AI through a sperm donor

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shelly8886

Guest
#1
#1
I really need some honest opinions about this tough issue my husband and I have been faced with. We are 23 and 24 and have been together for 8 years, and married for 2 of them. We both have good jobs, we own our own home, and are in a good spot financially. We're not rich, but we have everything we need and a little more. We decided that we want to start our family in the next year or two. But, unfortunately, because of childhood cancer, my husband has azoospermia making it impossible to biologically father any children. We both feel that the miracle of pregancy is something we would regret missing out on, so we decided to build our family with the help of an anonymous donor. It wasn't until researching online that I found that this can be seen as adultery. I was shocked at first, but now I can see how people could think that way. My husband doesn't worry about it since we don't see it that way, but it worries me. We plan to be completely open with our children about how they were conceived, which also means being open about it to our family and friends. We were planning on telling our families once we were pregnant so they wouldn't try to influence our decision (his parents are very controlling), but now I'm afraid of how they will react (especially my in-laws as they wouldn't be biologically related to our children). So many people say that a couple's infertility is caused by their past sin and that God has kept this gift from them for a reason, but I just can't see my husband's childhood cancer that way. What is your honest opinion on this?
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#2
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#2
its only people opinions that makes them think this some people say televison is a sin yet television was invented after the bible was finsihed and so was this technology if you want to have the mircale of birth i say go for it and if in the end you dont decide to go theres always kids who want a loveing family and a home
 
mending_pain

mending_pain

Junior Member
#3
Dec 30, 2009
12
1
3
#3
Can I just ask a few questions? When this problem came up, who did you turn to first? Like did you pray and seek the answer from God or did you turn to own understand or mans? Did you already go through with it? If not I would suggest really seeking the face of the Lord, because man can say this is right or this is wrong, but God is the voice that counts the most. I would aslo suggest reading the Word, there are pleanty of examples of people who were infertile, Sarah, Rachel, Hannah, and John the baptist parents, some i can think of off hand, how did these people handle this obsticle? If you have already gone through with it, then are you wanting to know if your decision was right or wrong? Another quesiton to seek God on, if you are questioning it, maybe thats God's way of saying look to Me. God has used unfavorable situations to glorify Himself, example David and Bathsheba, but I can see the point of them saying that, because one half is part of you and one half is part of another person. I know I probably didnt help, but God bless you, and maybe the unclear become clear. To God be the glory!
 
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MonicaR

Guest
#4
#4
I have no idea about sperm donation and adultery. But i just had a question...Would you two ever consider adoption? There are so many children, so many babies in our own country who are in desperate need of a family? I was just wondering.
 
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karuna

Guest
#5
#5
We were planning on telling our families once we were pregnant so they wouldn't try to influence our decision (his parents are very controlling), but now I'm afraid of how they will react (especially my in-laws as they wouldn't be biologically related to our children).
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They may react poorly, but they're also the parents of a child who had cancer. You may be dealing with emotions that have nothing to do with you but are played out in your relationship. In other words, there might not be anything you can do about it, so relax - they are free to react poorly yet everyone, I wager, will survive.

It wasn't until researching online that I found that this can be seen as adultery.
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The key here is can be seen. If you seek opinions on what's permissible, you will always find someone who will portray the action in question as an obvious sin. Telling others what they can't do, as if we were God, gives us power - a stranger online has you second-guessing yourself already!

So many people say that a couple's infertility is caused by their past sin and that God has kept this gift from them for a reason, but I just can't see my husband's childhood cancer that way.
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I'm reminded of a passage in John:

As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
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Not all sickness is the direct result of personal sin. If someone is telling you that his cancer is the result of something he did, then they are claiming to have a direct revelation from God on the matter. You would do well to be skeptical of prophets that say the same snarky things your average person would.

What is your honest opinion on this?
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I think you're misplacing some very understandable anxiety. Be worried about the children, not what people will think about them.
 
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sunshine_debbie

Guest
#6
#6
Wow, and I mean WOW. Everytime I think that God has shown me every sin there is to be had, someone comes up with a new one. I can not fathom how it could be adultery to have a child using AI. But it does bring up the question.

The fact that you are hiding it from family does not sound good, no matter how controlling they are, it teases at or borderlines at lying. That is not good.

I would say pray- ALOT, seek counseling with your minister, and PRAY PRAY PRAY. Also, adoption may not be such a bad thing, you have so much love to give and there are so many who need it. If you insist on this path. Search the scriptures, seek Godly council and PRAY.

With love

Debbie
 
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Dread_Zeppelin

Guest
#7
#7
It is absolutely not a sin to have a child through a donor. How faithless these people are to even suggest adultery!

I always believed that Biblical adultery is when a man and a woman break their vows to their partners to start a sexual or emotional relationship with another person through the lust of their hearts.

Does that sound like welcoming a biologically planned child into your loving Christian home? No. You're not doing this to fulfill some sexual fantasy. You wont even be physically or mentally involved with the donor.

No, you are definately not sinning by having your child through AI. People are so ready to condemn.
 
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oopsies

Guest
#8
#8
shelly8886 said:
I really need some honest opinions about this tough issue my husband and I have been faced with. We are 23 and 24 and have been together for 8 years, and married for 2 of them. We both have good jobs, we own our own home, and are in a good spot financially. We're not rich, but we have everything we need and a little more. We decided that we want to start our family in the next year or two. But, unfortunately, because of childhood cancer, my husband has azoospermia making it impossible to biologically father any children. We both feel that the miracle of pregancy is something we would regret missing out on, so we decided to build our family with the help of an anonymous donor. It wasn't until researching online that I found that this can be seen as adultery. I was shocked at first, but now I can see how people could think that way. My husband doesn't worry about it since we don't see it that way, but it worries me. We plan to be completely open with our children about how they were conceived, which also means being open about it to our family and friends. We were planning on telling our families once we were pregnant so they wouldn't try to influence our decision (his parents are very controlling), but now I'm afraid of how they will react (especially my in-laws as they wouldn't be biologically related to our children). So many people say that a couple's infertility is caused by their past sin and that God has kept this gift from them for a reason, but I just can't see my husband's childhood cancer that way. What is your honest opinion on this?
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I have found that when it comes to miracles, you cannot place a limit on what God can and cannot do. I have experienced and seen miracles that defy all scientific reasoning and you cannot even chalk it up to medical reporting errors. Some miracles are small and others are large.

You will receive a variety of responses to whatever question you have but the most important thing is to discern. My opinion: hold off on anything until you've sought God's advice first. Sometimes, the wait is necessary to prepare you for what's to come. If you rush ahead without God's counsel, it could be quite a painful experience for you. You're both young. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship before. Don't get me wrong, I want children too but I'm being patient because I already know I'm not ready yet.

Look at it this way. The Christian response is to go to God first. The non-Christian response is do whatever you want. So, you discern.
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#9
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#9
oopsies said:
I have found that when it comes to miracles, you cannot place a limit on what God can and cannot do. I have experienced and seen miracles that defy all scientific reasoning and you cannot even chalk it up to medical reporting errors. Some miracles are small and others are large.

You will receive a variety of responses to whatever question you have but the most important thing is to discern. My opinion: hold off on anything until you've sought God's advice first. Sometimes, the wait is necessary to prepare you for what's to come. If you rush ahead without God's counsel, it could be quite a painful experience for you. You're both young. I'm 26 and I've never been in a relationship before. Don't get me wrong, I want children too but I'm being patient because I already know I'm not ready yet.

Look at it this way. The Christian response is to go to God first. The non-Christian response is do whatever you want. So, you discern.
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lets hear some of the mircales
 
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oopsies

Guest
#10
#10
zavok said:
lets hear some of the mircales
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Let's start with small things - simple colds - all symptoms gone overnight without meds when just before, a person was in full blown glue gun, sore throat, and headache mode. It takes a week for all symptoms to disappear. How about something larger? Like prostate cancer that has already spread throughout the person's bones right up to the chest? The cell count dropped to near zero without chemo or treatment when the tissue tests show that the first count was accurate and was not a medical error. A person losing an eye because of a nail gun accident. On the way home from the hospital, they regain their sight.

Even though I have told you, you will not believe. That is why you are challenging me. :)
 
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Harley_Angel

Guest
#11
#11
Adultery requires lust and you really can't lust after AI can you? But, before you turn to technology, really have a Heart to Heart with God. He's fixed bigger problems than azoospermia. Put all your faith in Him, pray, and try together to have a baby. If it doesn't happen, pray again to see if technology is your best fix.
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#12
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#12
oopsies said:
Let's start with small things - simple colds - all symptoms gone overnight without meds when just before, a person was in full blown glue gun, sore throat, and headache mode. It takes a week for all symptoms to disappear. How about something larger? Like prostate cancer that has already spread throughout the person's bones right up to the chest? The cell count dropped to near zero without chemo or treatment when the tissue tests show that the first count was accurate and was not a medical error. A person losing an eye because of a nail gun accident. On the way home from the hospital, they regain their sight.

Even though I have told you, you will not believe. That is why you are challenging me. :)
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true i mean i have colds like that have gone straight away colds are wierd they can last for ages or for a very short time so i leave that to my bodies own defenses but i cant belive the cancer one. as for the eye one need more information on it but more to the question who are these people
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#13
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#13
im jus asking cos normally this stuff would be reported or at least documented somewhere
 
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Harley_Angel

Guest
#14
#14
Well Zavok, you want a miracle? Just a week ago my dog had parvo, a virus dogs get that is extrmely lethal. Her prognosis was horrible, she was dying, nothing was stopping it and I couldn't afford her medical bills anymore. I went in there to make the decision to have her put down. I took my Bible, read to her from it, let her know God loves her, too, and that she was made special by Him. I prayed for her. The vet came in and told me ot come back in a couple of hours. I came back and she had done a complete 180. She was feeling better, had more strength, was trying to drink/eat, had stool with no blood, hadn't thrown up, etc. The vet even took $400 off my bill, and offered to keep and treat her FOR FREE for the next couple of days. She went from death's door to running around my apartment like nothing is wrong in a matter of a day or two. That's a miracle.
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#15
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#15
what if the vet gave your dog the treatment for free
 
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Mal316

Guest
#16
#16
"There are only two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as if everything is." Albert Einstein

In our attempt to scientifically and rationally explain every bit of our existence and why and how things work the way we do, we have relegated miracles to the realm of superstition and ignorance. Everything must be accounted for somehow. In our quest for understanding and the search for truth we allow little room for radical amazement. A person is cured of cancer? There must be a scientific explanation. A dog recovers from near death? Maybe the vet gave the dog free treatment. The Sea of Reeds (Red Sea) parted? What if it was because of an earthquake. Sodom and Gomorrah were destroyed? Maybe it was a volcano. I do not think we need to abandon reason for fanciful imaginings nor should science take a back seat to myth and superstition. I think there is room in the world for wonder, for mystery, for appreciation of unexpected blessings. Sometimes coincidence is just that. And sometimes it's the hand of God.
 
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shelly8886

Guest
#17
#17
I don't doubt that God could give us a miracle, but I don't think it's right to just sit and hope for it. To do what God wants might still require action from us. We have prayed about this, and we are seeing a family couselor at a Christian fertility center prior to going through with the AI. It's just hard for me to hope for a biological baby when that might not even be God's plan for us. Maybe He is protecting us from something far worse than infertility, like the risk of our children getting the same type of cancer that my husband had. I don't know God's plan for us, but all I can do is have faith and try to follow.

Also, for people suggesting adoption. We aren't against adoption, and are actually considering it for future children, we would just love to experience the miracle of pregnancy and birth at least once :)
 
zavok

zavok

Banned
#18
Dec 4, 2009
467
0
0
#18
i dont think you should let cancer worry i know it scary but i look at cancer like this some1 can smoke all there life and not get and so one who doesnt gets it to me cancer is random like i said i think you should go for it because you want to have the a real birth

and to everyone else whos on about miricales i say this technology we have develped the medicne we discovered are the real mircales of life i cant see or accept something happen with no explantion until it is proved that there is no explination then i say that is a mircale from god but the only mircales i have seen are the mircales of man
 
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lighthousejohn

Guest
#19
#19
zavok said:
i i cant see or accept something happen with no explantion until it is proved that there is no explination then i say that is a mircale from god but the only mircales i have seen are the mircales of man
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Do you see man himself as a miracle?
 
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lighthousejohn

Guest
#20
#20
shelly8886 said:
I don't doubt that God could give us a miracle, but I don't think it's right to just sit and hope for it. To do what God wants might still require action from us. We have prayed about this, and we are seeing a family couselor at a Christian fertility center prior to going through with the AI. It's just hard for me to hope for a biological baby when that might not even be God's plan for us. Maybe He is protecting us from something far worse than infertility, like the risk of our children getting the same type of cancer that my husband had. I don't know God's plan for us, but all I can do is have faith and try to follow.

Also, for people suggesting adoption. We aren't against adoption, and are actually considering it for future children, we would just love to experience the miracle of pregnancy and birth at least once :)
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There is no adultery without lust and lust is in the mind. This is a decision between you and your husband. Yes, God can do a wondrous thing for you as he did for my wife and I in 1982. We were told that we could not have children because of my wife's not being able to conceive. After 5 years of tests, biopsies and sperm counts, we decided to adopt. We adopted our daughter in 1973. We loved her more than we thought possible yet my wife still prayed for the "miracle of birth". In 1981, my wife miscarried, which was God's way of saying "I can do what I will!" Our doctor used fertility drugs to help my wife conceive and our son was born on March 17, 1982. Two years later, my twin girls were born; also with the help of fertility drugs.

If you are sure that this is God's will for you, then I urge you to do it and not worry about what any man will say.

I pray God will bless you both with His answer to your prayers.
 
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