My first born daughter turned 13 today. It was anti-climatic. A couple of days ago I had some free time (a rare occurrence) instead of chilling in a coffee shop to write as I had fantasized, I ran around looking for a gift to get her until the inspiration dawned, and I settled on 100 dollars worth of drawing materials to encourage her aspiring creativity. I also drove to my sister's house to pick up the gift they got for her, and made other trips to buy wrapping paper, etc. In the end, the time, energy, and stress that I sacrificially spent was scorned.
Today I had to go to juvenile court for a situation I have been dealing with since August of last year. A certain someone showed up, triggering trauma...it was difficult. Nonetheless, As soon as it was over, rather than take care of other business of indulge in an hour or two of solitude, greatly needed, I made yet another trip to expend more resources and get the final items; cake and ice cream. Then i rushed home with a plan to take my two daughters out to an early dinner before picking up the three boys from daycare. When I arrived home, the girls came back from school shortly after. I sat around for 45 minutes while the eldest zoned out on facebook and the younger disrespected me. I finally said for get it and left to pick up the boys. I was rewarded with a phone call from the younger one disrespecting me further.
I rushed home with the boys and made dinner which the eldest refused to eat before rushing (as usual) the three oldest to their therapy appointments. My plan was to have a little celebration when we returned home.
The eldest declared her birthday was over at 7:15 pm and ignored the efforts I made setting up her gifts, putting out the cake and ice cream. She also stated that if I were to ever get married, she would go live with her dad (This during a random conversation on the topic). Finally, I gave up. I served the others their dessert as we wore party hats and the eldest stomped off to the bathroom to sulk.
In the scheme of things, I know that this is merely another life situation. But, how much can a person try and give and it's never enough?
All I want is peace. I have to wonder where is God in all of this. What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? What else can be done.
I give up.
Today I had to go to juvenile court for a situation I have been dealing with since August of last year. A certain someone showed up, triggering trauma...it was difficult. Nonetheless, As soon as it was over, rather than take care of other business of indulge in an hour or two of solitude, greatly needed, I made yet another trip to expend more resources and get the final items; cake and ice cream. Then i rushed home with a plan to take my two daughters out to an early dinner before picking up the three boys from daycare. When I arrived home, the girls came back from school shortly after. I sat around for 45 minutes while the eldest zoned out on facebook and the younger disrespected me. I finally said for get it and left to pick up the boys. I was rewarded with a phone call from the younger one disrespecting me further.
I rushed home with the boys and made dinner which the eldest refused to eat before rushing (as usual) the three oldest to their therapy appointments. My plan was to have a little celebration when we returned home.
The eldest declared her birthday was over at 7:15 pm and ignored the efforts I made setting up her gifts, putting out the cake and ice cream. She also stated that if I were to ever get married, she would go live with her dad (This during a random conversation on the topic). Finally, I gave up. I served the others their dessert as we wore party hats and the eldest stomped off to the bathroom to sulk.
In the scheme of things, I know that this is merely another life situation. But, how much can a person try and give and it's never enough?
All I want is peace. I have to wonder where is God in all of this. What am I doing wrong? What am I doing right? What else can be done.
I give up.
