L
Hey,
I'm looking for some help. I'm 21, and I was raised in a Christian home. I remember questioning God at about 9 and asking Mum if He was definitely real and she said it was impossible that He wasn't (which I know isn't true, and never really believed) and these doubts continued until I was 15 or so. I then trusted a few good Christian friends, and chatted through things, and I guess got over stuff a bit then. I have never had assurance of my Salvation, and to be honest have never felt like I believed in Jesus quite enough. I have no recollection of really becoming a Christian. However, from I was 16 I really felt like I trusted in God, I felt like I was relying on Him, I was even praying about going to the mission field after I graduate.
Then about 3 weeks ago, like a light turning off, I felt the doubts come back. It feels like they are smothering me, I feel like I am drowning. I am doubting everything. It started with my salvation - but now it's God's existence, whether I really believe in Jesus - if I believe enough. I don't feel like I can believe anything I think, I don't know how I even feel. I'm worried there might be something mentally wrong with me too, like depression or anxiety. I want people to pray for me, and I think I know that if I turned away from all this I would be wrong. I know I wasn't working hard enough on my relationship with God beforehand, but I don't know how to function at the minute. I am constantly reading, praying, trying to get back to normal. I don't feel anything at the minute, I don't even see sin in my own life. I am falling apart. I need God so much, I need Jesus. I know that. But I don't know how to believe.
I'm supposed to be going away for three months this summer, in like a month, and I'm terrified of going away feeling like this. I don't want to go to the mission field if I'm not even sure I have God.
I'm looking for some help. I'm 21, and I was raised in a Christian home. I remember questioning God at about 9 and asking Mum if He was definitely real and she said it was impossible that He wasn't (which I know isn't true, and never really believed) and these doubts continued until I was 15 or so. I then trusted a few good Christian friends, and chatted through things, and I guess got over stuff a bit then. I have never had assurance of my Salvation, and to be honest have never felt like I believed in Jesus quite enough. I have no recollection of really becoming a Christian. However, from I was 16 I really felt like I trusted in God, I felt like I was relying on Him, I was even praying about going to the mission field after I graduate.
Then about 3 weeks ago, like a light turning off, I felt the doubts come back. It feels like they are smothering me, I feel like I am drowning. I am doubting everything. It started with my salvation - but now it's God's existence, whether I really believe in Jesus - if I believe enough. I don't feel like I can believe anything I think, I don't know how I even feel. I'm worried there might be something mentally wrong with me too, like depression or anxiety. I want people to pray for me, and I think I know that if I turned away from all this I would be wrong. I know I wasn't working hard enough on my relationship with God beforehand, but I don't know how to function at the minute. I am constantly reading, praying, trying to get back to normal. I don't feel anything at the minute, I don't even see sin in my own life. I am falling apart. I need God so much, I need Jesus. I know that. But I don't know how to believe.
I'm supposed to be going away for three months this summer, in like a month, and I'm terrified of going away feeling like this. I don't want to go to the mission field if I'm not even sure I have God.