can a bond be broken between a mother and her child

[girl4peace]

Hi i haven't seen my beautiful boy for 2 years.. i was kicked out by my childs father we were living defacto for 9 years..so when he kicked me out i left i was sick of all the mind games.. i didn't have any family or support let alone any stability for my baby my childs father at the time was living with his mother and still is..

i needed to sort my life out i was an emotional wreck.. now i am stronger i have a career and i am also married to an awesome man of God..i have come back to be closer to my baby boy.. he is now 4 years old.. i have been in the same state for 2 weeks now and i have not been able to see my baby.. it is killing me..

I miss my baby soooooo much but i had to make the choice i made to become stronger and allow God to strengthen me.. i am just praying for a change of heart in my childs father.. another reason i couldn't take my baby was because my ex never had a father and i could see what was missing in his life..

God helped me plant a seed in my childs father but his heart wasn't ready.. my baby is the closet thing that he has to God.. i always wanted to be a mummy, my ex never wanted a child because he didn't know how to be a father.. our son has changed him brought sooo much love and joy into his life.. but i too want to be apart of my beautiful boys life.. i just pray that my childs father will have a change of heart oxo

 

[KisDawn]

Did you two go to court when you divorced? Maybe there is a way you can at least get some kind of visitation. As far as a bond goes, I'm adopted been so since I was a baby, and sorry but your family consist of the people that raised you. He's young now so might be able to get a relationship with him, however just because your biologically related it doesn't assume a relationship. I have no feelings at all for my biological parents, because they aren't my parents.

 

[nanabean]

While I wholeheartedly agree with Girl4peace about adoption situations and beleive that an adoptive set of parents can, and in many, if not most, cases even should be, looked at by the adopted child as their "parents" and that a bond between the adopted child and the biological parents can go either way in developing a relationship, I do beleive that your situation, KisDawn is different. I think that if you are able to get visitational rights etc. that a very strong and special bond can still be acheived. I know just in babysitting that I sometimes do not meet a family in need of a full time babysitter till they are over 3 or so, and even as "just" the babysitter, I end up with love between the child and I well before they "leave" me to go to kindergaten. So as his very own mom, I am quite sure you can be an influence and have a very lasting and loving bond with your baby....even if he is already 4 years old. I would look into legal aspects in order to assure yourself of continued visitations etc. and I would also start slow, and steady so that your little boy can get to know you ...he will come to love you as time goes..that's how a "bond" is secured!!!! Good luck with everything..I don't know much advice to give, but I would encourage you not to give up!!! The relationshp between parent and child is important....you say your "ex" didn't grow up with a father-figure....I pray you will be given the chance to be a MOM to your son!!!! God bless you and your efforts!!!

 

[pickles]

I cannot speak to the legal ins and outs in this, but every child will want to have their mom. No matter how long the separation.
He may be timid at first, but he will warm quickly.
I waited all my fathers life for him to want to be my father, saddly he never did. He passed several years ago.
But I forgave and still love him. I am greatful that God Our Father filled the void my father left. He is a great Father.
I dont know how things are in your childs life, but the most important thing is that you do this for your child, I know you love your son and long to be with him. But if you seek this for just yourself, your child will know. Also those that have the power will use this.
Let all be for your child. This is the gift of all mothers love.
Smiles, hugs and God bless, pickles

 

[sisterangie]

hi anyone to give a mother advice?

 

[NodMyHeadLikeYeah]

Wait so im trying to get this straight... you left your child with his father so you could get sorted out????

 

[Seriously_Cool_Wife]

I think only by letting go of what is now outside of your control and putting the matter to God and God alone to solve... you will find much more joy in the results.

I know that we all have sin, and mine is no worse than yours, but it's going to be really hard to step back into his life now on your own strength. After half of his life, he's not really going to remember you, and I can imagine that his Dad is unsure of your commitment.

Maybe contact his Dad and just say you'd like to establish a basic aquaintance and sort of friendship with HIM (the dad) first. Be clear that you ARE only interested in proving that you can be a consistent blessing in your sons life now. That you aren't trying to coerce or trick him into letting you be with your son, but that you only want to love your son the way God intended you to. Let the Dad know that you need his help in getting back on track in that area and just simply ask if you can start by calling once every two weeks or so... not to talk to your son, but to talk with him about the little things you've missed and ways you can pray for your son now. See if that's the first step in working back into a relationship.... and also, allow the Dad his own anger. He's possibly going to be pretty defensive... maybe even about hurt feelings between you two. Maybe after a few weeks of talking with the Dad about safer subjects and kindly... maybe he'll be more receptive to what you can now bring into his sons life.

I think, really, you should approach this humbly. Approach it with a manner that 1. apologizes... 2. lifts up the Dad for having been there and that he IS the primary care giver... 3. works together in UNITY instead of in division.

Now, I'm not saying expect that the father will respond well in the beginning... and you may just have to be persistent without being pushy. Find out if you can send a card on birthdays signed "a friend"... or if dad can get you pictures and share some details about your son's life... don't hide that your goal is to someday be an active part of your sons life, but let him know that you are willing to prove your changed life to him, the dad, first... ... don't forget to just say a simple "sorry" to the dad... even if he was not nice himself... you don't have to apologize for doing things you didn't do... or rehash everything... just a basic, "I have learned that there is a MUCH better way to live my life, and I'm sorry I didn't do it sooner."

Let the Dad ask questions (without crossing boundaries)... he might not be nice at first, but I'd be clear that it's ok he's angry, but after he blows off that initial steam, it would be good to ask him to be willing to talk with you calmly.

anyway, I think that's the extent of what can be done at the moment. You might have legal options, but I would see what God can do first, because God is the greater judge.

 

[artistic_dreams]

if there are no court papers stating visitations and such then i recommend seeing as u live in the same state that u get an attorney and file for joint custody.....there is no reason u and his father cant be in tat babies life at the same time.....you can be a mother and he can be a father.....