Unyoked marriage

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Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#21
Be careful in what you believe. Only you can answer the question of why you married this lady. If you didn't marry her because with a primary focus on her Spiritual condition, then why? As a man, I can testify that you were physically attracted to her, along with the worldly things that she does, and afforded you to also partake.

My last girlfriend, who I was well intimate with, she is not a believer. The relationship could not work unless I submitted myself to a position of serving her without restriction or limit. However, the things that she wanted me to submit to, were completely unacceptable . . . in fact, her desires were pure evil.

So if we marry because we burn in lust, how is this not a sin? Paul tells us that we are to remain exactly as we were when we came to Christ, but he also teaches that it is better to marry than to live, and sin, in lust. If we are burning with lust, how is this not a sin? Just food for thought . . . I am not God nor do I set the rules.

1 Corinthians 7:9 NLT - "But if they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust."
Interesting thoughts. I was attracted not only because she's beautiful. I was also attracted by her personality, her values, the ones I already mention before.

Sometimes I think I still was weakened because of my previous relationship. Part of me knew I should not date or marry her. And even when we were dating, there were some occasions that we had the scenario to broke up. However, we could not do it because we loved each other.

But I always missed what I had with my ex: a Christ center relationship. She end up making some work to approach mu beliefs to the point of respecting them and even encourage me to find q church. But it's much easier to her to deal with this, unless she also was having problems and wanted to be married with an atheist.

She keeps saying:"You make religious aspect the most important thing of our marriage. I think we already have what's truly important, that is our love and the way we take care and respect each other. That makes our marriage special."

All I know is that she is not as intolerable as she was. I see some small steps given from her, but she seems to have some that blocks her to open herself to Jesus. I guess it's my fault...
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#22
That's the best you can do! And if that's the best . . . then Amen!

1 Peter 3:1-2 NKJV - "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear."

The above Scripture is written for women, but is it [only] for women, or does this also apply to men? Of course, this also applies to men. But here's the deal . . . you actually have to be the man that is described of the woman (above). You MUST be that person! If you're not going to be that person, a person with chaste conduct, accompanies by Proper Fear of the Lord . . . there is little hope of her wanting to turn to Christ because of your influence.

You can do it . . . if you Truly believe that God exists, you will have genuine Fear of the Lord. I believe in you.
I agree. Like I said i try to be that man but of course, I'm not perfect and sometimes I fail. I keep asking the Lord to help me to be the better husband I can and to teach me how to deal with her about all this.

Maybe I lack patience. Maybe I haven't the faith I should have. I feel this is my fault and that I am failing.

On the other and, I also think that she has the free will to search Him if she wants to.

A bit confused...
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#23
Where are you? I will help you find a good biblical church. You must be with others who share the Spirit of Christ, under good leadership/elders that can help you.
Thank you brother. I'm already searching for churches. I have a Baptist church, several Assemblies of God and several others here.

I joined a church, when I was with my ex. Ot was a serious and lovely church. Pastors are not like the best American pastors I know and love, but I felt well there.

Since then, I tried only once another church, where a friend/brother preaches. I felt not the same joy and two things happened that I didn't like: I was not allowed to participate in the communion and also not allowed to make my contribution with money to the church. They knew I was a brother in Christ, but still, they acted like that.

I don't see Christ doing this. Any church should be open to everyone and receive anyone who's searching for Him. Many of these churches are not open. Some even need references by letter from the former pastor to be able to be accepted.

One other time, I tried a Baptist church. They were nice in the first meeting, but they all do many questions, if I had a church, what do I do, etc. Again, here, me and my wife, who went with me, were not allowed to be part of the communion or to give any kind of offer. Before the cult I spoke with the pastor, which is also a good friend of that friend of the other church I went before. So, he also knew I was a brother in Christ. But still, new members had to do a 3 month course in order to be part of the church. I didn't return to that church.

I can't understand this kind of behaviour and I began to feel lack of desire to join a church.

Still, I'm asking God for Him to guide me and help to find a good church.
 
Mar 17, 2021
429
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#24
Hi, dear brothers and sisters.

"Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. (...)" 2 Cor 6:14

"To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace." 1 Cor 7:12-15

So, this was the Biblical way to start what I´m about to share with you, my dear brethren. It may be a bit long, so please, bear with me.

My wife and I know each other for more than 20 years. Still, by the common things of life, professional issues, we never spoke or seen again until 5 years ago. We encountered again for professional reasons.

However, and very important to consider is that, when we met again, I was on a very bad period of my life, because of the end of the relation with my ex-girlfriend/fiancé. It was throught a 3 year relationship with her that I found our dear Lord. We were compatible in many ways. We were both christians, we had the same political ideas, but, the relationship was somehow not good. In my mind, I though the Lord had put ther in my life to find Him and that she would be my wife. That didn´t happen. It took me much time to realize the answer I was always asking God: "Lord, if You put her in my life, if we both praise you, even in spite of our relationship, if we were talking about marrying, why did it end?" I suffered a lot, and, eventually, one day the answer came to my mind: "God didn´t put her in my life for her to be my wife. He put her in my wife to be the way, throught love, to find Him. That was her function."

Backing to my wife, I was still healing myself from my previous relationship, and I grew very much in knowledge and relation with the Lord during that suffering. So, meeting my wife again we started to feel attracted to each other and end up falling in love, but didn´t star dating. Why? We both knew that I was a passionate Christian, with Right wing political ideas (I know find myself in the Christian Democracy), and she was atheist and Communist. We both had the feeling that it wouldn´t a good idea to date. But, eventually we start dating. Of course, conflicts happened but, we loved each other. After some time, we decided to marry. So, we have already 4 years of marriage and a beautiful baby girl of 2 years old.

Conflits arose, sometimes because of political questions but also by religion. I admit that in the beggining I went all in with showing her the Word and, since I also love Apologetics, went that way also. Nothing happen, she got even worse. Sometimes things went a bit hard, but eventually we forgave each other. With time, she began to tolerate more my faith and even encouraged me to find a church and even went with me from her free will. This, before our child was born. After that we had a new problem: how was she going to be raised? By her father´s view or by her mother´s? That, with time, end up to be tolerated also by her (in fact it was her idea) to put her in a christian nursery and after that, it´s probable that she may go to the same christian school in the next years. They will start teaching them christian topics, etc, almost like Sunday School. I´m a former Catholic and a Protestant follower of Christ since 2011, when I met by ex. Now, my wife has no problem that I teach our daughter things about Christ, even take her to church. That´s another issue, I´m without church for about 5 years. Still, she encourages me to go and even say that she will go with me, not by faith, but simply to go with me.

She likes to see movies about Jesus in the Easter, we recently saw 5 movies ("Breakthrough", "God is not dead 1, 2 and 3" and "The case of Christ"). Still, nothing. She says she may be wrong, that Christianity may be true and God may exist, but she simply don´t believe because she was taught that way and she´s happy as she is, and that I´m forcing her to be a different person.

And here´s and issue: her father, is her "god". He´s is a former Catholic that, by serious problems he had in life became anti-church and atheist and raised her that way. So, well, she says "This is what I am. I don´t believe. I can´t believe. Maybe I lack something or miss any intelectual thing, but I don´t believe! If want to search for God, I know what to do. But I don´t believe."

I pray for her everyday, for God to touch her heart. I´ve doing this for quite a while and that are days I lose hope. Question is: he tolerates my beliefs and even encourages me to find a church. But she can´t understand what is to be so passionate about Christ and don´t have someone in our side that can´t undertstand that love and that it´s the most important thing (God). Is the same as speaking to a wall.

My wife is a wounderful woman. She´s wise, very humble, honest, hard worker and a supermom. Se loves me and takes care of me, just like I love her and take care of her. I will never divorce my wife just because she´s not a believer. I have to find a church because I feel that God is not as close (by my fault) as it was before having her in my life. I´m now also going through a bad time (depression due to covid in family. Her parents had covid, and in spite of their age and having many health problems, they miraculolasly survived. I prayed a lot for them. Of course, to her it was all the doctors work and not God´s). She´s only child and for 2 months she had to take care of them and be in their house, far from her daughter and me. I had to take care of my baby girl alone and to manage her emotions, fears, etc. That ended up affecting me too. To make thing worse I also have professional burnout according to my psiquiatrist and psichologist. Depression and burnout.

This would be a time to have a spouse that would worshisp God and prayed with me, in a Christ centered marriage. Still, she takes care of me and is very very kind to me.

A frined of mine, also a christian, keeps telling me that I made no sin marrying her and that it was part of God purpose for me to marry her for my wife end up being a christian. He keeps saying that he sees signs of a slow conversion of my wife and that I have to stop "chocking" her with the Word and Apologetics, either be it in conversation or movies.

I don´t know. Sometimes I ask forgiveness to the Lord because I feel I sinned marrying her. And still, in is His love and kindness, He gaves me/us a beautiful and healthy daughter.

I won´t lose hope and I´ll keep praying. And I also know I´ll continue to love ant try to respect my wife the best I can.

If possible, dear brothers and sisters, pray also for her and her father for them to find Jesus, and how marvellous is to have Him in our life.


Thank you.

Blessings!
My wife describes herself as a "retired Catholic". She was brought up and educated as a Catholic and she still refers to it as "my religion". She will come to church for the Lessons and Carols service at Christmas but not on Sunday mornings.

She too is a wonderful woman, to whom I have been married for 31 years. She knows that I have a Reformed theology and a Pentecostal background. She has proofread many of my Christian books that I have written, and has never criticised the content although she has found the typos that I missed.

She has never stopped me going to church and being involved as an elder, preacher, and worship leader. She is totally involved in the social side of the church and enjoys the company of the church members. Some would think we are unequally yoked because I am a Reformed Protestant with a Pentecostal theology, while she still sees Catholicism as her religion although she doesn't practice it.

The positive thing about being married to her is that she keeps my feet on the ground and keeps me from going into flights of fancy. I have to be real with her and if there is any hypocrisy in me, she is quick to get down on it.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
Feb 20, 2021
1,181
475
83
#25
Still, I'm asking God for Him to guide me and help to find a good church.
I'm 54 years old and I've never set foot in a "good church." Join a church when you see that they teach, and believe in, the Doctrine of Spiritual Circumcision. This is the Utter Core of the entire Bible. The Spiritual Circumcision is what all True Christians seek, which is to be alleviated of the Curse that Adam and Eve's actions set into motion . . . all the way back in the Garden of Eden. The Purpose of Christ is to become the Holy Remedy of the indwelling Sinful Nature. Below are seven of the most important, Perfect verses in the Bible. I would memorize these seven verses LONG BEFORE you memorize John 3:16.

Colossians 2:9-15 NLT - "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. When you came to Christ, you were "circumcised," but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision--the cutting away of your sinful nature. For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross."
 
Mar 17, 2021
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#27
What are your credentials as a pastor?
I hold an M.Div, and have been ordained as an Elder of the Presbyterian Church of New Zealand which gives me the qualifications to be a Lay-preacher in that church. For around three years while the church didn't have a minister, I was the Session Clerk (senior elder), and so I was effectively the pastor of the church for that time. It wasn't a particularly glamorous role. It was just more work and meetings and often the buck stopped with me concerning issues that arose. I agree with Charles Spurgeon to his students: "If there is any vocation you want to do in life other than being a pastor, go and do it!"
 

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
Feb 20, 2021
1,181
475
83
#28
I hold an M.Div, and have been ordained as an Elder of the Presbyterian Church of New Zealand which gives me the qualifications to be a Lay-preacher in that church. For around three years while the church didn't have a minister, I was the Session Clerk (senior elder), and so I was effectively the pastor of the church for that time. It wasn't a particularly glamorous role. It was just more work and meetings and often the buck stopped with me concerning issues that arose. I agree with Charles Spurgeon to his students: "If there is any vocation you want to do in life other than being a pastor, go and do it!"
I'm glad to know that you are/were a pastor. Had I known this, I would have interacted with you much differently. Boy, would I love to sit down and have a chat with you. Finding a "pastor" that's willing to talk is pretty difficult in this current system of "christianity" that we have today. That said, I won't further hijack this thread (I think I tend to be all too proficient in this way . . . not good).
 
Mar 17, 2021
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#29
I'm glad to know that you are/were a pastor. Had I known this, I would have interacted with you much differently. Boy, would I love to sit down and have a chat with you. Finding a "pastor" that's willing to talk is pretty difficult in this current system of "christianity" that we have today. That said, I won't further hijack this thread (I think I tend to be all too proficient in this way . . . not good).
You can PM me any time. I am retired and have plenty of time to discuss whatever you want with me.
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#30
My wife describes herself as a "retired Catholic". She was brought up and educated as a Catholic and she still refers to it as "my religion". She will come to church for the Lessons and Carols service at Christmas but not on Sunday mornings.

She too is a wonderful woman, to whom I have been married for 31 years. She knows that I have a Reformed theology and a Pentecostal background. She has proofread many of my Christian books that I have written, and has never criticised the content although she has found the typos that I missed.

She has never stopped me going to church and being involved as an elder, preacher, and worship leader. She is totally involved in the social side of the church and enjoys the company of the church members. Some would think we are unequally yoked because I am a Reformed Protestant with a Pentecostal theology, while she still sees Catholicism as her religion although she doesn't practice it.

The positive thing about being married to her is that she keeps my feet on the ground and keeps me from going into flights of fancy. I have to be real with her and if there is any hypocrisy in me, she is quick to get down on it.
Interesting input, brother. I somehow relate with your last paragraph. My wife, in many ways, helps me to be more reasonable, less impulsive and others things I still need help for the Lord to correct.

I often say that her heart is purer than mine, even not being an atheist.
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#31
I'm 54 years old and I've never set foot in a "good church." Join a church when you see that they teach, and believe in, the Doctrine of Spiritual Circumcision. This is the Utter Core of the entire Bible. The Spiritual Circumcision is what all True Christians seek, which is to be alleviated of the Curse that Adam and Eve's actions set into motion . . . all the way back in the Garden of Eden. The Purpose of Christ is to become the Holy Remedy of the indwelling Sinful Nature. Below are seven of the most important, Perfect verses in the Bible. I would memorize these seven verses LONG BEFORE you memorize John 3:16.

Colossians 2:9-15 NLT - "For in Christ lives all the fullness of God in a human body. So you also are complete through your union with Christ, who is the head over every ruler and authority. When you came to Christ, you were "circumcised," but not by a physical procedure. Christ performed a spiritual circumcision--the cutting away of your sinful nature. For you were buried with Christ when you were baptized. And with him you were raised to new life because you trusted the mighty power of God, who raised Christ from the dead. You were dead because of your sins and because your sinful nature was not yet cut away. Then God made you alive with Christ, for he forgave all our sins. He canceled the record of the charges against us and took it away by nailing it to the cross. In this way, he disarmed the spiritual rulers and authorities. He shamed them publicly by his victory over them on the cross."
Thank you.

Do you know what I think I would need to do? Was to go at least one time to a group of churches. In my city I have Baptist, several Assemblies of God, Seven-Day Adventist, LSD church, and several evangelical churches that just have a name, so they can be anything, I guess.

I don't intend to go to LSD or Seven-Day Adventist churches as I simply don't identify myself with these ones. Assemblies of God, I never went although I have an idea that they have a Pentecostal inclination, therefore puting the focus in the Holy Spirit. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I only went once to a Baptist church and, maybe I was unlucky, as the pastor spent the whole time scolding the assembly. I talked with him first and after and I didn't felt any kind of joy in him to the possibilty of being part of the church. Told me that we would talk later and to email him. So, I didn't go back and sent some emails to him and when he answered back, he started scoding me, saying he didn't saw me there anymore. Plus, even he knew I was an evangelical brother in Christ, he said I had to do a 3 month course, since I wanted to join the church. I gave up the idea of joining that church. The only church that accepted me without any restrictions, allowed me to be part of the communion, etc, was the one I enjoyed the most. Still, I have no possibility to go back.

So yes, I have a predisposition to have several questions to join a church. If they all have behave the way the majority had, in my experiences, it won't be easy for me to want to join one, even feeling I need it.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
Feb 20, 2021
1,181
475
83
#32
Thank you.

Do you know what I think I would need to do? Was to go at least one time to a group of churches. In my city I have Baptist, several Assemblies of God, Seven-Day Adventist, LSD church, and several evangelical churches that just have a name, so they can be anything, I guess.

I don't intend to go to LSD or Seven-Day Adventist churches as I simply don't identify myself with these ones. Assemblies of God, I never went although I have an idea that they have a Pentecostal inclination, therefore putting the focus in the Holy Spirit. Please correct me if I'm wrong. I only went once to a Baptist church and, maybe I was unlucky, as the pastor spent the whole time scolding the assembly. I talked with him first and after and I didn't felt any kind of joy in him to the possibility of being part of the church. Told me that we would talk later and to email him. So, I didn't go back and sent some emails to him and when he answered back, he started scolding me, saying he didn't saw me there anymore. Plus, even he knew I was an evangelical brother in Christ, he said I had to do a 3-month course since I wanted to join the church. I gave up the idea of joining that church. The only church that accepted me without any restrictions, allowed me to be part of the communion, etc, was the one I enjoyed the most. Still, I have no possibility to go back.

So yes, I have a predisposition to have several questions to join a church. If they all have behaved the way the majority had, in my experience, it won't be easy for me to want to join one, even feeling I need it.
I appreciate everything that you wrote! However, after having put several thousand hours of study into our Bible, and after cataloguing and organizing God's Holy Word, it is obvious that today's church is completely out of touch. Today's church is, according to each church I have visited and inspected . . . the body of each "church" is thoroughly deceived.

The Bible teaches us, over and over, that the Spirit of God will teach us what we need to know. Why depend on any human for Spiritual Wisdom? Doesn't that seem foolish? Yes, we must preach the Word! So my encouragement to you is to depend on God to teach you what is in His Written Word. Stop depending upon "men" for what you need, but depend on the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And when you have done these things, consider yourself to be a silent leader of those around you. Watch people . . . listen to them. Be amazed by what you see (and don't see).

Never stop asking. Never stop seeking. Never stop knocking! Even when you think you possess much Biblical Wisdom . . . never stop those aforementioned three things.
 

Jesus4ever

Senior Member
May 18, 2015
783
19
18
#33
I appreciate everything that you wrote! However, after having put several thousand hours of study into our Bible, and after cataloguing and organizing God's Holy Word, it is obvious that today's church is completely out of touch. Today's church is, according to each church I have visited and inspected . . . the body of each "church" is thoroughly deceived.

The Bible teaches us, over and over, that the Spirit of God will teach us what we need to know. Why depend on any human for Spiritual Wisdom? Doesn't that seem foolish? Yes, we must preach the Word! So my encouragement to you is to depend on God to teach you what is in His Written Word. Stop depending upon "men" for what you need, but depend on the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And when you have done these things, consider yourself to be a silent leader of those around you. Watch people . . . listen to them. Be amazed by what you see (and don't see).

Never stop asking. Never stop seeking. Never stop knocking! Even when you think you possess much Biblical Wisdom . . . never stop those aforementioned three things.
I can see what you mean, to the point that that's almost what I am doing. Question is I need to be with brothers in Christ. Right now I talk about God with two Roman Catholics brothers. They are both wise, one of them has master degree in Theology. Both know the Scriptures quite well. The one that keeps saying that is seeing my wife's slow converting and that I must give her space and keep praying is the one with the master degree. Still, they are the closest I have to speak about God, better than an evangelical brother that has is part of an Hillsong church.

And of course, they all have their own lives and aren't always available.

My brother that preaches in his church (the first one I went and was dissapointed) received many pms from me asking/begging to speak with him. He sees the pms but doesn't answer. I love him and he's wise. Right now he has tonnes of work with his service. So, another case that I'm not being "helped".

To summarise, what I have is 2 RCC brothers that I love and with whom I can talk by phone about God, when my wife ia not around.

So, yes, I need contact with other brothers and I believe I need a church and the Bible also instructs us to have be part of a church. In this case all I ask to the Lord is His help and guidance to be part of the one He think it's the best one.
 

2ndTimothyGroup

Well-known member
Feb 20, 2021
1,181
475
83
#34
I can see what you mean, to the point that that's almost what I am doing. Question is I need to be with brothers in Christ. Right now I talk about God with two Roman Catholic brothers. They are both wise, one of them has a master's degree in Theology. Both know the Scriptures quite well. The one that keeps saying that is seeing my wife's slow converting and that I must give her space and keep praying is the one with the master's degree. Still, they are the closest I have to speak about God, better than an evangelical brother that has is part of a Hillsong church.

And of course, they all have their own lives and aren't always available.

My brother that preaches in his church (the first one I went and was disappointed) received many pms from me asking/begging to speak with him. He sees the pms but doesn't answer. I love him and he's wise. Right now he has tonnes of work with his service. So, another case that I'm not being "helped".

To summarise, what I have is 2 RCC brothers that I love and with whom I can talk by phone about God, when my wife ia not around.

So, yes, I need contact with other brothers and I believe I need a church and the Bible also instructs us to have be part of a church. In this case, all I ask to the Lord is His help and guidance to be part of the one He thinks it's the best one.
J4E . . . I Love everything about what you've written. I NEED to speak with Christian brothers and sisters as well. I am also hungry to be a part of a church! However, what if the "brothers" and "sisters" that ARE available to me, what if they are in error regarding their ideologies and theologies? And what if they refuse, because of their Spiritual blindness, what if they refuse to ascend to the things that I am trying to discuss with them?

The last "church" that I attended, I last a whopping seven months. My friend and I were diligent in our attendance, and with our being die-hard Christians, we both noted that after seven full months, the pastor never uttered the Name of Jesus even one time (FROM THE PULPIT!) Sure, he spoke a lot about guns and gun safety in his sermons, and he even taught us how to make papyrus paper . . . but he could not mention the name of Jesus. And of course, that means that he didn't teach the Gospel even one time in over half a year. That, my friend . . . is so horribly egregious!

Of course, I am not prophet, nor a person of any kind of greatness, but it seems (to me) that you're walking on fairly solid ground.

Get your own Bible study up and running. Look at the graphic for the scriptural passages to read. This is the Core of the Bible . . . learn these three sets of Bible passages and how they relate to the Bible as a whole . . . you'll be so far beyond anyone you've ever known he claimed to know much of anything about the Bible.

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