A Rant. Advice Needed. And Lots of "Devine Intervention!"

[atwhatcost]

Medical power of attorney gives you the right to make all decisions concerning your dads medical needs. It has nothing to do with DNR. The living will may very well include the DNR stipulation. DNR is a document on file that the patient himself decides when lucid.I am pretty sure it is part of the living will.

Is dad saved? Would you feel comfortable PMing me? Id like to share some things with you but not in public forum.
Ive been praying for you. Ive been standing in the gap.

The Lord shine his countenance upon you!
Jesus is in this storm with you .

Of course that's all there is to that. I know this about Dad -- he is always sure he can make the best decisions, so it never dawned on him that some day he couldn't, unless he was unconscious. Got to hand it to him though -- the only reason I now worry about dementia as a factor in my life is because of him, so I see why it never dawned on him either.

And, no, he's not saved. He's Catholic, but he doesn't believe anything of what he knows of the OT. He thinks it's all about life lessons. And his idea of how he'll spend eternity is thinking God's going to let him go visit the rest of the universe. He also always got very angry with me when I even approached the topic of God.

I love him dearly, but I'm pretty sure I know where my stubbornness comes from. (Double whammed, since Mom was just as stubborn but in a different way. lol)

As for openly talking about this, I'm not naming names so even if this does get googled, no one knows who it's about. Outside of that, if I were shy about this, I wouldn't have posted it. I'm comfortable openly talking about it.

 

[notuptome]

Roger, you stole my kitty!! give her back..lol..

No way! He not she is now only a memory. Big kitty could stand on his back feet and put his paws on the kitchen table. Born with a heart condition so he only lived six years even though I was told he would not last six months.

Back to the regularly scheduled programming.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[notuptome]

Of course that's all there is to that. I know this about Dad -- he is always sure he can make the best decisions, so it never dawned on him that some day he couldn't, unless he was unconscious. Got to hand it to him though -- the only reason I now worry about dementia as a factor in my life is because of him, so I see why it never dawned on him either.

And, no, he's not saved. He's Catholic, but he doesn't believe anything of what he knows of the OT. He thinks it's all about life lessons. And his idea of how he'll spend eternity is thinking God's going to let him go visit the rest of the universe. He also always got very angry with me when I even approached the topic of God.

I love him dearly, but I'm pretty sure I know where my stubbornness comes from. (Double whammed, since Mom was just as stubborn but in a different way. lol)

As for openly talking about this, I'm not naming names so even if this does get googled, no one knows who it's about. Outside of that, if I were shy about this, I wouldn't have posted it. I'm comfortable openly talking about it.

Father in law was the same deal. Catholic Croatian and especially would not listen to my wife because she was a woman.

Medical people are very reluctant to intervene against the patients wishes even if they know it's for the patients own good. Father in law tried to walk home from the hospital in his hospital gown on a cold snowy winter day. Because he wanted to go home even though he had no idea which way to walk or how to get out of the hospital. He checked himself out of the nursing home against doctors orders and took a cab to get home because the family would not take him.

I know the pain you are experiencing. I also know that God can do that which seems impossible to us. Father in law is so much happier now that he is in assisted living care. Still causes issues with his behavior and health stuff as he is taken to the hospital almost once a week but he is ninety one and there is just some things that cannot be helped.

Sometimes God puts us in spots where all we can do is pray. Pray and let God do the work that only He can do. You are not alone and you have the Creator of the universe to help you. You have hope in the Lord.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[Rosesrock]

Been there done that with mom.

Bottom line short story..... Sis wanted to put mom in a place against get will. Get guardianship. But the state standard is so high mom presents too high functioning.
In the end mom is still making decisions. Even if they are bad ones, mom is still mom until she isn't anymore.
Mom is a rebellious teen right now but she doesn't see that danger. So, I'm just waiting to pick up the pieces. So...... My goal has always let mom be as independent as possible safety.
And that doesn't mean making my life easier in the process.
prayers with you.

 

[Miri]

Hi awc

It is hard isn't it. My aunt who I look after has early intermittent dementia.

On her bad days she can be quite verbally abusive, forgetful, unkind and stubborn.
Sometimes it's as if she goes out of her way to deliberately be nasty.
it use to upset me a lot but then I realised that she cannot help being this way.
She just reacts emotionally without reason.

When she gets physically ill it gets worse. For the moment we are doing ok
I live with her and work part time. There has been times though when I have
had to seek medical advice for her whether she wants me to or not. Earlier
this year she spent 6 days in hospital because it all just got out of control,
she refused to drink and ended up dehydrated. She called me every name
under the sun when I rang for an ambulance for her.

But then she will go 3-4 days when she is absolutely normal.

I keep a diary of her confused moments so that I can show it
to medical staff and also try to work out myself if there is a pattern.

I am not certain if the systems in the UK are similar but over her
if it becomes apparent a person is a danger to themselves and others
then actions can be taken even if the person does not agree. They have
to be pretty far gone though.

It's hard I know, but try not to take the nastiness personally, he probably
cannot help it. Dementia also tends to magnify any other personality traits
in a person.

He is probably aware something is wrong and feels confused and scared
about the future.

As I say there may be different systems in place, but you might
find the following UK websites helpful.


About dementia - Alzheimer's Society


About dementia - Dementia guide - NHS Choices



God bless

 

[Rosesrock]

Hi awc

It is hard isn't it. My aunt who I look after has early intermittent dementia.

On her bad days she can be quite verbally abusive, forgetful, unkind and stubborn.
Sometimes it's as if she goes out of her way to deliberately be nasty.
it use to upset me a lot but then I realised that she cannot help being this way.
She just reacts emotionally without reason.

When she gets physically ill it gets worse. For the moment we are doing ok
I live with her and work part time. There has been times though when I have
had to seek medical advice for her whether she wants me to or not. Earlier
this year she spent 6 days in hospital because it all just got out of control,
she refused to drink and ended up dehydrated. She called me every name
under the sun when I rang for an ambulance for her.

But then she will go 3-4 days when she is absolutely normal.

I keep a diary of her confused moments so that I can show it
to medical staff and also try to work out myself if there is a pattern.

I am not certain if the systems in the UK are similar but over her
if it becomes apparent a person is a danger to themselves and others
then actions can be taken even if the person does not agree. They have
to be pretty far gone though.

It's hard I know, but try not to take the nastiness personally, he probably
cannot help it. Dementia also tends to magnify any other personality traits
in a person.

He is probably aware something is wrong and feels confused and scared
about the future.

As I say there may be different systems in place, but you might
find the following UK websites helpful.


About dementia - Alzheimer's Society


About dementia - Dementia guide - NHS Choices



God bless

I agree. Mom is scared but hangs on to control because area so afraid. We took her keys, she had a new set made. But there's potential of her getting lost on her way home. Broken system

 

[cmarieh]

Lynn,

I am so sorry that you are going through this right now. My family had to go through this about three years ago and we still are. My grandma was diagnosed with Dementia and it turned into Alzheimer's and my dad's siblings really didn't take it seriously until she drove off and not knowing where she was and how she got there and after my Grandpa passed away last year they placed her in a memory care facility because we could not take care of her as she got really violent. It is really hard to see the strongest people we know go through this because it is not fair, but I trust God that he will help guide you in how best to handle it. You have all the love and support you ever need in Christ and it is good to put your complete trust in him. I will be praying for you and this situation.

 

[notuptome]

I agree. Mom is scared but hangs on to control because area so afraid. We took her keys, she had a new set made. But there's potential of her getting lost on her way home. Broken system

Went through that with the father in law. Finally got the doctor to write the DMV and they requested he send in his license. Father in law was passing out because he would not monitor his blood sugar so the doctor had to write a letter at our request. If he had not surrendered it they would have requested a physical and a new driving test. The old boy knew he would never pass so he gave in. Sold the car right away.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

 

[blondieindahouse]

Of course that's all there is to that. I know this about Dad -- he is always sure he can make the best decisions, so it never dawned on him that some day he couldn't, unless he was unconscious. Got to hand it to him though -- the only reason I now worry about dementia as a factor in my life is because of him, so I see why it never dawned on him either.

And, no, he's not saved. He's Catholic, but he doesn't believe anything of what he knows of the OT. He thinks it's all about life lessons. And his idea of how he'll spend eternity is thinking God's going to let him go visit the rest of the universe. He also always got very angry with me when I even approached the topic of God.

I love him dearly, but I'm pretty sure I know where my stubbornness comes from. (Double whammed, since Mom was just as stubborn but in a different way. lol)

As for openly talking about this, I'm not naming names so even if this does get googled, no one knows who it's about. Outside of that, if I were shy about this, I wouldn't have posted it. I'm comfortable openly talking about it.

Okay that is fine.
The boogie man is in my inbox anyways! HA!

Check into the two diff types of POA. You may be able to get dad to sign a medical.


I believe God can work miracles in our lives and that is how I pray.
He said if we have the faith of a mustard seed....

I pray your dad comes to surrender to Christ before his dying breath! May the Lord give you the peace,patience, strength and understanding to get through this trial. Amen

Ill keep you in my prayers!

Gods grace abides...

 

[atwhatcost]

Hi awc

It is hard isn't it. My aunt who I look after has early intermittent dementia.

On her bad days she can be quite verbally abusive, forgetful, unkind and stubborn.
Sometimes it's as if she goes out of her way to deliberately be nasty.
it use to upset me a lot but then I realised that she cannot help being this way.
She just reacts emotionally without reason.

When she gets physically ill it gets worse. For the moment we are doing ok
I live with her and work part time. There has been times though when I have
had to seek medical advice for her whether she wants me to or not. Earlier
this year she spent 6 days in hospital because it all just got out of control,
she refused to drink and ended up dehydrated. She called me every name
under the sun when I rang for an ambulance for her.

But then she will go 3-4 days when she is absolutely normal.

I keep a diary of her confused moments so that I can show it
to medical staff and also try to work out myself if there is a pattern.

I am not certain if the systems in the UK are similar but over her
if it becomes apparent a person is a danger to themselves and others
then actions can be taken even if the person does not agree. They have
to be pretty far gone though.

It's hard I know, but try not to take the nastiness personally, he probably
cannot help it. Dementia also tends to magnify any other personality traits
in a person.

He is probably aware something is wrong and feels confused and scared
about the future.

As I say there may be different systems in place, but you might
find the following UK websites helpful.


About dementia - Alzheimer's Society


About dementia - Dementia guide - NHS Choices



God bless

Frightening thought -- he hasn't hit the nasty stage yet. He's angry with both youngest brother and sis. (Sis is second youngest.) He's angry because he wants his car back. That's not nasty stage. That's Dad. The only reason the two youngest don't fully understand this was because he usually gets what he wants, so hasn't been nasty since divorcing their mom. They were young. I know I could jog their memories on what Dad used to call her, but why do that to them?

 

[atwhatcost]

Okay that is fine.
The boogie man is in my inbox anyways! HA!

Check into the two diff types of POA. You may be able to get dad to sign a medical.


I believe God can work miracles in our lives and that is how I pray.
He said if we have the faith of a mustard seed....

I pray your dad comes to surrender to Christ before his dying breath! May the Lord give you the peace,patience, strength and understanding to get through this trial. Amen

Ill keep you in my prayers!

Gods grace abides...

Hubby's Dad -- the most abusive man since Stalin -- was saved in his final days. He had a brain left. (Not much of one, since alcohol and cancer took him the hard way.) Dad's living on instincts only. He honestly thinks he still can go to Canada to go fishing, (the people he rented from died 15 years ago), thinks he mows his lawn, (better not since all the charred wood from the wood pile fire are scattered throughout his yard), and goes into his hot tub. (The water isn't green. It's black.) I don't know how God can reach him. I know God can.

But I also know Mom wasn't saved when she died.

Oldest Brother (OB) called back today after Dad called him three times yesterday to ask for my phone number. He says he doesn't have the heart to take him to court and face him, while he listed all the reason Dad is incompetent to live on his own. He really couldn't stand it if some strange defense attorney ran down the list of why Dad is competent.

I told him, he didn't have to worry about it. There's no way Dad would be able to figure out how to find a defense attorney and no way he could find the courthouse if he did. He'd never show up.

But OB made Dad budge. Dad kept asking why he should leave his house, so OB told him we were all worried about him. Then he ran down the list of every major holy-cow thing Dad has done lately. For the first time ever, (and I mean ever, as in including back when he was mentally healthy), Dad didn't have an answer back. He was silent. Hopefully, if we all do the same thing, it finally gets into Dad's instinct enough to sign a paper.

That's "divine intervention."

OB had me call Dad to see why he wanted to call me so urgently. (Dad never called me after that.) I did. No one answered. I've been waiting for the return call all day, but this is what it's like. I don't know if he's dead, driving his huge car into another ditch, getting lost in the beautiful Badlands, getting mugged, just drunk sitting at his dining room table writing that endless shopping list, or planning to call me as often as it takes him to get up and walk to his study, but still remembers he wants to call me by the time he gets there. This is the IDK of all our lives for the last three years.

 

[blondieindahouse]

Yes I do think that was divine intervention!

Anywoo; Isnt there a way for OB to steal car keys when dad is passed out or showering or something.? Or better yet; disconnect a wire under the hood? . dad isnt a mechanic is he?

 

[Rosesrock]

Went through that with the father in law. Finally got the doctor to write the DMV and they requested he send in his license. Father in law was passing out because he would not monitor his blood sugar so the doctor had to write a letter at our request. If he had not surrendered it they would have requested a physical and a new driving test. The old boy knew he would never pass so he gave in. Sold the car right away.

For the cause of Christ
Roger

Did that, doc wrote a wonderful letter. We live in one of the few states that doest have elderly laws for driving. Yep, not happy..hands tied

 

[Rosesrock]

Hubby's Dad -- the most abusive man since Stalin -- was saved in his final days. He had a brain left. (Not much of one, since alcohol and cancer took him the hard way.) Dad's living on instincts only. He honestly thinks he still can go to Canada to go fishing, (the people he rented from died 15 years ago), thinks he mows his lawn, (better not since all the charred wood from the wood pile fire are scattered throughout his yard), and goes into his hot tub. (The water isn't green. It's black.) I don't know how God can reach him. I know God can.

But I also know Mom wasn't saved when she died.

Oldest Brother (OB) called back today after Dad called him three times yesterday to ask for my phone number. He says he doesn't have the heart to take him to court and face him, while he listed all the reason Dad is incompetent to live on his own. He really couldn't stand it if some strange defense attorney ran down the list of why Dad is competent.

I told him, he didn't have to worry about it. There's no way Dad would be able to figure out how to find a defense attorney and no way he could find the courthouse if he did. He'd never show up.

But OB made Dad budge. Dad kept asking why he should leave his house, so OB told him we were all worried about him. Then he ran down the list of every major holy-cow thing Dad has done lately. For the first time ever, (and I mean ever, as in including back when he was mentally healthy), Dad didn't have an answer back. He was silent. Hopefully, if we all do the same thing, it finally gets into Dad's instinct enough to sign a paper.

That's "divine intervention."

OB had me call Dad to see why he wanted to call me so urgently. (Dad never called me after that.) I did. No one answered. I've been waiting for the return call all day, but this is what it's like. I don't know if he's dead, driving his huge car into another ditch, getting lost in the beautiful Badlands, getting mugged, just drunk sitting at his dining room table writing that endless shopping list, or planning to call me as often as it takes him to get up and walk to his study, but still remembers he wants to call me by the time he gets there. This is the IDK of all our lives for the last three years.

Oh lynn, hugs and more hugs. I wish i could say we are at the light at the end of our tunnel, but i will say we have done everything under the sun to keep mom safe. We took her keys, got doc involved, were referred to memory doctors. Thought about sellinh her car, put her on meals in wheels, but as independent as they are they (she) wont give in.
She made herself a new set of keys we knew if we sold her car she woukd buy a new one (she does have some money). She refused her meals and wouldnt open the door. I would go make her meals that she wouldnt eat. As i posted before we tried guardianship but she presented to well, (they learn to lie and hide what they dont know. The end came where i had to relinquish all control, just like salvation. Im going on faith here. I wanted to be proactive in keeping she and others safe. Everyday i give my mom to the Lord. Thats the end of my rope. Theres nothing rlse to be done until she wrecks or gets lost. Now i wait, but God is faithful.

 

[Rosesrock]

Also, cause i cant edit....my mother is the sweetest woman on the planet...when i took her keys, she attacked me in her front yard. The hardest part is changing places with your parents.

 

[atwhatcost]

Yes I do think that was divine intervention!

Anywoo; Isnt there a way for OB to steal car keys when dad is passed out or showering or something.? Or better yet; disconnect a wire under the hood? . dad isnt a mechanic is he?

Chemical engineer. Dad can make an oil refinery, and has. lol

At this point in time, I don't think cars are a problem. He doesn't leave his house. (He's really going down hill this fast.)

 

[atwhatcost]

Oh lynn, hugs and more hugs. I wish i could say we are at the light at the end of our tunnel, but i will say we have done everything under the sun to keep mom safe. We took her keys, got doc involved, were referred to memory doctors. Thought about sellinh her car, put her on meals in wheels, but as independent as they are they (she) wont give in.
She made herself a new set of keys we knew if we sold her car she woukd buy a new one (she does have some money). She refused her meals and wouldnt open the door. I would go make her meals that she wouldnt eat. As i posted before we tried guardianship but she presented to well, (they learn to lie and hide what they dont know. The end came where i had to relinquish all control, just like salvation. Im going on faith here. I wanted to be proactive in keeping she and others safe. Everyday i give my mom to the Lord. Thats the end of my rope. Theres nothing rlse to be done until she wrecks or gets lost. Now i wait, but God is faithful.

Yeah, we're both in that same spot -- just waiting for the next phone call.

Thank God! (That's it. Thank God he is God.)