At a loss

[Pamw]

First and foremost, thank you all for the prayers. My daughter was not acting like this until about a month ago, this is a new behavior that came out of the blue. Yes, I have enabled her for years in fact. She and her husband lived with us for years until last March when we told them it was over they needed to move out. 7 months later they are divorcing. When I left my job it was supposed to be only until the youngest child could talk so she would feel safer placing her in day care. Yes. She is a Christian. Yes she contributes financially. I also insisted she pay me 1/2 the cost of regular daycare and she has.
I am here, a Christian, pleading for advice about how to help my daughter see what she is doing is wrong without having her rebel. These kids are already having a tough time dealing with the divorce and quite honestly my husband and I have always been the steady in their lives. I can not let that be taken from them. And yes, she can afford to do just that. I don't know that she will but I don't know her at all since this last month.

 

[popeye]

First and foremost, thank you all for the prayers. My daughter was not acting like this until about a month ago, this is a new behavior that came out of the blue. Yes, I have enabled her for years in fact. She and her husband lived with us for years until last March when we told them it was over they needed to move out. 7 months later they are divorcing. When I left my job it was supposed to be only until the youngest child could talk so she would feel safer placing her in day care. Yes. She is a Christian. Yes she contributes financially. I also insisted she pay me 1/2 the cost of regular daycare and she has.
I am here, a Christian, pleading for advice about how to help my daughter see what she is doing is wrong without having her rebel. These kids are already having a tough time dealing with the divorce and quite honestly my husband and I have always been the steady in their lives. I can not let that be taken from them. And yes, she can afford to do just that. I don't know that she will but I don't know her at all since this last month.

May every single plan of the enemy over your family be destroyed in Jesus' name. May every enemy flee in seven different directions and your daughter be arrested by heaven,and found serving God,and on fire for the kingdom and Jesus. May peace that passes understanding fill this mother's mind and all her grandchildren,and may that daughter be radically converted.

Lord send angels to this mother,and on fire laborers to her . Strengthen her,illuminate her path and protect those grand kids in Jesus' name

 

[Depleted]

First and foremost, thank you all for the prayers. My daughter was not acting like this until about a month ago, this is a new behavior that came out of the blue. Yes, I have enabled her for years in fact. She and her husband lived with us for years until last March when we told them it was over they needed to move out. 7 months later they are divorcing. When I left my job it was supposed to be only until the youngest child could talk so she would feel safer placing her in day care. Yes. She is a Christian. Yes she contributes financially. I also insisted she pay me 1/2 the cost of regular daycare and she has.
I am here, a Christian, pleading for advice about how to help my daughter see what she is doing is wrong without having her rebel. These kids are already having a tough time dealing with the divorce and quite honestly my husband and I have always been the steady in their lives. I can not let that be taken from them. And yes, she can afford to do just that. I don't know that she will but I don't know her at all since this last month.

So in the last 13 months, you told them to get out, instead of them, he did, she is suddenly faced with being a single mom of three kids, with the youngest still a baby, somewhere in there, (I can almost guess in the last month, but I don't know when), she turned 30, and she's facing a divorce.

I think I get it now. It's called "freaking out."

She's 30 years old and feeling like a complete failure. I can't remember why now, but the Big 3-0 made me freak. Something about simply not having a career yet. I can't imagine adding all she went through along with my minor freak out at that age particularly.

So, she didn't want to put her youngest in daycare until the child could talk? I see something good here right smack on the middle of her freak out -- family. She's clinging hard to her kids and to you. That's good.

But she's also getting stressed that if she doesn't find someone quick, she's going to remain single until, at least, her kids are out of the house, and by then she'll be "an old maid," so no one is ever going to want her, so she proves she's desirable before the guy finds out she has three kids too.

Kind of reasonable, in a way, although obviously she's looking for the quickest way out of all this, and the quickest way usually is the worst way. She's not a bad person though. You said that and proved it. She's scared. Terrified. She just got dumped with three kids!

So, how about giving her what she needs now -- someone to tell the scariest things to. And the best person to tell the scariest things to -- Mom. Of course she knows hooking up isn't a good thing. How about assuming that part, and talking to her about the rest. Give her room to let out the fear. And once she tells you what's scaring her right now, it's the opportunity to come up with a game plan. You and her coming up with a reasonable plan of what she has to do (raise those kids on her own), and then really work together to make that happen.

She had a plan -- wait until the youngest was ready for daycare. Something happened. That plan didn't work. So, let her freak a little by talking to you, (talking, not getting the motherly-disapproval speech, because she honestly knows that), and go back to what you used to do -- work together to get her independent again.

Everyone deserves a good freak out when a series of things go terribly wrong. The only thing she's done is take it the wrong way. Help her through the freak out and make plans for the future. Because plans for the future is the only way to go through a good freak out.

 

[JesusLives]

You must have a good relationship with your daughter to have them living with you all this time. I'd talk to her next time you have a chance and express your concerns to her. Remembering that she is an adult and will make mistakes....as we all have and do.... Prayer is the best thing you can do for her leaving her in God's hands.

But you might suggest that she ask herself if this is something she would want her daughter to do? If she would feel safe if it was her daughter making the same decisions?.... Sometimes when we look at things from a different perspective things become a little clearer.... Let her know how much you love her and that you are concerned this is not the correct way to go about a new relationship.

Remember she is an adult and will make up her own mind.... Direct her to the right path but she will make the choice. You pray that it is the right one... Hugs and prayers for you as it is difficult to watch our children make their way through life....