Make him wait! Make him work! Make him sweat!

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DCrawshawJr

Guest
#41
#41
This is also why I'm on CC; I need that support. I do have a really good like-minded friend, but I understand that he can't always talk because he has a wife and kids himself. Still, he does take some time out of his day to talk to me, and I really appreciate it.

You're right; I thought I was confident, but right now, I'm really not.

on CHILL OUT: I'm not at all saying that marriage is for everyone. It's not. Even the Bible says this. Maybe I should have mentioned that my desire was intensified because of a certain website saying that for those without the gift of celibacy, marriage is commanded. No it's not. It's just highly recommended. Still, he made it sound like a big emergency. Really, while I really want to be married, my first priority is fellowship. I don't care what your situation is, all believers need fellowship! (Hebrews 10:25) But yeah, I feed off of other's urgency A LOT.

on INTERACT: Yeah, I can't argue with you there. The only thing I can say is that there's not a lot of single Christian girls I can even talk to. I do talk to the other girls, and I get along with them just fine. However, there is this one girl who I really like, and we even talked about a year ago, and became good friends before she started a relationship with someone. Somehow, I lost touch with her, or I was too ignorant to even stay friends with her; my fault. Thursday, I met her again, and found out she's single again! She still remembers me, so I feel good about her. So, I'll definitely need your help in this, because I have big feelings for her, based on our conversations over a year ago. Now, I haven't said anything about dating yet, I just mentioned on Facebook that I was floored that I totally forgot us even talking to each other. Yeah, I was an idiot. Yes, I agree that talking in person is much better than talking online, but we both found out that we both work nights, so we agreed on Facebook communicating.

on ACCOUNTABILITY: I've got one. That like-minded friend I told you about. I haven't told him yet about the girl, since I just reunited with her a couple of days ago.

But yeah, the reason I'm so gung-ho about marriage and all is because I was so frustrated that I saw nothing even starting. I sorta have this obsessive-compulsive mind, and if there's something I care about so much, I tend to go full-throttle. Yeah, this is why I DEFINITELY need all your support in this. Now, as long as I see some progress in any promising relationship, I'm totally fine with waiting. Still, I need all the help I can get.
 
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Shortstop17

Guest
#42
#42
IBDesmond said:
I hear you pal. I've not really had a relationship neither. But that's been completely by choice (for personal yet benevolent reasons I'm not gonna get into on here). I've spent my time trying to understand females and the difference between men and women and the dynamics of relationships and such, all in preparation for when I do finally meet the one. I use every single day and every experience I face to better me and to learn and grow.
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LOL If you ever do manage to figure us chicks out please let me know because I don't understand us either! Nearly all of my friends are guys so I know how much they like "the chase" so to speak. But they are Godly men, big brothers and they have taught me a thing or two in the past.

Here is how I deal with this:
I try not to allow myself to be naive. Not all guys are good, even if they have friends who are, so I automatically put up a small wall when I meet someone new. I don't tell them anything specific unless they ask. Mostly because I need to learn to trust them and I put my heart and soul into almost everything I do. One thing I do NOT want is the guy trashing it if it is something that means a lot to me. I am honest but I play the game too. I like to have fun and I can be very sarcastic so that keeps them on their toes!
However... I am always upfront about my beliefs and my involvement in the church. Yes, I can cave in on a couple of things but my church and my God is NOT one of them. If I intend to someday down the road enter a relationship with this person, I need to know that they will be able to be there for me spiritually and support me in a Godly manor. They also need to know that i work at the church about 3-4 days a week and if they cant handle my commitment then they probably are not worth my time. I wont tolerate people trashing my God or my church.

I agree, I think you need to be careful what type of information you give out and when. It totally freaks me out when guys jump the gun. Get to know the girl first before you ask her out! At the same time though, be honest! If they ask? Tell them! Just remember there is a difference between being honest and being over informal!
 
IBDesmond

IBDesmond

Senior Member
#43
Jan 25, 2013
148
3
0
#43
DCrawshawJr said:
You're right; I thought I was confident, but right now, I'm really not.

on INTERACT: Yeah, I can't argue with you there. The only thing I can say is that there's not a lot of single Christian girls I can even talk to. I do talk to the other girls, and I get along with them just fine. However, there is this one girl who I really like, and we even talked about a year ago, and became good friends before she started a relationship with someone. Somehow, I lost touch with her, or I was too ignorant to even stay friends with her; my fault. Thursday, I met her again, and found out she's single again! She still remembers me, so I feel good about her. So, I'll definitely need your help in this, because I have big feelings for her, based on our conversations over a year ago. Now, I haven't said anything about dating yet, I just mentioned on Facebook that I was floored that I totally forgot us even talking to each other. Yeah, I was an idiot. Yes, I agree that talking in person is much better than talking online, but we both found out that we both work nights, so we agreed on Facebook communicating.



But yeah, the reason I'm so gung-ho about marriage and all is because I was so frustrated that I saw nothing even starting. I sorta have this obsessive-compulsive mind, and if there's something I care about so much, I tend to go full-throttle. Yeah, this is why I DEFINITELY need all your support in this. Now, as long as I see some progress in any promising relationship, I'm totally fine with waiting. Still, I need all the help I can get.
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That's awesome man. There's a lot of miscommunication with cyber-chat. Talking via texts is hard. I would encourage you to skype/facetime her if you can so you can learn each others temperament. It will make translating texts easier in the future. Work your way into the best friend zone with this girl. Do kind gestures and such. Maybe one day you can work your way into the boyfriend zone. But don't force it. By the sounds of it, you haven't put all your eggs in one basket with this girl which is good. Keep on keeping on


Shortstop17 said:
LOL If you ever do manage to figure us chicks out please let me know because I don't understand us either! Nearly all of my friends are guys so I know how much they like "the chase" so to speak. But they are Godly men, big brothers and they have taught me a thing or two in the past.

Here is how I deal with this:
I try not to allow myself to be naive. Not all guys are good, even if they have friends who are, so I automatically put up a small wall when I meet someone new. I don't tell them anything specific unless they ask. Mostly because I need to learn to trust them and I put my heart and soul into almost everything I do. One thing I do NOT want is the guy trashing it if it is something that means a lot to me. I am honest but I play the game too. I like to have fun and I can be very sarcastic so that keeps them on their toes!
However... I am always upfront about my beliefs and my involvement in the church. Yes, I can cave in on a couple of things but my church and my God is NOT one of them. If I intend to someday down the road enter a relationship with this person, I need to know that they will be able to be there for me spiritually and support me in a Godly manor. They also need to know that i work at the church about 3-4 days a week and if they cant handle my commitment then they probably are not worth my time. I wont tolerate people trashing my God or my church.

I agree, I think you need to be careful what type of information you give out and when. It totally freaks me out when guys jump the gun. Get to know the girl first before you ask her out! At the same time though, be honest! If they ask? Tell them! Just remember there is a difference between being honest and being over informal!
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Haha, well being around girls more than guys for the majority of my life, I've learnt a thing or two. I'm not saying I'm a female guru by any means haha. But I can definitely see the difference between how men tick and how women tick. If you observe how men shop to how women shop, you can begin to understand. Also if you look at how men clean to how women clean, you will begin to understand. But there's an exception to every rule and I never put all women in one category of being the same. More than anything, we're all human being and we're all different. That's when things get complex but we won't get into that.

And I agree with what you say about the info thing. If they ask, tell them. But obvious keep somethings to yourself. I pride myself in being honest and open but one thing I often say is "I'll tell you another time". Some things can ruin a mood when you're being brutally honest or somethings are just not appropriate for the current conversation.
 
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Shortstop17

Guest
#44
#44
Yes! I think sometimes people hand out their dirty laundry freely as a defense mechanism with the idea that they can scare the other away but then they get disappointed when it doesn't work out. Sometimes people need to prepare for certain conversations. It's nice when you get asked about something deep right off the bat because it makes you feel like they actually care but they may not be ready to have that conversation. You have to pick and chose your battles ya know?
 
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DCrawshawJr

Guest
#45
#45
Hi Des, I'm back.

I understand Shortstop, just a quick update, I'm no longer pursing this girl. Don't ask why. It's just a bad situation.

Yes, I have been using that defense mechanism for quite some time. Mainly because I absolutely hate getting hurt. I've been hurt so many times, and I'm still not used to it. This is why I believe in massive reform of the dating and courtship system, but that's for another thread.

You know, I think I might have better luck with the networking. Those who know me know what kind of girl I'm looking for, someone who's not afraid of some honestly. Really? I don't want any games played. I just want someone who will at least give me a chance. Sorry if I sound desperate, I had to get it out, because I just told said girl we can't talk for a while (read the first sentence). It still hurts that I can't seem to get a one on one with anyone, even as just friends.
 
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Nuns_n_roses

Guest
#46
#46
Being open and honest as well as going slow in a relationship is best. If someone proposed after a week for instance, I'd be terrified... even though marriage is my future goal. However you need to have some history with someone first.

My boyfriend and I worked together for months and I had a crush on him the whole time. I was content with it not going anywhere but wanted to see if it could. I hinted about his religious beliefs and discovered he's a Christian. We started casually dating in early July (I started working with him in April) and wasn't sure if we were just hanging out as friends or what but I knew I cared for him a lot already.

Well I was naughty and dated a couple of romantic interests casually for a few months... But once he tried to kiss me I made the decision I wanted him over the other interest and started to date a little more seriously where an ocassional kiss happened. Then when I left to visit family in California for two weeks we became exclusive and I came back to my best friend as my now boyfriend. That night he told me he loved me even though he had hinted at it since October. (He must've missed me!)

Long story to say that waiting patiently pays off. I liked him before he liked me so I waited. And we've been exclusive about two months now and I let my walls down more and more.

So yes... I believe slow is good. Otherwise often things will end as soon as they began!
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#47
May 25, 2015
6,119
821
113
#47
I thought the title of this thread was referring to an intense workout.
 
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WadeWilson14

Guest
#50
#50
MissCris said:
If you make a person jump through too many hoops to get to you, they're going to get tired of it at some point and walk away.

Playing hard to get...I dunno, it seems like a good way to end up alone. What's so wrong with being an open, honest person, sincere in your words and intentions, being friends with a person before deciding to date, and accepting that there's always some amount of risk of getting hurt in any kind of relationship?

"Make him work"...that sounds so bad. If two people start out as friends and develop a good relationship as Friends first, there's not all this need for "testing" anybody- you'll already know what that person is like, and whether or not they would be good for you and vice versa. Granted, this really only works if people are also using common sense, and actually recognizing red flags when they see them...

Maybe people who don't want to be single are staying single so long in part because so many of them seem to feel that they're this prize to be won after much game-playing, if the other person does everything according to some crazy rule book.

Why can't people just meet each other, get to know each other, decide they like each other, and ride off into the sunset on a white horse?!
Maybe there aren't enough white horses to go around.
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Yes, this times a thousand! There's a fine line between "making him wait" and plain not being interested in him and being polite about it. I'm a huge believer in openness, honesty and clarity, and I'm fine with waiting, but if I can't tell by the girl's actions and words, I'd sooner leave than sweat it out. Nobody's got time for games.
 
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WadeWilson14

Guest
#51
#51
shineyourlight said:
It was a suggested thread :p

Now, I am tempted to go to the oldest threads and post in all of them just for you :p
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Aha! I waited, worked and sweated to see who brought this thread back and how long ago! #truelovewaits
 
shineyourlight

shineyourlight

Senior Member
#52
May 25, 2015
6,119
821
113
#52
WadeWilson14 said:
Aha! I waited, worked and sweated to see who brought this thread back and how long ago! #truelovewaits
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You are welcome. Glad I could be of service. Now, if you want any more old threads resurrected, please do not hesitate to call.

*hands you my business card*
 
Roh_Chris

Roh_Chris

Senior Member
#53
Jun 15, 2014
4,728
58
48
#53
^ CC Singles resident troll.

She has been tutored by me, so she has a decent success rate.
 
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WadeWilson14

Guest
#57
#57
shineyourlight said:
You are welcome. Glad I could be of service. Now, if you want any more old threads resurrected, please do not hesitate to call.

*hands you my business card*
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Wonderful! I'm going to request two more interesting golden oldies to help fan away the stench of the Liberal Christian thread.
 
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