Communication problem with hubby

[Maria-Arielle44]

I'm having a hard time trying to talk to my husband about anything. He says I'm complaining alot even before he hears what I have to say. Because of that I end up holding back and bottling up everything inside for fear that he might fight back. Some things I want to communicate to him are important but he does not want to listen and says that I should stop wasting his time. I think I'm falling out of love and respect for him. Is there any hope for me?

 

[ServantHood]

Your answer is not here. Your answer is with God in prayers, fasting, and supplications. I don't know the answer if there is any hope left for your relationship, but what I do know is that God is Almighty, and He can do all things, in His time and will. Regardless of the outcome, lets start with the basics. Your husband doesn't want to hear it. What other options do you have left? Have you tried and tried, and yet he still ignores? The option is clear, try again. But if he ignores again, you walk with God. There's seem to be an issue of the fear of God in his life. Regardless of how he stand with God and what comes out his mouth, and how he say he does or not. Lets forget all of that, and you walk with God. You show the house what it means to walk with the Saviour. "Take care of His business, and He'll take care of yours." All good things come to those who love God. Remember, your job as of now, is not to get frustrated at this moment with your husband, but to rather walk with God in the situation and serve Him at all times. Let God break down his wall of self righteousness, or selfishness, or whatever wall he has up against you. Let God break it down. The problem with this solution is that, it requires you to have faith in God, that you will do this. To depend on Him for the outcome. Too many times I've seen Christian relationship, end up like a heathen relationship because they refuse to have the fear of God in their lives. Don't be that, let God into the relationship. Let God handle this, walk with Him.

Lets' define what walk means: "He who does not pick up his cross, cannot be my disiciple." "He who does not give up his life, cannot be my disciple" Walking with God means, to give up your own life, to serve Him at what He has called you to do. Don't worry, "You don't know what God wants you to do." It's okay, start here, find a local Church, start cleaning the bathrooms. Take care of the nursery. Do all things for God in His name, and in due time, God will come. Remember again, take care of His business, and He'll take care of yours. Always ask for prayers, it really helps. Always remember, prayer and fasting, because "THIS KIND" can only be brought out forth nothing, but only by prayer and fasting. God bless sister, take care.

 

[emptymailbag]

I'm having a hard time trying to talk to my husband about anything. He says I'm complaining alot even before he hears what I have to say. Because of that I end up holding back and bottling up everything inside for fear that he might fight back. Some things I want to communicate to him are important but he does not want to listen and says that I should stop wasting his time. I think I'm falling out of love and respect for him. Is there any hope for me?

I will go out on a limb here... and suggest two books to read, well... 3 if you count the Bible.

1. His Needs, Her Needs... by Willard F. Harley, Jr
This one is VERY insightful as to what your spouse, as well as what you yourself, may actually "need" in a marriage. He states that the top 5 out of 10 needs for a woman, are almost always exactly opposite for the top 5 out of 10 needs for a man. We tend to prioritize things TOTALLY different, women being wired differently than men are, and men basically being thick on a plethora of things... I'm a guy, I can joke about us guys. Yes, the book does go into some VERY deep places about affairs and the triggers that may cause them, which is NOT what I am saying is going on in your marriage... but just be warned that the content is in the book as a "prevention" to affairs. Still, it was and still is, a very helpful book for me to see things from my wife's perspective when it comes to her needs. Who knew she actually WANTED to talk to me when she said that we NEVER talk?!? Yes... I am that thick.

2. Boundaries In Marriage... by Cloud & Townsend
This one was the first book suggested by our counselor, actually, it was the only one suggested by her. She explained that it would be greatly beneficial to both of us to "find our voice" on the things that we both were dealing with in our marriage. There is an accompanying workbook, but honestly, that may be a little more than you want to do right now. For me... I dove in head first, attacking the troubles in our marriage... but that was because I had just been made aware of a one year long affair my wife was having. It was devastating... but we ARE working through it. If I had read the first one that I listed sooner, there is a HUGE chance that the affair would have never taken place. The problem is, we can not live with "if this" or "if that", we can only live with the outcome of decisions and choices.

You deserve the best in your marriage... we ALL do. Your spouse should be the one that you can be completely transparent with, the one that you can bare your soul to, and THE one that should be everything that you need and desire in a person who you are going to spend your life with.

While the affair that happened in our marriage was something that many are unable to recover from... I am honored to be the one who gets to be there for my wife as we work through this. I should have been more attentive, more understanding, more "fill in the blank"... but now... I can be.

Again, I am NOT saying that there is an affair in your marriage... I am saying that understanding one's spouse, and being THE one for them, is the key to having a beautiful marriage.

None of us came with a manual, but IF we had... us men would have thrown it away and just reached for duct tape and a hammer. You need only watch a husband as he fixes a leaking toilet, or a father as he assembles a child's toy for proof of that.

Have a blessed day,
-emptymailbag

 

[secularhermit]

I have heard that your "culture" in PNG is patrist -what the man says has to be done- I don know!

What was the reason you marry him?

Did you marry for love or sex? Did you marry to be loved and are loosing that companionship you liked? (Those answers are yours, you know all of these).

If those things you have said are "so and so", you cuold ask any of your friends in PNG (and your friends abroad) and you finally have the dicision. Whatever it many be, will affect YOU, your children (if they are) and too little a man who is "too busy" to pay the attention you seem to be needing.

What if another man starts giving THE ATTENTION you need? (You don't want to cheat, even emotionally).

May GOD helps you to sort that out.

 

[Blackson]

I'm having a hard time trying to talk to my husband about anything. He says I'm complaining alot even before he hears what I have to say. Because of that I end up holding back and bottling up everything inside for fear that he might fight back. Some things I want to communicate to him are important but he does not want to listen and says that I should stop wasting his time. I think I'm falling out of love and respect for him. Is there any hope for me?

First, I would say I am sorry to hear what you are going through in what is supposed to be peace haven. How long have you been married now? Have you been blessed with children? How many? How do you communicate as a family?

Most importantly, do you talk to each other as people in the house? I am asking because, I am afraid, communication is very important in every set up. Marriage is sustained on good communication. May be your husband has his reasons for not communicating anything to you.

I would ask you to seek God's intervention and show you the reasons for such noise (blocked communication) between the two of you. As you read the books as suggested by others, you should seek help from matured marriage counselors who can help you.

As per your question if there is hope for you, I want to assure you that there is more than hope, but victory if you combine forces with the Lord. May the Lord Jesus see you through this ordeal.

 

[chosenone]

May I suggest the movie Fireproof. That is a wonderful movie to watch for couples that are going through any type of hardship in their marriage.
Will keep you in my prayers and pray that everything works out for you
God Bless

 

[RedTent]

Communication is based on how we listen to the one we are trying to communicate with. Until we prove to them we truly hear them and understand what they are saying, they cannot hear what we say. If we tell them what they are saying, but in our own words, sometimes they will understand we are truly hearing them, and sometimes it will give them a chance to explain how we have it wrong. But it will let them know we are listening, so they can be free to listen to us.

Scripture tells us to do this in Phil 2:3+4. Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (4) do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

So if you get yourself out of the way, and make what he says very important to you, you can better communicate.

Sometimes the people we are trying to hear and give importance to are so wrapped up in themselves they can't respond to us, no matter what we do. Then that is their problem, not yours. You will have done the best you can, so let God take care of it and accept that about others.

 

[Maria-Arielle44]

Thank you all for your helpful advice and thoughtful messages. I'm just praying that God gives me the strength to presevere and overcome this problem with patience. Please pray for me. Thank you all and may the Almighty God bless you all.