What is going on with my heart?

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Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#21
Aug 28, 2012
19,215
2,551
113
#21
You know I should tell all of you something that happens to me sometimes. See I hear both the voice of God and satan, I know satans voice very well because he is always the one who is loud accuses me and tells me im not good enough and what a terrible person I am and such and like yesterday sometimes I believe it. But God's voice is normally a whisper a lot of times I have to really listen in order to hear him, he always has something encouraging or loving to say and even when he corrects me he does so in a loving way.

Anyways sometime when i'm on my walks God will speak to my spirit and I actually see myself with eyes for a minute or so and then astonished as I am I say to the devil you were wrong about me.
I wish I would believe that so I don't go into the state I was yesterday lol
 
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Eva1218

Guest
#23
#23
I'm so glad you decided to share this Blain though I don't know if your are still going through this due to the date of the post but as I read I knew I had to still speak directly to you. First let me share True Repentance will help you tremendously, seek GOD and be Restored and do not look back until your truly able to without punishing yourself. Seems the enemy has been tormenting you in your mind I see this by your choice of words they are all condemning self and GOD lets us know that condemnation comes from satan. GOD is a GOD who convicts us when we feel HIS conviction we know we must do some self examination and stop doing the things which displeases GOD. Family can be our most critical influences because they knew us prior to Salvation so never look for confirmation from family even if its nice our confirmation must come from GOD and HIM alone. GOD is the Only ONE who gave HIS LIFE for the world to be SAVED so HE is who we are to look to. I will be praying for you and my prayer is that you truly accept GOD to Restore you fully and completely. To begin to seek GOD with a hunger to study HIS Word and to use your Gift to Glorify GOD and not self. Help others even while your going through pour out into others begin each day with gladness thanking GOD for all things good and bad and forgive self and others to move forward defeat the demons who have been assigned to defeat you, pull down the strongholds speak against and to the evil forces speak with boldness and Truth knowing that you are a new creature in CHRIST JESUS and begin to walk as such. To stop seeking what your desires are and seek after the Kingdom of GOD. again I thank you and commend you for sharing be Blessed be used and be ye glorified in JESUS Precious and Mighty Name. Listen intently to sermons listen intently to worship music and Praise I say Yes these dry bones shall live indeed. The Kingdom of Heaven suffers violence and the violence is taken by force. Command depression to go, command condemnation to go Command unforgivness to go and bear good Fruit in JESUS Name huggz and much love your sister in CHRIST JESUS our LORD and our REDEEMER. :")

Blessings!!!!!!!
 
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psychomom

Guest
#24
#24
Blain...lack of sleep adding to the trouble? :(
 
Blain

Blain

The Word Weaver
#25
Aug 28, 2012
19,215
2,551
113
#25
psychomom said:
Blain...lack of sleep adding to the trouble? :(
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no mom sleep isn't the issue I have all my medicine now:) I really do love you I don't deserve a mom like you but I am so grateful to have you, I know Im not your son blood wise but I know God knew what he was doing when he brought you into my life♥
 
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psychomom

Guest
#26
#26
Blain said:
no mom sleep isn't the issue I have all my medicine now:) I really do love you I don't deserve a mom like you but I am so grateful to have you, I know Im not your son blood wise but I know God knew what he was doing when he brought you into my life♥
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ditto, sweetheart. ♥

it doesn't take a DNA tie to make a Family. :)
 
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purpose

Guest
#28
#28
People are often unreasonable,irrational,and self-centerd.(Forgive Them Anyway.) If you are Kind, people may Accuse you selfish,ulterior motives. (Be kind anyway.) If you are successful, You will win some Unfaithful Friends and some Genuine Enemies. (Succeed Anyway.) If you are Honest and sincere people may deceive you.(Be Honest and Sincere Anyway.) What you spend years creating, others could Destroy Overnight. (Create Anyway.) If you find Serenity and Happiness,Some may be Jealous. (Be Happy Anyway.) The Good you do today, will often be forgotten.(Do Good anyway.) Give the best you have, And it will never be enough. (Give Your Best Anyway.) In the Final Analysis, It Is between YOU and GOD. It was Never Between you and them Anyway.!
 
Jason0047

Jason0047

Banned
#29
Jul 22, 2014
10,350
51
0
#29
Blain said:
As some of you know I have a very low opinion of myself and usually I am not that affected by it and simply have that usual positive outlook on life and faith. Really I am an optimistic person but lately sadness has been hitting me heard, not the usual kind either the kind that hurts my heart and I cry. I notice how I can see through God's eyes when it comes to others, I can easily see the treasures they are how deeply he loves and cares for them regardless of what they have done who they are or were and I can easily see how far he is willing to go for just one of them.
Yet for me all I can see inside me is darkness sin and filthiness, I can't see through God's eyes for me at all. In fact I often wonder when God sees me what does he see? when he thinks about Blain what does he think? when he talks about Blain what does he say? and I fear of the answer because i fear that he would be disapointed or would see and think of me like my family does.

Honestly I am so sorry for the person I am and the things I have done and I know what my family thinks of me and what they say behind my back and I am starting to think they are right. I have always been the screw up in my family and I continue to be this immature irresponsible screw up, being this with my family is one thing and it hurts believe me but if I am like this to God that alone will bring me to tears.
It would be better if I didn't live with my family because then things would much easier for them but I couldn't burden anyone else with me, I couldn't stand to make someone have to deal with me and all my problems.
It's really strange though I haven't cried like this in forever and I wasn't depressed because I had God, and this sadness that is like a knife to my heart that brings me to tears is new or at least new since I was saved.

Maybe the enemy is using my family and my feelings against idk but my mom is always so angry and irritated at me and all I am is a disapointiment to her and my family and with good reason. I feel so alone and sad because all I want is a loving happy family and for me to actually be a good person and to not be a screw up. I wish I could see Jesus again and to have him hold me say all kinds of good things to make me know and feel that I am loved deeply and that I am actually good enough, but I haven't seen in him in a year at least or maybe more i don't remember the exact timing and back then he didn't really speak to much.
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Believers cannot stop trusting in throwing themselves down before God's grace and mercy (See Parable of Tax Collector and the Pharisee - Luke 18:9-14). For if the Spirit is convicting you of sin (or wrong doing), you need to confess of that sin to God and forsake it with God's help. It may not seem like an easy task, but anything worthwhile in life is never easy. For we can't be axe murderers and serve Jesus Christ. We can't be prostitutes and serve Jesus. We can't be liars and serve Jesus. We can't be drunkards and serve Jesus. Does this mean a believer will be 100% perfect their entire life? No. But believers don't stay in sin (Even if they might struggle with sin so as to crucify it from time to time). For we have to repent of our sins and move on. For Jesus told us to repent, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand. For the Kingdom of God is not sadness. The Kingdom of God is righteousness, peace, and joy in the Holy Ghost. For whenever a believer sins, they have an advocate named Jesus Christ that they can go to (1 John 2:1) whereby they can confess their sins and be cleansed of all unrighteousness (And all unrighteousness is sin - 1 John 5:17).

In other words, when we stay down in the mud of sin with the pigs, we are no different than an unbeliever and are lost just like the prodigal son (Whereby his father thought he was dead). We have to get clean thru the blood of Jesus by His mercy and grace in repenting of our sins and wash off the mud so as to walk with Jesus Christ upright and clean. For without holiness, no man shall see the Lord. For God does not call us to be devils (Whereby we can live however we please). We are bought and paid for with a price and we are not our own. God calls us to be His children (Who are good and not bad).
 
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