C
I don't understand what causes me to withdraw from God periodically.
When I say withdraw, I don't just mean that I begin to doubt his existence. I mean that I stop praying, stop feeling conviction for sin, cease contact with christian connections, and cease reading the bible. The strange part is, is that I've never during these periods doubted God's existence or soverignty. So when I do begin to feel a sense of conviction again, I pray, I come back to God and I feel terrible for what I've done, for essentially abusing God's grace.
You know, I know God is our father and he loves us more than we can comprehend, but I also know that God won't be mocked. He is sovereign.I'm almost resigned to the fear that I will someday die while in one of these "off" times of my life. I don't want to keep doing this, and I ask God to please give me the grace to stay faithful.
Yet it happens...
I know that it is sin that separates us from God, but I can't understand what sin it is that's causing this sense of separation. I am not saying that I expect to never sin. I'm not saying that at all. I know the blood of Christ continually washes us from sin, and that he is faithful. So it's not like this post is about me lying, feeling some guilt, and then apologizing. But there's a difference between unintentional sin and continued, outright disobedience, right--- am I making any sense here? (Someone save me from rambling!)
I know God will never forsake us, but I also know that we can, by our own will, separate ourselves from God by sinning and rejecting Christ. However, I don't desire separation from God. I love Him, (even though I'm terrible at showing it)-- I don't want to upset Him, and hell scares the crap out of me, but I don't want to be separated from God forever when I die.
I also believe that part of what allows us to remain faithful is the grace of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it's only by God's grace that I'm able to desire to come to Him at all. How then can I fall so far away when I don't desire to and God does not forsake us?
I'm not trying to insinuate that God is a liar, of course, I'm just not sure what to do...
When I say withdraw, I don't just mean that I begin to doubt his existence. I mean that I stop praying, stop feeling conviction for sin, cease contact with christian connections, and cease reading the bible. The strange part is, is that I've never during these periods doubted God's existence or soverignty. So when I do begin to feel a sense of conviction again, I pray, I come back to God and I feel terrible for what I've done, for essentially abusing God's grace.
You know, I know God is our father and he loves us more than we can comprehend, but I also know that God won't be mocked. He is sovereign.I'm almost resigned to the fear that I will someday die while in one of these "off" times of my life. I don't want to keep doing this, and I ask God to please give me the grace to stay faithful.
Yet it happens...
I know that it is sin that separates us from God, but I can't understand what sin it is that's causing this sense of separation. I am not saying that I expect to never sin. I'm not saying that at all. I know the blood of Christ continually washes us from sin, and that he is faithful. So it's not like this post is about me lying, feeling some guilt, and then apologizing. But there's a difference between unintentional sin and continued, outright disobedience, right--- am I making any sense here? (Someone save me from rambling!)
I know God will never forsake us, but I also know that we can, by our own will, separate ourselves from God by sinning and rejecting Christ. However, I don't desire separation from God. I love Him, (even though I'm terrible at showing it)-- I don't want to upset Him, and hell scares the crap out of me, but I don't want to be separated from God forever when I die.
I also believe that part of what allows us to remain faithful is the grace of the Holy Spirit. Therefore, it's only by God's grace that I'm able to desire to come to Him at all. How then can I fall so far away when I don't desire to and God does not forsake us?
I'm not trying to insinuate that God is a liar, of course, I'm just not sure what to do...