Phil-uk,
I'm very sorry you're going through these things.
I'm sure there are plenty of kind, mature Christians on CC who can go into more detail with you,
and give you much better advice than I can.
I'm just going to jot down a few things which come to mind...
which may answer some of your questions.
1. God does "correct" or "discipline" his children - it is actually proof that we are his children.
That fact that he disciplines his children is PROOF that we are saved, and we are His.
You don't discipline children that don't belong to you... neither does God.
When God disciplines us, it is proof we ARE His children.
Proverbs 3:12 For whom the LORD loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.
Hebrews 12:7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not?
2. Debate about God's discipline is usually a matter of semantics, rather than anything doctrinal.
The differences Christians have about God's discipline are usually as simple as just using different words for it, and thus different nuance.
We just get wrapped up in semantics.
God's discipline for his children might be referred to as "discipline", "correction", "chastisement", "punishment", or maybe even something as colorful as "a whoopin".
All Christians recognize this is part of being God's child, but sometimes we get hung up on semantics, and get into arguments.
ALL Christians go through God's correction, to one degree or another.
Job 5:17 Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth: therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
Hebrews 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him:
12:6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth.
3. God will discipline his children as a loving father, sometimes gently, sometimes harshly, but he doesn't send his own children to hell.
That is reserved for people who are NOT his children. People who are saved become God's children... they receive discipline when needed... not banishment to eternal separation from Him. These are two very different things.
The point here isn't to get into a long study about salvation, heaven, and hell.
I won't go into any more detail here.
4. God prefers to instruct us, and correct us, with gentle things, if we will listen. He only uses harsher things as needed, when we refuse to listen to his gentler methods.
Word - He instructs gently through his word:
Psa 119:105 Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Proverbs 8:33 Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not.
Proverbs 22:17 Bow down thine ear, and hear the words of the wise, and apply thine heart unto my knowledge.
John 10:27 My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me:
Luke 11:28 But he said, Yea rather, blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.
Matthew 13:16 But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.
Conscience - He instructs gently through our conscience:
1Titus 1:5 Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of faith unfeigned:
Rom 2:14 For when the Gentiles, which have not the law, do by nature the things contained in the law, these, having not the law, are a law unto themselves:
2:15 Which shew the work of the law written in their hearts, their conscience also bearing witness, and their thoughts the mean while accusing or else excusing one another
Rom 9:1 I say the truth in Christ, I lie not, my conscience also bearing me witness in the Holy Ghost,
5. Are you being disciplined right now?
I have no idea. That is something very personal, between you and God.
It's best not to look into another person's life, and make that assessment for them.
Bad things often happen to perfectly fine Christians... we do live in a fallen world.
6. Sometimes we go through trials when WE'RE DOING EVERYTHING RIGHT... so we can learn to help others.
God sometimes teaches us how to go through trials, just so we can help others later.
It's a painful process, but one way in which God prepares us as servants.
2Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
John 15:2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
7. Sometimes we go through trials to "remove" harmful things from our lives.
This could be a relationship, a location, a job, even a desire for something... it could be many things.
God often takes things away, purges us, of things we love or desire, if those things were hurting us, or harming our growth and "fruitfulness".
John 15:2 Every branch in me that beareth not fruit he taketh away: and every branch that beareth fruit, he purgeth it, that it may bring forth more fruit.
8. Sometimes we go through trials just to grow closer to Christ, and mature as Christians.
It's very hard, but it's part of the growth process for a believer.
Trials teach us to trust in Christ - in the act of trusting Him through trials, we become more like Him, and we find joy through growing closer to Him.
(I don't like trials, and I don't ask for them... but they ARE something God uses in our lives.)
1Pe 4:12 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
4:13 But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
9. There are many many reasons that hard things happen to God's children.
There are all kinds of reasons... it's best to teach a person the ways that God works, and then let the person get alone with God, and seek the answers for himself.
It's a very private thing.
It's very presumptuous of us to think we know why things are happening in another person's life.
10. If you just got saved, and did the right thing, why is your marriage in such turmoil?
When you accept Christ, you become his child, a completely different person on the inside.
You aren't the same anymore.
You are no longer like your wife... you're different now.
The most precious thing to a believer (the Savior) is the most despised thing to an unbeliever.
The most comforting thing to a believer, is the most painful thing to an unbeliever...
God's spirit inside of you is constantly convicting her of her own sin... it pains her.
A person who wants to remain in darkness cannot live where light is shining on them...
they have to get away from it. They must run from the light, or accept the light and repent.
Your wife doesn't have a problem with you.
She has a problem with Christ inside of you.
Even on your worst days, when you don't feel spiritual at all,
God's spirit is still inside of you, shining out... changing you, and covicting her.
She will either turn and accept the light, or she will run from the light.
That is what all people do.
No one wants to see a marriage end in divorce.
It's a very painful thing.
Please seek counseling from pastors, and from Christian friends.
Please pray constantly and seek prayer from others.
And please stay close to God, so you can make good decisions each day.
God Bless,
Max
