What It's Like (For People Who Don't Understand)
I have Migraine-Associated Vertigo(or MAV). Or at least that’s the diagnosis for the moment. Thankfully, I don’t actually get headaches(some people with MAV don’t). The vertigo is the problem.
What does it feel like? You know that game you played as a child where you closed your eyes and spun in circles and then tried to walk straight? It’s like that. The floor feels like it’s moving. It feels like you’re in a dream. You try to hold on to the nearest object to maintain your balance. You feel like you’re going to pass out. Your palms sweat. You become very anxious. “Please, please God don’t let me pass out in public,” you say silently to yourself. This happens whenever you enter a store, mall, or building. Is it the lights? Is it the hundreds of objects surrounding you? Is it anxiety? There’s no answer. You panic. “I need to get out of here… NOW,” you think. Waiting in line is the worst. You have a basket full with items and are waiting to check out. You start to feel it. But you can’t just drop your things and run out. So you stay, and each moment you’re becoming more and more terrified that you’ll faint in front of everyone. Sometimes you spend hours lying down afterwards until it finally goes away. You've been to 5 different doctors over the course of 8 months. And for those 8 months you've had no life. No job, no education. You’re living just to be alive. You feel like a failure. You hope to God that no one asks you what you’re doing with your life because you have no good answer. You’re standing still while everyone around you is moving forward. And every time it seems like it’s getting better, it comes back again. You’re scared that people don’t believe you. Maybe they think you’re just lazy and making up excuses. After all, you’ve been to so many doctors and have had so many tests done and yet they can find nothing wrong with you. All you can do is keep trying. New meds, new doctors. And hope it goes away someday, so that you can finally move on with your life, and look back on this time as just a bad dream that you’ve finally woken up from.
I want to wake up.
I think I'm finally getting better. I'm starting to apply for jobs, which is exciting and scary at the same time. I really hope this mystery illness is finally coming to an end.
-Just My Thoughts
I have Migraine-Associated Vertigo(or MAV). Or at least that’s the diagnosis for the moment. Thankfully, I don’t actually get headaches(some people with MAV don’t). The vertigo is the problem.
What does it feel like? You know that game you played as a child where you closed your eyes and spun in circles and then tried to walk straight? It’s like that. The floor feels like it’s moving. It feels like you’re in a dream. You try to hold on to the nearest object to maintain your balance. You feel like you’re going to pass out. Your palms sweat. You become very anxious. “Please, please God don’t let me pass out in public,” you say silently to yourself. This happens whenever you enter a store, mall, or building. Is it the lights? Is it the hundreds of objects surrounding you? Is it anxiety? There’s no answer. You panic. “I need to get out of here… NOW,” you think. Waiting in line is the worst. You have a basket full with items and are waiting to check out. You start to feel it. But you can’t just drop your things and run out. So you stay, and each moment you’re becoming more and more terrified that you’ll faint in front of everyone. Sometimes you spend hours lying down afterwards until it finally goes away. You've been to 5 different doctors over the course of 8 months. And for those 8 months you've had no life. No job, no education. You’re living just to be alive. You feel like a failure. You hope to God that no one asks you what you’re doing with your life because you have no good answer. You’re standing still while everyone around you is moving forward. And every time it seems like it’s getting better, it comes back again. You’re scared that people don’t believe you. Maybe they think you’re just lazy and making up excuses. After all, you’ve been to so many doctors and have had so many tests done and yet they can find nothing wrong with you. All you can do is keep trying. New meds, new doctors. And hope it goes away someday, so that you can finally move on with your life, and look back on this time as just a bad dream that you’ve finally woken up from.
I want to wake up.
I think I'm finally getting better. I'm starting to apply for jobs, which is exciting and scary at the same time. I really hope this mystery illness is finally coming to an end.
-Just My Thoughts
