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You know how everyone's always saying that you should trust in the Lord? Have faith? Never doubt Him? And how you have people who find that so hard to do? Trusting Him, I mean. Believing. Well, for me that's always been the easy part.
I know He exists. I know He loves me. I know He protects and provides and heals and has perfect timing and is always right and knows everything and forgives and comforts. All of it. I do. I don't doubt Him.
And yet, it's like these days, something's missing. It's all become... slightly routine. In all the... well... living... I guess I lost some of that fire. That passion. At least in some areas of my life. It's like all the different parts are... inconsistent?
For example. I'm part of our church's band. Which means that every Saturday our band gets together and practices for Sunday's service. And Sunday mornings we'll lead the church in worship. I love singing for God. I know that all of us have talent that was granted us by Him. I use my talents for Him only, because that's why He gives us talent. Right? Right. So we can use those talents to praise and glorify Him and build His kingdom.
Music is such a huge part of my life. It's the one place I know I belong. If I couldn't sing for God anymore? I think that would be the worst thing in the world.
But there are other parts in my life that aren't as rosy. I forget to read my bible. I take life for granted. My freedom. His providence. I curse sometimes. I fight with my mom. I sin. We all do. And what it's come down to, is that I feel like I've come to this place where I'm comfy. Or maybe it's a state of numbness. And I think God might be trying to wake me up, but it's like I don't want to hear Him. I've had so many close calls, it's scary. And I know I have to get out, I'm just not sure how.
And that's the reason I hold on to the band, because that's where I live for Him completely and I give Him everything. But He wants my ENTIRE life. Not just the bits and pieces I want to give up. He wants everything. He wants complete control.
I feel guilty because it's like I'm living a double life. But I know if I let go of music I'll lose it. Completely spiral out of control.
You know how everyone's always saying that you should trust in the Lord? Have faith? Never doubt Him? And how you have people who find that so hard to do? Trusting Him, I mean. Believing. Well, for me that's always been the easy part.
I know He exists. I know He loves me. I know He protects and provides and heals and has perfect timing and is always right and knows everything and forgives and comforts. All of it. I do. I don't doubt Him.
And yet, it's like these days, something's missing. It's all become... slightly routine. In all the... well... living... I guess I lost some of that fire. That passion. At least in some areas of my life. It's like all the different parts are... inconsistent?
For example. I'm part of our church's band. Which means that every Saturday our band gets together and practices for Sunday's service. And Sunday mornings we'll lead the church in worship. I love singing for God. I know that all of us have talent that was granted us by Him. I use my talents for Him only, because that's why He gives us talent. Right? Right. So we can use those talents to praise and glorify Him and build His kingdom.
Music is such a huge part of my life. It's the one place I know I belong. If I couldn't sing for God anymore? I think that would be the worst thing in the world.
But there are other parts in my life that aren't as rosy. I forget to read my bible. I take life for granted. My freedom. His providence. I curse sometimes. I fight with my mom. I sin. We all do. And what it's come down to, is that I feel like I've come to this place where I'm comfy. Or maybe it's a state of numbness. And I think God might be trying to wake me up, but it's like I don't want to hear Him. I've had so many close calls, it's scary. And I know I have to get out, I'm just not sure how.
And that's the reason I hold on to the band, because that's where I live for Him completely and I give Him everything. But He wants my ENTIRE life. Not just the bits and pieces I want to give up. He wants everything. He wants complete control.
I feel guilty because it's like I'm living a double life. But I know if I let go of music I'll lose it. Completely spiral out of control.