It would be easy to offer traditional platitudes often offered by well meaning Christians but you are obviously deeply concerned about this and platitudes would be most unwelcome. I will however say that you are not alone; most Christians have struggled with this same question at some point in their walk with God. I struggled with this for many years until God finally showed me the truth about my life with Him. I hope you will find the following testimony worthwhile. It is based on Ephesians 2:10.
Ephesians 2:10
“For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”
I believe this verse very strongly because it has been the foundation for my ministry. The verse plainly states that God has prepared good works for us to do. I also believe that as part of that preparation, He has also prepared us for those good works. Let me explain; I accepted Jesus Christ as my savior at the age of 16 at a Billy Grade crusade in Bakersfield, Ca. I also became an alcoholic at the age of 18. I spent 10 years in the bottle as a binge drinker.
During that time I faced serious issues in my marriage to the point of telling my wife that if she were to die, I wouldn’t care. I have no idea why she stayed with me, but she did. I also became very angry! I was angry at my wife, myself and at God. I became depressed and had little or no self esteem. I began to wonder if I had any purpose. I would go about my job in a fog doing only what was necessary to get by. During this time I served in both the U.S. Navy and the U. S. Air Force. I had married my wife while stationed in Jacksonville, Fla. After my last deployment, I told her that I was going home to California and she could go or stay. I became totally self-absorbed and cared little about anybody else. This was my state of mind. Between the drinking which started out as periodic binges and eventually became almost weekly endeavors and the selfish behavior, I am surprised that God allowed me to live.
It was in 1974 that God began to bring me back to Him. I will not go into all the details of my journey back to my fellowship with God but I will say that it has not always been easy because I had a lot of junk to get rid of. One of the worst was the thoughts of suicide while stationed in Panama. I had again given up on God. As I was contemplating jumping 300 feet into the canal, I heard God’s voice. His word’s to me were as clear as a bell and as soft as a whisper. He said; “Why have you given up on Me when I haven’t given up on you?” His message was clear to me. If I trusted Him, He would bring me through whatever problems I faced. This became my clarion call to put my trust in Him alone.
I allowed God to lead me and I wish I could say that I was always obedient to His will but I can’t. The one thing that I did become aware of was that through all of this time when I had turned my back on God, God never turned His back on me. He saved me from many things that I should not have survived. I found that He truly had a plan for me. After taking a voluntary lay-off to go into full time ministry; God dumped a congregation in my lap and called me to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ. What I did not know was that my congregation consisted of people that society had rejected. There were alcoholics, drug addicts, prostitutes, ex-cons, street kids and some active criminals.
This is where I learned of the import of Ephesians 2:10. God had allowed me to go through all of the trials in my life to prepare me for His good works. I was able to establish credence with the people of my congregation because they knew that I had gone through the same things myself. I was able to talk of how God had brought me back from the brink of death so that I could fulfill His plan for my life. They listened as I shared my testimony of shame. God had dealt with the anger, substance abuse, rejection, suicidal thoughts, marital issues, and selfishness so that He could effectively use the gospel to penetrate the hearts of a lost people. As a result of His work, I was used to lead 31 people to the Lord during my first two years of ministry. I cannot answer what would have happened to those beautiful souls if I had not answered God’s call to do what He had already prepared me for.
Let me finish this with a question for everyone. What has God prepared you for?
As you can see, God is preparing us all for a purpose. Hang in their and pursue God with all your heart. He will bring you to the point where you can bear fruit for His glory.
In Christ,
Lighthousejohn
