What am I doing!?!

What's my purpose? I've been asking and asking and asking God to please please please communicate to me somehow what ever it is that he wants me to do with my life.

After a couple jobs, going to a secular college and dropping out to move to New Mexico, having plans fall through over there and being forced to move back in with my parents, developing clinical depression and trying to self medicate with drugs, hitting rock bottom and crying out to Jesus and turning my life and will over to him, I'm still here... being worthless... not having any direction... killing time...


My heart's cry to God is "Please take me home."

I seriously don't know what my purpose is. It's like I can't hear God....

I frequently fantasize about falling asleep in my bed and waking up in heaven.... or accidentally crashing my car... or being hit by an 18-wheeler in a freak accident... or falling off my roof one day while cleaning the gutters.......

Counseling isn't helping because I feel waaaay to uncomfortable sharing these things with my counselor because I don't want to get him depressed like I am.

I seriously feel extremely unsatisfied with everything.

I liked making pottery in High School.... but I was too busy getting high to kill my depression to build any skills....

I really feel like a worthless piece of junk... I know I know "God doesn't make junk blah blah blah" yeah, doesn't change anything over here.... They're just empty words to me.... everything is empty to me. I seriously can't handle this depression much longer. I've tried everything to cope, drugs, anti-depressants, massage, counseling (been to plenty of that), therapy, food, shopping, praying, reading the Bible, praying some more, begging God, PLEADING with God.... It's like he doesn't want to listen to little Dorothy over here.... It's like he's to busy with the UNIVERSE to pay attention to the little details that make up the big picture that is my life.... I can't even bring myself to share Christ with anyone because I'm having such a hard time experiencing him myself.....

I just... I just want to die.... I want to cease existence. I really truly wish I was never born.... I truly wish my soul never came into existence.

I have severe anxiety of the work place. My last job I had I ended up leaving because I can't stand having to perform for people (I was a waitress) I can't stand it when my income depends on whether or not I add up to the expectations of customers. I would leave work every day all sweaty and with my heart pounding and would cry all the way home. I just want to be able to make it while trying my best you know? Just accept me for who I am... PLEASE!

I HATE this!!! I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!!

TAKE ME AWAY GOD. I HATE THIS!!! I HATE IT!!! I NEED A CHANGE!!! YOU PROMISED YOU'D BE WITH ME UNTIL THE END OF THE AGE!! YOU PROMISED ME I COULD DO ANYTHING THROUGH THE STRENGTH OF YOUR SON!!! WHY DOESN'T HIS STRENGTH COME TO MY AID WHEN I NEED IT!?! AM I NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH!?!




Your prayers would be appreciated who ever reads this... I'm a complete mess.

One may not realize their purpose until God is finished preparing one for their purpose and then revealing it to them.
In the mean time, we can be attentive to what God is wanting us to learn from him.

Romans 5...Notice the process we undergo

1Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we[SUP]a[/SUP] have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, 2through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we[SUP]b[/SUP] boast in the hope of the glory of God. 3Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

James 1
2Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[SUP]a[/SUP] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

Blessings, keep all faith and hope in the Lord

Hello Dorothy G ......... please read psalm 91 at early morning 4 o clock prayer and cry in front of him , every tear of your prayer will help you to come up , in what you wanting to become .

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say[a] to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
3 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
5 You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
8 You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
9 Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge—
10 no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
12 On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
14 “Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
15 When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

may god bless you n give you peace n happy n lead you in the prosperous way amen !!!!!!!!

Wow! Are you ever letting your mind go on and on without letting God renew it. "you can't stand it" "you hate it" "I can't stand having to perform for people". You are wanting the whole world to be built for you, so it fits you. It isn't going to happen. God created the world in a certain way, and God created you to fit in the world. Because it is something we have to learn to do, God gave instructions on how that is done and God gave us a spirit to help us with our learning.

You have spent so long letting your mind run amuck, letting all sorts of strange things enter it, the only hope for you to learn to let God in is to spend hours and hours and hours filling your mind with His words. I would get out a good concordance and work on God principles. What does God say about love? About law? About how Christ changed our world.

God built the world with love for you, and God wants you to live in complete contentment and peace. You can't, unless you learn what this world is all about. Believe me, our world is not about the things you are writing.

VERY WELL DONE...

well, knowing that I to have struggled with depression and whatnot, I say this....take one day at a time...loodon't try to figure out the future at this point...it will come all on it's own...ok, so you have made some bad choices...ok all of us have..no one is perfect....you are a masterpiece created by God.....and so lets work towards knowing and believing that you are.....my encouragement is to simply at this point ..to take one day at a time..look at each day with reminding yourself that you are beautiful, you belong to God...asking , believing that God is going to get you through this day..look for positive things that you can say thanks God for that...your circumstances may never change....at leasst for now, but your view of the world, God will if you take it slow...give yourself grace for no one is perfect and look to God, believing He will change you..believing He loves you , believing you are worth the fight to go on..through this all ....no matter what happens....don't ever forget that God loves you ....don't stop believing it. don't stop knowing it....you are worth the fight..

Ever since the day I decided to follow Jesus I've been prayerfully filling my mind with his word.
I have been praying for God to please renew my mind, praying for him to change my heart.

I can't STAND being around people for longer than I absolutely HAVE to.

I know these are all problems.

I really wasn't actually expecting anyone to read this or comment on it. I was venting.

And I'm pretty clumsy when it comes to being rushed, like in a restaurant setting. My bosses were constantly watching me at this job and it made me so nervous that I would mess up and get really poor tips. I couldn't even afford the gas to make it to this job (40 miles). I had to be PERFECT or else I would be criticized. No one ever told me I was doing well at this job. I cried every day on the way home. I HATED it. I don't do well when I'm under pressure to perform for people. God knows that. I get nervous and screw things up.

I get HORRIBLE stage fright. I freeze and my mind goes blank. Have you ever tried waitressing??? It's a stage and the customers are JERKS. Old nasty men checking you out while you're taking your order??? And you have to TAKE IT or your boss will yell at you.

I can't do it, I won't. Not me. Nope.
I'd rather work with animals, plants, or minerals. People? Can't stand them. They're either judging you, ignoring you, using you, or abusing you.

Thank you, I'm trying to believe he'll start changing me. My unbelief is too strong. I've prayed about that too.

I KNOW it is hard, but honestly, you can do it. Other people are just like you, they have the same problems. God loves them and works with them in the same way He works with you. When my mind goes off in left field about it all, I use this to get it back on track: I send them blessings. The one that really works I learned from my pastor, I use Numbers 6:24-26, the blessing that goes "May the Lord Bless you and keep you, may He make His face to shine upon you" etc.

Stage fright is just having our mind so on ourselves and our life that we close out others, really. Most people are so focused on themselves that they only see you in relation to their own life rather than looking just at you.

I wasn't cut out to be a waitress, either. Wouldn't working with flowers or animals be fun? I worked as a mother, with accounting, and was a commercial fisherwoman. Failing at one job is fine, it just helps you find the job God gave you talents for.

Just watch what you let in your mind each day, you can only live in the day you have before you, it shapes how tomorrow will be. You can have absolute faith in God's care and love to guide you. You have God with you, you can relax in that with absolute faith in it.

Well D, I have been there..that;s why I said, take one day at a time...when someone told me to think positive and do what I encouraged you to do,,,,,,I got mad...really mad at the person..but then someone else told me the same thing, so I tried.....at first it took like 4 days before i found something positive...then over time it became a day.....now....every now and then i still may struggle with suicidal, depression thoughts but I am able to think through them....but I had to start small.....allowed myself to make mistakes and which actually is still hard to do...this is also where I learned more about grace...what it really meant to receive grace after the thngs i did...God still loved me....still wants me to get close to Him even though I have chosen wrong paths......so I encourage you...to just keep going to God...keep believing that He will help you..that you are worthy of the fight...God makes no junk......you are His masterpiece....You are worth the fight....