Depressed and alone

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doll

Guest
#1
#1
I been working hard lately,studying tax law, being a mom to my one year old, keeping the house clean,dinner made.

There is no in between. I haven't had a friend in years, that can come visit me. I have friends online. People just don't like me. Not that I could trust another woman anyway. The only best friend I ever had slept withe very guy who was ever interested in me. She's even with my ex of 8 years now.

I been a loner all my life but sometimes it just feels really saddening. Like I just wish I had someone to share my day with. i try to do that here but I can't ever get a word in edge wise in the chats. Ill have something important to say and someone wont stop talking about iced tea. I don't know why I am here really, I thought id turn to God and maybe find people to be friends with. All i have found is a bunch of self absorbed people who don't even talk about God.

I got 3 100% scores on my tax return tests today, but no one to share that with. No parent to be proud,no friend to say good job no one to celebrate with.

I should be happy with myself but instead my life feels so dark.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#2
#2
Well, if you're looking to the chats, you're looking in the wrong place. Chats are a bit of a joke. I'd say invest your time in the forums. Its not 'real time', and there are a fair share of problematic people. But its easier to discover who is worth getting to know by reading their posts. And it's easier for people to notice you through your posts, and find that common ground.
 
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doll

Guest
#3
#3
I think the fact that it's not real time response isn't helping me out with the lonesomeness. I understand what you are saying though. I agree the chats are terrible and in a way make me feel worse, when I feel this way. If I m in a great mood ,bored and have nothing real to talk about the chat is fine,ha. But how often is that?

I guess I am not suited for anything that requires much effort right now. Thank you for replying to my stupid posts :/ is that your eyeball?
 
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xAlphaOmega

Guest
#4
#4
Are you living my life? Haha... Well one thing I noticed is that you and I both are going about thinking in our negetivity about our lone state, but the only one (ok 2) that can change that is ourselves and God. Instead give others the benefit of the doubt, although I know its hard to do when ppl in the past have hurt us and helped form the pattern in our thinking. Other woman arent too bad, maybe some of those perhaps that have affected you in your past. But lets not label them all because there are some great ppl out there waiting to be your friend- you just dont know it.
 
G

Guest

Guest
#5
#5
It can be very hard fulfilling the role of a mother and caregiver plus working or going to school. There are women out there that want to encourage you and lift you up during times that you feel alone and without someone to share your day and accomplishments with. Congratulations for doing so well on your tax tests. Remember to enjoy that special time you get to spent with your one year old. Many times it is our children who lift us up, even with the words of them saying "Mommy I love you" Many times that is all we as mothers and women need to make our day. Don't give up, Remember you are a daughter of the most high and he loves you dearly and more than you can even imagine. Times it is hard to accept that but that it what helps us many times get us through those days that are difficult for us to get through. There are many great encouraging women out there who would be awesome for you to get to know and develop friendships with. Just don't forget you are a valuable priceless woman/daughter of God and remember to always cherish that. Also to remember to smile, laugh and have some fun. :rolleyes:
 
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NickTambora

Guest
#6
#6
Hi Doll how are you, it's not easy what your going through and the real world doesn't make it easy and especially when you feel alone and no one cares. Benign depress can put a toll on us and make us hid in a corner and make us feel that no one cares. That's not true God loves you and will show you he loves you in the way that you will understand. I pray that he bless you and show you that your worthy for you are.
 
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Ugly

Guest
#7
#7
doll;bt5657 said:
I think the fact that it's not real time response isn't helping me out with the lonesomeness. I understand what you are saying though. I agree the chats are terrible and in a way make me feel worse, when I feel this way. If I m in a great mood ,bored and have nothing real to talk about the chat is fine,ha. But how often is that?

I guess I am not suited for anything that requires much effort right now. Thank you for replying to my stupid posts :/ is that your eyeball?
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Well, it takes longer, in the forums, true. But there are people i talk to off CC in real time chats. Text or Skype.
Yeah, i agree chats can make you feel worse. I know that's happened to me quite often.
Also, consider, that if your main goal is, or comes across as 'i just need someone to vent on daily' that it may not be easy to make friends. We all have times like that, sometimes we need it more than others, but over time it can be draining to the person on the receiving end. I know this first hand.

haha, no, not my eyeball.
 
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gothgirl

Guest
#8
#8
It's hard Doll, it really is. I go through depression all the time… I've had it since I was 15… it comes in waves. I used to wear it as a badge of honor, but I've grown weary of it and I had a hope that coming here would fix that, and sometimes when I get in a religious fervor with someone I do feel this joy in me that does make me so happy, but guess what happens after that when I'm alone with my thoughts? The depression comes back and I know it just won't stop and I'll have to deal with it. Hopefully I won't end up killing myself or drugging myself into oblivion.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I really do. If it's anything like what I've felt, then you find it impossible to take joy in things that used to give you joy and maybe that frightens you a bit as well.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I hope that it shows you that whatever you're thinking right now, you're not alone. Please believe me that you're not. Look at these people who have responded to this. I bet they would be happy to chat with you whenever they could. Don't let the assholes get you down. If there's anything that I've found out from switching music scenes is that they're everywhere no matter where you are, so keep your asshole-detector functioning and just avoid them. Unfortunately you will probably need it for the rest of your life.

So please realize that even though you don't have friends hanging out or parent to call, you're not alone. I've had to realize that, even through my dark lenses, and I hope you will too.

In the meantime, I will send out my best wishes, my love, and a prayer for you to heal.
 
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doll

Guest
#9
#9
xAlphaOmega;bt5658 said:
Are you living my life? Haha... Well one thing I noticed is that you and I both are going about thinking in our negetivity about our lone state, but the only one (ok 2) that can change that is ourselves and God. Instead give others the benefit of the doubt, although I know its hard to do when ppl in the past have hurt us and helped form the pattern in our thinking. Other woman arent too bad, maybe some of those perhaps that have affected you in your past. But lets not label them all because there are some great ppl out there waiting to be your friend- you just dont know it.
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I would hate to think anyone is experiencing this. No one has ever wanted to be my friend accept online. People my age already have best friends and close friends. The older one gets the more difficult it becomes. At the moment at least there are two girls in class who are nice to me but i don't think either of them would ever be friends with me outside of class.
 
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doll

Guest
#10
#10
gothgirl;bt5678 said:
It's hard Doll, it really is. I go through depression all the time… I've had it since I was 15… it comes in waves. I used to wear it as a badge of honor, but I've grown weary of it and I had a hope that coming here would fix that, and sometimes when I get in a religious fervor with someone I do feel this joy in me that does make me so happy, but guess what happens after that when I'm alone with my thoughts? The depression comes back and I know it just won't stop and I'll have to deal with it. Hopefully I won't end up killing myself or drugging myself into oblivion.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. I really do. If it's anything like what I've felt, then you find it impossible to take joy in things that used to give you joy and maybe that frightens you a bit as well.

Why am I telling you all of this? Because I hope that it shows you that whatever you're thinking right now, you're not alone. Please believe me that you're not. Look at these people who have responded to this. I bet they would be happy to chat with you whenever they could. Don't let the assholes get you down. If there's anything that I've found out from switching music scenes is that they're everywhere no matter where you are, so keep your asshole-detector functioning and just avoid them. Unfortunately you will probably need it for the rest of your life.

So please realize that even though you don't have friends hanging out or parent to call, you're not alone. I've had to realize that, even through my dark lenses, and I hope you will too.

In the meantime, I will send out my best wishes, my love, and a prayer for you to heal.
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Srry to hear that...I have been depressed most of my life too. I have had a rough life:( I even tried to kill myself a few times. I don't think suicide is a good way out, though I agree its often very tempting. Your right, I don't find joy anymore really. I am an artist and can't even remember the last time I drew anything for fun. I get no alo0ne time really for that, but its not an excuse to give it up completely. Thanks for sharing with me...I don't know if it helps or not.It kinda makes me sad someone else would feel this way too, but in a way at least i am not a freak while everyone else finds happiness so easily. If only the past wouldn't haunt me with such vigor. I hope we can all keep in contact.
 
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gothgirl

Guest
#11
#11
Oh dear… it seems I tried and failed to make you feel better. Don't feel sad that I get depressed as well. I've been dealing with this since I was 15… I'm a pro! I'm not going to kill myself because I think it's a waste. Tough as life gets, suicide is not the answer. Chemicals aren't the answer either. That's why I'm here. You know how they say idle hands are the devil's business? That's how it is with my mind! If I keep my mind busy all the time then there's no room for the past to ruin my fun. Now, from what I can tell, you're totally busy, but you do need some time of creative outlet though. I did too which is why I've pushed myself out of my comfort zone to meet new people in order to create things. It seems to help me be productive when other people are relying on me. I'd be happy to collaborate with you on something, if that will help you. Think it over, and in the meantime, I'll pray for you to remain strong.
 
secularhermit

secularhermit

Banned
#12
May 3, 2013
8,719
75
0
#12
Hmmm! Next year I will place this somewhere next to my door> @ I haven't had a friend in years, that can come visit me.@ Ha! Ha!

Yes! More than a year, but I' m a survivor of loneliness, that physical and emotional, that one known by many here and out there.
 
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