Ok to have opposite sex friends while dating?

  • Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.

    If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!

    To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#21
#21
Jullianna said:
Stuey, I know women who actually snoop through their man's phone. :( When I was married, I wouldn't even get something out of my husband's wallet without asking first, and even then I would prefer he got it himself.
Click to expand...
lol my husband won't go through my purse unless he really needs it and can't wait for me to finish what I'm doing at the time.

my husband's wallet and phone don't really interest me and he doesn't have anything in it worth fretting over. I just tell him if I need money and take it ;)

I went through his phone once to get numbers of his friends and invite them to a surprise birthday party. he wasn't upset.

I like that he doesn't want to go through my things and I avoid going through his desk and work space more because he doesn't like things moved then because I would think he hide anything.
 
error

error

Senior Member
#22
Oct 23, 2009
1,244
10
38
#22
for me it is ok. i will not leave my friends-just cause i'm in a relationship. your bf has to respect that. +he has to trust you.
 
N

NodMyHeadLikeYeah

Guest
#23
#23
Oncefallen said:
I agree Jullianna, my way of thinking is that if I don't trust a woman, I shouldn't be with her. That's coming from a man who has been cheated on twice. All that proves is that I've placed my trust in two women that I shouldn't have, not that I shouldn't trust another woman. Interestingly enough both of these women were insanely jealous. :confused:
Click to expand...
The two women cheating on you and Them being insanely jealous doesn't surprise me a bit. In my experience it's normally the crazy jealous one's that are the cheaters.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#24
#24
yep if my husband started acting crazy jealous I would follow him to find out why, but then i'm a bit.... the nicest word used is "unique" lol
 
K

keep_on_smiling

Guest
#25
#25
I desire to be in a relationship where I completely trust the person I am with and that I wouldn't be jealous of his girl friends...But we are all human and have times where trust or jealousy may come up in a relationship. This won't be a problem if each person in the relationship loves the other and keeps good communication. If we love someone enough, we will make them feel comfortable in anyway we can.

I think out of respect for your spouse, friendships of the opposite sex should change a bit when a couple dates seriously or gets married, though I do think this change would happen naturally. I don't think it's something where you have to make rules (in most cases) just because you are married. I think it should a mutual understanding that you don't spend all your free time with friends (especially of the opposite sex) whether that's physical time spent with them or constant texting/calls. I love my friends and always want them in my life, but when I get married my life is inevitably going to change and will be centered around God and my husband. That change isn't a bad thing. We don't have to change who we are, but rather how we go about things.

After reading through everyone's responses, I think it's wise to have this discussion with the person we think the Lord has for us. If there is a disagreement on whether or not there should be a change in friendships, it's going to be important to be honest with yourself and figure this out before continuing your relationship.

 
LightningClap0002

LightningClap0002

Senior Member
#26
Feb 10, 2008
3,371
16
38
#26
CC_Bride said:
Yes I agree with others. A man with too many female friends and no solid friendships with other men were a deal breaker for me when I was dating with the exception being that the man was at LEAST pursuing male led friendship or social involvement. Some men, of course are quite natural around women and that could be because they grew up with a lot of sisters or still maintain a fantastic relationship with his mother and sisters like my husband.

The friends with opposite sex should have boundaries. Obviously they are more flexible when single but it becomes more strict during the duration of a courtship and marriage, which is why it is important for the guy to have male friends to lean on primarily more than female friends.
Click to expand...
Thank you for giving me some hope. Your husband sounds a lot like me. Well... in this case at least. :)

NodMyHeadLikeYeah said:
The two women cheating on you and Them being insanely jealous doesn't surprise me a bit. In my experience it's normally the crazy jealous one's that are the cheaters.
Click to expand...
This has proven true far too many times to just be coincidence... I agree.

You know, I think I must have a bit of a different view on this than I've seen from others so far. I have some very close female friends. I have spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen if I were to get back into a serious relationship. In my first one I didn't cut out my close female friends and it ended in disaster. In my second I did cut out all of my close female friends. After the relationship ended I found that I realized how hurt some of them had been. Seems kind of like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place if I get into another relationship.

I can honestly say that I love my female friends deeply. I had a friend who used to talk about how bad dating was because each time you gave out a piece of your heart. In the end, you got some back each time, but lost a bit until you had very little to give to your eventual wife. I'm not sure I really buy into this idea, but I can say that I have without a doubt given each of my close female friends a part of my heart. I refuse to ask for it back. But that leaves me stuck again; how can I love my wife enough if I also refuse to love my female friends less?

Does God pour out enough love to do this? Is it fair to your wife to know that you love her deeply, but also another 3 women? I would love to claim that there would still be another level of love involved, but I don't really know. Is the commitment and the intimacy enough to elevate your wife above the others? In truth, I want to get married, I do really desire a family, but I'm afraid that maybe God is leading me down a different path.

Anyone care to share thoughts or experiences?
 
J

Jullianna

Guest
#27
#27
I don't blame you for not buying into that piece of your heart thing.:) For that to be true, one would have to have a limited amount of love to give, wouldn't they? I can't imagine that love would be something God would give to us in a limited supply, can you? :)

I do think that we should approach relationships with more care than some folks do, as the more one has that end badly, the more baggage one tends to carry into the next.
 
A

AnandaHya

Guest
#28
#28
I do believe you give a part of your heart and self to those you love but I also believe that God fills us up with love every day and that we will never run out of love for others because we are not just giving our love but the love of God through us to others.

Its not worrying that you don't have enough love but allowing the wounds of the heart from past relationships to influence your future ones. its like we have this spiritual cuts and bruises and too often people just jump into another relationship instead of taking the time to fully heal and allow God to bandage and heal you. so when you get into another relationship and they touch the not yet healed cut or bruise we lash out.

we pick up wounds even if we do not date as children. we are wounded when someone tells us mean things, that we are worthless, that we are not good enough or that we are unlovable. we are wounded by the strongholds of lies in our minds that war against Christ.

sometimes we need to be bathed by Christ and rest in Him and His words and in prayer and grow to be mature and feel the joy and peace of God before we are ready to build a life and family and do the works God wants us to do.

Saul who is called Paul spent 3 years in the desert learning from Jesus before he began his ministry. Jesus did not start His teaching ministry until He was 30. Moses spent 40 years in the desert of Midian after fleeing from Eygpt before God called him to lead His people out of Eypt. David spent time as a shepherd boy before being called upon to do God's will.

people often forget that the Bible documents not only the times of actions but the time of inaction, learning and growth of His prophets and children.

sorry off topic but those are my thoughts LightningClap.

sometimes God wants us to focus on other things until He is ready to bring the person you are meant to marry into your life.
 
TheAristocat

TheAristocat

Senior Member
#30
Oct 4, 2011
2,150
26
0
#30
keep_on_smiling said:
I desire to be in a relationship where I completely trust the person I am with and that I wouldn't be jealous of his girl friends...But we are all human and have times where trust or jealousy may come up in a relationship. This won't be a problem if each person in the relationship loves the other and keeps good communication. If we love someone enough, we will make them feel comfortable in anyway we can.

I think out of respect for your spouse, friendships of the opposite sex should change a bit when a couple dates seriously or gets married, though I do think this change would happen naturally. I don't think it's something where you have to make rules (in most cases) just because you are married. I think it should a mutual understanding that you don't spend all your free time with friends (especially of the opposite sex) whether that's physical time spent with them or constant texting/calls. I love my friends and always want them in my life, but when I get married my life is inevitably going to change and will be centered around God and my husband. That change isn't a bad thing. We don't have to change who we are, but rather how we go about things.

After reading through everyone's responses, I think it's wise to have this discussion with the person we think the Lord has for us. If there is a disagreement on whether or not there should be a change in friendships, it's going to be important to be honest with yourself and figure this out before continuing your relationship.
Click to expand...
I like this post. I think it comes from an understanding woman.
 
B

ButterflyPrincess

Guest
#31
#31
marchfish said:
Hi all.
I'm new on here.
What are your opinions about having same sex friends while you are dating someone? Here is the situation I was in. I was dating a Christian man for a year, he is very outgoing and tends to have more female friends than guy friends. He would have conversations via text with these girls. One was a Christian woman who I met, another one was a female coworker that's a non Christian. I didn't feel comfortable with this. We broke up over it. He thinks that I have trust issues. Maybe I do, but I don't think you should take risks like that with something that you value, your relationship/the person you love. It seems there are two different view points, or types of people out there. I tend to be on the conservative side. In my opinion, having private conversations via phone or text is a no, no.
Click to expand...
Hi there, it depends on what kind of text messages and which frequency. How can you solve this? Confornting him. Well I guess it's maybe late for it now, but if he really loves you he would want you to listen to your questions. First ask him what kind of messages with these girls he was having? (friendly messages- then its ok- work appointment - then its ok- asking about something - then its ok.) If the frequency of the messages and the tone of the messages are ODD like implying an affair maybe you should ask him more questions. But please don't be paranoid about it. If this guy is honest with you and really cares for you he would say the truth.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.