Sex before marriage after rape???
- Thread starter Poi
- Start date
-
Christian Chat is a moderated online Christian community allowing Christians around the world to fellowship with each other in real time chat via webcam, voice, and text, with the Christian Chat app. You can also start or participate in a Bible-based discussion here in the Christian Chat Forums, where members can also share with each other their own videos, pictures, or favorite Christian music.
If you are a Christian and need encouragement and fellowship, we're here for you! If you are not a Christian but interested in knowing more about Jesus our Lord, you're also welcome! Want to know what the Bible says, and how you can apply it to your life? Join us!
To make new Christian friends now around the world, click here to join Christian Chat.
I have to agree with RoboOp here, Poi. God wants you to go to church, worship Him and follow Him, and everything you want will be given to you. Satan may very well be tempting you into sin and fornication, to lead you down the path away from God but do not allow it. Stand strong and live for God and you will feel more loved than this boyfriend of yours can ever give you. I promise =)
I feel your will is what YOU want to do, and not what GOD wants you to do. That can't work, I'm sorry.
I feel your will is what YOU want to do, and not what GOD wants you to do. That can't work, I'm sorry.
Okay what do you want to hear now?
Poi, you're right -- you're going to marry him anyway and God knows that, and you need this, and God understands that. And you're using birth control anyway. And his parents don't mind, and your parents don't mind, so certainly God doesn't mind.
There, how about that?
Poi, you're right -- you're going to marry him anyway and God knows that, and you need this, and God understands that. And you're using birth control anyway. And his parents don't mind, and your parents don't mind, so certainly God doesn't mind.
There, how about that?
Well I tried nicely answering you according to the Bible and you made it clear that you didn't come to hear that. You actually did come to hear all that I typed sarcastically. You just didn't want it to be sarcastic. You wanted us to seriously say all that to you. Sorry that I can only do it with sarcasm.
Okay I'll get serious now, and close this thread.
Yes most of the world is going to hell. Yes most of them think they're not. Yes most of them think they're good. And currently, you're in that big crowd.
Good news is, Jesus came to save sinners like me, if we'll simply choose him.
Okay I'll get serious now, and close this thread.
Yes most of the world is going to hell. Yes most of them think they're not. Yes most of them think they're good. And currently, you're in that big crowd.
Good news is, Jesus came to save sinners like me, if we'll simply choose him.
okie dokie,
you know Poi, i understand although i havent really been in your situation. but somehow i guess, you find a man that has shown you love and understanding and has helped you get better, and get over your past you know. and somehow you feel debted to him right? its truly understandable, i mean all your boyfriend did is love you right? love should be rebounded with what MORE LOVE. exactly right? not being sarcastic here or anything.
but let me ask you a couple questions sis, do you believe GOD does not love you? do you believe God cant give you a good boyfriend? whose creation are you? dont you believe GOD can LOVE you a million times better? Dont you believe that GOD can satisfy your heart and life? we all want whats good for us, we all do. everyone does, everyone does. but GOD can give us BETTER THINGS. and the only thing HE want from you is that you BELIEVE IN HIM.
we might want to hear what we want because we SEE thats its good, i mean who would not grab at the chance of living happily after such an ordeal as yours. but what i know and from my own experience and walk with GOD is that HE CAN give you a life that YOU WILL NEVER REGRET ON.
whatever happened to you GOD can heal, and HE CAN GIVE YOU A LIFE you could never dream off, the JOY the PEACE, the LOVE. it will bring tears to your eyes everytime you think about it. HE IS GOD, that brought you here.
and HE wants that you GIVE your LIFE to HIM, and that when you walk side by side with HE REVEAL HIMSELF more and more. that you may know WHO HE TRULY IS and that you may see the satisfaction that you GET IN HIM.
Cause i tell you HE IS SATISFYING and HE CAN HEAL.
sister, rape can have such pain in peoples hearts, leave a lot of obstacles in our hearts you know, some are spiritual, some are physical. some are psychological, i believe you have experienced this, but HE that created your heart, and thus knows it INSIDE and OUT, can bring it to a state where you are COMPLETELY AND PERFECTLY HEALED. and this you can only find IN CHRIST JESUS.
know this my sis, HIS commandments are not burdensome, They never meant to be burdensome you know, but excuses and lies can make them seem burdensome. but by HIM and THROUGH HIM Sis, pre marital sex IS NOT A PROBLEM to say NO to. i who have lived a life of fornication, watching pornography and lusting after COUNTLESS women Tell you this. that IT IS NOT A PROBLEM.
and all you have to do is HAVE FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST. Have FAITH IN HIS WORD..
thats all. BELIEVE sister
you know Poi, i understand although i havent really been in your situation. but somehow i guess, you find a man that has shown you love and understanding and has helped you get better, and get over your past you know. and somehow you feel debted to him right? its truly understandable, i mean all your boyfriend did is love you right? love should be rebounded with what MORE LOVE. exactly right? not being sarcastic here or anything.
but let me ask you a couple questions sis, do you believe GOD does not love you? do you believe God cant give you a good boyfriend? whose creation are you? dont you believe GOD can LOVE you a million times better? Dont you believe that GOD can satisfy your heart and life? we all want whats good for us, we all do. everyone does, everyone does. but GOD can give us BETTER THINGS. and the only thing HE want from you is that you BELIEVE IN HIM.
we might want to hear what we want because we SEE thats its good, i mean who would not grab at the chance of living happily after such an ordeal as yours. but what i know and from my own experience and walk with GOD is that HE CAN give you a life that YOU WILL NEVER REGRET ON.
whatever happened to you GOD can heal, and HE CAN GIVE YOU A LIFE you could never dream off, the JOY the PEACE, the LOVE. it will bring tears to your eyes everytime you think about it. HE IS GOD, that brought you here.
and HE wants that you GIVE your LIFE to HIM, and that when you walk side by side with HE REVEAL HIMSELF more and more. that you may know WHO HE TRULY IS and that you may see the satisfaction that you GET IN HIM.
Cause i tell you HE IS SATISFYING and HE CAN HEAL.
sister, rape can have such pain in peoples hearts, leave a lot of obstacles in our hearts you know, some are spiritual, some are physical. some are psychological, i believe you have experienced this, but HE that created your heart, and thus knows it INSIDE and OUT, can bring it to a state where you are COMPLETELY AND PERFECTLY HEALED. and this you can only find IN CHRIST JESUS.
know this my sis, HIS commandments are not burdensome, They never meant to be burdensome you know, but excuses and lies can make them seem burdensome. but by HIM and THROUGH HIM Sis, pre marital sex IS NOT A PROBLEM to say NO to. i who have lived a life of fornication, watching pornography and lusting after COUNTLESS women Tell you this. that IT IS NOT A PROBLEM.
and all you have to do is HAVE FAITH IN JESUS CHRIST. Have FAITH IN HIS WORD..
thats all. BELIEVE sister
Hey poi, I think it's unfair, if you came here asking a question while only willing to accept one answer.
If you truly have been born again, you should be deeply concerned about how God see's your situation (as described in scripture), not how anyone else's sees it.
I can't say it much better than roboop, but firstly you have to recognise, that the only time God sees sex as 'pure and sinless' is when it is done within the context of Mariage- 'The marriage bed is undefined' Hebrews 13:4. All other contexts are sin.
Secondly, Psalm 37:4 says 'acknowledge God in all your ways and he will create the desires of your heart' this means that if you are following God's word, the things that you desire will most likely be his will. But seing as you are ignoring his instruction, it is very likely that this desire that you have for your boyfriend is not Gos's will at all.
Thirdly, just as roboop said, 1 Corinthians 6:9 teaches that those who practice fornication show that they have never been born again, you can fall into it every now and then but you won't continue in it because as acts 20:22 says, 'the Holy Spirit compels us of our sins'. Now seing as you don't regret your sin, its highly likely that you don't have the Holy Spirit to compell you. So the issue isn't the fornication, but your unreedemed heart.
The Gospel
So firstly poi, the Ten Commandments say
5) Honour you father and mother
7) Do not commit adultery, and Jesus said even if you look at someone with lust, you have committed adultery with them in you heart
8) You must not steal (that includes little things like music of the Internet etc)
9) You shall not lie
10) You shall not envy
If you have committed any of these sins, you have to recognise that you, just like us have 'fallen short of the glory of God' Romans 3:23. And you have violated God's law, so you must be punished and you will inherit the 'lake of fire' Revelation 21:8.
However, God sent his Son to die so that those who believe on him won't perish and will inherit the kingdom of God. But to do this, Jesus says in 12:25, that you must first recognise your sin, and hate it.
Secondly, secondly, you must repent (mark 1:15) that means to do a 180 degree turn towards God from facing your sin.
And thirdly, you must believe on Jesus Christ and trust him for your Salvation (Mark 1:15)
If you are truly reprentant and sincere about this descision, Jesus says in John 3:7-8 that you will then become Born again, and God will send the Holy Spirit to live in you who will begin your new life and begin to transform you into his likeness. Your responsibility from then in is to keep free from sin, you do this by fixing your eyes in Jesus Christ as he is revealed in the bible (Hebrews 12:2). This is because he is our perfect example as he was 'tempted just as we are but was without sin' Hebrews 4:15.
I hope you deeply consider what I have said, you eternal future hangs on this descision.
Getting married after the fact doesn't justify the sin of pre-marital sex. That's the same logic as burying the body in a nice coffin justifies the fact that you just murdered the person. Maybe that's an extreme, but it's how I see it. (And no, I don't equate premarital sex to murder. )
I was abused growing up. Does that give me license to do whatever I choose? Nope.
I was abused growing up. Does that give me license to do whatever I choose? Nope.
You were not sinning when you were being molested. Sin requires willfull disobedience and if it was forced upon you it wasn't willfull on your part, so it wasn't sin imputted on your record. Having fallen to a sin, can we expect God's blessing on it's continuance? C'mon, Poi, you don't need us strangers telling you the answer to that. And we strangers don't need being snipped at when we tell you the truth you already know.
I have no doubt from what you say that your physical relationship with your boyfriend has brought you some healing, and in that I say bless you. But having come to the point you are at, you should both commit to celibacy until you are married. Anything outside of that is outside the will of God, even if you get someone to say it's not.
I have no doubt from what you say that your physical relationship with your boyfriend has brought you some healing, and in that I say bless you. But having come to the point you are at, you should both commit to celibacy until you are married. Anything outside of that is outside the will of God, even if you get someone to say it's not.
S
Poi , I would suggest you to give this matter in the hands of Lord Jesus Christ , ask Lord to guide you and help you understand what is good for you in His eyes. I understand that you had painful experience in the past and i am glad you have recovered from it. It will help you a lot , if you spend some time reading Bible and learning all the wonderful teachings God has given us.
Making Jesus your friend and guide can help you a lot , not only today but also in future. Ask Jesus to lead your life, He is your best friend and believe me you can trust Him.I hope God will help you understand His precious will for you in this matter.
Last edited:
Looking back over everything she posted, I think I probably should have been a bit more understanding of the fact that this sexual relationship has really helped her overcome the psychological damage done by the past sexual abuse. I think maybe God does actually understand that. Not that He condones it or allows it. I mean, He may understand the past abuse and everything that have made her seek out this kind of relationship, or appreciate this guy. But He also wants to be Lord of our life.
In any case, Jesus said He didn't come to condemn, but to save. But we must be willing to let go of sin.
So we need to tell her that it's still sin for it be before marriage. A godly man will be understanding and help her in the same way that her boyfriend helped her, but saving the sexual part for marriage (which I understand is an important part to undo the damage previously done).
Still it boils down to choosing God.
In any case, Jesus said He didn't come to condemn, but to save. But we must be willing to let go of sin.
So we need to tell her that it's still sin for it be before marriage. A godly man will be understanding and help her in the same way that her boyfriend helped her, but saving the sexual part for marriage (which I understand is an important part to undo the damage previously done).
Still it boils down to choosing God.
A
I think God understand more than most people give Him credit for.
Yes most of the world is going to hell and loving their walk there, but God calls to his own.
I don't know if Poi is still reading this or not, but my issue about marriage now is not to make it right with God but because you are looking to his PARENTS to support your child.
you say they are ok with it, but I tell you now expecting other people to take on your responsibilites is not a sign of maturity.
if you are serious about marriage than you both should finish high school and get jobs and save up to have home.
We can't change the past, but we learn from it.
You weren't sure after the abuse you would be physically able to be attracted to another man so you tried it with your boyfriend. You have overcome that fear.
However there is more to healing than being able to do that act.
Many of the people I know who are abused become sexually active with many partners because they no longer value their bodies. They don't start off meaning to, it begins with one guy who lies to them and says they love them forever and plan on marrying them, but the guy gets bored and wanders away.
The girl heartbroken wanders into another, than another than another relationship until it becomes a cycle.
You are young I don't want to see you wander into circles of bad relationship.
I know you are thinking YOUR boyfriend is not like that, but again you are young.
If he was serious about you, then he can wait a couple years until you both graduate high school and find jobs to get married and have sex.
You say there is more to your relationship than sex, then it should not be too hard to wait and see.
Are you brave enough to test his love for you and ask him to wait? Do you have enough self control to do what is right in God's eyes and wait?
anyway we will keep you in our prayers even if you never see this post.
Remember, even when you do not love yourself God loves you and you are precious in His sight.
Don't throw it away and devalue yourself.
You deserve to have a family and a man who puts God first not his own physical needs.
Yes most of the world is going to hell and loving their walk there, but God calls to his own.
I don't know if Poi is still reading this or not, but my issue about marriage now is not to make it right with God but because you are looking to his PARENTS to support your child.
you say they are ok with it, but I tell you now expecting other people to take on your responsibilites is not a sign of maturity.
if you are serious about marriage than you both should finish high school and get jobs and save up to have home.
We can't change the past, but we learn from it.
You weren't sure after the abuse you would be physically able to be attracted to another man so you tried it with your boyfriend. You have overcome that fear.
However there is more to healing than being able to do that act.
Many of the people I know who are abused become sexually active with many partners because they no longer value their bodies. They don't start off meaning to, it begins with one guy who lies to them and says they love them forever and plan on marrying them, but the guy gets bored and wanders away.
The girl heartbroken wanders into another, than another than another relationship until it becomes a cycle.
You are young I don't want to see you wander into circles of bad relationship.
I know you are thinking YOUR boyfriend is not like that, but again you are young.
If he was serious about you, then he can wait a couple years until you both graduate high school and find jobs to get married and have sex.
You say there is more to your relationship than sex, then it should not be too hard to wait and see.
Are you brave enough to test his love for you and ask him to wait? Do you have enough self control to do what is right in God's eyes and wait?
anyway we will keep you in our prayers even if you never see this post.
Remember, even when you do not love yourself God loves you and you are precious in His sight.
Don't throw it away and devalue yourself.
You deserve to have a family and a man who puts God first not his own physical needs.
poi. . .I hope that you can read this because I truly believe that you came to this site for help not criticism. You are probably a young babe in Christ and haven't learned to curb your "communication". But I too was abused as a child and it really screwed with my life and I have made a lot of wrong decisions that I think stemmed from that abuse although I will take full responsibility for those decisions and not blame the abuse. . .
With that being said. . .you are still young. If you really love this guy and he really loves you then you both can make the decision NOW to abstain from sex. . . let your friendship grow and just take things slow. Regardless if you think that he has made you so much better. . .there are a lot of lingering effects of abuse. Some girls turn away from guys completely for a good length of time but others turn to guys and many of them. . . .
All I am saying is that if you two really love each other. . .that love will grow without the sex. . . and your relationship will be better for it.
Love in Christ, patience
With that being said. . .you are still young. If you really love this guy and he really loves you then you both can make the decision NOW to abstain from sex. . . let your friendship grow and just take things slow. Regardless if you think that he has made you so much better. . .there are a lot of lingering effects of abuse. Some girls turn away from guys completely for a good length of time but others turn to guys and many of them. . . .
All I am saying is that if you two really love each other. . .that love will grow without the sex. . . and your relationship will be better for it.
Love in Christ, patience