Is it a sin to be infertile, married and still have sex?

BlackTigress777 · Jan 6, 2013

Is it a sin to be infertile, married and still have sex? Is sex only allowable if you're trying to procreate?

The thing is, I have an illness. I Have to take medication that causes me to become 99% infertile. The medicine could also "kill the baby" if I rarely end up getting pregnant - I would Not like for this to happen, so I would like to use a condom. I have to take this medicine until I would like to have kids or when I hit menopause.

If I were to marry, should me and him still have sex, or would it be sinful because I'm not trying to procreate? Were there any barren men or women who still had sex with their wife/husband even though they know that they could not produce children?

resurrection33 · Jan 6, 2013

BlackTigress777 said:

I think sex is okay between married people under any circumstances. I wonder if in the end, people will stop having sex, because the Lord has far more interesting things for us to do, but I don’t think it is a sin for married people to have sex with the person they are lawfully married to.

DenR · Jan 6, 2013

Paul said that if you cannot exercse self control it is better to marry than to burn with passion..
He also said that a husband should not withhold his body from his wife and vice versa. Why?

Because making love is a natural physical release that God has given for that passion. A blessing from heaven...not just for procreation but enjoyment..Do all things for His Glory. Do all things from a faith relationship with God as well.
For whatever is not of faith is sin. So get with the Lord , bring the same question to Him and ask for his guidance and peace as a confirmation. If it is all confusing to you cos of past ideas and teachings...then I hope you get the 2 or 3 witnesses you need to confirm the matter in your heart.

How people suffer because of religion!! I pray that peace will fill your heart.

Bowman · Jan 6, 2013

resurrection33 said:

I agree that the natural union is between a wed husband and wife and is given from our Creator, and was stated as being 'very good' in Genesis.

The pleasure component cannot be dismissed, and I believe that it was not the design for copulation to be only for procreation.

As far as your hint about sex in heaven - there will be none - nor any marriage between one another, as stated by Jesus.

The only intimacy going on in Heaven will be spiritual and it will involve God and His Righteous for all eternity.

gracethroughfaith · Jan 6, 2013

BlackTigress777 said:

No it is not a sin for a married couple to have sex without trying to have a baby. Let us look at what God has to say on the matter.

Proverbs 5:19 (KJV)
19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

This is speeking to the man about his wife.

Also read the book, Song of Solomon, Solomon and his wife were ravished with each others love, enjoying each others bodies always. This book, Song of Solomon is very explicit of how they enjoyed one another. And it was not just the act of sex, there was much foreplay as well as other sexual activity involved between Solomon and his wife.

This is not the only book in the Bible that talks explicitely of sex between a husband and wife outside of procreation.

gracethroughfaith · Jan 6, 2013

1 Corinthians 7:4-5 (KJV)
4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
5 Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

INCON'TINENCY, n. [L. incontinentia. See Continence.]

1. Want of restraint of the sexual appetite;

BlackTigress777 · Jan 6, 2013

gracethroughfaith said:

I really would like to thank you and everyone else for the help.

What are some other books that talks about sex outside of procreation?

Also, I'm going to sound very stupid, but I honestly Just read the Song of Solomon right before I saw your replies. I honestly do Not understand it too well..

Are there any references in the Bible that referred to contraception besides Onan's situation? I believe it was his motives that God was displeased with.
Are there any couples in the Bible who knew that they're (or were) infertile and still had sex?

gracethroughfaith · Jan 6, 2013

BlackTigress777 said:

I would have to go back and research scripture to find the passages, I am not able to recall them from the top of my mind.

Do not feel stupid because you did not understand the Song of Solomon. It is just that you are not ready to understand what is there. When you are ready then God will give you understanding.

How many times we read scripture and then all of a sudden we read something with understanding but do not remember ever reading it before. This is God's work, He does not make things known to us until we are ready to understand it.
He is always ready to give but until we are ready to receive he will not give it. We have to be ready and willing to receive a gift from God before he will give it to us.

If you are unable to take care of a puppy, should I give you a puppy? Same is here with God if we are not ready he does not give.

If God gave us everything in scripture all at once could we truly digest it all at once. No way it would be overwelming. It would be as the passages of eating to much honey. We would vomit it back up.

Proverbs 25:16 (KJV)
16 Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it.

Proverbs 25:27 (KJV)
27 It is not good to eat much honey: so for men to search their own glory is not glory.

The LORD was upset with Onan because he was commanded to go in and raise up seed to his brother and so Onan did not want to do this so he masterbated before going in unto his brothers widow and this displeased The LORD.

BlackTigress777 · Jan 6, 2013

(warning, this statement is a little explicit..)

You know, I think I'm worrying about it too much.

Paul stated that Each man should have his own wife, and Each woman should have their own husband. If what I'm asking was a sin, he would've stated that infertile people should Not marry.

The Bible never states that it's wrong to not use the procreation aspect within sex. If anything, it doesn't seem like the primary aspect of sexual immorality or lust (people don't lust for others to have a baby) ..I hope that made sense.

Sexual relations is known as how two people (married) unite with one another. Not Just for procreation.

It's not mentioned as unnatural to have sexual relations without procreation, as homosexuality Is mentioned as unnatural in the Bible. (Just stating what's in the Bible, no offense to anyone who may think it is..)

And a big mistake I made was thinking that the actual word Sex means the penetration of the penis into the vagina. But the word Sex actually means the Gender of which a person or animal is.
Although the Newer versions of the Bible states the word Sex, older versions often used the terms "slept with", "martial relations" or "sexual relations".

Paul uses the term Sexual Relations instead of the word Sex. The word Relation means to be about or related to something. The term Sexual Relations means anything physical to relate to the partner's sex organs.

So the believed idea of sex, even with a condom on is still considered a Sexual Relation. Although the woman won't be pregnant, it still involves her partner's sex organ.

I'd still would like to know the other books..And also if the Bible mentions a couple who still had sexual relations while knowing they couldn't have kids.

Does anyone feel the same as I do with all I just said..?

danschance · Jan 6, 2013

BlackTigress777 said:

I think this portion of scripture will help you.

Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations.[a] 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control. (1 Cor, 7:1-5)

This clearly shows that sex is something to be liberally enjoyed in marriage and so that we will not be tempted to sin outside of marriage. The bible also says the marriage bed is undefiled, meaning sex is not sin with in the bonds of marriage. So by all means, enjoy sex with your spouse.

The Book of "Song of Solomon" is about love and sex. Yes it is difficult for us to read because the hebrews expressed thier emotions differently than we do today. I suggest you read it the Song of Solomon again in a modern english paraphrase such as New Living Translation. I think then you will grasp it better.'

DenR · Jan 6, 2013

Abram and Sarai had sexual relations together FOR YEARS we assume, BEFORE the miracle of conception occurred when she was 99.
The same as soooo many older couples today. The woman no longer produces any seed, but still they are intimate together. So does that help you? She is infertile and still she gives herself toher husband.

Hannah was one of two wives and she was barren while the other was raising up children to the husband. We know the end of the story, that Hannah concieved and bore Samuel for God hears prayer. But before that time came, for all intents and purposes she was barren/infertile! Yet I am sure her husband was intimate with her as often as the other wife maybe more, because he tells her how much he loves her.

The same is true of the other barren women in scripture. They did not abstain because they were barren. They had no way of knowing that their barreness would end or not, but still they were intimate with theor husbands. Not sin.

Obviously your situation is different. The drug you have to take will kill the foetus in the womb, if you got pregnant at all. Sad.
Do you have any faith or desire for God to heal the illness so that you no longer have this dilemma?
God can heal you. I am sure you have cried out to Him about it..it is a journey of accepting the thing and then crying out for it to be removed sometimes.
Like everything in God, we need to stop striving after the things that are on the edge, peripheral...even though they seem so large in our mind, so important..and STOP! Turn our eyes away from seeking the answer and SIT quietely and give our self, our needs and fears and troubles all over to Father who cares for you.

WolfInOxHide · Jan 6, 2013

I think be fruitful and multiply applies. Keep trying.
Do the logic part of the math...
In the bible, if these women remained barren for periods of time, then it inherently means they were having sex with their husbands and still trying. Otherwise it would kinda be silly for a man to complain that his wife was barren, if he wasn't regularly trying to impregnate her.
Certainly not a sin. In fact, commanded in the garden, and remembered in the NT passage posted above.

Peace.

Nautilus · Jan 6, 2013

The Onan story has mroe to do with Onan refusing to do what was required with him and far less to do with contraception in general

Ariel82 · Jan 7, 2013

wow.... i don't really like talking about sex but since you asked for scripture here are a few:

when people have sex they become "one flesh" therefore whole concept of marriage is based upon them having sex, not making babies. you can read about how some of the women were barren and it never talks about Queen Esther having children either.

I'd rather talk about marriage than sex so I'm going to bow out now.

Cobus · Jan 7, 2013

Blacktigress, it is better not to have sex, than to practice it, even in marriage. In the book of Corinthians, Paul said that if two virgins marry it is good that the husband take her (have sex with his virgin bride) that would make her a woman, but if he leaves her a virgin, he does BETTER.

Also Paul says that even us that are married should refrain from sex if it is with the concent of BOTH parties. And it works. It is a form of fasting and any fasting in the Lord's will bring forth GOOD AND CLEAR VISIONS or REVELATIONS. Paul even suggested he would have loved it if they were all unmarried like him. (1 Cor 7:38 and 1 Cor 7:29)

Did you know a married virgin that never have sex with her husband lives a life directly to Christ and Christ remains her main concern. But if she slept with her husband ONCE, she is a woman and the husband becomes her main concern... 1 Cor 7:34 and 35.

IT all goes about how strong we can rule with our will's. If we can manage our urges without sinning, we do real good, and the caring about what God wants remain our main focus. God's will remain our main concern. But if we give in to our fleshly urge in marriage there is no sin in that, but it remains better to control the urge.

God helped my wife and I to control the urges for two years, and neither of us lived closer to God than in that period! It works exactly like a fasting, and praying session. It is as if God just speaks louder and clearer.

BlackTigress777 · Jan 7, 2013

Ariel82 said:

Thanks for the advice. However, I'm not nor intended to force you to talk about sex or anything like that. It was just a question I had in mind. I don't mind if you bowed out or if you didn't.

Thanks for referring to Queen Esther, I will do some research on her a bit..

RickyZ · Jan 7, 2013

Ariel82 said:

It is the sex act (making two into one) that establishes the spousal relationship that is then confessed thru marriage. If there is no act then the marriage is not consumated.

But as Cobus said, abstaining can have the same power as fasting (and might actually be seen as a form of fasting). But of course for fasting to have it's power, it must be combined with prayer.

I have a tongue in cheek article on this, but I hesitate to post it here lest the legalists stone me.

BlackTigress777 · Jan 7, 2013

DenR said:

Btw, I am so sorry - I forgot to respond to this!

Thing is, besides that paritcular side effect (which is rare, but still possible), I'm pretty good while taking the medicine. The medicine is actually known for making women less likely to get cervical cancer.
Sometimes it works wonders, sometimes - not so much..sometimes I still have slight complications while on the medicine. But overall it makes me feel much better. Although it makes me infertile for as long as I continue to take it, I actually become healthier. What I mean by this is that if I do decide to have a child, once I stop taking the pill - I can become pregnant And have a better chance of achieving a healthier pregnancy. It's odd, I know..but that is how it works.

However, If I were to not take the medicine for a Long time (basically without wanting to have a kid), I could get Very sick and actually become Permanently infertile. Along with that, I could also over dose on pain medication.

My mother has the same illness. She actually had to have a hysterectomy. Unfortuantely, she had to had two because the first one wasn't exactly correct.

Thing is, I'm not taking the pills so I Won't become pregnant - I'm taking them because I have an illness, and I pretty much Have to take them until I want a child, or when I hit menopause.

Thanks for your concern.

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