Confusion
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Welcome to the Christian dilemma. The more we learn about Christ the more wretched we see ourselves. Peter was addressing the new Christian's fate in the following:
1 Peter 4:12, 13 "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."
Welcome to the club, you are being initiated. Jesus even promised us trouble in this world:
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
1 Peter 4:12, 13 "Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy."
Welcome to the club, you are being initiated. Jesus even promised us trouble in this world:
John 16:33 "These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world."
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Think about it this way.
You, myself, every human being is an awful person at first when we compare ourselves to the Bible. But it's when you understand why you are now doing the things like being a better human being to your home life, your family and friends, your neighbors and co-workers, your fellow students and teachers. When these people begin to matter more than yourself, you know are pretty close to what the New Testament people following Yeshua (Jesus) were like.
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First things first. Your Spiritual status says "unsure" . Our God is NOT the God of confusion. The enemy seeks to confuse you. Here is THE Gospel unto Salvation: I'll just copy what I wrote to another struggling person earlier:
Let's make sure you have the proper Gospel.
God became flesh in the form of his Son, Jesus the Christ. He was conceived by the Holy Spirit, born of a virgin. He suffered, was crucified, and died to pay the debt we owe because of our sin. He was raised to life on the 3rd day according to the Scriptures.
If you confess with your mouth Jesus IS Lord, and believe in your heart that He was raised to life on the 3rd day, you WILL be saved.
That's it. That is the THE Gospel unto Salvation.
When that happens, we are sealed with the Holy Spirit, who will sanctify us to walk as Jesus did. We still stumble. But don't let that stumble define you. Confess it to the Lord and move on. The enemy will try and use your stumble to give you a feeling of condemnation. THAT is NOT from the Lord.
The key is to always look outward to Him, and love toward others, and NOT inward at our sin, or condemning toward others.
You are actually in a good position, with a fertile understanding of your sin, and inability to eradicate it, to believe and be born again.
Jesus came to save SINNERS (that's you and me, and ALL else who know they are lost, and in need of a Savior) NOT THE RIGHTEOUS (those that think they can make themselves clean, and work to eradicate their sin).
So I'd urge you in the strongest possible terms to confess, and believe!
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Sounds like you have maybe more clarity than you realize
I'm awful too, and if I didn't think so I'd never improve. But the good news - even tho we're awful at our cores, Christ loves us, and is reaching out to us, to change us from our hearts to the outside, patiently and perfectly. And when we fess up to Him about how awful we are, He forgives us.
Romans is the best book in the NT to fully explain the gospel. It's not easy, but be patient and diligent. You will spend your whole life growing in understanding, now, so don't be too freaked out about having a lot of questions and feeling like so much is unclear. Farther along we'll know all about it
I'm awful too, and if I didn't think so I'd never improve. But the good news - even tho we're awful at our cores, Christ loves us, and is reaching out to us, to change us from our hearts to the outside, patiently and perfectly. And when we fess up to Him about how awful we are, He forgives us.
Romans is the best book in the NT to fully explain the gospel. It's not easy, but be patient and diligent. You will spend your whole life growing in understanding, now, so don't be too freaked out about having a lot of questions and feeling like so much is unclear. Farther along we'll know all about it
Well.......we are all in that boat and exactly why we all need grace and mercy.....even the most righteous of the bible confessed sins and understood how evil they are in the flesh and in light of the the righteousness and holiness of God.....the victory is faith and Christ and through Jesus we can all overcome....do not lose hope or faith....be strong, keep reading and ONE STEP AT A TIME.....even now, after 45 years in the truth I fail, have weaknesses in certain areas and struggle with those dang besetting sins sometimes as all honest men will admit.....