Parents?

[tryingtofindhim]

Before I start, my intention is not embarrass or accuse, just in case it might be interpreted that way, but to give advice that I feel may help you, because I care

I'm not saying that you haven't already, but have you communicated to God that you want to forgive your parents? Have you asked Him for the strength to do so?

Unforgiveness in your heart doesn't affect your parents nearly as much as it affects you. It actually imprisons you in bitterness, anxiety, and anger to the point where it begins to dictate for you, how you live life. From what you have said, it doesn't seem like your unforgiveness is affecting your parents at all and as you said ,"They don't really care about my forgiveness." So by holding on to your unforgiveness you are not punishing them in any way because it doesn't affect them at all. The only person you are punishing by holding onto unforgiveness is yourself. Your unforgiveness will build walls around yourself that keep other people out of your life that God wants to put in your life. It will affect your ability to receive beneficial parental figures in your life because, before they even approach you, all of your walls that you are holding on to will go up.

It is really hard for people who have gone through horrible traumatic experiences from their parents. I recently heard a girl at church share how she had been molested by her parents growing up and how it seemed so hard for her to forgive them. She eventually chose to forgive, and asked God to come in and change her heart towards them. I'm not even pretending to say I can relate to you, I know it is really difficult, and I will be praying for you

God Bless,

Machew

I have mentioned it to God but have never asked him for strength. Wow, that's a really good point about how its only hurting me. I guess my thing is how do you forgive someone in which you are reminded everyday what they have done to you? Thank you sssssoooooooooooo much for not saying "I know how you feel" That annoys me so much and you didn't so thank you. Thanks I do need prayer.

 

[tryingtofindhim]

there is a theory that God gives us the parents we need

The only reason I do not despise my mother is because the scripture says not to

Coping with my mother all my life meant that when I met someone with General Anxiety Disorder I was able to cope quite well.

I understand my mother's emotional baggage comes from her parents and upbringing.

In turn they had their own issues as they grew up - I could tell you stories.
It would make a great soap opera.

Use God's power to rise above the situation and try to understand them.

Oh wow that's an interesting thought. I like it. Thanks for pointing that out.

 

[MyBagsRPacked]

Ephesians 6

Children and Parents

1Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2"Honor your father and mother"—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3"that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth."[a] 4Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

So if they aren't Christians anyway, I'm not to honor them? That seems weird, but maybe I'm wrong.

I don't know your circumstance, and you paint a pretty dismal picture....but I used to think that my parent's were out of control when I was 16....18....21......I had to have my own children and family to really understand life....and I still think they're crazy lol
BUT, my point is, God makes the laws, no matter how uncomfortable.
I believe that you should take each day as a lesson of patience and love from the Holy Spirit.
Cheers and may God bless you today and every day

 

[charisenexcelcis]

I don't believe that the spiritual state of your parents determines whether you should honor them or how. There actions might impact that. Each of the pillars of society, family, government, religion (or if you'd rather, faith) and economy were established by God, and certain limits were placed upon each. Each pillar was given responsibilities and rights. When any one of these exceeds these limits, they are not only subject to God's judgement , but they cease to be legitimate. If your parents have done something so abominable as to make their parenthood a sham, then you will need to seek the advice of the Lord and of those wise and caring leaders that God has provided you with.

 

[sunshine_debbie]

Maybe this is the wrong place for this, but I know a lot about parents committing horrible acts on their children. I am 38 now and the things my parents have done to me have left me a legacy of Panic Disorder, and depression, not to mention, a multitude of other problems. I dont ever think about forgiving them. Maybe that means I never have. I still talk to them, as much as I can deal with. But I dont hate them, I know that. Do I have to love them? Is that the will of God? Is that why God will not take this depression and panic disorder from me?

 

[greatkraw]

Maybe this is the wrong place for this, but I know a lot about parents committing horrible acts on their children. I am 38 now and the things my parents have done to me have left me a legacy of Panic Disorder, and depression, not to mention, a multitude of other problems. I dont ever think about forgiving them. Maybe that means I never have. I still talk to them, as much as I can deal with. But I dont hate them, I know that. Do I have to love them? Is that the will of God? Is that why God will not take this depression and panic disorder from me?

Debbie, I will tell you a secret. Love is a verb not a noun; that means.......

.....it has NOTHING to do with feeling a certain way.

If you honour God by behaving in a polite respectful, even helpful way to your parents, he will not judge how you may be feeling while you do it.

I know someone who spends a lot of time helping her mother because the other siblings will not find the time. Her mother has a history of abusing her and threatening her life. My friend has GAD and OCD among other things.

 

[charisenexcelcis]

Maybe this is the wrong place for this, but I know a lot about parents committing horrible acts on their children. I am 38 now and the things my parents have done to me have left me a legacy of Panic Disorder, and depression, not to mention, a multitude of other problems. I dont ever think about forgiving them. Maybe that means I never have. I still talk to them, as much as I can deal with. But I dont hate them, I know that. Do I have to love them? Is that the will of God? Is that why God will not take this depression and panic disorder from me?

I think that it is likely that there is a connection between your psychological challenges and your parents actions. Before you can ever forgive them, you must forgive God and yourself. I know it sounds strange but almost all unforgiveness involves three things: 1. Believing that you have been wronged by God (who allowed this to happen to you). 2. Believing that you are somehow responsible for the wrong done to you--thus the internal punishment that you put on yourself. Sometimes this is as gentle as wondering why you weren't deserving of their love. 3. Anger toward the one who wronged you. Remove the anger only, and it will come back. So, you must accept by faith that God wants only the best for you and walks with you through the hard things. He will never give you more than you can take, but he will sacrifice your comfort for your character. Second, realize that the horrible things that your parents did reflect their own internal torment and had nothing to do with your worthiness to be loved. God loves you and there are many people who will (and may already) love you. Of course, it is easier to outline than to accomplish. You need to find a supportive and prayful group of friends that will walk with you through the years, just as Christ will.

 

[charisenexcelcis]

Debbie, I will tell you a secret. Love is a verb not a noun; that means.......

.....it has NOTHING to do with feeling a certain way.

If you honour God by behaving in a polite respectful, even helpful way to your parents, he will not judge how you may be feeling while you do it.

I know someone who spends a lot of time helping her mother because the other siblings will not find the time. Her mother has a history of abusing her and threatening her life. My friend has GAD and OCD among other things.

Amen, brother.

 

[greatkraw]

I think that it is likely that there is a connection between your psychological challenges and your parents actions. Before you can ever forgive them, you must forgive God and yourself. I know it sounds strange but almost all unforgiveness involves three things: 1. Believing that you have been wronged by God (who allowed this to happen to you). 2. Believing that you are somehow responsible for the wrong done to you--thus the internal punishment that you put on yourself. Sometimes this is as gentle as wondering why you weren't deserving of their love. 3. Anger toward the one who wronged you. .

yes, what she said

 

[sunshine_debbie]

Forgive GOD? I dont understand, what is there to forgive? All my life I have thought that God allows, because he could change how I feel and make me mentally well NOW if he wanted it to be so. I dont think about forgiving my parents because it never occured to me that they had wronged me. They are what they are and did what they did. It was GOD who allowed, not my parents. I dont hate them, I dont know if I love them. I do my best. If GOD says I need to forgive them I will. THat part of it doesnt even matter to me. If God is holy then why would I need to forgive GOD? THIS is what you said 1. Believing that you have been wronged by God (who allowed this to happen to you). 2. Believing that you are somehow responsible for the wrong done to you--thus the internal punishment that you put on yourself. Sometimes this is as gentle as wondering why you weren't deserving of their love. 3. Anger toward the one who wronged you. He will never give you more than you can take, but he will sacrifice your comfort for your character I especially like that last line about sacraficing my comfort for my character, but the thing is, when will I have paid enough? I though Jesus paid for all my sins, so why am I still in torment? When is it long enough for me to feel like this? WHen will GOD be satisfied that I am enough to not have to live my life this way. Is there more I need to do, tell me I will do it. If GOD wants me to do something then why wont he TELL ME what it is, so I can do it

 

[charisenexcelcis]

Forgive GOD? I dont understand, what is there to forgive? All my life I have thought that God allows, because he could change how I feel and make me mentally well NOW if he wanted it to be so. I dont think about forgiving my parents because it never occured to me that they had wronged me. They are what they are and did what they did. It was GOD who allowed, not my parents. I dont hate them, I dont know if I love them. I do my best. If GOD says I need to forgive them I will. THat part of it doesnt even matter to me. If God is holy then why would I need to forgive GOD? THIS is what you said 1. Believing that you have been wronged by God (who allowed this to happen to you). 2. Believing that you are somehow responsible for the wrong done to you--thus the internal punishment that you put on yourself. Sometimes this is as gentle as wondering why you weren't deserving of their love. 3. Anger toward the one who wronged you. He will never give you more than you can take, but he will sacrifice your comfort for your character I especially like that last line about sacraficing my comfort for my character, but the thing is, when will I have paid enough? I though Jesus paid for all my sins, so why am I still in torment? When is it long enough for me to feel like this? WHen will GOD be satisfied that I am enough to not have to live my life this way. Is there more I need to do, tell me I will do it. If GOD wants me to do something then why wont he TELL ME what it is, so I can do it

When I say that you must forgive God, it is not that God has wrong you, but rather that you feel resentment toward God. Regarding what you need to do, it is more what you need to allow God to do in you. It's like shedding skin. As God does the work in you, you feel the freedom, but you also become aware of more that He has to do in your life. But there are places of peace that you will find and an inner contentment that will grow until joy becomes the place that you always return to. Further up and deeper in!

 

[sunshine_debbie]

How do I let God do work in my life when all I do is cry and pray, and beg my husband not to leave me because I am so frightened? I can not even get out of bed

 

[charisenexcelcis]

How do I let God do work in my life when all I do is cry and pray, and beg my husband not to leave me because I am so frightened? I can not even get out of bed

Just one step at a time. By faith, you get out of bed. And then, by faith you fix yourself breakfast. Each step by faith. And when you feel the need, you step into the backyard and yell at God (He is gracious). And then, by faith you read a little scripture. And maybe you allow yourself to smile. And then you spend an hour crying into a pillow. and you remember that God saves your tears in a bottle. And sometime, by faith you tell your husband that you do love him and that there is a crown stored up in heaven for being supportive. and then you call a friend in the middle of the night because you don't want to wake your husband and yet you need to talk. And you remember that God is listening alos and tha He care, and so on and so forth until you wake up one day and discover that you really are alive.

 

[pickles]

Forgive GOD? I dont understand, what is there to forgive? All my life I have thought that God allows, because he could change how I feel and make me mentally well NOW if he wanted it to be so. I dont think about forgiving my parents because it never occured to me that they had wronged me. They are what they are and did what they did. It was GOD who allowed, not my parents. I dont hate them, I dont know if I love them. I do my best. If GOD says I need to forgive them I will. THat part of it doesnt even matter to me. If God is holy then why would I need to forgive GOD? THIS is what you said 1. Believing that you have been wronged by God (who allowed this to happen to you). 2. Believing that you are somehow responsible for the wrong done to you--thus the internal punishment that you put on yourself. Sometimes this is as gentle as wondering why you weren't deserving of their love. 3. Anger toward the one who wronged you. He will never give you more than you can take, but he will sacrifice your comfort for your character I especially like that last line about sacraficing my comfort for my character, but the thing is, when will I have paid enough? I though Jesus paid for all my sins, so why am I still in torment? When is it long enough for me to feel like this? WHen will GOD be satisfied that I am enough to not have to live my life this way. Is there more I need to do, tell me I will do it. If GOD wants me to do something then why wont he TELL ME what it is, so I can do it

I know it seems foolish to forgive God. He has never done any wrong to us. But I also had to forgive God. Because of wrongs by my dad as a child I felt that God had failed me. As a result I , for many years could never really believe he would help me. I was also afraid to ask his help because , I was never sure if he would help and I could not bare it if he failed me again. You see I really had to forgive for my healing and doubt. I did forgive God and myself. I also told God Our Father why I was so afraid to trust him and also talked to him about all my hurts, dissapointments and fears.
That was when he told me to praise him for all the things in my life, not just the good but also all those things that had brought sorrow and fear and pain. I wasnt very "into" this request form God Our Father, but because he asked, I started to praise him for everything. From the greatest depth of my heart and sorrowand pain I praised him through my tears.
I know sunshine that you can understand the very gutteral pain and fear that I am talking about, so great that pain that you wonder if all that you are will be torn from inside you.
So I kept praising God for all of this, I could barely get the words past my lips, but I kept prasing him.
He answered my heart. I knew then that even though it would take a little while I felt the beginning of healing inside my soul for all that had torn me up inside. Since that time I have come to know so much love and peace. Ive had a few down days but soon realized it was God Our Father healing me. The joy and love are greater than you can imagine.
You asked what you can do? Praise God Our Father, praise him for all of your life . Praise him for the pain, the fear the good . Praise him for his son Jesus, keep praiseing him untill you cannot praise him any more.
God Our Father keeps all of his promses. He will show you his great love.
One of my favorate scriptures is revalation 7;17, And God Our Father will wipe away all of your tears.
I will keep praying for you. You will know the great Love of Our Lord God.
God bless, pickles

 

[sunshine_debbie]

I know it seems foolish to forgive God. He has never done any wrong to us. But I also had to forgive God. Because of wrongs by my dad as a child I felt that God had failed me. As a result I , for many years could never really believe he would help me. I was also afraid to ask his help because , I was never sure if he would help and I could not bare it if he failed me again. You see I really had to forgive for my healing and doubt. I did forgive God and myself. I also told God Our Father why I was so afraid to trust him and also talked to him about all my hurts, dissapointments and fears.
That was when he told me to praise him for all the things in my life, not just the good but also all those things that had brought sorrow and fear and pain. I wasnt very "into" this request form God Our Father, but because he asked, I started to praise him for everything. From the greatest depth of my heart and sorrowand pain I praised him through my tears.
I know sunshine that you can understand the very gutteral pain and fear that I am talking about, so great that pain that you wonder if all that you are will be torn from inside you.
So I kept praising God for all of this, I could barely get the words past my lips, but I kept prasing him.
He answered my heart. I knew then that even though it would take a little while I felt the beginning of healing inside my soul for all that had torn me up inside. Since that time I have come to know so much love and peace. Ive had a few down days but soon realized it was God Our Father healing me. The joy and love are greater than you can imagine.
You asked what you can do? Praise God Our Father, praise him for all of your life . Praise him for the pain, the fear the good . Praise him for his son Jesus, keep praiseing him untill you cannot praise him any more.
God Our Father keeps all of his promses. He will show you his great love.
One of my favorate scriptures is revalation 7;17, And God Our Father will wipe away all of your tears.
I will keep praying for you. You will know the great Love of Our Lord God.
God bless, pickles

I have been on here reading for a few days now, and the one thing I have noticed is that you pray for more people on this board then anyone else. I have even asked myself how do you remember who to pray for you have so many. You are an inspiration to me that you could go through all these things and still have time to pray for all these people on a message board that you dont even know. The things that you said are so very true, I have fallen away from God time and time again because it seems that every time I get closer to him, he tests me and very bad things happen to me. In addition, I do feel angry that I was hurt and abused so badly as a child and if I am blaming God, I am so very very sorry. If he wants me to praise and thank him, I will, If he wants me to forgive, I will do that to. I am so very desperate for healing. But God will need to get me out of bed each day. And God will need to put food in my mouth. ANd I so hope that God will stop me from calling my husband five times a day and crying my head off even when he is home and stop me from waking him up in the middle of the night just because I am so scared. I am so lost, I am nothing, all that I am is for God to do with as he chooses.

 

[pickles]

You are loved and cherished by God Our Father. I know this and believe you will see this also.
I pray for others because it is Gods gift to me. I used to feel so useless untill I read of another that was bedridden by illness and how that person discovered that praying for others is a gift from God.
It is a blessing.
Another favorate scripture from psalms; Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.
God bless, Im praying for you.
Pickles

 

[Ash_JFF]

I have been on here reading for a few days now, and the one thing I have noticed is that you pray for more people on this board then anyone else. I have even asked myself how do you remember who to pray for you have so many. You are an inspiration to me that you could go through all these things and still have time to pray for all these people on a message board that you dont even know. The things that you said are so very true, I have fallen away from God time and time again because it seems that every time I get closer to him, he tests me and very bad things happen to me. In addition, I do feel angry that I was hurt and abused so badly as a child and if I am blaming God, I am so very very sorry. If he wants me to praise and thank him, I will, If he wants me to forgive, I will do that to. I am so very desperate for healing. But God will need to get me out of bed each day. And God will need to put food in my mouth. ANd I so hope that God will stop me from calling my husband five times a day and crying my head off even when he is home and stop me from waking him up in the middle of the night just because I am so scared. I am so lost, I am nothing, all that I am is for God to do with as he chooses.

Exactly! Trust God with your most basic needs. I do not know at all of what you are going through. I am not married and only 21. I have a great Christian mom and basically a good life compared to others. However, there are times that I have so much pressure and I just don't know what to do. I don't even know what ot pray. I just go to God and say, " You know, even better then I do. Please help me." He then reminds me to just trust him.

God may want you to have your troubles for now because he his building you up to have a closer relationship with him. Romans 5:1-6
Whether God wants you to be like Jacob when he was betrayed by his brothers, accused of wrongdoing by his masters wife, spent time in prison(where he was probably tortured at first) and then later became the second most powerful man in the world at the time or whether God wants you to be like other Christians who died most horrible deaths like being sawed in two - God will never leave you.

Follow Christ no matter what and depend on him for EVERYTHING. I know what I am saying is a very hard thing to do. I am speaking to myself as well. Let us do it together. Let us be patient for God's timing and purpose. Psalms 37:7, Romans 12:12

 

[greatkraw]

The other thing which may be missing. Is to forgive yourself. If I blame myself for something then I need to know God forgives me and the other person forgives me. The temptation then is punish myself because 'I deserve it' BUT GOD EXPECTS us, if he has forgiven us, to forgive ourselves and move on. I don't know if that is relevant in this situation but it is always a principle to keep in mind.

Jesus does not want us to be governed by fear; 'Fear NOT, Fret NOT, Worry NOT' He is your safety net.

 

[tryingtofindhim]

I don't believe that the spiritual state of your parents determines whether you should honor them or how. There actions might impact that. Each of the pillars of society, family, government, religion (or if you'd rather, faith) and economy were established by God, and certain limits were placed upon each. Each pillar was given responsibilities and rights. When any one of these exceeds these limits, they are not only subject to God's judgement , but they cease to be legitimate. If your parents have done something so abominable as to make their parenthood a sham, then you will need to seek the advice of the Lord and of those wise and caring leaders that God has provided you with.

wow! that's an interesting though that I've never thought about. Thanks

 

[MahogonySnail]

The other thing which may be missing. Is to forgive yourself.

ahh yes, as the me prayer goes,

"to me in heaven, hallowed be my name"...

"forgive me my sins as I forgive myself who sinned against myself".