Anyone here have a happy marriage after adultery?

[MatthewWestfieldUK]

We don't really have a disagreement, just different words. You are correct we can only evaluate actions but there are different levels. If someone sins we can look at that sin and nothing else, and than place judgement. We can also look at that sin and then look deeper into the person, seeing more than just the one act.

The husband also needs look deeper into himself. Does he understand what happened? Can he honestly forgive without lingering resentment? Is he willing to sacrifice and support his wife while working to maintain their relationship?

The answer to the posters original question is "maybe"; but it will take time, repentance and forgiveness.

Looking deeper is essential

 

[revroberto]

I just found out my wife slept with my friend and needless to say I’m devastated. She says it’s because she is broken from some really awful things that happened in her past and she knows it was stupid and is sorry. I am angry but she is the love of my life and I don’t want to lose her. I also don’t want to try and fix something that can’t be fixed, I’m hoping God will make it clear to me what to do. But I’m wondering if other Christians have gone through this and are not only happy, but found a way to trust their spouse again. Forgiving is one thing, I know we are supposed to forgive. But trusting and having a healthy marriage seems next to impossible. We are 35 and 36 and I really had my heart set on kids. Doesn’t look like that’s what He had in store for us as this will make it difficult to be intimate let alone trust her to keep the family together.

Zac, I pray you were able to forgive and move forward with you marriage. I don't talk about it much, but my wife also cheated on me a few years ago. There were a number of reasons for why and yes every husband that's been cheated on wants to know why. I was so devastated as well, thinking it was because of me not being manly enough or being handsome enough. Like your wife, Julia also had early sexual trauma and sometimes some do act out later to try and "deal" with it as we learned in counseling, but there were plenty of other reasons that I will own as well, including inattentiveness, not fulfilling my Biblical and leadership role, lack of intimacy, etc. It took a long time for me to forgive her, months of her greeting me submissively each afternoon when I came home, posturing her self in absolute humility and repentance, often sin ropa, just in her birthday suit and apron (like "ash cloth" of the ancients), but this were symbolic ways of repentance for her and over time trust started to return. Now our relationship is the best it has ever been, centered on Christ, and our bond is stronger than it's ever been. I saw the man she cheated with about 10 months ago at another church during an event. I literally hugged him in forgiveness and grace. God gave me a new wife through it all. I know he can for you too.