Caring for a parent

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prodigious1one

prodigious1one

Member
#1
Feb 10, 2011
40
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#1
Hello,

do any of you care for a parent? I'm caring for my mother and I wish that I were still free to live abroad like I was doing.

My mother end up having a stroke last year. As far as I know it was her second one of her life. Her first one occurred in July 2010 while she was in a car accident. She changed a lot after that accident. I didn't know that those changes would culminate into a second stroke. I really wish that the car accident had never happened, then maybe I'd be free to travel again.

I'm trying to accept the changes that have occurred in our lives, but I hate that I've lost my freedom. I guess that this is my destiny to take care of my mom. She did a good job towards me while I grew up, but I resent that my stepfather cheated on her and left her. I have felt that he should be taking care of her as I am doing now. But, considering that he left her, that means that he didn't love her enough and probably he wouldn't care for her sufficiently.

All my reasoning tells me that I am the one for the job, but I really want to travel again. I don't know if my mother could sustain living in another country. She also would need to become a U.S. citizen or renew her Honduran passport in order to travel out and return to the U.S.

I need to also reach out for help from family, but I'm a loner type so I don't communicate much. I internalize my feelings a lot. I'm just so angry that my mother's health started to fail while I was coming to the end of my graduate studies. I graduated last May and I had some joy but was fearful about my mother's change in health and the responsibility of caring for our house. I felt like I was coming to a great transition in my life and my freedom just got wrestled from me.

I wonder if I shouldn't have stayed in the U.S. right after my mom's accident to see her through her immediate recovery. Maybe I'm paying for my decision to go to South Korea? I feel like I am. Maybe I put this curse on myself?

I talked with a counselor and she said that I should not blame myself for the car accident. I know that I'm not superman, but I can always see causation, and it kills me to think that I could have done something better in the past to prevent something worse happening in the present or the future.

I guess I just have to drop it all and pray that my mother's health improve astronomically. I also need to have faith that I can still have a great future in Georgia. I'm an international type and I never banked on having to make my life in Georgia so soon. I really want to teach English in the Republic of Georgia. Then I thought to teach in China or Taiwan, maybe South Korea again to earn money to repay student loans. Last I thought to work in the Peace Corps in an African country or to work there in another way to experience an African country, like Benin.

I also wanted to volunteer at a school in Haiti and one in Honduras. Those are my parent's native countries. I ask myself if all this traveling in vain? Perhaps for now it is, but I pray to God in Heaven that I have the freedom to live abroad again. Please, God grant me this wish. I've made TREMENDOUS sacrifices to help my mother and I just hope to be blessed for my self-control and patience.

Well, does anyone else care for a parent? How do you deal with them?
 
Jette

Jette

Junior Member
#2
May 11, 2013
16
0
1
#2
Okay, forgive me for saying this but your post seems to be more about how you can't travel the way you want because you are responsible for taking care of your mom due to her current health issues. I do not care for a parent, but my primary piece of advice for you is to pray, seek God and ask him what his will for your life is. I am also an introverted person, but I am always reminded that "You have not because you ask not" and what I mean is that if you can't figure out a way to speak with other family and see if there are those willing to help support you as you take care of your mom you will never know what type of support is out there for you. So I don't have much to lend you in the way of taking care of an ailing parent, but I know it cannot be easy especially when you're young and have your own ideas of what you want to be doing with your life. Maybe God has a different plan for you. Seek God, ask, and then see where you end up. I pray you find a resolution. God bless!
 
damombomb

damombomb

Senior Member
#3
Feb 27, 2011
3,801
68
48
#3
Yes i do!! For years with no family to help. I understand what you are talking about. Can your family help?
It is tough, people don't understand what you sacrifice and when the family does not help, you feel trapped
and lonely at times. Yes you need to talk to someone that will listen. Sometimes I feel like I am going to have
a nervous breakdown from having to stay at home all the time. And yes i am the type who loves to go.
I pray your Mother to be completely healed in all areas of her life and thank the Lord he has heard this prayer
In Jesus name, amen
 
J

jb

Senior Member
#4
Feb 27, 2010
4,940
591
113
#4
Jette said:
Okay, forgive me for saying this but your post seems to be more about how you can't travel the way you want because you are responsible for taking care of your mom due to her current health issues.I do not care for a parent....
Click to expand...
You have given some decent advice in your post, however, let me say that because you have not cared for a parent, you have no right to write the first bit of your post (in italic)!

To prodigious1one:

I have 4 sisters and 1 brother scattered throughout the world and I am the only one at home in N Ireland, so the responsibility rests with me as regards looking after my mum. The last sister emigrated to Australia 9 years ago, so since then the responsibility has rested with me. During that nine year period she has enjoyed pretty good periods of health, but 4-5 months ago she fractured her femour, so since then I have pretty much looked after her 24 hours a day. At times she has been very cranky, complaining about nothing in particular, criticising and being really pessimistic, this kind of attitude really grated upon me, especially when I was doing my best for her, however now, these kind of negative attitudes have all but disappeared and her mobility is much better as well! I put this down to praying much for her.

I understand your frustration about being "tied" to her, it was only getting out of the house (when the circumstances allowed me to) and doing other things with my friends that kept (keeps) me sane!

You (along with the dear Lord Jesus) can use these circumstances (IF YOU ARE WILLING) to become a better Christian, God can and will use it to form Christ's character in you. Rom 5v1-5, 1Cor 10v13, 2Cor 12v9

The key to getting victory in these circumstances is:

1) PRAY, PRAY and then PRAY again (for your Mum's needs and for you and your family's needs)

2) Read the Scriptures daily, claim God's promises and stand upon them!

3) You MUST talk to your family and get them to help you care for her and share the burden of it!

4) You MUST get out of the house and have FUN with your friends for your own mental well being!

Just as I have been reading through this post, God, the Holy Spirit spoke to me the following promise for you:

Jer 29v11: "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope." (NKJV)

Yahweh Shalom...
 
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