I really need some help.
I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.
I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.
I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.
As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.
The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.
If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.
Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)
So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"
I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"
"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."
"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )
He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."
This make me livid.
I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.
I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.
Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.
He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.
He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.
Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.
Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.
There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.
So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."
He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.
It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.
Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.
And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)
My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.
My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.
And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.
He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.
The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.
Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.
I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.
Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.
It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.
I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.
I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.
I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus
There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.
I am against divorce. My husband always tells me if I don't change certain behaviors, then we should divorce.
I know that I'm Christian. I may not know all the wisdom of the bible but am doing my best.
I don't know about my husband. He loves Jesus. But to me, he don't seem to know the certain essentials of the bible.
As a wife I know my roles as I should do. I've read Timothy, Ephesians and Corinthians. I've pushed myself to my limits. I sacrificed so much for my husband and family. I even humbled myself past depression and back. Meaning I'm not just complaining about easy stuff.
The issue I am having is feeling like my husband don't love me like Christ loved the church.
If I was wise enough, I would be able to handle all the hurt emotions that come with the constant sacrifice of someone being so one-sided. It seems after all these years of compliance, when I start to speak my mind on things I don't like, all this drama erupts.
Example: My husband says we can go to my family's for thanksgiving. (Keep in mind it's been a consistent thing ever since we got married that we have been spending less and less time with my family. When we weren't married we'd spend a lot of time with my family. This has been an issue for years) I recently told him that I want to spend more time with my family. Especially since these days seem a little more dark. (covid, political drama etc). He told me okay in an earlier discussion. He tells me that we will only spend the day with my family and come home early. (We used to spend the night. Before we got married.) I'm a family woman. I was taught to put great emphasis on family. My husband is a hermit (no offense. I don't think he'd even be offended)
So, I ask "Is it because you have work?"
His answer "I do have work but that's not the reason. I just don't like spending to much time with my family, your family or anywhere and I want us all to leave together"
I ask "Why do you have to push your dislikes on me? Why can't we just take separate vehicles?"
"Because it's inconvenient. I think about all these things that could happen and I hold that responsibility on me. Tires popping etc."
"You're not being considerate of my feelings."
I state as I storm off. (I know it's immature to storm off. It's not patient. )
He says "Well since it's going to cause issues between then we aren't going to go."
This make me livid.
I say "Okay fine. " In a very venomous tone.
I understand and know teachings in the bible. But applying it to wisdom in crucial times is difficult for me and I'm just not wise enough.
Like, I've been wanting to spend more time with my family for years now. I have ALWAYS loved my family so much. But his rules have been keeping me away from them more and more. In James it says "Let patience do her work. Be perfect and entire wanting nothing." and I'm still not wise enough to really live this out yet. Like how far does this go? I do WANT to spend more time with my family. It's not even like I'm asking for super selfish stuff. I just miss and love my family and want to spend more time with them on the holidays. Not in one hurried and stressed day.
He says I'm selfish and am throwing a fit because I'm not getting my way.
He tell me that if I were to ever remarry (not a chance, I'm never living through this again) that I'll continue to get divorced over and over. He says he listens and considers me but I have a hunch that he don't because he continues on like nothing is his fault.
He seems to think that if he gives in then that means he's a beta male.
Folks, I want my man alpha, but I want him to be Jesus Alpha. Meek not weak.
Which makes me wonder if he even studies the bible at all.
There are so many lessons on how to treat people like me.
So after I asked him if he wanted to help me with the kids education so I can take a walk and get some exercise. ( I didn't ask nicely. In fact I was really angry and rude.) After I walked, cried and prayed. After I come home. Water the plants. And think some more. I decide that I'm going to do whatever my husband decided, but it don't mean that it's okay. So I tell him " Just because we decided that you have the last decision, doesn't mean that you get to make decisions all willy nilly and it be alright. It doesn't make it right."
He proceeded to get mad at me. Tell he's not living this way. That if I don't change my bad attitude then we're divorcing. I asked him exactly what did I do wrong? He told me that it's my bad attitude.
It doesn't matter how I handle it. If I keep anger at bay and quiet. If I cry. When I cry he says "This is why we're getting a divorce because you aren't handling it" I handled the same convo better, earlier. I am a PEROSN WITH FEELINGS. I am going to get very mad if he dictates I can't visit more with my family. It feels like he wants me to just be at peace with stuff all the time, and it makes me so mad. And he pushes me to my limit, and when I finally cry he jumps on it like a vapid wolf.
Like, all these years I've lived his way and along the way, I lost my trust in him. He calls me selfish, but I think he's calling the kettle black. Everything we do is always about his way, his plan, his way or the high way. Any time I stood up for myself. Boom. Threatens divorce.
And to put into perspective, I was very self-centered, stubborn, crazy in the past. But I put a lot of work to change my ways. I am different because of all of Jesus' teachings (and a lot of discipline by way of the Holy Spirit.)
My mom gave me some wisdom. She said to just give him his space because he's just doing things the way he knows how.
My issue is I really am not wise enough to handle my hurt when I'm denied that I can't see my family more. I've given up having jobs. I've given up on my selfish dreams. but don't take me more away from my family.
And when I tell him " I sacrificed my life for you." He turns it around on me. "I sacrifice too, you're not the only one." and I'm not, but he doesn't show me any compassion. Well he does at times and at others he don't. It's a roller coaster.
He told me " I think you think I could change and it could work but I can't" and I said I feel the same way.
The knowledge is right there in the bible. There is something much more important than wisdom. It's love.
Life and marriage is so difficult without the wisdom and love of Jesus.
I'm just really tired. Before I've told him "I'm 1 Corinthian 7:11ing it." He asked me "why do you keep saying that?" And I just kept telling him that that's what I'm doing. I think I even explained it but that was last time this happened.
Like, being hurt all the time by my husband actions should NOT be the way I have to live. Unless I do have to live this way.
It seems so hopeless sometimes. Even when I do read the bible.
I really am starting actually not like my husband anymore. Maybe he feels the same way about me.
I feel alone on this. Like, I have loving friends and family but he's taught me that I should keep things in our marriage. Which is true. Hence why I'm here being all anonymous.
I'm just really tired, hurt and sad. In my worst times I question why Jesus
There's probably so many people out there with more wisdom than me. I don't know what to expect. I just really hope anyone could lend me some truth with love. All this has got me frazzled.
