There's no need to pronounce verdicts. I'm not pondering if he is/isn't an abuser. What I prayed for was some type of direction, to be or to not be a godly woman to an undeserving man. Whether you belive it or not, I was abstinent even more so, a virgin until after that night. I was too young and unlike this generation afraid to have a sex. He was and is still my only man, I was passed out on new years Eve. 3 months later i found out i was pregnant. And was born in October. You can do the math. Being my first son and referencing to my youth, it was not a circumstance I was familiar with therefore i was not aware of my pregnancy. It happens. In fact some people don't even know until they're on the delivery table. Is it a one sided story? Aren't they all? If my husband would explain himself we would be in therapy and not relying on the online body of Christ. Is my story full of regret as you say? Of course. There are things I'm at fault for and things that were out my control. Im not here for conviction or to play victim. i didn't mention my whole life story because i wasn't expecting to be judged upon it. I don't understand how that matters or why. I simply gave background information to get help discerning if my situation was Gods will for his glory and victory or a hindrance depriving me of glorifying Him.
You shouldn't have to mention your whole life story and you sure as anything don't need to justify yourself. You mentioned enough in your OP but thankyou for clarifying even though it was not necessary to do so.
You will find no judgment or suspicion from me, I'm sorry if you felt that from others.
I don't think you are looking online for a mapped out solution to your issues, as you stated you were looking for encouragment and as fellow sisters in Christ that is the least we can do.
You have suffered. Being kicked out at 14 for kissing a boy is just unthinkable. I have a 14 year old and he is a child, in no way capable of caring properly for himself or able to make mature choices in the big wide world. You did what you had too to survive.
I would also like to extend all my love and a massive hug to you for your innocence lost at 12. When atrocities like this happen they change who we are, who we are meant to be and can lead us down a path of negativity.
You were a victim. I'm not saying that it's good to play victim or to have a victim mentality but it must be called for what it is. You were a victim of sexual molestation.
You cannot become whole without acknowledging what you have lost along the way.
And that is a little piece of your soul.
That is why you have allowed this man to abuse you, to take advantage of you sexually through violence and intimidation. That is why you did not say no from the beginning when you should have set a precedent of strength to not be pushed around.
My dear sister you have allowed this man to treat you this way because you have never known any different. Your young mind knew from men only from what you had been taught, sexual control and betrayal from a family member and loss and abandment from your step dad.
Through the love and strength of Christ you are now seeing yourself for who you truly are.
The love of our Father and Our Saviour Jesus is mending your brokenness, with that comes the realisation that it is no longer acceptable. Your loving, protective Father does not want you to be treated this way any longer. He is giving you the strength to see your situation in a new light.
You are no longer a victim but a cherished daughter of the Almighty God.
How awesome is that!
Im not going to tell you want to do, but I will tell you through Jesus you have the strength to take back your life in whatever way that manifest itself.
Pray and trust in Jesus.
Now there's a man who will never let you down.
All my love and prayers xo.
