets it.

It's not just inside your head it's a medical condition in the brain. Not the crazy lets put them in a straight jacket thing it's a kind of malfunction within the brains nervous system. It's not always clear why this happens for some like me who have brain damage it can happen simply because my brain is damage and is deteriorating for some it happens because it runs in their family tree but it's not easy to pinpoint the why's and how's.

I can't remember what it's called but like I said it's a glitch in the brain it makes it difficult to focus and you have a need to constantly distract yourself especially if your an intelligent person. also if you have depression and anxiety disorders this can make it even more bothersome but the worst of it is how it affects your sleep because your brain gets confused on when it needs to shut down and the entire issue may even just be a cause of a lack of melatonin that your brain naturally produces but it may not be producing enough and so your sleep deprived making all your symptoms that much worse.

 

[auntpoo]

Is is possible that you’re experiencing spiritual warfare? Maybe you’re growing in God and the enemy doesn’t like it? I’ve been under attack for a few weeks but just tonight received some revelation from God about it. Keep seeking God and rebuke the enemy...you might have to several times but you are a child of God. No weapon formed against you can stand.

 

[mj007]

I think you should try talking to God about it, and I mean talk and listen for the answer. God always answers, but if our mind is too loud then we can't hear. That is where faith comes in. Spend the time with God, and turn your problems over to him, persevere, and you will hear from him. He is the best doctor I know. Of course for most people that might be praying, but for me it is writing things down and then waiting for an answer.

The other day God told me that I must remember, that my faith is stronger, than anything that wants to take it away. Where faith weakens, that which wants to take it away, takes it away, the doubts grow, we become more tired, or spiritually drained.

You are blessed, and it is not a case of hoping you will be blessed.

 

[AuntieAnt]

It sounds like your flesh is warring against your spirit. I believe you’re beginning to realize that the world, even the good things in it (like a good relationship with your spouse, homesteading skills, losing weight, remodeling the house, etc.), satisfy for the moment but don’t eradicate the vast restless, yearning inwardly. Deep down in our spirit.

Which is a good thing.
Deep calls to deep at the roar of Your waterfalls; all Your breakers and Your waves have gone over me. [Psalm 42:7]

God’s Spirit calls to your spirit. He’s drawing you closer to His Presence, offering you deeper intimacy with Him. The Lord wants to reveal Himself to you and teach you to “put on the mind of Christ”, to see things in reality through His Spirit. What a privilege!

Our restlessness is meant to drive us to Him. No, you’re not crazy. But it feels crazy because it’s not our natural understanding. We can't figure it out in the flesh. It’s God in His great love wanting to give us spiritual understanding. Try practicing resting at Christ’s side and just wait, be still in His Presence. He wants to talk with you and give you rest.

 

[Miri]

One thing I’ve learnt is that been a human ”doing” doesn’t fix the
human “being”.

I think we all tend to “do stuff” to try to feel positive, show we are
doing ok. Its also what the world tells us to do - get out be active,
mingle, be positive, join something, learn something etc.

Ive find there are different types of escapism, some resort to drugs, drink
etc. But Christians aren’t suppose to do all that stuff so instead we
resort to “doing stuff”. There is nothing wrong with doing stuff by the way
but sometimes it’s used to paper over the cracks instead of fixing them.

But then in those quiet moments when we run out of stuff to do, thats when
realisation hits that “doing stuff” isn’t working it’s just a distraction from the
real issues.

Here is a suggestion you could try, go somewhere quiet with no
distractions. Take a bible and writing pad and pen and plenty of
tissues!

Pray, maybe read a few favourite bible passages and ask God to guide your
thoughts.

Begin to write down what your hopes and dreams are, want you want to
happen. Not what you expect to happen or what others expect to happen.
But want you want and need.

Break it down into areas, like spiritual, physical, emotional where you want to
be etc. Remember to put things down like healing physical, emotional, the
need to be loved, forgiven etc.


The main thing is to be make it real. Prayer into these things.

Then write down what you think the Lord wants for you, maybe to do that
it would help to look up God’s promises, or you may have other verses you
are familiar with.

Keep those bits of paper and add to them as things come to you.
When I tried this something remarkable happen over time, I won’t tell you
as it might spoil it but it may also be different for you.

Strangely it also felt as though a weight just lifted off my shoulders as I
realised I had been carrying around a lot of junk.

One other thing is that a bit of exercise here and there even if 20 mins
a day, really does help. There that’s a “doing” thing lol. But it honestly
does. There is evidence that it releases endorphins into the brain which
helps the fog to lift a little. Although that’s a “doing” thing it’s doing
something for yourself and not for anyone else.


God bless.

 

[Coolbeans]

Not sure if anything i will say to u will help in anyway but here goes. What you are describing does sound like a medical condition n specialist help might b needed. Of course, coming on cc to offload n have people pray for you will help. Just don't expect to find professional advice here.
Scriptures i always find helpful when dealing with [FONT=&quot] overwhelming thoughts:[/FONT][h=1][FONT=&quot]2 Corinthians 10:5[/FONT][FONT=Helvetica Neue, Verdana, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif]"[/FONT]casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ,"

and renew your mind daily thru reading the Word:ROMANS 12:2 "but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will "[/h][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]It made me smile when you described your achievements, that's the part i can relate to cos i used to feel like that. Truth is God [/FONT]is no respecter of persons, whatever you achieve isnt gonna make Him love u n desire you more . Very humbling but encouraging in a way. Of course keep at it but ultimately it is a good thing that it doesnt seem to satisfy. When we start our walk of faith, He does put in us a hunger for Him in us that the world can't satisfy.Nothing else will do. It is gonna clash with our basic conditioning which gives us a sense of our own value n self worth based on what we do n who we are. Maybe that conflict is what is causing these thoughts to spiral out of control.
anyway, i hope it helps, blessings [/FONT]

 

[MissCris]

I truly appreciate you all taking the time to respond, it’s a relief to know I’m not as crazy as I’ve been feeling.

I do think it has to do with spiritual warfare- makes sense as my family is starting to get on track with God and church and being obedient.

I’ve been using my “achievements” as a way to gauge how I’m doing, mentally... it’s silly, but it’s so easy to believe that as long as I’m busy and happy, I’m fine, and that when I’m not I’m drowning. That isn’t true, and shouldn’t be the reason I do things I enjoy, but it does feel like a shield against this feeling.

Anyway, thank you all, there’s been some great suggestions

 

[Depleted]

I didn’t think I would find myself back here again. Never mind the how’s and why’s of my long break from this site- except, it wasn’t so much for myself as I could see I was doing harm I didn’t intend to do and the only right thing was to go. I’m hoping...to handle it better this time. To handle myself better. At any rate, I’ve been feeling pulled back here for the same reasons I joined to begin with- I feel trapped inside my head, and the isolation is unbearable.

I’m married; I almost ended up not being that way, but by the grace of God- or mercy, perhaps- my entire life, heart, husband, and marriage changed. Things are good on that front, and I’m thankful that I’m able to say that honestly these last couple of years.

Ive been trying to pin-point what’s eating at me. I don’t understand why I’m feeling like this; I’ve kept busy, I’ve taught myself a ton of homesteading skills, I have nine chickens in my backyard because I wanted to learn about raising them (and fresh eggs! Fantastic). I’ve been restoring/redoing furniture, I’ve been building furniture I designed myself, I joined the PTA last year, for heaven’s sake. I grew delicious veggies last summer, baked homemade bread and learned about canning. I’ve fixed up my entire house, inside and out, started going to a new church with my family, lost weight, started studying my Bible every day...

It sounds so positive. It’s been a blast, every bit of it has been an adventure and brought so much joy.

...yet I’m here.

Seasonal depression? Anxiety? Minor (but truly frustrating) health problems? I feel...defeated. My mind won’t shut up when I try to sleep, but it stops working when I really need it to focus. I’ve seen three different doctors and been told I have three different issues going on, and none of the meds have helped at all. I’m tired. I’ve been tired for six months. I can’t talk to anyone because I can’t find the words to describe what the heck is going on with me. Even now, it’s a struggle, and it’s not coming out right. I just feel...so...alone, I guess. Like there’s a barrier between me and everyone else and I’m invisible behind it. Or like I’m stuck under water and can’t break the surface.

I dont want want to post this. But I’m so tired of feeling like it’s only real inside my head. Maybe someone else out there gets it.

I suddenly feel so new on here, after seeing your story. Wow! You've really been busy since you joined this site, oh so many years ago. lol

Welcome back!

Okay, so whatever is wrong, even doctors can't figure it out. Par for the course. Only 10% of doctors were in the top 10% of their class. You can become a doctor, if you were dead-last in your class. So, they're human too. (Skilled, but still human.)

If it's seasonal affect, try buying one of those sunlight lamps. The ones that give the same light as the sun, and then sit under it as long as it says to each day. I would try that, just in case.

But I don't think that's the problem. (I didn't even make it to pre-med, so don't count my opinion as doctorly-advice.)

What is your purpose in life? Have you ever considered that question? I'm asking, because you seem to have done a lot, but there were a lot of "I"s in your post. "I did this. I did that." etc.

Did you notice who didn't show up? The Lord!

Assuming this site again because you're Christian, that's a problem. It gets back to what is your purpose in life?

And we all have the same purpose -- to know and serve the Lord. To love and worship him. To love him with our whole hearts, minds, and bodies and to love others as we love ourselves.

That could be the problem. The only other thing we can do outside of our purpose is to love self. Loving self doesn't stink, however, if we're not loving God fully and not loving others, we are purposeless. And purposeless usually drives us into spending way too much time loving self.

Sounds like you forgot your purpose. And because you forgot your purpose, you've become your own island -- disconnected from all others. (I hope the exception is your husband.)

Reconnect -- with the Lord, with his people, (hopefully you have those people through your church), and with others who can use some of your God-given love. You feel alone? How many around you feel the same way? Find them. Help them! It stops them, and you, from feeling alone. And, to do that, you're going to need to drink from the well that is Jesus. Because connecting with others -- loving others -- gets messy. And messy means we need the Lord even more.

 

[JesusLives]

Welcome back been a long time.

The other thing too is that you are in that time of life that is just busy with responsibilities. Marriage, family, loads of things that you are responsible for. In my 30's is when stress really hit and at times I felt crazy with all that was going on.

Keep learning to lean on God and he will help you weather anything that comes along. Make sure you have people to talk to about things that are happening a good sounding board is not to be taken lightly as sharing things that stress you out can help.

Try and make some new friends as I believe you said you were going to church and your family is getting closer to God....

Just glad to see you posting again.

 

[MissCris]

I suddenly feel so new on here, after seeing your story. Wow! You've really been busy since you joined this site, oh so many years ago. lol

Welcome back!

Okay, so whatever is wrong, even doctors can't figure it out. Par for the course. Only 10% of doctors were in the top 10% of their class. You can become a doctor, if you were dead-last in your class. So, they're human too. (Skilled, but still human.)

If it's seasonal affect, try buying one of those sunlight lamps. The ones that give the same light as the sun, and then sit under it as long as it says to each day. I would try that, just in case.

But I don't think that's the problem. (I didn't even make it to pre-med, so don't count my opinion as doctorly-advice.)

What is your purpose in life? Have you ever considered that question? I'm asking, because you seem to have done a lot, but there were a lot of "I"s in your post. "I did this. I did that." etc.

Did you notice who didn't show up? The Lord!

Assuming this site again because you're Christian, that's a problem. It gets back to what is your purpose in life?

And we all have the same purpose -- to know and serve the Lord. To love and worship him. To love him with our whole hearts, minds, and bodies and to love others as we love ourselves.

That could be the problem. The only other thing we can do outside of our purpose is to love self. Loving self doesn't stink, however, if we're not loving God fully and not loving others, we are purposeless. And purposeless usually drives us into spending way too much time loving self.

Sounds like you forgot your purpose. And because you forgot your purpose, you've become your own island -- disconnected from all others. (I hope the exception is your husband.)

Reconnect -- with the Lord, with his people, (hopefully you have those people through your church), and with others who can use some of your God-given love. You feel alone? How many around you feel the same way? Find them. Help them! It stops them, and you, from feeling alone. And, to do that, you're going to need to drink from the well that is Jesus. Because connecting with others -- loving others -- gets messy. And messy means we need the Lord even more.

[FONT=&quot]
You’ve made some very good points! I have put too much focus on me- it was an easy trap to fall into, honestly; I had purposely pulled back from a lot of people and things a few years back when my marriage was falling apart. Together we learned to focus on God and each other, and together through Christ we have solved every issue that tore us apart- along with simply being in awe of seeing first hand the power God has to completely change a person from the inside out. But once we were on solid ground again, I still had to face my own demons; anxiety, self-esteem, etc. learning new things, and seeing that I am actually capable of accomplishing difficult things has done a lot of good- but was never a true cure. My husband has been wonderful in helping me through everything- not to mention truly becoming a spiritual leader in our home and working hard to make sure he himself is following Christ. I, on the other hand, have less discipline in that regard. My tendency to spend too much time with my own thoughts and my overall feeling like I’m missing my purpose...kind of a recipe for disaster. Thank you for what you’ve said- it’s helping me see more clearly where exactly I’ve strayed. [/FONT]

 

[MissCris]

Welcome back been a long time.

The other thing too is that you are in that time of life that is just busy with responsibilities. Marriage, family, loads of things that you are responsible for. In my 30's is when stress really hit and at times I felt crazy with all that was going on.

Keep learning to lean on God and he will help you weather anything that comes along. Make sure you have people to talk to about things that are happening a good sounding board is not to be taken lightly as sharing things that stress you out can help.

Try and make some new friends as I believe you said you were going to church and your family is getting closer to God....

Just glad to see you posting again.

So true! This is a crazy busy time of life, between kids and critters and church and chickens and...yeah, there might be a bit of stress in there somewhere Thank you for the reminder to not carry it all on my own

 

[Waggles]

Have you had a diagnosis for "Chronic Fatigue Syndrome" ?

In my church a woman named Aida suffered from an ongoing problem of 'fatigue' and depression for a few years until diagnosed as suffering from this condition.

Once she knew it was a medical condition and not something in her head (and all the condemnation that can go along with that) she was able to seek a healing from God.
So she fasted and prayed several times and was completely healed from her 'Chronic Fatigue Syndrome' over a period of several weeks.

 

[teatimefriend]

Dear MissCris, I feel my heart beating faster when reading your activities. They are so much you are doing there. All are to make your physical being active and working and tired. The mind is, of course, part of it too. Would you like to try to take a moment to sit still and let your mind rest for a minute or two and realize that there is God's presence and He is trying to talk to or engage with you? That is what I think when reading your post. Would you like to try yoga ( i mean a real exercise type of yoga, not the pure meditation one).
Meditation is good for anxiety, it trains our brain and the whole body to submit to God. You can do meditation in His Word. Also, listen to worship songs (sometimes praise songs) uplift our troubled spirit too.
I did the same thing too and it really works. The Lord is real and so is His Presence.
Psalm 46:10a. be still, and know that I am God.

Peace be with you, dear.

 

[Dino246]

Praying for you, MissCris.