Some people think that _the_ way to get married is to have a preacher declare you married. That's part of our culture, but it isn't Bible or doctrine or anything like that.
If we read in the Old Testament, to get married to a virgin, and Israelite would pay the bride price for virgins. We can also read and see that it was the custom to throw a feast if a couple wed. Consider Isaac and Rebecca. Abraham sends a servant to fetch a wife from among his clan, and not from among the Canaanites, for his son Isaac. Abraham's servant prays and he finds the bride for Isaac through an amazing answer to prayer. The servant gives a dowry on behalf of Abraham. She agrees. Her father agrees. Even her brother agrees. Then the servant takes Rebecca home to Isaac who accepts her into his tent as his wife.
In the story of the rape or seduction of Dinah, the Hivite king knew better than to just have a ceremony and to declare Shechem and Dinah married. He had to get her father's permission for them to be married.
The Bible also talks about 'giving in marriage' in the New Testament. Jesus mentioned it. Fathers give their daughters in marriage.
The pagan Romans had a ceremony in which a bride and groom would stand before a pagan religious official and say some words. The bride would give her consent by saying 'Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia.' She would wear a ring on her ring finger. At the end of the festivities, the groom would pick up the bride and carry her off with her relatives chasing, imitating how Romans according to legend stole the Sabine women to be their wives.
It seems pretty obvious that Christian Romans Christianized this. They got rid of the pagan priest and put in a Christian priest/elder. The words were replaced with words relating Christian concepts about marriage. Roman Catholics added an oath. A ring custom remained. This got adapted over time. Most of us are probably familiar with a Book of Common Prayer version of the ceremony from Anglicanism that developed over the past several hundred years.
It is helpful to realize that there are a lot of wedding customs around the world. Some people think you have to go through the Christianized Roman wedding to be married. I suspect even Jewish wedding customs were effected by the dominant culture over time. The falsely so-called 'rabbi' was not even the leader of the community pre-70-AD that he is today. Jewish weddings look similar with some pot smashing and people being lifted up on chairs (depending on where they are from) at the party.
When I wanted to get married, these things were important to me:
- That she be a Christian.
- That she be serious about her faith and walking holy before the Lord.
- That she be sexually moral, and I wanted to marry a virgin who had not become one-flesh with another man.
- Personally, I didn't want to marry a previously engaged woman.
- I wanted her father to give her to me in marriage.
We did something along the lines of the Book of Common Prayer marriage I had heard in so many weddings.
Personally, I think the father of the bride should have a more predominant role in a ceremony.
Occasionally, I read commentary from Christian that seem to imply that a wedding rests on marriage vows. As far as I can see, marriage vows are not part and parcel to marriage in the Bible. If you hear the idea that it's okay to get a divorce for 'breaking your marriage vows' and you say, 'he doesn't cherish me enough. I don't feel really cherished.'-- that' s not a reason to get divorced. You work on the marriage if that's an issue. There are also modern weddings where people make really stupid vows like saying him saying he will never make her cry--- a totally stupid promise to make-- or that she will always cook him breakfast on the weekend.
Technically, many of these are not vows-- not in the sense of being an oath-- because no one swears or vows. They just make commitments. I have heard 'swear' in a Roman Catholic ceremony, though. Even so, it is stupid to commit to cook every weekend or to say something that has a pretty good chance of being a lie-- like never making your spouse cry.
I even read a preacher express the opinion that the preacher had the power to join people together by saying, "What God hath joined together, let not man put assunder' as if his words sacramentally transformed them into a married couple, as opposed to taking this as a quotation of scripture warning them not to divorce.
If we read in the Old Testament, to get married to a virgin, and Israelite would pay the bride price for virgins. We can also read and see that it was the custom to throw a feast if a couple wed. Consider Isaac and Rebecca. Abraham sends a servant to fetch a wife from among his clan, and not from among the Canaanites, for his son Isaac. Abraham's servant prays and he finds the bride for Isaac through an amazing answer to prayer. The servant gives a dowry on behalf of Abraham. She agrees. Her father agrees. Even her brother agrees. Then the servant takes Rebecca home to Isaac who accepts her into his tent as his wife.
In the story of the rape or seduction of Dinah, the Hivite king knew better than to just have a ceremony and to declare Shechem and Dinah married. He had to get her father's permission for them to be married.
The Bible also talks about 'giving in marriage' in the New Testament. Jesus mentioned it. Fathers give their daughters in marriage.
The pagan Romans had a ceremony in which a bride and groom would stand before a pagan religious official and say some words. The bride would give her consent by saying 'Where you are Gaius, I am Gaia.' She would wear a ring on her ring finger. At the end of the festivities, the groom would pick up the bride and carry her off with her relatives chasing, imitating how Romans according to legend stole the Sabine women to be their wives.
It seems pretty obvious that Christian Romans Christianized this. They got rid of the pagan priest and put in a Christian priest/elder. The words were replaced with words relating Christian concepts about marriage. Roman Catholics added an oath. A ring custom remained. This got adapted over time. Most of us are probably familiar with a Book of Common Prayer version of the ceremony from Anglicanism that developed over the past several hundred years.
It is helpful to realize that there are a lot of wedding customs around the world. Some people think you have to go through the Christianized Roman wedding to be married. I suspect even Jewish wedding customs were effected by the dominant culture over time. The falsely so-called 'rabbi' was not even the leader of the community pre-70-AD that he is today. Jewish weddings look similar with some pot smashing and people being lifted up on chairs (depending on where they are from) at the party.
When I wanted to get married, these things were important to me:
- That she be a Christian.
- That she be serious about her faith and walking holy before the Lord.
- That she be sexually moral, and I wanted to marry a virgin who had not become one-flesh with another man.
- Personally, I didn't want to marry a previously engaged woman.
- I wanted her father to give her to me in marriage.
We did something along the lines of the Book of Common Prayer marriage I had heard in so many weddings.
Personally, I think the father of the bride should have a more predominant role in a ceremony.
Occasionally, I read commentary from Christian that seem to imply that a wedding rests on marriage vows. As far as I can see, marriage vows are not part and parcel to marriage in the Bible. If you hear the idea that it's okay to get a divorce for 'breaking your marriage vows' and you say, 'he doesn't cherish me enough. I don't feel really cherished.'-- that' s not a reason to get divorced. You work on the marriage if that's an issue. There are also modern weddings where people make really stupid vows like saying him saying he will never make her cry--- a totally stupid promise to make-- or that she will always cook him breakfast on the weekend.
Technically, many of these are not vows-- not in the sense of being an oath-- because no one swears or vows. They just make commitments. I have heard 'swear' in a Roman Catholic ceremony, though. Even so, it is stupid to commit to cook every weekend or to say something that has a pretty good chance of being a lie-- like never making your spouse cry.
I even read a preacher express the opinion that the preacher had the power to join people together by saying, "What God hath joined together, let not man put assunder' as if his words sacramentally transformed them into a married couple, as opposed to taking this as a quotation of scripture warning them not to divorce.